₦airaland Forum

Keshinr0:
You meant, educated naija men don't face divorce

the men but educated and under educated men who live in abroad end up with the divorce from the less educated women( ladies who generally are hustlers)

Cleanworld:
Are you sure it wasn't the wife that was paying the bills before? if not then he should be able to bounce back . most sit at home Dad's will suffer much in this situation but only time heals every wounds.

My2cent

He will need to pay the mortgage for the house, pay child support for the children and also be paying for his one room. His money will all finish and by the way, he has lost his job!

Tats:
He will need to pay the mortgage for the house, pay child support for the children and also be paying for his one room. His money will all finish and by the way, he has lost his job!

and what happens if he does not pay the mortgage

baralatie:
the men but educated and under educated men who live in abroad end up with the divorce from the less educated women( ladies who generally are hustlers)

Just have it in mind, any woman can divorce you.
But to be on a safe side, don't marry a broke and scorned woman

Keshinr0:
Just have it in mind, any woman can divorce you.

that is why I no put eye for anything oyibo wife. I am in Nigeria

Keshinr0:
Just have it in mind, any woman can divorce you.
But to be on a safe side, don't marry a broke and scorned woman

a broke and scorned kini?

how do you say in mfm deliverance service!!
all scorned and broke woman destiny destroyer ati awon omo daughter of jezebel,delilah them,die by holy ghost fire !!

Keshinr0:
Am against him coming back
You guys should give him support, help him get his life back.
Tell him to forget about his kids, for now, when they are old enough they will be with him him

Absolutely,
you are right, but, does he have people to see him through knowing the difficulties to survive over there? He's only strength now, is where to sleep and a job, job that is legal there. Even if he decides to come back, he has to be in his right frame of mind. My question is, why are Nigerian wives abroad creating deadly redecule for their husbands by sending police at them when they know they be lying against the man. With some stories that goes around there is that once the women arevery independent, there is a big trouble for the men knowing the oyibo will be in the side of the women. Sad.

Abi nah.
Las-las na 'child-support' e go cost d guy.

owunabastard:
If you are in abroad and you are loaded, best thing for you is not to legally marry. have baby mamas as long as you want and children accompany with those women. People like P diddy understand the scope

CioAngels:
Absolutely,
you are right, but, does he have people to see him through knowing the difficulties to survive over there? He's only strength now, is where to sleep and a job, job that is legal there. Even if he decides to come back, he has to be in his right frame of mind. My question is, why are Nigerian wives abroad creating deadly redecule for their husbands by sending police at them when they know they be lying against the man. With some stories that goes around there is that once the women arevery independent, there is a big trouble for the men knowing the oyibo will be in the side of the women. Sad.

I be man, maami
no be me you go direct that question to

Help us beg una people, we dey try save una from attending Shiloh every year

pappilo:
I am going through the same and at some point in the story I thought it was about me

Probably too late now but if possible, beg, grovel, apologise, send emissaries for what you did and didnt do but be sure not to implicate yourself. I say this because you can never win. In my experience, begging didnt work but it is prudent to try.

Another thing for any man who finds himself in a toxic marriage is to know when to give up on the marriage and move strategically. I held on too long not really for love but for the sake of my children but remember the children will survive if you are there or not.

I left the house a few times thinking things will get better but it didnt help. It emboldened my ex wife and she started to invite her boyfriend into our family home when I wasnt there. Her boyfriend moved into our home only about 3 weeks after I was arrested and told by the police not to return to the house. And I still part paid the mortgage for almost a year until I transferred my interest in it over to her.

I moved to a garage conversion in a shared house. The garage obviously had no insulation so cold almost killed me in winter. Used to sleep with full tracksuit, electric blanket and heater. I have moved to my own flat now.

I caught a few charges from her and her boyfriend and I am on trial in crown court next month. They are serious charges but I am optimistic that even if found guilty there will be no jail time as I am of good character. I am kind of prepared for the worst though so although not concrete my plan B will be to relocate to Nigeria if I do get prison time as I will lose my job and the prospects wont be good on release.

I have been working a second job and doing 75hrs a week for about 11 months and this has helped me pay part of my criminal defence fees which are just a little under £15,000. But even with that I am over £10,000 in debt.

I was mad suicidal for a long time and always feeling sorry for myself but I had to pick myself up. Doing 2 jobs helped to keep me occupied so it must be tough for your friend if he is not busy doing something and keeps thinking.

