₦airaland Forum

Good day all, so I realised or I feel I am a bit harsh with my kids. It's not really easy as they tend to get on my nerves every second.


We are very affectionate with each other though and that is one aspect they love so much.

But I want to do more. Like I want to be the best mum I can be to them. My first son is 9 with just 2 years gaps between him and his 2 siblings.

How can I avoid beating when they go wayyyyy out of the line?

What sort of punishment can one give that doesn't involve flogging that will still touch and reset their brian?

Me not the religious type...........

Let's wait for Man-Righteousness to bring some verses from the bible that can settle your matter.

Oya, over to you, Man-Righteou..............

Ok

Imagine.... nonsense.

Did you ask for advice on getting pregnant?
Now Nairaland is where you come for parenting advice and the best punishment your children.

innocent children so sad.

Since most people don’t plan well( if at all)for their children .

Having children for superficial reason should be a chargeable offense.

#antinatalisim.

Pinkbeauty5:
How can I avoid beating when they go wayyyyy out of the line?

What sort of punishment can one give that doesn't involve flogging that will still touch and reset their brian?

This is easy:

1. Confiscate their gadgets.
2. Ban them from any form of play or entertainment for a considerable amount of hours ...and in that time, make them do far more chores than they normally would; tidy up their rooms, sweep or mop the floors, help sort out laundry, help out in the kitchen, etc..
3. 'Naughty corner' is always a classic
4. My own personal favourite for an over-active child is 'quiet time' - simply ask your toddler to sit down comfortably on a chair and do NOTHING but stare into thin air and reflect on their naughty behaviour ... this must be done in a quiet and very boring room for at least 30mins.. they will be so bored eehnn you'll start pitying them... lol ..when they become solemn after a quantifiable period of serving punishment, sit them down and explain why they had to be punished.

Bottom line is, a child doesn't ever want to lose out on freedom to play .. punishing them via play restrictions is an effective method as they usually wouldn't wanna go through such extensive period of solemnity again.

One major thing about black people is our collective inability to formulate original thoughts that would be helpful to our society. Just imagine how African countries put themselves on suspended animation and where shamelessly waiting for the west to produce a vaccine for Covid-19, as if we have publicly accepted our subhuman status. I digress.

Madam, that you brought such topic to a faceless online forum is a depiction of our inferior complex. What you seek to hear and which you already know, is how to adopt to whatever is obtainable in the western world as the "ideal" method of training a child, no minding the difference in race, culture, etc. Today, it is a severe offence to beat a child in the west, when the bible they brought to us clearly admonishes that "Spare the rod and spoli the child." If tomorrow the line of thoughts change in the west and beating a child is no longer an offence, we will reverse as the unthinking people that we are and sheepishly fellow the west. And the west is a bad example to copy when it comes to child upbringing and marriage.

At all times and seasons, beating a child at the proper parts of the body, and not battering the child, is a godly, legitimate, and approximate means of correcting a child. There is a popular saying which goes thus, "beat a child with the right hand, and draw him close with the left hand." It doesn't matter what is vogue in the west.

Due to the settings we grew up to find ourselves in this part of the world, where flogging seems to be the only language most children understand, it's going to be difficult to leave out flogging as a disciplinary measure especially considering the kind of environment we find ourselves.

Now, trying to imbibe the western method of dicipline can't work here because what they value and cherish over there is quite different from what our children value here. If you say, ground them from playing games or doing other fun stuff as a means of punishment, to me, it won't really get to the child as such things don't affect them much like it does to them over there. In no time, you'll see them go back to doing the same wrong.

Sincerely, what ive come to realize really works for the African child is flogging and it has to start very early before the child grows a tough skin..

We all know how a child can be at his best behavior if he sees you holding a cane but If you think I'm saying trash, try using the other method and see how worse they'll turn out. Even the Holy word of God says, "spare the rod and spoil the child."

My only advice is, go easy on them with the flogging so they don't get scarred. A few strokes in the hand is ok.

CalliDora1:


Due to the settings we grew up to find ourselves in this part of the world, it's going to be difficult to leave out flogging as a disciplinary measure especially considering the kind of environment we find ourselves.

Now trying to imbibe the western method of dicipline can't work here because what they value and cherish over there is quite different from what our children value here. If you say, ground them from playing games or doing other fun stuff as a means of punishment, to me, it won't really get to the child as such things don't affect them much like it does to them over. And you see them doing the same wrong.

Sincerely, what ive come to realize really works for the African child is flogging and it has to start very early before the child grows a tough skin..

We all know how a child can be at his best behavior if he sees you holding a cane but If you think I'm saying trash, try using the other method and see how worse they'll turn out. Even the Holy word of God says, "spare the rod and spoil the child."

