badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

I Thank God that I am not in your shoes..
But then, if my case was like yours, I would have taken drastic some decisions long ago.

Bro... let me give u a formula for free......Practise 70,10,10,10.....What this mean is that Out of Ur income either monthly or weekly....70% shod go for ur necessity like feeding paying bills and others.10% FOR GIVING(STICK TO IT).10% is for savings and the other 10% is to invest.
Okay, let me talk on the aspect of GIVING which is our concern . To give is good but u cannot kill urself. If u have exacted d 10% for that month/week then any other request that come for u to help or give (not emergency) has to b shifted forward when u have another 10%. Tell them u will give but u don't have now.
As for Ur father in-law. U can get him something that can b generating fund for him like keke or okada just something.Someone can b driving it for him... What they call balance and take..U can just b giving him money once a while... mind u from that 10% giving. U didn't mention Ur own parents . Don't quarrel with anybody it doesn't worth it.

the truth is ...ur scared of your wife or scared of losing her.the day a mad man realises he is mad..he wil becomes totally delivered.

so stand ur ground..it is either yes or No...watever the case mayb..

U bleeped up big time fro the beginning

Be a man for once and take charge of your family....

Fixey:
You are not responsible for another. But call no one an idiot, you can't produce a pencil


Begin the solution from yourself. Work on your energy, your outburst, anger and strive to gain a more peaceful view of life.

The man is simply frustrated, sick and tired of all the drama.

Oju4190:
Bro... let me give u a formula for free......Practise 70,10,10,10.....What this mean is that Out of Ur income either monthly or weekly....70% shod go for ur necessity like feeding paying bills and others.10% FOR GIVING(STICK TO IT).10% is for savings and the other 10% is to invest.
Okay, let me talk on the aspect of GIVING which is our concern . To give is good but u cannot kill urself. If u have exacted d 10% for that month/week then any other request that come for u to help or give (not emergency) has to b shifted forward when u have another 10%. Tell them u will give but u don't have now.
As for Ur father in-law. U can get him something that can b generating fund for him like keke or okada just something.Someone can b driving it for him... What they call balance and take..U can just b giving him money once a while... mind u from that 10% giving. U didn't mention Ur own parents . Don't quarrel with anybody it doesn't worth it.

Why is he obliged to get him keke or Okada? Why did they not make that part of the bride requirements before accepting to give away their daughter. It smacks of dishonesty to start making making demands after collecting the bride price and other items.

If he is required to buy keke for the wife's father, what of his own father and mother, what should he buy for them? Maybe he should buy Guy wagon for his own father as he owes much more to his father than his wife's father.

Don't allow yourself to be an ATM machine for another unreasonable family in the name of being an inlaw. Set a boundary and guard it otherwise you will keep on suffering mentally until they finish you. I won't say more.

Tell your wife to ghost ALL her family members for 2 years, both the good and bad. And only start talking to the good after the two years. If the father likes, let him curse from now till he dies, those curses no dey work.

I don't know why we Africans are so consumed with this giving and helping issue. Even the Bible says don't cast your pearls among swines, meaning don't make sacrifices for people that don't deserve it. These same people you are wasting your resources on will still be the ones to laugh at you that you have being abroad for 30 years and have not accomplished anything.

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

You and your wife shuld block them from communicating you.

badmusatari:


Thank you sir. She's no longer with such mentally. For more than two years now till now she don't even want to hear anything from them and whenever she want to talk to her dad she finds a way of doing that without then know but they always get mad because they always miss the opoory to influence their dad by way to telling him what to demand. So she's woke up.

Instead of sending money to the account that mumu guy has access to, send the money to someone you trust and have them give the father in cash.. Cash also has to be a fixed rate, not everytime send me this or that

A seperate account also has open for him that the other useless guy won't know the atm or whatever too

Also, make sure your wife isnt easily blackmailed. She can change her phone number and call with VOIP numbers that not everyone can reach

If una no dey, these people will find a way to survive

Richy4:


In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.

You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support?

Story ni gbogbo iyen.

Experience has spoken, the rest is up to you.

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

from what u said lastly, what I understand is u have stopped sending them money, is ur wife that is still sending, all u need to do is, ignore them, use ur own money to build ur family, as for women, they can never leave there family, bet me, she can't stop, that is how they are created, just use ur own salary to build ur house ok

Viknat:
Before I married, my father said though it will be difficult to marry from home like our parents home, but I should never marry from poor home

Your dad made a mistake... That poor, should be changed to never marry from a dumb,illiterate and entitled home...

