thorpido:
They always blame others but never themselves.It starts first from the choices you make.How come they never blame themselves for the poor choices.
@Anita says he lied about everything.Isn't it your duty to do a background check on him before saying I do?How come you married someone you didn't know husband family?
If it's so bad,how come there are females who are married and are professors?How come there are married women who are MDs of big organisations?
It's not just gloom and doom.

Plan your marriage well,get a man with a good support system and all will fall into place.We can't have it all, sacrifices have to be made at some point.One thing has to be forgone or delayed for another.

Marriage is never the problem.

100%

The 1st and 3rd women, marriage is not their problem, the persons to whom they are married are the problem.

The second lady is onto something. Most of what she said is right but there’s a remedy to that. Which is to leave (as she already did) or to marry someone who won’t feel emasculated by doing some of what is considered the woman’s job so that you can have time to invest in yourself as an individual too.

Continues reading...

Well my mom always advise me to look well before I leap, because if i end up with a wrong person, it will scar me forever. For now, I'm hell bent on making my own money before I do the needful . I believe in women creating a niche for themselves before settling down. The signs are always there but atimes we turn blind eyes.

CalliDora1:



Its scary. Like sometimes I look at most married women and they are a shadow of themselves, looking like the weight of the whole world is upon their shoulders and I begin to think back and forth about this marriage of a thing.

The older u get ,the more the responsibilities,u can't be doing girly things forever

armyofone:
See how happy you are eh, women can't be all that bad.

Madam, our sistah is really taking good care of you

Those ones up there just didn't look well enough or look at the right place. Not all brother Nicodemus are the real deal

You sha didn't understand what I did in that my comment, but I'll take whatever you give me...

thorpido:
They always blame others but never themselves.It starts first from the choices you make.How come they never blame themselves for the poor choices.

@Anita says he lied about everything.Isn't it your duty to do a background check on him before saying I do?How come you married someone you didn't know husband family?

If it's so bad,how come there are females who are married and are professors?How come there are married women who are MDs of big organisations?
It's not just gloom and doom.

Plan your marriage well,get a man with a good support system and all will fall into place.We can't have it all, sacrifices have to be made at some point.One thing has to be forgone or delayed for another.

Marriage is never the problem.

Like children...

CalliDora1:
is this thing worth going into sef? .

Yes, get the testimony of those enjoying their marriage

Klass99:
Lol

Anita's story cracked me up, I can relate to the part about emotionally under-developed men.

I am feeling Amaka all the way on everything she said because I aim to ensure that my decisions/choices in life do 3 things for me and to me - they make me happier, healthier and full of success.

Kai Chisom! I need that emoji where you smack your forehead with your palm.

BigCabal, why cut short an enjoyable read like this?

Which one is emotionally underdeveloped men? When she was enjoying all the bragging right, it didn't taste bitter right!
Learn how to comport yourself when things don't work out as planned.

Marriage is not the destination, its part of the journey

kurupt1:


The older u get ,the more the responsibilities,u can't be doing girly things forever

Nobody is talking about doing girly things forever. I'm talking about discovering yourself outside the scope of marriage and it's brouhaha. Like what you want and who you would really want be.
The things you want to do at will like going on hols outside the country alone to unwind without the children and hubby showing up with their daily demands and stuff. Mehnn.. it's like prison. That is why I encourage everyone single to maximize their singlhood before getting trapped in the confines of marriage.

CalliDora1:



How many men even agree to assist with the chores these days? Only a few and because the woman wants to be called a good and industrious wife she'll be suffering and smiling.


I remember those days I was still into dating. So, one day I went to see the guys aunt who came around and i slept over because the place was far (Sango Ota). In the morning, the guy came to my room around 9am ( it was a Saturday) and told me the aunty said hope I'll make a good wife so. That this one I'm still in bed by this time . And I told him Immediately. I said, come, I don't joke with my sleep o. You and your aunty better get used to it or I do a U turn. He now said I should not mind her and all that.

I'll let you know my dos and don'ts. If you're not cool with it, take a walk.

.


And I told him Immediately. I said, come, I don't joke with my sleep o. You and your aunty better get used to it or I do a U turn........ This is a sign of a bad wife....