My only advice is, go easy on them with the flogging so they don't get scarred. A few strokes in the hand is ok.

Thank you so much for your input. Your points clearly made sense...go easy on the flogging. Thanks once more.

mrblessed:
One major thing about black people is our collective inability to formulate original thoughts that would be helpful to our society. Just imagine how African countries put themselves on suspended animation and where shamelessly waiting for the west to produce a vaccine for Covid-19, as if we have publicly accepted our subhuman status. I digress.

Madam, that you brought such topic to a faceless online forum is a depiction of our inferior complex. What you seek to hear and which you already know, is how to adopt to whatever is obtainable in the western world as the "ideal" method of training a child, no minding the difference in race, culture, etc. Today, it is a severe offence to beat a child in the west, when the bible they brought to us clearly admonishes that "Spare the rod and spoli the child." If tomorrow the line of thoughts change in the west and beating a child is no longer an offence, we will reverse as the unthinking people that we are and sheepishly fellow the west. And the west is a bad example to copy when it comes to child upbringing and marriage.

At all times and seasons, beating a child at the proper parts of the body, and not battering the child, is a godly, legitimate, and approximate means of correcting a child. There is a popular saying which goes thus, "beat a child with the right hand, and draw him close with the left hand." It doesn't matter what is vogue in the west.

Thanks you for your input. I do flog them but I just felt it was too much.

I will work on myself and try to go easy on the flogging .

sweetmelanin:
This is easy:

1. Confiscate their gadgets.
2. Ban them from any form of play or entertainment for a considerable amount of hours ...and in that time, make them do far more chores than they normally would; tidy up their rooms, sweep or mop the floors, help sort out laundry, help out in the kitchen, etc..
3. 'Naughty corner' is always a classic
4. My own personal favourite for an over-active child is 'quiet time' - simply ask your toddler to sit down comfortably on a chair and do NOTHING but stare into thin air and reflect on their naughty behaviour ... this must be done in a quiet and very boring room for at least 30mins.. they will be so bored eehnn you'll start pitying them... lol ..when they become solemn after a quantifiable period of serving punishment, sit them down and explain why they had to be punished.

Bottom line is, a child doesn't ever want to lose out on freedom to play .. punishing them via play restrictions is an effective method as they usually wouldn't wanna go through such extensive period of solemnity again.

Yeah, you are right about the naughty corner. There was a time I used to tell them to face the wall as punishment.

I will read through all the contributions again and pick useful advice.

Thank you once again.

Pinkbeauty5:
Thank you so much for your input. Your points clearly made sense...go easy on the flogging. Thanks once more.

You're welcome.

Pinkbeauty5:
Good day all, so I realised or I feel I am a bit harsh with my kids. It's not really easy as they tend to get on my nerves every second.


We are very affectionate with each other though and that is one aspect they love so much.

But I want to do more. Like I want to be the best mum I can be to them. My first son is 9 with just 2 years gaps between him and his 2 siblings.

How can I avoid beating when they go wayyyyy out of the line?

What sort of punishment can one give that doesn't involve flogging that will still touch and reset their brian?

The stress you are passing through is what is making you to look harsh on them

You love them as your children and you have to show it to them

Constantly beating a child will never soften the child but rather hardened the child

Creat time and be with them so that they can understand you and you too can understand them

The more you interact with them the more the synergy you will have with them

Lastly, constant counseling is the way out for children and keep the Cain where their eyes can see it and use it when necessary not all the time pls

frozen70:
The stress you are passing through is what is making you to look harsh on them

You love them as your children and you have to show it to them

Constantly beating a child will never soften the child but rather hardened the child

Creat time and be with them so that they can understand you and you too can understand them

The more you interact with them the more the synergy you will have with them

Lastly, constant counseling is the way out for children and keep the Cain where their eyes can see it and use it when necessary not all the time pls

Hmm... very true

flogging kids isn't the way to go.

you can discipline without beating.

your husband should step in help parent them

watch YouTube videos for tips on parenting kids

Why not try be a little more patient, talk about it a couple of times and if they don't change, introduce little flogging to help them remember will work. Occasionally, you might use a punishment like pick pin. It helps one remember not to do what one has been told not to.

Play and talk to them more, give warnings if they misbehave you can make them face the wall but if the behaviour continues spank them very well so they dont repeat the behaviour. Most times warning is enough but depends on the age of the child. The older ones can listen to your warning but if under 5 just spank him each time until he learns the consequence, that's what I do.

Pinkbeauty5:
Thanks you for your input. I do flog them but I just felt it was too much.

I will work on myself and try to go easy on the flogging .

Don't flog with anger but rather with love....A nine year old boy may not even respect your cane or flogging but will shiver at his father's presence or appearance.Whatever correctional approach you want to use, do it with Love and work on your anger for the sake of your husband and children.