₦airaland Forum

HarunaWest:
Okay this is a precarious situation then.
It's obvious that your dad and mum ain't happy and you guys are suffering the brunt. However, I will implore you to be at peace with them no matter the provocation. Ignore their bad sides and appreciate their good sides. Don't let words get to you, shield your heart from thought-provoking speech or gestures. Some parents don't know how to act like parents. Don't blame them, it's probably due to how some of them were raised as well. You should aspire to be better than them. Cheers and have a happy weekend.

Ode! maybe you should have read and really understand before making a fool of yourself forming what I don't know. Iranu.

Klass99:
Kai, this your username dey give me headache to articulate verbally and in writing

I have seen this shit happen, my own mum tried it with me in a very subtle manner but I saw her coming from miles away.

How my aunty was able to succeed with her boys I don't know, but she failed woefully with her girls. Perhaps she told the boys worse tales than she did the girls

You know when women have a problem with their spouse they try to recruit the kids to their side, whereas the men may stay silent and not try to recruit the kids.

My dad and uncle are not monsters at all, just regular humans with the basic flaws you find in all humans.

Even at my current workplace a female executive assistant manipulated her male boss into reducing someone's appraisal scores from 85% to 79%.

Beyonce didn't lie, we run the world in subtle and not so subtle ways.

This life is facing us in different directions, My own mum is a victim of my dad's attitude, now he is a man everyone will always want to have for outsiders for different reasons..
He does not womanise.
He does not drink any type of alcohol.
He is hardworking.
But that is where everything ends, at home he does not laugh with us, I practically grew up mouth sealed whenever my dad is around, a strict disciplinarian, he denies us access to friends and relatives, he gives order on every instances even when you as a child or wife is sure that this is not the way to go and when result becomes unfavorable, we still get the blame for not taking fully to his instructions..
But in all these my mum still encourages us to love him but it's not just there, it's awkward sitting with my dad even in his car (everything in the house belongs to him, it's always my TV, my house, my car, none of us can drive a car and my younger sister had to learn it due to work she applied for.. It's worse like that)..
My point is, both upcoming mums and dads, and those still young in it should take a cue from all this and make adjustments.. I worked as teacher for close to four years and my relationship with the pupils is more like a father and child relationship, still in contacts with many of them with one chatting me up recently that I am her favourite teacher but that I still spank her well and she never likes that, but I was able to balance it... I know parenting is a different ball game but I pray to do my best and have my children as my best friends...

justosee:
There are men who provide for their kids financially only for them to abandon him in old age because he didn't bond with them emotionally.

There are old men who feel abandoned despite the fact that their children make provisions for them in terms of housing, feeding, medications and money because these same children make effort to keep away......very irregular visits and infrequent phone calls.

Truly at that point they feel justified that they have also provided for him financially, when they call or visit what are they going to talk or laugh about?

The old man yearns to feel the affection of his children, not just the mechanical relationship that only yields material provisions.

dominique:
Why not say Nigerian women I know instead of generalizing? I come from a line of financially stable women who supported the home despite what the husband is earning. I see so many married women out there hustling, doing all sorts of jobs for who if not for the family? A lot of women pay school fees but cover up for the husband by telling the kids that they should go and thank daddy for providing the school fees. A lot of homes are being solely supported by the wife so let's die this matter of women don't support the family. The truth is most men think they don't owe their kids anything but financially providing, those ones are even the good ones. Some will rather spend on outsiders, extended families than their immediate families and still won't bond with their kids. They are unnecessarily strict and harsh on their kids, the kids are afraid of them and avoid them by all means. The relationship becomes awkward by the time the children become adults and they start expecting the kids to bond with them.

Don't spend quality time with your kids you hear, be wasting time with girlfriends, in beer parlours and other frivolities. Thank God we're in the generation of kids wey no send.

