₦airaland Forum

1) Suspend the every month salary for now and see how far she can cope without letting loose( maybe you should tell her you are not bouyant for the now).
2) You need to be brave and not be blindfolded with 5years factor, open your eyes and mind and ask her real questions base on your observations.
3) She might be a good girl but that doesn't guarantee hardwork, to break out big in Nigeria fashion line requires serious work cus there are many people in there.
4) women (majority) looks for men who can feed, clothes and shelter them and they forgone their dream and many men do flow with them but with your own orientation of marrying a lady that can hustle, you might not be able to cope.
5) Be mature with your conversations with her and decide on next move, you can't be coming to NL everytime on same issue, be a man n take a bold decision.

EJanni:
She wasn't idle when you met her, till this moment and you're still complaining that She's not hussling. When she buys Prado SUV out of the blues, you will still come here to rant on how she made the money.

I keep saying it, Nigerian men have a huge cultural and psychological problems.
You people should change your mentality.

Can you hear yourself!

The OP want her to up her game. To grow beyond the level she was when he met her 5 years ago!

TheAviator2000:
Thank you for clearing things up.
Yes, she is hussling but from my perspective, she isn't doing nearly enough to become successful.
I will be happy if she makes 10 kobo knowing she is doing her best.

As a designer, one would expect she would heavily leverage social media (Twitter, Instagram, etc). I have linked her up with a top photo designer and even sent her money to pay for the design so she can start building her brand. Paid for her to go to one of the best fashion schools in Lagos.
Part of the reason I send her regular cash is so she can have enough data to also project her brand online and hopefully, make more money for herself!
She is an excellent tailor and I am based in a country where African inspired outfits are becoming fashion trends and can make a lot of money locally and internationally but she appears to be comfortable receiving 3k - 10k per outfit!
She is very hardworking but hard work without innovation wouldn't take anyone far like that.

I hope you get what I mean now!
I want her to be successful. I want us to be successful because one person cannot do it alone.

I was about to advice you to help her grow her business but you have said it all!

My one kobo advice: Come back home. Spend at least a month with her. Talk things over with her. Observe her closely; ensure you're not a supporting striker, or one of the supporting strikers. Then make your decision at the end! Follow your heart!

Sometimes God breaks Your Heart To Save your Soul... Think Carefully Sir

Me I don't like advising people because I have enormous problems that has been bothering me for years now. E no easy.

Anyway, bro I hope you see this. The truth you can't change an adult. You can only add value by helping out or advising.

It's left for the person to sit-up or find another alternative. I see you're the ambitious type. Just like me.

And you need a strong woman who can hustle and support your family. So that when things goes haywire, you know someone is there to help out.

The truth is you are the cause.

1: She has no advance formal education. I'm sorry if this offend someone here. The thing is most people who doesn't have higher formal education. Have a different sense of reason.
Because of there location or there In ability to meet different people with different mindset.
They prefer hanging out with same Calibre of people.

They're just like crave men who find the world too intimating to explore. Only a few are different and act way more advance than does who had advance higher education. These ones are smart, very ambitious, and unique. Inrespective of the gender.

2: You connected her to expert in her niche still yet. She has refuse to grow. Bro give that opportunity to another woman and see how she would worship you. ( Education or not)

3: You've never had any sexual intimacy with her. She's still a virgin bro. So you haven't invested sexually. And that's the real deal. Imagine if you took her V. Atless she'll have something to hold back. In your case na giveaway you dey do.

4: You're based aboard. You don't know if she's having sex with someone else now. People change.

5: You spoilt her with money. You trained her, spent huge sum of money, finance her career. And she's just your long distance gf. Not even your wife. Wahala. Red flag.

She can easily call off the relationship. Because she had nothing to lose. No s*x, no help, no positive impact. Only you dey do.

You at your lose.


My solution.

1: See bro, forget virgin or not. Just look for a Nigerian there. Someone who share same vision as you.

2: Stop all this funding like she's your wife, sister or mom.

3: She failed your test. Woman way you dey send money. No fit send you #10. Then she's not worth it.