Sleeping till 9pm..... No wonder most of u girls can't keep marriage

Klass99:
Lol

Anita's story cracked me up, I can relate to the part about emotionally under-developed men.

I am feeling Amaka all the way on everything she said because I aim to ensure that my decisions/choices in life do 3 things for me and to me - they make me happier, healthier and full of success.

Kai Chisom! I need that emoji where you smack your forehead with your palm.

BigCabal, why cut short an enjoyable read like this?

It doesn't surprise me that someone like you will concur, revel, and relish with another of your type that derides men in this fashion "emotionally under-developed men." because you've always been a typical hypocritically disingenuous element, and your very low IQ couple with mixed depression have made your case worst.

You and your type always take delight in debasing and deriding men and anyone, regardless of gender, who don't fit into your low-life circle; but are always quick to cry murder and play a victim when ordinary resistance, not even equal and proportional retaliation, is applied.

It's better imagined than to witness a man terming women "emotionally under-developed women" in this fashion and what the reaction of you and your ilk will be.

investorMK:
.


And I told him Immediately. I said, come, I don't joke with my sleep o. You and your aunty better get used to it or I do a U turn........ This is a sign of a bad wife....


Sleeping till 9pm..... No wonder most of u girls can't keep marriage

Where did you see 9pm? I said 9 am and of course you don't expect me to lose my sleep because of one okporkoror marriage. Everything is about planning and provided no body will get injured because I sleep till 9am, no qualms. We will always find a way to balance things up.

Dem don start. tkor

Having a career is a good thing. Likewise marriage too. However, we always want to be at the peak of our careers before settling down (which isn't bad at all). Then again, we shouldn't let one suffer for the other. Women usually want to place their careers at the bane of their existence over marriage, which isn't bad as I reiterated earlier. I don't see how marriage thwarts your drive for success and your career life if you are an ambitious person and you marry a like-mind viz; equally ambitious or maybe more, not insecure about what achievements you may amass for yourself, a motivator and above all, selfless, put you as his best interest and loves you.

Men should find joy in empowering their women and not taking them back because, in the end, everyone gets to bear the brunt. You don't pause one for the other and when time is fast running, you settle for who's available. Risky stuff.

And if you are married and still wish you were single and envy the girly lifestyle, then it's either you were never mentally mature/ready for marriage or you just married a wrong and miserable person. Marriage is fulfilling if you do it right.

CalliDora1:



Where did you see 9pm? I said 9 am and of course you don't expect me to lose my sleep because of one okporkoror marriage. Everything is about planning and provided no body will get injured because I sleep till 9am, no qualms. We will always find a way to balance things up.

Dem don start. tkor

...


U said u don't joke with ur sleep �.... Meaning u aren't gonna sacrifice it for marriage..... Too bad

CalliDora1:


Nobody is talking about doing girly things forever. I'm talking about discovering yourself outside the scope of marriage and it's brouhaha. Like what you want and who you would really want be.
The things you want to do at will like going on hols outside the country alone to unwind without the children and hubby showing up with their daily demands and stuff. Mehnn.. it's like prison. That is why I encourage everyone single to maximize their singlhood before getting trapped in the confines of marriage.

All I see is a problem of perception
Like the proverbial half full vs half empty

The first faulty premise/foundation is that there is such a thing as the best of both worlds. It doesn't exit. With all things in life, it's about trade-offs and finding optimality. Science/Engineers say its like finding the intercept between 2 divergent plots

The other part is more about self discovery and defining one's priorities. If you don't know where marriage falls in your hierarchy of human needs, you'll either enter too early, too late, or get mismatch partners

Klass99:


Uyai, you made some valid points and I will try to articulate my thoughts as best as I can, in response to you. Let me share a tale of two women I know personally. I've talked about them before on a different thread, but their tales are suitable for this thread as well.