Thankfully my divorce went as smoothly as possible as she didnt object to it and it was granted just over a year after I was banished from the house. It could have even happened earlier if I didnt develop cold feet a few times.

I feel so sorry for you bro, knowing you had to go through all these in the hands of somebody that is supposed to be your better half.

However by your own logic, do you see a possibility of at least getting them to withdraw the charges, seeing as they may be another big hurdle on your path. Maybe you could speak to the boyfriend as a man to see things from your perspective and maybe beg for his forgiveness. You could also try talking to your ex wife or her family to see if they could be of any help.

The last thing you need after all you have been through is another setback that could alter the course of your life.

Sonnobax15:

After reading this story,I don decide say na to manage our Nigerian women no matter how useless they are nai sure pass..

Honestly,the kind of divorce stories we hear about the west will make you wonder if marriage was really meant for both man and woman or for women alone..

A time will come when women from the west will end up marrying themselves because there won't be any man who'd wanna be a victim of their manipulation....

Na dat time e go be like "Africa na blessing in disguise for us wey be the no nonsense men

The same way other guys dey manage your useless sisters and also how ur dad manage ur useless mother. Any small thing una go open una wide gutter infested mouth dey insult ladies, as if Una self, mothers and sisters dey useful and responsible.

baralatie:
and what happens if he does not pay the mortgage

The house may be seized but if he is earning money, then he has no excuse for not paying the mortgage. The courts will compel him to as his children live in the house, else. he may go to jail.

Tats:
The house may be seized but if he is earning money, then he has no excuse for not paying the mortgage. The courts will compel him to as his children live in the house, else. he may go to jail.

Credit! Your credit history is a big deal in these parts and you dont want to ruin it if you can afford not to. If you stop making mortgage payments it is marked against you.

It was one of the main reasons I quickly agreed to transfer my share of the family home to my ex wife. I wanted to end all financial associations with her ASAP.

NIGERIANS ABROAD ARE USUALLY SELFISH AND ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES ITS SAD TO SAY BUT THE MAN IS ON HIS OWN

Keshinr0:
Am against him coming back
You guys should give him support, help him get his life back.
Tell him to forget about his kids, for now, when they are old enough they will be with him him

Curvinus:
I feel so sorry for you bro, knowing you had to go through all these in the hands of somebody that is supposed to be your better half.

However by your own logic, do you see a possibility of at least getting them to withdraw the charges, seeing as they may be another big hurdle on your path. Maybe you could speak to the boyfriend as a man to see things from your perspective and maybe beg for his forgiveness. You could also try talking to your ex wife or her family to see if they could be of any help.

The last thing you need after all you have been through is another setback that could alter the course of your life.

It is too late. After the arrest and before I was charged she had actually gone to the police and made a statement saying she wanted to be no part of the prosecution (found this out during discovery/disclosure) but about 3 months later, she went back and said she wanted to support the prosecution.

My ex wife is/was not a bad person. She is totally into her new man so will do anything he says. He is the one pulling the strings. What kind of a man moves into a married woman's home when he was part of the reason the woman's husband was barred from the house?

I begged my ex wife, cried sent people she respects, pastor e.t.c. but no success. I can kind of understand he predicament though. She probably doesnt want to lose her new man. There are things that may come out during the trial that will very damaging for her but despite being aware of this she is determined to see it through.

I am past the worst and this trial and potential criminal record doesnt faze me. If I didnt kill myself in 2020 when I was at the lowest I have been as a human being, anything that befalls me now na moimoi.

Depression is real o. I had proper plans of how to top myself. Thank goodness that on some days I was just so scared and other days I had someone to talk sense into my head.

Keshinr0:
Am against him coming back
You guys should give him support, help him get his life back.
Tell him to forget about his kids, for now, when they are old enough they will be with him him

Lol you think abroad is Nigeria where you can meet your guy to help you?
Such don’t happen there

ednut1:
Best to move back. Marriage gets scary every day. Nawa

Back to where?
Brother stay there
Better stay and even die there than to come back at least no kidnapping or Fulani killers ther

baralatie:
and what happens if he does not pay the mortgage

And she too refuses to pay the mortgage........


The banks move in and reposses the property..........

Move back to Nigeria for the time being. That will help him regain his sense of self worth etc. Thereafter, he can plot a come back considering he has a right to stay In the uk.

I find legal marriage a bit tasking on men.

I suggest that marriage vows should mandatorily be made renewable every 2 years. That is, it shouldn’t be binding without limit.

