Fixey:
You are not responsible for another. But call no one an idiot, you can't produce a pencil


Begin the solution from yourself. Work on your energy, your outburst, anger and strive to gain a more peaceful view of life.

Romanoff:
It's your wife you have to talk to.

Set boundaries to her. Tell her if you choose to support her dad, it's out of the goodness of your heart and not an obligation.

Tell her how much you're willing to part with for her dad every month for upkeep and let her know that she or her family must not ask you for a dime else, she'd be ruining her marriage.

Ask her if it's her wish for her older brother to keep being jobless or if she's willing to support his irresponsible life style cause you don't plan to support him.

Tell her it's time to choose between building her home or going back to her father's house.

badmusatari:


Thank you sir. She's no longer with such mentally. For more than two years now till now she don't even want to hear anything from them and whenever she want to talk to her dad she finds a way of doing that without then know but they always get mad because they always miss the opoory to influence their dad by way to telling him what to demand. So she's woke up.

MejiLoyon:
Your problem is solved already from your write-up.
I'm here to give advice to future husbands.
Keep your extended family at arms length. Note I didn't just say inlaws. Family as a whole. E get why. Never get too close. If they call don't make it too long. Go straight to the point and end it. If you call go straight to the point. If na greet greet make you comot there. If you want send money just send and gboju. If they call to say thanks answer mechanically and hang up. Laugh when you need to laugh and be serious when you need to be. Don't be readily available. No dey go every family function. This includes birthdays,namings and weddings.Create a niche and put them there. Else you will be easily manipulated and once you're under their hold you can't get away from it. This brother was just lucky.
I learnt the hard way. I wash father in-law car set chair for party, arrange washing if plates,went on errands...lol. when I gbera I couldn't escape it. This brother is lucky . My experience cost me something of great value. But I learnt. And I hope you will.

And never forget, FAMILY PROBLEM NO DEY FINISH. Peace

MejiLoyon:
Your problem is solved already from your write-up.
I'm here to give advice to future husbands.
Keep your extended family at arms length. Note I didn't just say inlaws. Family as a whole. E get why. Never get too close. If they call don't make it too long. Go straight to the point and end it. If you call go straight to the point. If na greet greet make you comot there. If you want send money just send and gboju. If they call to say thanks answer mechanically and hang up. Laugh when you need to laugh and be serious when you need to be. Don't be readily available. No dey go every family function. This includes birthdays,namings and weddings.Create a niche and put them there. Else you will be easily manipulated and once you're under their hold you can't get away from it. This brother was just lucky.
I learnt the hard way. I wash father in-law car set chair for party, arrange washing if plates,went on errands...lol. when I gbera I couldn't escape it. This brother is lucky . My experience cost me something of great value. But I learnt. And I hope you will.

And never forget, FAMILY PROBLEM NO DEY FINISH. Peace

MejiLoyon:
Your problem is solved already from your write-up.
I'm here to give advice to future husbands.
Keep your extended family at arms length. Note I didn't just say inlaws. Family as a whole. E get why. Never get too close. If they call don't make it too long. Go straight to the point and end it. If you call go straight to the point. If na greet greet make you comot there. If you want send money just send and gboju. If they call to say thanks answer mechanically and hang up. Laugh when you need to laugh and be serious when you need to be. Don't be readily available. No dey go every family function. This includes birthdays,namings and weddings.Create a niche and put them there. Else you will be easily manipulated and once you're under their hold you can't get away from it. This brother was just lucky.
I learnt the hard way. I wash father in-law car set chair for party, arrange washing if plates,went on errands...lol. when I gbera I couldn't escape it. This brother is lucky . My experience cost me something of great value. But I learnt. And I hope you will.

And never forget, FAMILY PROBLEM NO DEY FINISH. Peace

Richy4:


In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.

You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support?

Richy4:


In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.

You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support?

mutter:
Nothing wrong in people asking.
If you can't give say no.

badmusatari:


Thank you sir. She's no longer with such mentally. For more than two years now till now she don't even want to hear anything from them and whenever she want to talk to her dad she finds a way of doing that without then know but they always get mad because they always miss the opoory to influence their dad by way to telling him what to demand. So she's woke up.

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef. I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious. My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her. But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

GIANTPLUSHUB:



Hmmmm. Try and read his message again. He never said they should be totally ignored. He said no too overdo. You get it now?

badmusatari:


Thank you sir. She's no longer with such mentally. For more than two years now till now she don't even want to hear anything from them and whenever she want to talk to her dad she finds a way of doing that without then know but they always get mad because they always miss the opoory to influence their dad by way to telling him what to demand. So she's woke up.

Richy4:


In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.

You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support?

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef. I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious. My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her. But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

mutter:
Nothing wrong in people asking.
If you can't give say no.

kc4christ:
greetings....


bros Weldon u try


marriage is not for children,you need to calm down and apply wisdom in all you do when it comes to in-laws.



finally don't forget to invest in your children's future.

Romanoff:
It's your wife you have to talk to.

Set boundaries to her. Tell her if you choose to support her dad, it's out of the goodness of your heart and not an obligation.

Tell her how much you're willing to part with for her dad every month for upkeep and let her know that she or her family must not ask you for a dime else, she'd be ruining her marriage.

Ask her if it's her wish for her older brother to keep being jobless or if she's willing to support his irresponsible life style cause you don't plan to support him.

Tell her it's time to choose between building her home or going back to her father's house.

ImaIma1:


I don't believe it's his job to send monthly stipend to his father inlaw. He can send him money as a gift once in a while.The man has his own children who are meant to do that. And I guess the op has parents too.