Kelly - one of those classmates I mentioned in my post graduated with a 2:1 in Accounting, she used to top her class back in the days and was a true definition of beauty and brains. Shortly after graduation she announced she was getting hitched to some politician in our home state and all, while awaiting NYSC she hadn't even served. She was one of those high achievers/top performers the likes of PWC & KPMG would have snatched up ASAP!
Today she is divorced with 5 kids, when I think of her I feel like a bright and rising star was derailed in her prime and never got to shine more brightly for the rest of the world to see. Her father owned a pharmacy (the HealthPlus type, that combines the sale of drugs/groceries) I heard she worked there.

Nelly - A neighbour two streets away from my crib, is also an Accountant who graduated with a 2:1 is married with 2 kids and works with KPMG in a managerial role. Nelly started out as a graduate trainee and met her hubby Mike at KPMG. Mike has since moved on from KPMG and is doing well as a manager too in a different company. I admire this couple's professional and home life, they are not even 40 years old yet. BUT you see, Nelly started out by choosing herself first, choosing a career/work life first before marriage, which led to better doors opening up in her life;

1. She met a good and quality man in the course of her career/work life.
2. She has been on several international professional trainings, sponsored by her company.
3. Has exposure, a robust and well rounded life.

I can't help thinking Kelly may have had the life Nelly does too, if she had just put marriage on hold for some time and gotten out of our home state. Our home state is one of those old states that doesn't have much to offer in terms of career/work opportunities. Nah civil service work full there, I am so glad I got out of there myself.

Women need to stop thinking of these things as choosing a career over marriage, think of it as choosing to do you first, choosing your overall well being, choosing your financial, mental, emotional and physical well being first, before you do marriage. Scripture didn't lie when it said money answereth all things (money, not marriage or kids ) Do you not like having your own money to deal with problems? The question is not for you specifically Uyai.

I think choosing a good career/work life first, before marriage helps a lot more, than when you do it the other way round.

And there is the perception part
The more you seem to bring to the table, the more you are valued and considered an equal partner.

The less you bring, the more you are considered baggage.

Note that what you bring has nothing to do with money except your partners earning power has not passed the critical mass stage

CalliDora1:


Nobody is talking about doing girly things forever. I'm talking about discovering yourself outside the scope of marriage and it's brouhaha. Like what you want and who you would really want be.
The things you want to do at will like going on hols outside the country alone to unwind without the children and hubby showing up with their daily demands and stuff. Mehnn.. it's like prison. That is why I encourage everyone single to maximize their singlhood before getting trapped in the confines of marriage.

you re just making us nervous. As a lady, it is expected of you to always be optimistic, rather than being always pessimistic. You ve just succeeded in discouraging some single folks from getting married

Mecka:
you just making us nervous. As a lady, it is expected of you to always be optimistic, rather than being always pessimistic. You ve just succeeded in discouraging some single folks from getting married

Anyone who gets discouraged by this, was never ready in the first place
Lol

Mecka:
you just making us nervous. As a lady, it expected of you to be optimistic, not to be pessimistic. You ve just succeeded in discouraging some single folks from getting married

I wanna believe no body is a kid here therefore I can't influence their decision. Everyone will still chose what they feel is right for them.

I'm not a pessimist. Just citing the obvious. So, whether I state it or not, there are people who are nursing such thoughts already.
While there are some who are still willing to go into it ( including me) despite all I've said.

We guys kuku no wan marry again, because the truth remains that marriage benefits women more in the long run than men.

CalliDora1:


It's not fabricated. It's true.

I have a very close married friend that still told me three days ago how she wishes to leave her marriage because she misses her single life and freedom. She said she wishes to do things at her own pace and will again.

She said marriage has made her lose herself and she needs to build herself back to that person she wanted to be.

Men don't know that marriage is a huge sacrifice the women make for them to achieve somethings in life yet they won't value the woman

@bold So only women make sacrifice for men by getting married to them? Lol The family u come from, only your mother cared for u?

Klass99:


Uyai, you made some valid points and I will try to articulate my thoughts as best as I can, in response to you. Let me share a tale of two women I know personally. I've talked about them before on a different thread, but their tales are suitable for this thread as well.