All you said here is the absolute truth, bonding is key, at times I sat down and think about all the rules my father gave us growing up and his unnecessary harshness and where it has led us to, now apart from good morning, welcome we don't discuss anything else, now imagine if we finally leave the house, and he still brags that he does not need us that he has all that he needs to see him through life and I wonder how the rooms, car and money will give him genuine care that old people need from human especially their own blood..
NB- He does not womanise and I can lay my life down for this to prove him right neither does he consume any form of alcoholic drinks. But I believe the disciplined lifestyle that made him successful is what he forced on us not knowing that generations vary, now we can't blend easily with our mates cos he denied us that freedom to mix with people.

Mindlog:
There are old men who feel abandoned despite the fact that their children make provisions for them in terms of housing, feeding, medications and money because these same children make effort to keep away......very irregular visits and infrequent phone calls.

Truly at that point they feel justified that they have also provided for him financially, when they call or visit what are they going to talk or laugh about? The old man yearns to feel the affection of his children not just the mechanical relationship that only yields material provisions.

I won't care what anyone do to me at old age. I will be prepared to die by then.


I don't think there are many men who need too much attention at old age. All they will probably need is money and freedom.
Give me enough money and I will take care of myself. I can get a mistress if there is no woman in the house.
There are many things I could do at old age.

This is why this country is filled with mentally deranged people, useless country, useless continent, then you'll see the "moral judges" coming to claim that Africa is the most morally upright continent, a continent that is synonymous with poverty, backwardness and corruption, losers.

justosee:
I won't care what anyone do to me at old age. I will be prepared to die by then.


I don't think there are many men who need too much attention at old age. All they will probably need is money and freedom.
Give me enough money and I will take care of myself. I can get a mistress if there is no woman in the house.
There are many things I could do at old age.

Your children will certainly cease sending you money once they get the hint that it from it that you are maintaining a mistress.

Make sure you have a cool stash of your own money because it is less likely a young lady will be in a relationship with an aged you, if she is not seeing the money because that will be her motivation and make sure that doesn't finish o!

Mindlog:
Your children will certainly cease sending you money once they get the hint that it from it that you are maintaining a mistress.

Make sure you have a cool stash of your own money because it is less likely a young lady will be in a relationship with an aged you, if she is not seeing the money because that will be her motivation and make sure that doesn't finish o!

but I took care of them of them financially? they probably gave my money to their girlfriends.

What will they have me do if their mother abandon me? I could adopt another child and will all my properties to that child if they all decide to abandon me.


I will not go for a very young lady. I will date a middle aged woman.

YoungBlackRico:
Ode! maybe you should have read and really understand before making a fool of yourself forming what I don't know. Iranu.

See all these plenty insults...Did your mum do same to you?
Why so touched or pained? Is everything okay with you? Are you OK mentally?
Am sorry for your condition. You had to use two godamn Youruba words to throw jabs @ me, quite unfortunate the kinda people we have on NL....Fani Kayode wannabee

felt:
I deliberately kept this to my dad alone because recently I had to deal with him on various issues.
My relationship with my mum is essentially dead! I live two worlds with her. Most of our conversations is me listening to her fights with my dad and things I don't believe in. The only thing is that at least I can stand beside her while she talks and at the very least, I can communicate basic things with her, like "help me buy this foodstuff"

Tbh, its a totally big topic with my mum, but I think I prefer to keep this one sided for now... None of them have an idea about my personal life.

I don't know the feeling when people put their mum online and say nice things there, infact when she calls me about "mothers day" I genuinely feel manipulated


cchub
HarunaWest

I can understand how u re feeling bro, let me tell u something, I have passed through what u re facing, me and my siblings passed through similar experience but the day he died till this very moment, we always wish he is here with and the Same time he made us who we are today. He is Ur father no matter what LOVE him and appreciate his personality.

justosee:
I will shutdown any child who give me problems out of my life.

Kids are also obligated to understand their parents. You should try to know what your father is going through before judging the poor man.

