Hi Nairalanders,

I had to create this account just so I can get the opinion of men and women and not just the married people on here if I can learn a thing or two from you all.

I am a young guy who has been married for over 6 years with 4 beautiful kids. I tend to leave my financial aspect with my wife(meaning I save most of my money with her till I need it for business or acquiring properties) because when we were dating she was more responsible financially than I am and she knows exactly how much I am worth and I still do that till today. I keep investment funds and savings that run up to millions in her account while I keep the fraction which is needed for our family day to day and shopping expenses.

While I think its not irresponsible of me because I trust my wife and she knowing how much I am worth, when I am rich and when I am broke, I am transparent with her and it saves me the trouble of requesting for things when she knows I can't afford them and she looks out for the best interest of the family.

My mother knows about this and my siblings and they have been complaining for years, saying this is wrong. My mom says it is irresponsible and its never safe to be too transparent with your spouse. I don't plan on changing how I run my family.

Over to you nairalanders, do you think this is right or or wrong and please give reasons.

Yes it is very safe.
But before I explain why I think it is very safe I'd first ask you a simple question.
How confused can you be?

Your own mother that gave birth to you told you it is not a safe decision, your own siblings that genuinely care for you have told you it is not wise.
You.....Solomon Onyeamamihe has already decided on not changing how you run your family, so what is the essence of your question?

You know better than your mom,
You know better than your siblings,
You know better than NwaAmaikpe the Seriki of NdiAla because you've decided to think and see life through the panty lace of a woman you've not been married to for up to 7years.

She has made you accept yourself as being prudentially inadequate and painted herself as the financially responsible one. That's is a tactic based on weakness used to manipulate your financial free thought.

That woman runs that home and has you in a bottle but you don't know it yet.
She knows when you want to buy condom, she knows when you want to give your mom 1k, she knows when you want to subscribe your sidechick's cable tv.
She knows when financial virtue is in you and when it has left you.

What type of man are you?
You want to be totally open with your wife, I pity you because a real man is a mystery to his woman.
Humans are creatures of familiarity. A little suspense will keep her at her toes. That's why it is said that the only time a woman truly knows her husband is at his funeral because men MUST never tell it all to their wives. NEVER!

Despite that money being yours, you are at her mercy.
I can only imagine the interviews, explanations and jurying you undergo with her to justify why she should withdraw some money for you.

Forget what they tell you. Marriage is a wicked battleground. It is a non-ending emotional battle where mind games and suspense must be used to retain the interest of the other spouse.
Once she knows there's nothing for her in it, she'd no more be interested in it.

I won't advice you otherwise.
It is very safe.
Don't just stop handing your balls over to her to squeeze for you.

No it is not Safe at all, no mind the Poster Above.

See ehn, "Avoid see finish". Same applies to your mum and every other person in your life.
This phrase seem like a joke to many, but it is a fundamental phenomenon of life and survival.

In a good relationship, a wife with whom you share mutual love, yes.

If in an anyhow 2-month courtship marriage, be careful.

Some family members may be angry because they cannot take wealth from your wife and children if you are either incapacitated or dead. Beware of some blood relatives.

If she's the more prudent type, I say why not. It has worked for you all these yrs so why stress yourself.The man at my estate having a thriving poultry feeds business was as a result of his accumulated savings kept by his wife when things were good until he was laid off this covid period. He didn't even know his money was up-to that. Same as my home too, I'm the manager .

I understand your moms fears. How your wife relates with them and her attitude when you help out your own family will be a telltale sign. We women can be something else example in the man's demise or the likes. Ask Kobe Byrants parents.

You can Keep your parents own aside from what your wife saves. Theirs is important too.

We courted for 4 years before marriage. I love my mom and siblings but they can never guess my financial worth because they have no clue. I do take care of them but I owe the utmost responsibility to my wife and kids. My dad never did this growing up, he was the opposite and I hated the fact growing up that my mom didn't know if our father was capable of doing things for us. I promised to change that and I am applying this in my marriage, I started doing this about 2 years ago and all I have kept with her which runs to multimillions have always been accounted for. They feel like she is being spoilt but I sense envy here probably because I am not so transparent with them but they are very well taken care of by me.

cooooooks:
In a good relationship, a wife with whom you share mutual love, yes.

If in an anyhow 2-month courtship marriage, be careful.

Some family members may be angry because they cannot take wealth from your wife and children if you are either incapacitated or dead. Beware of some blood relatives.

Hell no. Giving women such privilege is tantamount to digging your own grave by yourself

The term ''Manager'' is absolute correct. I call her ''Spending Manager'' because she is very prudent and spending is always based on what we could afford to let go based on our financial strength. I don't see anything wrong with anything here but like a commenter LaIabobo has said to avoid see finish, meaning I should be careful with both parties knowing too much about the other. This is a big headache because I live my life plain and transparent with my wife and kids and my mom and siblings knows me quite well too.