Rising up will become a herculian task.

Some rich homes are also entitled as well..and can wreck an average struggling guy... Plus insult.

In the same case, u can meet a smart intelligent lady, with intelligent siblings as well doing fair for themselves and contented as well...In fact this is the part any guy with God's blessings will dream of.


Lastly, Some Nigerians have this mentality of seeing abroad based person as Messiah... In fact if he comes to marry your daughter, it is an instant ATM machine.

OP entered into one of such...and they usually have that useless brother that extort the man..

When getting married always be sure of the family you are getting married into. The man or woman might be a good person but the family may be terrible.

My only advice is you should send certain amount at a specific date irrespective of their financial need, what they do with the money is not your business. Let's say 50,000 every month.

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

You have time for nonsense, take a bold stand and stop calling them

As for your wife advice her to start reducing the calls she makes with them and advice her to inform the family that their constant demands are putting you guys in to huge debt

Honestly this nonsense has to stop before it becomes an permanent norm

ote author=badmusatari post=99433684]I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad [/quote]

Just shut down and stop communicating with them. I Sabi do that well well. No go d fear say if you do your wife will leave you, she will not , even if she does she will come back,

Romanoff:


Your parents in law become your parents as well and there's nothing wrong with sending them monthly stipends.

If you're buoyant enough to do it, there's absolutely nothing wrong in it.

I just don't believe it should be an obligation or that the in laws should feel entitled to it.

I just know this reply came from a lady. Kindly take care of your family with your own money that's exactly what my mom does

I guess All those asking him to change phone line or ignore them totally aare not married.

It is not advisable to totally ignore you family or inlaws family irrespective of their behaviour. No one knows what tomorrow may breed.

Once thing I perceive from this is that the poster loves his wife very much and that love that extends to her family

Like someone said, put them on a stipend agreed by u and ur wife and stick to it... Don't be afraid to be termed stingy or wicked inlaw. They will always say but with time , they will adjust.

I wouldn't advise u blank them totally. Tomorrow is pregnant

You and your wife should cut them off. Don't allow him to use curse to blackmail you guys into sending them money again. You guys need to face your family now. At least you guys have been giving them money for a long time. Who dey fear curse from ungrateful family members?

Munzy14:

Your dad made a mistake... That poor, should be changed to never marry from a dumb,illiterate and entitled home...

Rising up will become a herculian task.

Some rich homes are also entitled as well..and can wreck an average struggling guy... Plus insult.

In the same case, u can meet a smart intelligent lady, with intelligent siblings as well doing fair for themselves and contented as well...In fact this is the part any guy with God's blessings will dream of.


Lastly, Some Nigerians have this mentality of seeing abroad based person as Messiah... In fact if he comes to marry your daughter, it is an instant ATM machine.

OP entered into one of such...and they usually have that useless brother that extort the man..

correct. I married from an average home, which, Though far below our financial standards, I made I intention known from the very beginning that I was taking their daughter TO BECOME ONE OF OUR FAMILY. No shame o. This is where some guys make mistake, u will think their wife family married d men. Impression from beginning matters

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

na so our Benin brothers dey do, because sister dey abroad I nor go hustle again. Tell your wife to change her number and place the other number on Internet call, nobody can call her but she can call them whenever she want. Tell her not to call any of them for like 3 -4 months including the siblings outside don't call them either just watch and see what happens then.

sirjoe1124:

I just know this reply came from a lady. Kindly take care of your family with your own money that's exactly what my mom does

Just cause that's how it worked for your mum doesn't mean that's how it works for everyone.

The best thing to do is let your wife come home and relocate her father abroad without the guy knowing,that will settled the issue of billing

Change your numbers.

Communicate with them indirectly.

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

If you know what's good for you,better cut off from them.
You and your wife must cut off from them.
You don't belong to their family and they have no power over you.
Your wife must be strong...they will end up ruining you and God forbid, something bad happen and you find yourself at home, nobody will even think of you..they will only rest when you become poor..so use your sense.
You don't belong to them. Your wife now belongs to you. Cut off and be free.
I have three married sisters, nothing concern us or our father with their husbands. Change your numbers and don't communicate with them, directly or indirectly.
Are you in Europe.

Emmawolex22:
The best thing to do is let your wife come home and relocate her father abroad without the guy knowing,that will settled the issue of billing

Op don't listen to this kind of garbage!!!!

