I have a step sister who happens to be my only sibling, who I have shown nothing but love since we were kids. She lives with our dad’s family but has gone to live on her own .

I remembered when we were kids , I would give her money to school, and whatever I have I would give. Shared my toiletries , clothes And would give her sisterly advise, never wanted her to feel down cos my dad never liked her . So whatever my dad gave me I would share with her .

There was an accident that happened and she said “I’m not her sister “. It hurt me so much cos I don’t have any siblings apart from her and thought she had my back .

I forgave her though .

Now the issue is , she had a child out of wedlock. When she put to birth I was supportive, I sent her money. She only Calls me when she needs something from me . If anything is going on she doesn’t confide in me, I am always the last to know .

She doesn’t make me feel like I am needed except when she wants money. Her boyfriend died, she didn’t even let me know, I heard from our grandma after 3months.

I’m so exhausted, I feel like cutting her off. I’m emotionally drained from her lack of concern towards me. Am I at fault for wanting her to include me in her life ? ?

You’ve gotta put up a stronger mindset towards this issue!

Even with siblings from same parents not everyone has a rosy relationship.

Why not minimise expectations regarding relating with her and if she reaches out to you for a need , give if you can or want and let it be?

Tell her how you feel and if she still continues then away with her.

GraGra247:
Tell her how you feel and if she still continues then away with her.

I’ve told her countless times but she laughs it off.

Well , I will mind my own business. Seems like I’m forcing her . If I had more siblings maybe I wouldn’t been this hurt .

I thought siblings look out for each other. It’s painful that all she needed from me is money .

Ginaz:
I have a step sister who happens to be my only sibling, who I have shown nothing but love since we were kids. She lives with our dad’s family but has gone to live on her own .

I remembered when we were kids , I would give her money to school, and whatever I have I would give. Shared my toiletries , clothes And would give her sisterly advise, never wanted her to feel down cos my dad never liked her . So whatever my dad gave me I would share with her .

There was an accident that happened and she said “I’m not her sister “. It hurt me so much cos I don’t have any siblings apart from her and thought she had my back .

I forgave her though .

Now the issue is , she had a child out of wedlock. When she put to birth I was supportive, I sent her money. She only Calls me when she needs something from me . If anything is going on she doesn’t confide in me, I am always the last to know .

She doesn’t make me feel like I am needed except when she wants money. Her boyfriend died, she didn’t even let me know, I heard from our grandma after 3months.

I’m so exhausted, I feel like cutting her off. I’m emotionally drained from her lack of concern towards me. Am I at fault for wanting her to include me in her life ? ?

Invite her and give her a piece of your mind.

If she doesn't change, cut her off!

Ginaz:


I’ve told her countless times but she laughs it off.

Well , I will mind my own business. Seems like I’m forcing her . If I had more siblings maybe I wouldn’t been this hurt .

That's where I'm different, I no send anybody wey no regard me.

No time for nonsense my sister. If someone doesn't reciprocate your kind gestures and concern towards them, just cut them off! Let me tell you the truth ehn. If from the bottom of your heart you know you haven't wronged her and she's acting like you a witch please cut her off. She will never help you in any way. She will never come to your rescue. She will never assist your kids in the future. Being a member of your family doesn't mean you should be stupid

Ginaz:
I have a step sister who happens to be my only sibling, who I have shown nothing but love since we were kids. She lives with our dad’s family but has gone to live on her own .

I remembered when we were kids , I would give her money to school, and whatever I have I would give. Shared my toiletries , clothes And would give her sisterly advise, never wanted her to feel down cos my dad never liked her . So whatever my dad gave me I would share with her .

There was an accident that happened and she said “I’m not her sister “. It hurt me so much cos I don’t have any siblings apart from her and thought she had my back .

I forgave her though .

Now the issue is , she had a child out of wedlock. When she put to birth I was supportive, I sent her money. She only Calls me when she needs something from me . If anything is going on she doesn’t confide in me, I am always the last to know .