Like I said I only want answers with reasons because I am here to read, learn pick a thing or two that could be useful for me and I am open to corrections.

LadySarah:
If she's the more prudent type, I say why not. It has worked for you all these yrs so why stress yourself.The man at my estate having a thriving poultry feeds business was as a result of his accumulated savings kept by his wife when things were good until he was laid off this covid period. He didn't even know his money was up-to that. Same as my home too, I'm the manager .

I understand your moms fears. How your wife relates with them and her attitude when you help out your own family will be a telltale sign. We women can be something else example in the man's demise or the likes. Ask Kobe Byrants parents.

You can Keep your parents own aside from what your wife saves. Theirs is important too.

Familytalk9909:
Hi Nairalanders,

I had to create this account just so I can get the opinion of men and women and not just the married people on here if I can learn a thing or two from you all.

I am a young guy who has been married for over 6 years with 4 beautiful kids. I tend to leave my financial aspect with my wife(meaning I save most of my money with her till I need it for business or acquiring properties) because when we were dating she was more responsible financially than I am and she knows exactly how much I am worth and I still do that till today. I keep investment funds and savings that run up to millions in her account while I keep the fraction which is needed for our family day to day and shopping expenses.

While I think its not irresponsible of me because I trust my wife and she knowing how much I am worth, when I am rich and when I am broke, I am transparent with her and it saves me the trouble of requesting for things when she knows I can't afford them and she looks out for the best interest of the family.

My mother knows about this and my siblings and they have been complaining for years, saying this is wrong. My mom says it is irresponsible and its never safe to be too transparent with your spouse. I don't plan on changing how I run my family.

Over to you nairalanders, do you think this is right or or wrong and please give reasons.

@bold: how did your mother and sisters know about it? How did your mother feel when your dad wasn't transparent with her?

@OP: why do you want to change the winning formula?

I bought a house in one of the priciest neighborhood in Lagos last year, I never knew I could pull this off but I saved every penny with my wife and she kept on encouraging me even when I thought it was near impossible. My mom never knew I was worth that much, I didn't even know I had that much. My wife and sisters are very close and they stay in my house for months with my wife when they come visit sometimes to come help with the kids or they just want to be around me.

Growing up she always complained about my dad not being transparent with her and she would go on and on about how loving husbands are with their wife. Growing up my dad wasn't the example of man I wanted to become and I am proud of the love and success I have at this age.

I don't want to change the formula. I felt sad when she called me and I can't discuss this with anyone so I just want to learn or see If I am being irresponsible as she said. I just need to be looked at from a third party.

I hope this answers your question.

bukatyne:


@bold: how did your mother and sisters know about it? How did your mother feel when your dad wasn't transparent with her?

@OP: why do you want to change the winning formula?

If being financially transparent with your wife is working for you because of the trust level between you two, you need not be here to find validation as many didn't grow up seeing their fathers being transparent about his earnings to their mothers and them(the children) as they grew older rather their paternal uncles and paternal aunts were more in tune with their father's financial status because their mothers were still regarded as outsiders.

Our socialization has convinced majority of us that openness in marriage is a dangerous game, that you can trust your spouse not to add something to the water you drink, the water you bath with and the food eaten at home but don't trust when it comes to money.

Have plans to steadily invest in fixed assets and as your kids are getting older, involve them as you and your wife discuss financial plans for the family, e get why!

Familytalk9909:
The term ''Manager'' is absolute correct. I call her ''Spending Manager'' because she is very prudent and spending is always based on what we could afford to let go based on our financial strength. I don't see anything wrong with anything here but like a commenter LaIabobo has said to avoid see finish, meaning I should be careful with both parties knowing too much about the other. This is a big headache because I live my life plain and transparent with my wife and kids and my mom and siblings knows me quite well too.

Like I said I only want answers with reasons because I am here to read, learn pick a thing or two that could be useful for me and I am open to corrections.

I'd say continue what you are doing. If your mom had a financially transparent husband, she'd have encouraged you but she won't cos she didn't enjoy such. As long she isn't neglected, go on. You will never regret it.
My regards to your wife, we are not plenty in Nigeria.

Hold unto your winning formula. My wife knows all I have and vice versa. You are responsible to your wife first before others and vice versa.

I learned this from my upbringing because my parents were not only transparent to themselves, they were to us as well. We all knew my dad's pay day, how much he earned monthly, and what my mom made from her business.