Raising kids is a lot of work and don't expect any reward for it, because you made the decision to procreate.
If you put in enough effort (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially etc) to raise decent children, then perhaps you and the society may benefit from them.
While raising them, remember to prepare for your retirement also because they shouldn't be a retirement plan.
So think deeply before embarking on the journey of procreation.
You can decide to get a vasectomy.
We're not all cut out to be parents, and that's fine.
Not every woman is maternal and not every man is paternal either.

eyinjuege:
Raising kids is a lot of work and don't expect any reward for it, because you made the decision to procreate.
If you put in enough effort (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially etc) to raise decent children, then perhaps you and the society may benefit from them.
While raising them, remember to prepare for your retirement also because they shouldn't be a retirement plan.
So think deeply before embarking on the journey of procreation.
You can decide to get a vasectomy.
We're not all cut out to be parents, and that's fine.
Not every woman is maternal and not every man is paternal either.

We all want a family filled with love but things don't always go as planned.
You should not abandon your father just because he didn't bond with you emotionally.

Life is not as perfect as you think. make the most of whatever your parents have to offer, and forgive them for their shortcomings.

duro4chang:
You will soon understand. Continue to type . One day you will blame yourself for this post of yours.

Shut up

justosee:
And it is not their responsibility to take care of aged parents?

It is your obligation to take care of your aged parents even if they did nothing for you.

It's not.
The difference being that you made a conscious decision to birth children into this world. You could have prevented it.
Your kids were never consulted, they had no say in the transaction that made you their parent, meaning it can't be a binding obligation on them.
Meanwhile, your own obligation legally ends once they're 18 or 21years depending on the country. Whatever you do for them afterwards, should be borne out of love.
Don't get me wrong, I personally believe we should look after our aged parents, within your capacity. Especially parents who have always been supportive. If you've been an absentee parent, do not expect anything from your child too. If you've not been emotionally available, financially available for your child, why are you expecting to reap where you did not sow?
You think say you wise?
Meanwhile, its surprising to see 50 year olds, 60 year olds in Nigeria who are expecting their children to begin supporting them. Children wey you no invest in, who are still trying to find their feet.
Your mates abroad are still working in their 60s, some even continue in their 70s sef.
Anyway, let's show maximum love and support to all our kids. They won't ever forget your love

cchub:
Shut up

Me shut up! Time will tell.

justosee:
We all want a family filled with love but things don't always go as planned.
You should not abandon your father just because he didn't bond with you emotionally.

Life is not as perfect as you think. make the most of whatever your parents have to offer, and forgive them for their shortcomings.

Nobody is perfect, even the children we talk about.
Some children's imperfections is that they may never let go of the hurt a parent has caused them.
Don't expect perfection or sainthood from your progeny/ children, especially if you didn't invest that into them.
Know this, and know peace.
Let's all do our best to raise decent humans, even though it's not easy.
I wish you well

duro4chang:
Me shut up! Time will tell.

Me shut up! Time will tell.

eyinjuege:
Nobody is perfect, even the children we talk about.
Some children's imperfections is that they may never let go of the hurt a parent has caused them.
Don't expect perfection or sainthood from your progeny/ children, especially if you didn't invest that into them.
Know this, and know peace.
Let's all do our best to raise decent humans, even though it's not easy.
I wish you well

I am done here

justosee:
I don't have a too close relationship with both parents in my own case. not that they don't reach out to me, but I love having my own space. My only sister is the one closer to my father.



We guys are very weak emotionally so it is easier for mothers to manipulate us.
once a man's heart start yearning for love and he does not get love, his ability to reason properly is affected.

with girls, I don't think it is easy to manipulate them. you can only brainwash her into believing you.

@bold oga speak for yourself!
It is far easier for mothers to manipulate female children than male against their fathers! Don't even try to argue this! Every male child we always stand by his dad because it will be easier to put himself in his dad position as man.