She doesn’t make me feel like I am needed except when she wants money. Her boyfriend died, she didn’t even let me know, I heard from our grandma after 3months.

I’m so exhausted, I feel like cutting her off. I’m emotionally drained from her lack of concern towards me. Am I at fault for wanting her to include me in her life ? ?

This world would be a better place if only people give as much as they take.

Family is family, they may do stuffs that don't go down well with u, but you need to lean to keep your distance, do what ur mind can do for them without losing it.

Before you take a final decision, have a show down talk with her. Don't be surprised if she reveals some information you weren't privy to.

You're allowed to do whatever's best for you

decatalyst:


Invite her and give her a piece of your mind.

If she doesn't change, cut her off!

She lives far from me. Let me not bother cos I have invited her to come visit me when she was pregnant so I could take care of her but she refused .

Why don't you open up to her and tell her how you feel?

She has already denied you by saying you're not her sister. Maybe she is envy of you.... that your father looks out for you and not her.... maybe that was eating her up on the inside and caused her to move out. Possible that she asks you for stuff only be cause she feels entitled...whatever she feels she was denied.... she wants to get it out of you. I suggest you cut communication with her for at least one month..... let her reach out to you

Ginaz:
I have a step sister who happens to be my only sibling, who I have shown nothing but love since we were kids. She lives with our dad’s family but has gone to live on her own .

I remembered when we were kids , I would give her money to school, and whatever I have I would give. Shared my toiletries , clothes And would give her sisterly advise, never wanted her to feel down cos my dad never liked her . So whatever my dad gave me I would share with her .

There was an accident that happened and she said “I’m not her sister “. It hurt me so much cos I don’t have any siblings apart from her and thought she had my back .

I forgave her though .

Now the issue is , she had a child out of wedlock. When she put to birth I was supportive, I sent her money. She only Calls me when she needs something from me . If anything is going on she doesn’t confide in me, I am always the last to know .

She doesn’t make me feel like I am needed except when she wants money. Her boyfriend died, she didn’t even let me know, I heard from our grandma after 3months.

I’m so exhausted, I feel like cutting her off. I’m emotionally drained from her lack of concern towards me. Am I at fault for wanting her to include me in her life ? ?

You have tried so far

Life is not fair to her but that's not the reason for her to be behaving as if she can do without you, yet calls you when in need

Just be careful with her and don't let her know anything about you since she keeps hers away from your eyes and ears

Whenever she ask for money, if you have, don't give her raw cash, just send to her account

But pls plan for yourself so that you don't get broke

The real envy is yet to come so take charge of your emotions and hold yourself

She knows that you have a soft spot for her but don't let her take advantage of that

Be wise

Ginaz:


I’ve told her countless times but she laughs it off.

Well , I will mind my own business. Seems like I’m forcing her . If I had more siblings maybe I wouldn’t been this hurt .

I wanted to advice you tell and cut off but if you are Really sure you have told her severally, then just keep away

Don't even know what to say

You already know who she is, you have known this for a long time. You know she doesn't share things with you or include you in her life, you know she will only reach out when she needs something.

Expecting that she will suddenly become a different person, is the reason why you'll keep getting hurt.

How about you make peace with who she is, and expect nothing more? She's still your sister at the end of the day.

You don't have to cut her off, but you don't have to hurt yourself either with false expectations.

There's a third option - and that's you coming to terms with the fact that she may never change, and you learning how to manoeuvre yourself around it.

Ginaz:
I have a step sister who happens to be my only sibling, who I have shown nothing but love since we were kids. She lives with our dad’s family but has gone to live on her own .

I remembered when we were kids , I would give her money to school, and whatever I have I would give. Shared my toiletries , clothes And would give her sisterly advise, never wanted her to feel down cos my dad never liked her . So whatever my dad gave me I would share with her .