Romanoff:
It's your wife you have to talk to.

Set boundaries to her. Tell her if you choose to support her dad, it's out of the goodness of your heart and not an obligation.

Tell her how much you're willing to part with for her dad every month for upkeep and let her know that she or her family must not ask you for a dime else, she'd be ruining her marriage.

Ask her if it's her wish for her older brother to keep being jobless or if she's willing to support his irresponsible life style cause you don't plan to support him.

Tell her it's time to choose between building her home or going back to her father's house.

The bolded is a 4kn no no. The op has his own parents/family.
He's not responsible for his wife's father or family..if she's gonna send money at all to her parents,it should be once in a while..

hardon1:
I guess All those asking him to change phone line or ignore them totally aare not married.

You are wrong. Lots of people asking him to ignore the wife's family have passed through similar problems.

It is not advisable to totally ignore you family or inlaws family irrespective of their behaviour. No one knows what tomorrow may breed.

Bone that thing. It is when tomorrow comes and you need their help that you will realise they no send you. Most of us have been disappointed by people you helped thinking they would help you in return when you need their help.

Once thing I perceive from this is that the poster loves his wife very much and that love that extends to her family

So because you love your wife, her family should use that to blackmail and extort money from you?

Like someone said, put them on a stipend agreed by u and ur wife and stick to it... Don't be afraid to be termed stingy or wicked inlaw. They will always say but with time , they will adjust.

Put them on stipend, why? Are they providing any service to you or your family? So her whole family will be sitting on their ass and be expecting monthly salary from me. What about stipends to my own father, mother, brothers and sisters? Don't they deserve monthly stipends from me also.
What's so annoying is that a man is not only expected to provide comfort for their daughter, but but provide for her whole family also. All in the name of love.

I wouldn't advise u blank them totally. Tomorrow is pregnant

If they are going to give you stress and heart attack, you blank them out completely. You only live once.

AfonjaConehead:

The bolded is a 4kn no no. The op has his own parents/family.
He's not responsible for his wife's father or family..if she's gonna send money at all to her parents,it should be once in a while..

What if his wife is a house wife?

I know families that as a working wife, the wife is responsible for the upkeep of both parents, even to their cable TV subscription, the hubby tends to other bills.

If he's buoyant enough to place his father in law on a allowance, I repeat that there's nothing wrong in it.

Romanoff:


What if his wife is a house wife?

Then she should be more concerned about the upkeep and wellbeing of her own immediate family.
What will she say if her husband sends money every months to his own parents while there are needs - school fees, house rents, utilities, medical fees, groceries, etc of the family.?

I know families that as a working wife, the wife is responsible for the upkeep of both parents, even to their cable TV subscription, the hubby tends to other bills.

She can do whatever she wants with her own money, but it's wrong to put the responsibility of the upkeep of her family on her husband. The man's family would not be ok with such arrangement.

If he's buoyant enough to place his father in law on a allowance, I repeat that there's nothing wrong in it.

If the wife's family wants to make the intending husband the sole provider for her entire family, they should have made the demand during the traditional wedding negotiations, so the man can know what he is in for. But, it is immoral to start making demands after collecting millions from the man all in the name of bride bride and wedding arrangements and then later demand he builds a house for her father and give him monthly salary.

Romanoff:


What if his wife is a house wife?

I know families that as a working wife, the wife is responsible for the upkeep of both parents, even to their cable TV subscription, the hubby tends to other bills.

If he's buoyant enough to place his father in law on a allowance, I repeat that there's nothing wrong in it.

Abeg chill...you husband marry you not your papa or mama or bro n sis....just imagine the Mumu yahoo arsseho in the story!!!

wirinet:

Then she should be more concerned about the upkeep and wellbeing of her own immediate family.
What will she say if her husband sends money every months to his own parents while there are needs - school fees, house rents, utilities, medical fees, groceries, etc of the family.?


She can do whatever she wants with her own money, but it's wrong to put the responsibility of the upkeep of her family on her husband. The man's family would not be ok with such arrangement.


If the wife's family wants to make the intending husband the sole provider for her entire family, they should have made the demand during the traditional wedding negotiations, so the man can know what he is in for. But, it is immoral to start making demands after collecting millions from the man all in the name of bride bride and wedding arrangements and then later demand he builds a house for her father and give him monthly salary.

Tell them o