IjeBos:
This. I feel there is more to this story. Has he been physical with her? Is there any veracity to any of her claims? Granted, men and woman can be evil. But generally, in these Nigerian relationships, it's generally the men who haven't "let go" of the idea that they are no longer in Nigeria. Or marry women who are younger and bring them abroad without any thought as to what happens when they are now financially independent and exposed to western thought. This should be a cautionary tale to all men who live or want to live in the West. The courts are equal or tend to favor women. Again, this is not Nigeria, the physical, verbal abuse and need to dominate, won't last. The society favors equality and in divorce, woman can get half of everything and the courts can force you to pay her marital and child support. So, when they are fed up.. they have options.

But, there is so much to know before getting any advice. Are these just civil procedures or are they criminal as well(mean can he go to jail). Does he still want to be married? What does she want from him? Did she get a restraining order on him before his attempt to visit the kids? You should ask him to be 100% honest with you in order to get good wisdom.

If there is a hint at reconciliation(if she is open to it), he should try to find a good church who may offer marriage counseling if he can't afford private marriage counseling. That road would be long and they both have to be open to honesty, growth and change or be able to fake it.

Else he should just move on mentally. Do not attempt to contact her and do not go over the house to "see the children". Ask the courts to set up times that he can visit the kids and if he needs to talk to her do so through and attorney. A move to Nigeria sounds drastic. But, it isn't a terrible idea if he can find a good opportunity, but would he be comfortable leaving his kids? Time heals all and he will get better. He just needs to be honest so he can get good wisdom and not make it worse.

I just thought about it. Does, he want to move to Nigeria because he is scared of going to jail in the UK?

Fact!!

There’s so much information in your write up and at the end of the day, it all boils down to the both of them knowing and understanding what they want and thereafter, respect boundaries.

Marriage no be by force oo!

You still got a home.

LongNipple:
My Uncle in United States just came out of a Divorce. It's was TERRIBLE. And I mean Terrible!!!

His wife filed for a Divorce stating she is tired of the marriage and she wants him to be paying her Child Support. The Court took his House, His Cars. Sold the house and gave 80% of the money to the wife.
During that period, he lost his job as well. He almost went into Depression. He wasn't seeing his Child cos the court ordered the wife to take the child becos she is underaged.
He was back to square one.

We kept on encouraging him during that period. He managed to get a Car on hire through someone and was using it for UBER. Tried applying to work a Hospital (according to them, they say thats where money is at least) but was unsuccessful cos he is not a Medical personnel.
He slept on the streets. In his car. In people's stair cases. Kept his remains property in a place where he pays weekly for its safety.

The large chunk of his properties such as TV, Fridge and other, the court asked them to sell and share the money equally. The wife then demanded for CHILD SUPPORT. He started paying for Child Support with UBER work. Come and see suffer. Any money that enters his account will be wired to his Ex-Wife.
It got to a time his female lawyer started using style to side his ex-wife and her lawyers during round table court hearings cos she's is also a divorcee.
Life was hard for him mehn.
He started falling sick everyday. Sometimes he would call us and want to start crying. I felt for him but there was a limit to what I could do.

But like they say, it's only GOD that has the final say. We started doing prayers for him here in Nigeria. After some months, He got a job at a Hospital. He started collected small money. He got a small Apartment. Paid for the Car he used for UBER. Things started taking a new turn.

Right now, the 20% proceeds from the sale of his house has just been released to him after 2 years and he has bought himself a decent house. He still pays for children support with the money he gets from his hospital work.

He came back to Nigeria and he has remarried. The wife would be joining him over there soon.

He is about to tell the Lawyers to release his daughter to him cos he now has a female figure who can take care of her and her wants his daughter to be with him as the father.

He is happy Now. No more sicknesses like before. When the ex wife saw that he is now progressing. She started using style to come back to him shamelessly but he told her to keep off.

It's only a matter of time. God will always stand up for his own. We just need to be strong and have faith in him for every negative thing we are passing through right now will one day become a story we all will look back at and be glad we never gave up.

hope he signed a prenup with the new wife because.....

Tats:
People in Canada have become experts in getting various types of letters (financial, bank accounts, IOU, medical) from Nigeria to back up their divorce cases and the Canadian courts take those letters very seriously. So I am not surprised about what you wrote.

I know she will definitely get it, but not from me biko.

Tats:
Many ladies do their homework about all your assets before the "show" begins. If any hidden assets not declared are made known to the courts even after the divorce proceedings are over, the case may be reopened and you will pay dearly for not declaring it.