There was an accident that happened and she said “I’m not her sister “. It hurt me so much cos I don’t have any siblings apart from her and thought she had my back .

I forgave her though .

Now the issue is , she had a child out of wedlock. When she put to birth I was supportive, I sent her money. She only Calls me when she needs something from me . If anything is going on she doesn’t confide in me, I am always the last to know .

She doesn’t make me feel like I am needed except when she wants money. Her boyfriend died, she didn’t even let me know, I heard from our grandma after 3months.

I’m so exhausted, I feel like cutting her off. I’m emotionally drained from her lack of concern towards me. Am I at fault for wanting her to include me in her life ? ?

Distance yourself from her.
She's taking advantage of you, and does not have your best interest at heart.
Make friends. Some friends are more loyal than a sister(s)

Originalsly:
She has already denied you by saying you're not her sister. Maybe she is envy of you.... that your father looks out for you and not her.... maybe that was eating her up on the inside and caused her to move out. Possible that she asks you for stuff only be cause she feels entitled...whatever she feels she was denied.... she wants to get it out of you. I suggest you cut communication with her for at least one month..... let her reach out to you

I agree with you.
I believe she's also resentful.

You're trying too hard to take over your father's responsibility.

@Ginaz

What is the reason for the dislike your dad has for her and how obvious is he about it?

Is it possible that you're overcompensating to cover up for the way your father treats her?

Does your dad compare you two and does he treat you as his favourite?

Put yourself in her shoes for a second, imagine living with the knowledge that your own father does not like you and isn't subtle about it. Not only that,but also witnessing dad showering love and attention on another sibling.It must have been hard for her to stomach that and that's why she moved out.

Perhaps in her search for belonging and love, she tried to create her own little family, unfortunately, father of the baby is dead and she is alone again now stranded with a child and having to ask you(who she probably resents for help).

She has been dealt a heavy blow by life at first through no fault of hers(by being born) and I think her behaviour will be marred by anger targeted at you for being the perfect child who has the love of her father, inferiority complex,loss and grief.

If I were you,I would love her from a distance. Stop over extending yourself but at the same time offer understanding about how she has turned out.

People cannot give what they don't have..she never felt loved or wanted so it will be hard for her to accept love & reciprocate your gestures of care.


I can understand the emotional toll this is taking on you but you cannot undo all the psychological scars that have happened to her in the past.

Tell her you will be there for her if she needs you but explain that you are tired of being shut out of her life when all you want to do is be present for her. Reassure her that the door will always be open for her then allow her to decide how to go forward.

You have tried to meet her with kindness and that's way more than a lot of people would do.

Takotsubo:
@Ginaz

What is the reason for the dislike your dad has for her and how obvious is he about it?

Is it possible that you're overcompensating to cover up for the way your father treats her?

Does your dad compare you two and does he treat you as his favourite?

Put yourself in her shoes for a second, imagine living with the knowledge that your own father does not like you and isn't subtle about it. Not only that,but also witnessing dad showering love and attention on another sibling.It must have been hard for her to stomach that and that's why she moved out.

Perhaps in her search for belonging and love, she tried to create her own little family, unfortunately, father of the baby is dead and she is alone again now stranded with a child and having to ask you(who she probably resents for help).

She has been dealt a heavy blow by life at first through no fault of hers(by being born) and I think her behaviour will be marred by anger targeted at you for being the perfect child who has the love of her father, inferiority complex,loss and grief.

If I were you,I would love her from a distance. Stop over extending yourself but at the same time offer understanding about how she has turned out.

People cannot give what they don't have..she never felt loved or wanted so it will be hard for her to accept love & reciprocate your gestures of care.


I can understand the emotional toll this is taking on you but you cannot undo all the psychological scars that have happened to her in the past.

Tell her you will be there for her if she needs you but explain that you are tired of being shut out of her life when all you want to do is be present for her. Reassure her that the door will always be open for her then allow her to decide how to go forward.