Familytalk9909:
Hi Nairalanders,

I had to create this account just so I can get the opinion of men and women and not just the married people on here if I can learn a thing or two from you all.

I am a young guy who has been married for over 6 years with 4 beautiful kids. I tend to leave my financial aspect with my wife(meaning I save most of my money with her till I need it for business or acquiring properties) because when we were dating she was more responsible financially than I am and she knows exactly how much I am worth and I still do that till today. I keep investment funds and savings that run up to millions in her account while I keep the fraction which is needed for our family day to day and shopping expenses.

While I think its not irresponsible of me because I trust my wife and she knowing how much I am worth, when I am rich and when I am broke, I am transparent with her and it saves me the trouble of requesting for things when she knows I can't afford them and she looks out for the best interest of the family.

My mother knows about this and my siblings and they have been complaining for years, saying this is wrong. My mom says it is irresponsible and its never safe to be too transparent with your spouse. I don't plan on changing how I run my family.

Over to you nairalanders, do you think this is right or or wrong and please give reasons.

If it isn't broke, don't fix it! And don't just save, invest too. "Matter of factly", let your investment be bigger than your savings.

Since you trusted her since when you guys were courting. What I'll advise you is that you can take the money from her, just let her continue to know about your income and savings, she will advise you on how to plan on the money. It might be dangerous yes, it might not because money is evil. As for your mother and siblings, I don't like the idea of telling your family what is going on in your private home They might want to hate her for managing the resources.

Explaining to a dumb wife about you needing a high tech laptop and she be vexing why you bought it at such amount whereas she doesnt know about laptops.


See why your damn ass needs to marry an exposed person so you can live long.

Keep doing what you've been doing. Don't disrupt your peaceful marriage.

If for the past 6 years this method has worked for you and still working, I see no reason why you're in doubt now.


To be frank, your family want to disrupte the peaceful coexistence between you and your wife. If they succeed, it will slow down your growth because they will want to control you/your finances to favour them.

Every marriage is unique because dynamics differs. Some couples [i]feel at ease [/i]when their partners are not aware of their finances, as they adopt compartmentalization as their defense mechanism to protect self as they may be open to sharing other things but when it comes to personal finance they mentally distance from spouse because their thoughts have been modelled from childhood to adulthood that openness about finances in marriage is an indication of weakness, they find validation in secrecy.

Reason why many even at the point of being certain of their getting married are very uncomfortable discussing their income and expenditure.

2 recurring issues that regularly pops up in marriage therapy rooms are secrecy around finance and unsatisfying sex life.

Mind games and suspense .. that sums it up

NwaAmaikpe:




Yes it is very safe.
But before I explain why I think it is very safe I'd first ask you a simple question.
How confused can you be?

Your own mother that gave birth to you told you it is not a safe decision, your own siblings that genuinely care for you have told you it is not wise.
You.....Solomon Onyeamamihe has already decided on not changing how you run your family, so what is the essence of your question?

You know better than your mom,
You know better than your siblings,
You know better than NwaAmaikpe the Seriki of NdiAla because you've decided to think and see life through the panty lace of a woman you've not been married to for up to 7years.

She has made you accept yourself as being prudentially inadequate and painted herself as the financially responsible one. That's is a tactic based on weakness used to manipulate your financial free thought.

That woman runs that home and has you in a bottle but you don't know it yet.
She knows when you want to buy condom, she knows when you want to give your mom 1k, she knows when you want to subscribe your sidechick's cable tv.
She knows when financial virtue is in you and when it has left you.

What type of man are you?
You want to be totally open with your wife, I pity you because a real man is a mystery to his woman.
Humans are creatures of familiarity. A little suspense will keep her at her toes. That's why it is said that the only time a woman truly knows her husband is at his funeral because men MUST never tell it all to their wives. NEVER!

Despite that money being yours, you are at her mercy.
I can only imagine the interviews, explanations and jurying you undergo with her to justify why she should withdraw some money for you.

Forget what they tell you. Marriage is a wicked battleground. It is a non-ending emotional battle where mind games and suspense must be used to retain the interest of the other spouse.
Once she knows there's nothing for her in it, she'd no more be interested in it.

I won't advice you otherwise.
It is very safe.
Don't just stop handing your balls over to her to squeeze for you.

Since you trusted your wife nothing to bother about

Why create a problem where it doesn't exist. For your mom to tell you not to be totally transparent with your spouse tells a lot about her. You have trusted her with your finances for over six years now and you did not lay a single complaint. That shows she is at least understanding and trustworthy. As long she is not using any form of manipulation on you in managing this your finances then I see nothing wrong in what you are doing. A man that still needs his mother and siblings to guide him on how to run his home, is not ripe for marriage. Where there is no crack, don't apply one.

bdchange:
Why create a problem where it doesn't exist. For your mom to tell you not to be totally transparent with your spouse tells a lot about her. You have trusted her with your finances for over six years now and you did not lay a single complaint. That shows she is at least understanding and trustworthy. As long she is not using any form of manipulation on you in managing this your finances then I see nothing wrong in what you are doing. A man that still needs his mother and siblings to guide him on how to run his home, is not ripe for marriage. Where there is no crack, don't apply one.