That money most University graduate don't earn that much.

4: Just forget her and date a woman who has big plan and high intellect like yours.

5: Long distance relationship na scam.

Like I said earlier, you can't force an adult to make decision. Its left for you to make a decision. I've Sha given you my own piece of advice. Take it or leave it.

Better break up with her..unless u kept a camera in her toto which proves she is loyal,no woman should be trusted
I would like to say more but I think u should learn from our master,mosdii

CalliDora1:
Forget all these long story. From my own perspective, the girl has not done anything wrong here.you are only being proud and trying to form levels simply because you're a graduate and now in Yankee. Her level is now too low for you and you're just looking for faults that is not there to get rid of her.

Mind you, she was like that when you were still an otondo copper but you didn't see it as anything. It's now the specs have fallen off your eyes.

Don't leave that girl because for all you know, your being with her brought you luck and if you drop her, things might go south ( just saying). That girl hasn't done anything to you. Don't leave her. All you need to do is talk to her and try to encourage and bring her to your level.

A word is enough for the wise.

See the rubbish somebody typed...luck kor,juju ni

TheAviator2000:
I really need wise counsel and will try to make this post as short as possible

My girlfriend and I have been together since 2015. I left Naija in 2017 and since then, our relationship has been more of long distance except for the one time I came back. While I truly love her and wish to Marry her, there are some things that are giving me concerns and I would like to hear other people's perspective:


1- When I met my girl in 2015, I was an unemployed graduate wrapping up my NYSC. She was a fashion designer/Tailor and didn't have any formal higher education (University Level).

2- Fast forward to 2021, I am a consultant in a fortune 500 company and have grown so much in any measurable aspect of Life. My girlfriend is still a fashion designer and not too long ago, I helped her get a shop in Lagos and Have been sending her steady allowance (at least average of 40-50k a month).

Here are the things that have given me a lot of worries:
1- I know everyone will not get a formal education and I am fine with that but my girl has not been hustling/pulling her weight in her chosen career despite my extra support.... I sometimes get the feeling that all she wants is to get married and get comfortable but I want an industrious woman. Formal education or not, I want a woman that can hussle!

2- Recently, I pretended to be unemployed because of Coronavirus just to see if she would send me some money (even if its 10k) or really, anything she can afford. Looking at the fact that I had always supported her month after month, I wanted to see if she would do the same for me.
I pretended to be unemployed for almost a month and did not receive any form of financial support from her. Even when I directly asked her to loan me small money, she would play it off by saying something like "I go write you check for 1 million sef".....

I am thinking of breaking it off at this point by slowly letting her go but before I do that, I want the perspective of people here.
Please, no insult! I am genuinely seeking your insight. Be kind!

ps. My family are doing really well and I support anything they do. I have never neglected my family in anyway, shape or form.

Marry her joor.

What is doing you is called COLDFEET.

I really need wise counsel and will try to make this post as short as possible

My girlfriend and I have been together since 2015. I left Naija in 2017 and since then, our relationship has been more of long distance except for the one time I came back. While I truly love her and wish to Marry her, there are some things that are giving me concerns and I would like to hear other people's perspective:


1- When I met my girl in 2015, I was an unemployed graduate wrapping up my NYSC. She was a fashion designer/Tailor and didn't have any formal higher education (University Level).

2- Fast forward to 2021, I am a consultant in a fortune 500 company and have grown so much in any measurable aspect of Life. My girlfriend is still a fashion designer and not too long ago, I helped her get a shop in Lagos and Have been sending her steady allowance (at least average of 40-50k a month).

Here are the things that have given me a lot of worries:
1- I know everyone will not get a formal education and I am fine with that but my girl has not been hustling/pulling her weight in her chosen career despite my extra support.... I sometimes get the feeling that all she wants is to get married and get comfortable but I want an industrious woman. Formal education or not, I want a woman that can hussle!