You have tried to meet her with kindness and that's way more than a lot of people would do.

My dad doesn’t like her cos she has a bad mouth and hot temper . He does compare us sometimes but I always rebuke him and have quarreled with him the way he does treat her.

My dad always tell me I don’t know my sister very well that I should leave her alone . I feel kindness towards her not that I want to compensate for my dad’s lack of love towards her but cos I really care. I’ve realized it’s me always want to be in her life , i do the calling 100% of the time just to check up on her and the calls last for an hour or least 30minutes. She only calls when she needs money.

My sister can keep malice for Africa also.

Ginaz:


My dad doesn’t like her cos she has a bad mouth and hot temper . He does compare us sometimes but I always rebuke him and have quarreled with him the way he does treat her.

My dad always tell me I don’t know my sister very well that I should leave her alone . I feel kindness towards her not that I want to compensate for my dad’s lack of love towards her but cos I really care. I’ve realized it’s me always want to be in her life , i do the calling 100% of the time just to check up on her and the calls last for an hour or least 30minutes. She only calls when she needs money.

My sister can keep malice for Africa also.

Then, have one final chat with her to explain how you feel and let her go. You're causing yourself a lot of turmoil .
Try to focus on yourself and protect your mental health.

Acidosis:


You're trying too hard to take over your father's responsibility.

All I wanted is for her to feel loved. That I have her back no matter what. Well, I’ve tried my best and God knows I mean well . I’m older than her and I’m trying to be the best big sister anyone could ask for but she shuts me out . It hurts.

She doesn’t tell me anything going on in her life till I call. If I don’t call for months she won’t either . But when it comes to money she wakes me up with calls as early as 7.am.

Takotsubo:


Then, have one final chat with her to explain how you feel and let her go. You're causing yourself a lot of turmoil .
Try to focus on yourself and protect your mental health.

Thanks. I’ve called her and told her my mind then ended the call in anger . She didn’t even bother to call back . I’m fine no worries . Now I know I was fooling myself all along anyways.

Ginaz:


I’ve told her countless times but she laughs it off.

Well , I will mind my own business. Seems like I’m forcing her . If I had more siblings maybe I wouldn’t been this hurt .

Start by refusing to give her money the next time she requests. When she asks the second time and you don't give her, she will start taking you seriously. Because as it is, she sees you more as a mugu than a sister.

Ginaz:


Thanks. I’ve called her and told her my mind then ended the call in anger . She didn’t even bother to call back . I’m fine no worries . Now I know I was fooling myself all along anyways.

You were not fooling yourself,you are an amazing human being and a loving sister.

Lots of people would give an arm and a leg to have a sibling like you.

You have done well..accept the fact that she may never be the person you want her to be and just move on.

**sending hugs your way**

Ginaz:

My dad doesn’t like her cos she has a bad mouth and hot temper. He does compare us sometimes but I always rebuke him and have quarreled with him the way he does treat her.

My dad always tell me I don’t know my sister very well that I should leave her alone. I feel kindness towards her not that I want to compensate for my dad’s lack of love towards her but cos I really care. I’ve realized it’s me always want to be in her life , i do the calling 100% of the time just to check up on her and the calls last for an hour or least 30minutes. She only calls when she needs money.

My sister can keep malice for Africa also.

I didn't mean to go digging but after reading this, I knew I had read something from you before regarding your dad.

Ginaz:
He beat and almost tear the fu..k out of my head cos my grandma told him boys do come to the compound to “toast” me and some hide behind the fence to gist “with” me .

Like how was that my fault ? And not that I ever spoke to any of them( I drove them away) Instead of my dad to chase those boys , he decided to beat me and humiliate me in front of the compound for everyone to see . He didn’t believe my version of the story .

He followed me to class lessons to trace my movement To “catch me” red handed speaking to boys .Lol that man is a lunatic . I haven’t even had a boyfriend at that time sef which was so damn annoying.