Over sense will not kill you...poster your mum don't want you to be transparent to your wife but she il want her daughter's husband's to be VERY VERY VERY transparent to them... And ask for a transparent relationship with you dad's finance but don't want her son to do like wise...
Plz go ahead with how u r running ur family. Your mum has lived her life, let her let you live yours

THERE SHOULD BE LIMITS, DON'T LET YOUR WOMAN KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ESPECIALLY YOUR FINANCES,

Honestly, tears was kind of dropping from my eyes, coz I'm a very transparent and vulnerable person too, and would want to build my home along this line with my spouse where we don't hide anything from each other and there's no feel of insecurity and separate ownership between us especially finances, unfortunately I walked out of my last relationship to the gem I love because of this issue.
OP, I must say since this has been working for you over the years, keep it up unless it doesn't.

How did your mother and siblings know about this?

You told them right, you knew your father was not financially transparent to her yet you told her your wife is the financial manager.

Not a smart move.


Your method is working for you guys, stick to it. Different families different dynamics.

Familytalk9909:
Hi Nairalanders,

I had to create this account just so I can get the opinion of men and women and not just the married people on here if I can learn a thing or two from you all.

I am a young guy who has been married for over 6 years with 4 beautiful kids. I tend to leave my financial aspect with my wife(meaning I save most of my money with her till I need it for business or acquiring properties) because when we were dating she was more responsible financially than I am and she knows exactly how much I am worth and I still do that till today. I keep investment funds and savings that run up to millions in her account while I keep the fraction which is needed for our family day to day and shopping expenses.

While I think its not irresponsible of me because I trust my wife and she knowing how much I am worth, when I am rich and when I am broke, I am transparent with her and it saves me the trouble of requesting for things when she knows I can't afford them and she looks out for the best interest of the family.

My mother knows about this and my siblings and they have been complaining for years, saying this is wrong. My mom says it is irresponsible and its never safe to be too transparent with your spouse. I don't plan on changing how I run my family.

Over to you nairalanders, do you think this is right or or wrong and please give reasons.

The only thing that is wrong is the bolded part. How come they know how u run ur second family?

As for ur question, yes it's safe once u have a good wife which I believe ur wife is.

Familytalk9909:
Hi Nairalanders,

I had to create this account just so I can get the opinion of men and women and not just the married people on here if I can learn a thing or two from you all.

I am a young guy who has been married for over 6 years with 4 beautiful kids. I tend to leave my financial aspect with my wife(meaning I save most of my money with her till I need it for business or acquiring properties) because when we were dating she was more responsible financially than I am and she knows exactly how much I am worth and I still do that till today. I keep investment funds and savings that run up to millions in her account while I keep the fraction which is needed for our family day to day and shopping expenses.

While I think its not irresponsible of me because I trust my wife and she knowing how much I am worth, when I am rich and when I am broke, I am transparent with her and it saves me the trouble of requesting for things when she knows I can't afford them and she looks out for the best interest of the family.

My mother knows about this and my siblings and they have been complaining for years, saying this is wrong. My mom says it is irresponsible and its never safe to be too transparent with your spouse. I don't plan on changing how I run my family.

Over to you nairalanders, do you think this is right or or wrong and please give reasons.

Let me spell it out for you, you have done well.

You love your Mom and siblings, but remember, they are humans. It's expectable to feel envy when others get what they didn't.

I would still advise you to start something, or have a little investment outside of what you already have, power corrupts either male or female.

Continue doing as you been doing from inception. Provided you've not had any issues of theft or descrepancies with her handling your finances, continue. She's now the mother of your children, so your finance is very safe with her. Don't mind NwaAmaikpe.

It's isn't a bad idea but don't ever nurture the idea of second wife.

Ensure she keeps good friend and always keep a seal lip whenever an issue like this come up for discussion anywhere.

Hope her family are financially okay too to avoid undue financial pressure and this issue is not known to them.

All your investment must be in Mr & Mrs name.

Just my piece of advice..

God bless your home.

Las las your wife go sow am as seed for church.
She go invest am in spiritual properties for you.

Nur later come here come share the premium tears when e reach that phase though.

A smart man is always guided by the worst case scenario.... Your wife, shey im dey keep im own money with you?