2- Recently, I pretended to be unemployed because of Coronavirus just to see if she would send me some money (even if its 10k) or really, anything she can afford. Looking at the fact that I had always supported her month after month, I wanted to see if she would do the same for me.
I pretended to be unemployed for almost a month and did not receive any form of financial support from her. Even when I directly asked her to loan me small money, she would play it off by saying something like "I go write you check for 1 million sef".....

I am thinking of breaking it off at this point by slowly letting her go but before I do that, I want the perspective of people here.
Please, no insult! I am genuinely seeking your insight. Be kind!

ps.

My family are doing really well and I support anything they do. I have never neglected my family in anyway, shape or form. [quote]

I am no expert on relationship matters, but I suggest you look for a better fit, don't think you can force your girl do what she has no interest in, it will only end in tears.

And you know as they say better safe than sorry, marriage is for a lifetime.

Hugomexis:
Dump the money hungry hoe.
You've spoilt her with money that's why she's now ambitionless.

Dump the hoe and date your level,man.

As harsh as this comment is I second it.

Sexmate10:
For ur mind na only him she they date? Nigeria girls make I hear word

She is a virgin(like we were told), so the tendency that he's the only one is on high %

CalliDora1:
Forget all these long story. From my own perspective, the girl has not done anything wrong here.you are only being proud and trying to form levels simply because you're a graduate and now in Yankee. Her level is now too low for you and you're just looking for faults that is not there to get rid of her.

Mind you, she was like that when you were still an otondo copper but you didn't see it as anything. It's now the specs have fallen off your eyes.

Don't leave that girl because for all you know, your being with her brought you luck and if you drop her, things might go south ( just saying). That girl hasn't done anything to you. Don't leave her. All you need to do is talk to her and try to encourage and bring her to your level.

A word is enough for the wise.

Thank you my sister.

PRETTYPRINCES:
Thank you my sister.

you're welcome Jare.

TheAviator2000:
Thank you for clearing things up.
Yes, she is hussling but from my perspective, she isn't doing nearly enough to become successful.
I will be happy if she makes 10 kobo knowing she is doing her best.

As a designer, one would expect she would heavily leverage social media (Twitter, Instagram, etc). I have linked her up with a top photo designer and even sent her money to pay for the design so she can start building her brand. Paid for her to go to one of the best fashion schools in Lagos.
Part of the reason I send her regular cash is so she can have enough data to also project her brand online and hopefully, make more money for herself!
She is an excellent tailor and I am based in a country where African inspired outfits are becoming fashion trends and can make a lot of money locally and internationally but she appears to be comfortable receiving 3k - 10k per outfit!
She is very hardworking but hard work without innovation wouldn't take anyone far like that.

I hope you get what I mean now!
I want her to be successful. I want us to be successful because one person cannot do it alone.

You said she is comfortable with what she already earns. And she is as well hard working. You must be one of those too many confuse creature called MAN. You are just looking for a flimsy excuse to dump the innocent lady. That's what you men do when you move to the next level.

Sir, even my ex who was unfaithful was generous to me because she wished to marry me someday. Truth is, ladies only truly love who they invest in financially and otherwise. Something is fundamental wrong with her reaction towards your supposed need. It is only a fool that tests the waters with both feet. You tested yours with a single foot (like Samson and Delilah) and she failed. Don't be like Samson and test with both feet because this time, you'll lose your eyes!
My honest opinion is for you to japa while you still can.

TheAviator2000:
I really need wise counsel and will try to make this post as short as possible

My girlfriend and I have been together since 2015. I left Naija in 2017 and since then, our relationship has been more of long distance except for the one time I came back. While I truly love her and wish to Marry her, there are some things that are giving me concerns and I would like to hear other people's perspective:


1- When I met my girl in 2015, I was an unemployed graduate wrapping up my NYSC. She was a fashion designer/Tailor and didn't have any formal higher education (University Level).

2- Fast forward to 2021, I am a consultant in a fortune 500 company and have grown so much in any measurable aspect of Life. My girlfriend is still a fashion designer and not too long ago, I helped her get a shop in Lagos and Have been sending her steady allowance (at least average of 40-50k a month).