He would collect my phone to answer my calls and read my messages and wouldn’t give me for weeks. Any discussion always end in “boys”.
Beat the crap of of me when he read my diary. I had to tear it up to save myself from further beating. He almost destroyed my life . At a point I hated him so much that he was the first and only person I’ve hated intensely .

He slapped my ears and my left ear bled blood for 24hrs. I saw hell. After my neco exams , I took my bag and went to my mom. The sight of him disgusted me for years.

We recently are on speaking terms after 5yrs of not seeing each other eyeball to eyeball. He’s trying to make up for his mistakes which I am reciprocating cos of the love of GOD.

He wasn’t that bad while I was growing up . I don’t even know what happened to him . I entered teenage-hood and a monster came out of him . Instead of him to protect me , he abused me .

If he's the same dad here in your story, then it's very possible that he was/is very wrong about your sister.

His negative treatment of her (which you also experienced to some extent), is probably something she is yet to get over and she may just be taking out her emotional hurts on you without even realizing it.

Ginaz:


My dad doesn’t like her cos she has a bad mouth and hot temper . He does compare us sometimes but I always rebuke him and have quarreled with him the way he does treat her.

My dad always tell me I don’t know my sister very well that I should leave her alone . I feel kindness towards her not that I want to compensate for my dad’s lack of love towards her but cos I really care. I’ve realized it’s me always want to be in her life , i do the calling 100% of the time just to check up on her and the calls last for an hour or least 30minutes. She only calls when she needs money.

My sister can keep malice for Africa also.

Modified: Op, How come you conveniently left out the fact that your father is very abusive?

He must have probably done worse to your sister than what he did to you, which turned her into a rebel.
I will not doubt he's the orchestrator of the rift between you two.
That is why it is always good to hear/read all sides of the story before judging.
Parents aren't always right after all.

Ginaz:
I have a step sister who happens to be my only sibling, who I have shown nothing but love since we were kids. She lives with our dad’s family but has gone to live on her own .

I remembered when we were kids , I would give her money to school, and whatever I have I would give. Shared my toiletries , clothes And would give her sisterly advise, never wanted her to feel down cos my dad never liked her . So whatever my dad gave me I would share with her .

There was an accident that happened and she said “I’m not her sister “. It hurt me so much cos I don’t have any siblings apart from her and thought she had my back .

I forgave her though .

Now the issue is , she had a child out of wedlock. When she put to birth I was supportive, I sent her money. She only Calls me when she needs something from me . If anything is going on she doesn’t confide in me, I am always the last to know .

She doesn’t make me feel like I am needed except when she wants money. Her boyfriend died, she didn’t even let me know, I heard from our grandma after 3months.

I’m so exhausted, I feel like cutting her off. I’m emotionally drained from her lack of concern towards me. Am I at fault for wanting her to include me in her life ? ?

Learn to love from a distance

[quote1 author=Originalsly post=92785986]She has already denied you by saying you're not her sister. Maybe she is envy of you.... that your father looks out for you and not her.... maybe that was eating her up on the inside and caused her to move out. Possible that she asks you for stuff only be cause she feels entitled...whatever she feels she was denied.... she wants to get it out of you. I suggest you cut communication with her for at least one month..... let her reach out to you
[/quote]

Yeah I think she is hurt and might not have felt accepted by OP's father, hence doesn't feel like a true part of the family.

Ginaz, did she have contact with her own biological father? Did she have his care and attention? She might have felt like your dad did not treat like his child too, and this affected her ability to bond with you.

In all, the deed is done and you can't force a relationship that isn't there. Help her when you can, but reduce or eliminate the expectation of a close, sisterly relationship.

You've tried your best my dear and I know exactly how you feel. Cut ties with your step sister and adopt me as your nairaland brother . .
I got load of love awaiting you dear