So you just make sure you keep them off the pillow talk don't you? Open an account in Nigeria, buy a home in Ghana, buy shares in South Africa, invest in cryptocurrency. There are dozens of ways to do this.

owunabastard:
If you are in abroad and you are loaded, best thing for you is not to legally marry. have baby mamas as long as you want and children accompany with those women. People like P diddy understand the scope

...

Hiploko:
You wan come back.

We wey dey here dey die to move out

Life dey confusing at times

Most of you young Nigerians are f**ls., that’s why you are dying to get out of Nigeria. You think abroad is waiting for you? Most of you will end up homeless or living in 1 room for 50 years or you become the WIFE at home. Ask your relatives here.

The word gentleman is not for Africans,,

I'm sure your friend knelt down to propose to her and took pictures...
You let the media fool you to become weaker men...
My love for the great god fela, a real African giant.....real to the core unlike u fake morons

Sonnobax15:

After reading this story,I don decide say na to manage our Nigerian women no matter how useless they are nai sure pass..

Honestly,the kind of divorce stories we hear about the west will make you wonder if marriage was really meant for both man and woman or for women alone..

A time will come when women from the west will end up marrying themselves because there won't be any man who'd wanna be a victim of their manipulation....

Na dat time e go be like "Africa na blessing in disguise for us wey be the no nonsense men

Marriage is a massive risk here in the west. Many of us will never ever go near marriage, never. Men are avoiding marriage like a plague and the whole place is full of frustrated unhappy unmarried psychologically troubled women because of this awful laws!!!!

nashito:
Stupid ways a Nigerian woman thinks, someone is at the point of breaking down cos it's a man you idiots don't feel an iota of pity. Pay extra? Someone that can barely pay for a room. I really don't think marriage is what any man should consider this days, this women are not loyal and will not be, I think baby Mama is a way to go. No wonder there's so much homicide case in US. Just watch The ID channel on your Dstv and see how men are murdering this heartless women and burying their bodies in bushes. Maybe you'd think twice about your statement

I grew up watching my dad mercilessly beat the hell out of my mom in front us and though we are in the West, she stayed with him because of cultural brainwashing. Money is a great separator. The problem is a lot of men are marrying women who they can control with money. But the world is changing and women can make their own money now. When a woman does make more money or makes enough to be independent, they lose that control. And some Nigerian men, can't successfully be in a relationship where it's even 60 40 in their favor. Why should someone continue to take abuse esp. if they are the breadwinner. Some Nigerian men somehow think God created them Gods to loom over woman. Their wives work 100 hours a week, are the breadwinners and their husbands expect them to still come home make dinner and serve them, while they sit at home.

Treat women how you would want someone to treat you. And pick someone who you want to be your partner, not your slave.

shegun4sur:
What's so hard about this now? People like suffering themselves for nothing.
I don't know how old he is but I don't care. Let him do the following
Find another level headed lady and flex, if the union produces children fine and good.
Get divorced from the jezebel and forget about her.
Find a job and live his godam life in peace.
But sha he can kill himself with heart attack if he so wishes by continuing to claim family family.

Kid! Shut that mouth pleaseeeeeeee

It’ll be your turn soon.

incogni2o:
Lesson for Nigerian Men trying to travel out with Family.

Please make sure you know your Wife 100%

Whites are more Individualistic.

Try to be the worst Man you can be for a while and see Her worst Character.

I appreciate Women being independent too, But with reason knowing there Husband is thier Head Anyday, Anytime.

I don't beleive in Men being oppressive but that the Wife should Know she has to be under her Husband.

We have a lot of ways to vent our frustrations here in Naija, but over there, no much way, Hence the many cases of Mental Issues and Depression.

Naija Man, Please be Wise.

One sure thing, If you can Make it abroad, You'll make it in Naija. Life is not easy anywhere, The Devil has no restricted zone on Earth.

Better forget the emboldened nonsense. If you want this please stay in Nigeria.

grafixdon:
My brother had the same issue with his wife some years ago... Unfortunately for him he was deported back to Nigeria without a penny after many years in uk. Meanwhile, he was the one who took his wife to the uk.

After he was reported, she doesn't even allow him to speak with his kids (2girls) on phone. He later suffers depression, always on drugs, he couldn't work or do anything meaningful, totally useless... Today, the guy is in rehab in Yaba, he's shadow of himself as I speak...

Too many here. Homeless depressed and finished!!!! How old is he?