Kelly - one of those classmates I mentioned in my post graduated with a 2:1 in Accounting, she used to top her class back in the days and was a true definition of beauty and brains. Shortly after graduation she announced she was getting hitched to some politician in our home state and all, while awaiting NYSC she hadn't even served. She was one of those high achievers/top performers the likes of PWC & KPMG would have snatched up ASAP!
Today she is divorced with 5 kids, when I think of her I feel like a bright and rising star was derailed in her prime and never got to shine more brightly for the rest of the world to see. Her father owned a pharmacy (the HealthPlus type, that combines the sale of drugs/groceries) I heard she worked there.

Nelly - A neighbour two streets away from my crib, is also an Accountant who graduated with a 2:1 is married with 2 kids and works with KPMG in a managerial role. Nelly started out as a graduate trainee and met her hubby Mike at KPMG. Mike has since moved on from KPMG and is doing well as a manager too in a different company. I admire this couple's professional and home life, they are not even 40 years old yet. BUT you see, Nelly started out by choosing herself first, choosing a career/work life first before marriage, which led to better doors opening up in her life;

1. She met a good and quality man in the course of her career/work life.
2. She has been on several international professional trainings, sponsored by her company.
3. Has exposure, a robust and well rounded life.

I can't help thinking Kelly may have had the life Nelly does too, if she had just put marriage on hold for some time and gotten out of our home state. Our home state is one of those old states that doesn't have much to offer in terms of career/work opportunities. Nah civil service work full there, I am so glad I got out of there myself.

Women need to stop thinking of these things as choosing a career over marriage, think of it as choosing to do you first, choosing your overall well being, choosing your financial, mental, emotional and physical well being first, before you do marriage. Scripture didn't lie when it said money answereth all things (money, not marriage or kids ) Do you not like having your own money to deal with problems? The question is not for you specifically Uyai.

I think choosing a good career/work-life first before marriage helps a lot more than when you do it the other way round.

Hi Klass.

You misconstrued my post. Nowhere in my post did I say that a woman should disregard a cause for another. It is advisable and smart to have a life going on for yourself first before considering marriage. It is as well appropriate to make sure you are at least independent (most importantly financially) post marriage. It gives you a sense of worth and voice in the marriage.

Regarding the case of Kelly. Her dilemma was her undoing. She was not discerning enough. There are many exclusivities about her case, though. Did she think that getting married to a politician will exonerate her from the vices that come with marriage? Was she expecting a lavida-loca life after marriage?

However, I hope she can pick up the pieces that were shattered and make a living out of them. And giving birth to five kids in how many years they got married smacks of unproductivity and a laid-back attitude. Did her marriage in any way stop her from getting a living viz; a job, acquiring a viable skill(s), or even a business?

Many times, our success(es) in all ramifications comes from our actions and inactions, this as well includes the choices that we make in life.

So, a yes to having a life and in the walk of having that life, it is as well important (based on the individual) not to shun marriage.

Rubbiish:

@bold So only women make sacrifice for men by getting married to them? Lol The family u come from, only your mother cared for u?

epic response Once what they expected didn't happen, they blame the men. It is just as Nigerians blame devil for their inactions or bad decisions.

bukatyne:


100%

Seriously, who are you?


It's kinda rare to see a female NL not given off to emotional rants and blame game technique.

Vyolet:

This lady raised a valid point but there are exceptions.
A woman can grow her family and grow her career at the same time, all she needs is a supportive husband who genuinely wishes her well, she needs to know how to manage her time in other to balance her home and career, it's not easy but it is achievable.

No matter how much leeway a husband allows a woman, she will still make sacrifices.
You just have to decide what is worth it.

You and I are like the tower of Babel - let us just keep pretending we don't understand each other instead of the usual thingy you are up to that goes on to 25 pages or more on NL

I have given you alot na, it remains small you go stop fighting ladies

crackhaus:

You sha didn't understand what I did in that my comment, but I'll take whatever you give me...

luminouz:


Seriously, who are you?


It's kinda rare to see a female NL not given off to emotional rants and blame game technique.

You're exactly what Poco says you are.

See how you use scope wan jam heads...

Concocted stories.

mariahAngel:



You're exactly what Poco says you are.

See how you use scope wan jam heads...

Who is Poco?

I'm real and raw. Why on Earth would I want them to fight for God's sakes!!!

It's not today that I noticed the bukatyne moniker and her straightforward/logical mindset.