Klass99:
Oh yes, we do. I guess opposite poles attract.

My own mother tried this with me too, if you see the mental walls and defences I put up to guard myself against it ehn?

In my mind I was like, there's nothing you will tell me about this man that will make me turn on him, because I grew up seeing him pay the bills, handle his responsibilities and do right by all of us, wetin you wan come tell me?

This is a very big lie!
So ur mother couldn't manipulate u a woman with emotional reasoning against your dad, it is your brothers who are men with logical reasoning she could manipulate? Lol I laff

Mindlog:
Your children will certainly cease sending you money once they get the hint that it from it that you are maintaining a mistress.

Make sure you have a cool stash of your own money because it is less likely a young lady will be in a relationship with an aged you, if she is not seeing the money because that will be her motivation and make sure that doesn't finish o!

Speak for yourself @bold

justosee:
giving birth is the normal thing to do. I was brought into this world so I plan on bringing someone into this world.

Whatever I am doing for them is a favor because I will save for the future and won't be needing much financial assistance from them.

I will die when I am still strong enough to take care of myself.

Its a responsibility to care for kids. Not a favour.
(interesting topic)

Rubbiish:
@bold oga speak for yourself!
It is far easier for mothers to manipulate female children than male against their fathers! Don't even try to argue this! Every male child we always stand by his dad because it will be easier to put himself in his dad position as man.

You don't know anything

HarunaWest:
See all these plenty insults...Did your mum do same to you?
Why so touched or pained? Is everything okay with you? Are you OK mentally?
Am sorry for your condition. You had to use two godamn Youruba words to throw jabs @ me, quite unfortunate the kinda people we have on NL....Fani Kayode wannabee

I'm guessing these are supposed to make me feel bad? Get some education Mr, and stop making a fool of yourself on a public forum. Oponu

Shokoloko:
Its a responsibility to care for kids. Not a favour.
(interesting topic)

it is also a responsibility to care for aged parents.

justosee:
it is also a responsibility to care for aged parents.

No, its our responsibility to "support" our parents as they care for themselves. Why? Because you are already caring for a new family - your own fully. Except you are a politician or oil company worker, if a child attempts to fully carry the responsibility of his own kids and wife and his parents, he might have high blood pressure.
1.You build two homes, one for your parents and one for yourself, you will also maintain the home paying for two house helps to assist both homes
2.You budget feeding for two families
3.Hospital bills for two families

It is totally impossible. So where the obligation to parents end is simply "support a little" except those that have stupendous wealth or don't plan to raise a family

I have children and it is not my wish for any of my children to care for me. Call me, send me flowers, a gift card, come and visit me, bring the grand kids, but hey don't take care of me. Instead I will work until I am 80

justosee:
You don't know anything

Next time speak for yourself & stop generalizing please!

Shokoloko:
No, its our responsibility to "support" our parents as they care for themselves. Why? Because you are already caring for a new family - your own fully. Except you are a politician or oil company worker, if a child attempts to fully carry the responsibility of his own kids and wife and his parents, he might have high blood pressure.
1.You build two homes, one for your parents and one for yourself, you will also maintain the home paying for two house helps to assist both homes
2.You budget feeding for two families
3.Hospital bills for two families

It is totally impossible. So where the obligation to parents end is simply "support a little" except those that have stupendous wealth or don't plan to raise a family

ehen? your parents could decide to stop paying your bills once you reach 18.

To me it is an obligation to care for aged parents. When planning for a family, always know you have aged parents.

Rubbiish:
Next time speak for yourself & stop generalizing please!

how many young men will buy val gift for their father tomorrow?

justosee:
ehen? your parents could decide to stop paying your bills once you reach 18.

To me it is an obligation to care for aged parents. When planning for a family, always know you have aged parents.

I'm glad you have that type of money. But then, a lot of Nigerian home revenue is less than N100,000. and no one can manage two homes on less than N100,000