Here are the things that have given me a lot of worries:
1- I know everyone will not get a formal education and I am fine with that but my girl has not been hustling/pulling her weight in her chosen career despite my extra support.... I sometimes get the feeling that all she wants is to get married and get comfortable but I want an industrious woman. Formal education or not, I want a woman that can hussle!

2- Recently, I pretended to be unemployed because of Coronavirus just to see if she would send me some money (even if its 10k) or really, anything she can afford. Looking at the fact that I had always supported her month after month, I wanted to see if she would do the same for me.
I pretended to be unemployed for almost a month and did not receive any form of financial support from her. Even when I directly asked her to loan me small money, she would play it off by saying something like "I go write you check for 1 million sef".....

I am thinking of breaking it off at this point by slowly letting her go but before I do that, I want the perspective of people here.
Please, no insult! I am genuinely seeking your insight. Be kind!

ps. My family are doing really well and I support anything they do. I have never neglected my family in anyway, shape or form.

It's not enough but it's enough, have you tell her how you feel about her character? Talk to her if she doesn't change brother move on

Don't even expect her to send you money, it's not characteristic of a girl you were once sponsoring. Evaluate other aspects of her behaviour.

My broda this girl no be good wife material, if u now loss ur job this one no go help u for even a day.
Pls look for a caring and understanding lady

TheAviator2000:
I really need wise counsel and will try to make this post as short as possible

My girlfriend and I have been together since 2015. I left Naija in 2017 and since then, our relationship has been more of long distance except for the one time I came back. While I truly love her and wish to Marry her, there are some things that are giving me concerns and I would like to hear other people's perspective:


1- When I met my girl in 2015, I was an unemployed graduate wrapping up my NYSC. She was a fashion designer/Tailor and didn't have any formal higher education (University Level).

2- Fast forward to 2021, I am a consultant in a fortune 500 company and have grown so much in any measurable aspect of Life. My girlfriend is still a fashion designer and not too long ago, I helped her get a shop in Lagos and Have been sending her steady allowance (at least average of 40-50k a month).

Here are the things that have given me a lot of worries:
1- I know everyone will not get a formal education and I am fine with that but my girl has not been hustling/pulling her weight in her chosen career despite my extra support.... I sometimes get the feeling that all she wants is to get married and get comfortable but I want an industrious woman. Formal education or not, I want a woman that can hussle!

2- Recently, I pretended to be unemployed because of Coronavirus just to see if she would send me some money (even if its 10k) or really, anything she can afford. Looking at the fact that I had always supported her month after month, I wanted to see if she would do the same for me.
I pretended to be unemployed for almost a month and did not receive any form of financial support from her. Even when I directly asked her to loan me small money, she would play it off by saying something like "I go write you check for 1 million sef".....

I am thinking of breaking it off at this point by slowly letting her go but before I do that, I want the perspective of people here.
Please, no insult! I am genuinely seeking your insight. Be kind!

ps. My family are doing really well and I support anything they do. I have never neglected my family in anyway, shape or form.

You didn't say anything bad about this girl. Just that u want her to become successful in her tailoring business and she doesn't give you money. But just wondering how you dated someone for 5yrs and still doubt if you can marry the person. Do you need more extra years or what? No matter what you do, these things you are worried about won't change. I'm sure advantages of been with her outweighs leaving her.

Redoil:
all these boys forming men online

after advicing you, you will still go ahead and do what your mind tells you to do

lol. Don't even waste your time advising them

TheAviator2000:
We have never had sex.
Met her a virgin and never pressured her for sex as she wasn;t ready!

and she is still a virgin? how are you sure she didn't lie?

Ona nor day seee girls for where ona day self Ah

TheAviator2000:
I really need wise counsel and will try to make this post as short as possible

My girlfriend and I have been together since 2015. I left Naija in 2017 and since then, our relationship has been more of long distance except for the one time I came back. While I truly love her and wish to Marry her, there are some things that are giving me concerns and I would like to hear other people's perspective:


1- When I met my girl in 2015, I was an unemployed graduate wrapping up my NYSC. She was a fashion designer/Tailor and didn't have any formal higher education (University Level).

2- Fast forward to 2021, I am a consultant in a fortune 500 company and have grown so much in any measurable aspect of Life. My girlfriend is still a fashion designer and not too long ago, I helped her get a shop in Lagos and Have been sending her steady allowance (at least average of 40-50k a month).

Here are the things that have given me a lot of worries:
1- I know everyone will not get a formal education and I am fine with that but my girl has not been hustling/pulling her weight in her chosen career despite my extra support.... I sometimes get the feeling that all she wants is to get married and get comfortable but I want an industrious woman. Formal education or not, I want a woman that can hussle!

2- Recently, I pretended to be unemployed because of Coronavirus just to see if she would send me some money (even if its 10k) or really, anything she can afford. Looking at the fact that I had always supported her month after month, I wanted to see if she would do the same for me.
I pretended to be unemployed for almost a month and did not receive any form of financial support from her. Even when I directly asked her to loan me small money, she would play it off by saying something like "I go write you check for 1 million sef".....

I am thinking of breaking it off at this point by slowly letting her go but before I do that, I want the perspective of people here.
Please, no insult! I am genuinely seeking your insight. Be kind!

ps. My family are doing really well and I support anything they do. I have never neglected my family in anyway, shape or form.

I have same mindset as you bro. I need and industrious lady. Some ladies just want to use marriage to escape poverty. Talk to her and tell her your mind. If you don’t see changes, dump am

Nonexistent:
If you don't suspect her for anything olosho, then go ahead and marry her because truly, woman no dey ever get money to give man unless the man na redpill.

thats a rubbish mentality

Some people don't come into your life to love you. They come into your life to use you, They don't come to bring into your life they come to take from it. They don't see you as a person instead they see you as an opportunity, trust me I have been there. They don't love you for who you are, they love you because of the benefits that comes from it, they are not loyal to you, they are loyal to the benefits the get from you,that is why they never show up for you no matter how many times you have been there for them, they never offer help to you no matter how many times you have offered help to them. Like for real stop breaking your back

Some people don't come into your life to love you. They come into your life to use you, They don't come to bring into your life they come to take from it. They don't see you as a person instead they see you as an opportunity, trust me I have been there. They don't love you for who you are, they love you because of the benefits that comes from it, they are not loyal to you, they are loyal to the benefits the get from you,that is why they never show up for you no matter how many times you have been there for them, they never offer help to you no matter how many times you have offered help to them. Like for real stop breaking your back.

JOACHINpedro:
Good morning Sir. 5yrs in relationship no be beans o. Make person daughter no kill you for wasting her time.

rubbish talk, ignore this person

CalliDora1:
Forget all these long story. From my own perspective, the girl has not done anything wrong here.you are only being proud and trying to form levels simply because you're a graduate and now in Yankee. Her level is now too low for you and you're just looking for faults that is not there to get rid of her.

Mind you, she was like that when you were still an otondo copper but you didn't see it as anything. It's now the specs have fallen off your eyes.

Don't leave that girl because for all you know, your being with her brought you luck and if you drop her, things might go south ( just saying). That girl hasn't done anything to you. Don't leave her. All you need to do is talk to her and try to encourage and bring her to your level.

A word is enough for the wise.

In your little mind she has done well. If this brother was your son would you advise him to marry a lady that can't even support her supposed husband with ordinary #1000, this is the same man who has been there for her and has always send monthly allowance to her. My prayers is that God should give me a supportive wife and not all this leech looking for opportunities to get back on their feet all in the name of marriage

TheAviator2000:
We have never had sex.
Met her a virgin and never pressured her for sex as she wasn;t ready!

So you never fvck am all this while. So, how is she your girlfriend? Na wa u o

smoke blau

Idonije8:
Ona nor day seee girls for where ona day self Ah

Them dey but its hard.
I left naija as an adult in my mid - late 20's and its hard to be honest.

Simp! It will end in premium tears!