₦airaland Forum

Gentlesoul2021:
Good day N'Lander

I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.

My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counsellor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.

She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.

Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.

My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.

Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?

I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.

I wanted to stroll pass this thread. But I will just thrown my HONEST opinion. I have seen some solid opinions down there. Howbeit, most are somewhat skewed.

First of all, I don't know your sister. And I don't know the man in question. So I will be pulling my suggestions from the lense of what you wrote up there and what I could be able to deduce.

My View on The Two of Them
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1. The brutal reality is females attain their prime very early (around 17-22 years). Notwithstanding a woman at 31, with such a solid career and achievement is still a desirable woman that any serious minded man should be grateful to have (provide she has the right character with it.)

2. Society is not fair to men. And that a man is not doing well in life doesn't necessarily mean he's not serious with life. But from what you said, (provided you are saying the truth), you said he had opportunity to upgrade himself but refused. I don't have any problem with his schooling. schooling is not as important as education. As far as he can hold his own anywhere, and invest in himself, certificate doesn't determine the worth of a man.

My Concerns
--------------------
1. For the man. My concern is, he's facing "ministry" without improving himself (according to you). That's a dangerous combination. If someone is not able to manage his life well, the chance that he can manage God's business well, is slim. Ministry should not be a cover up against personal development. And people like this may have the tendency to use "paapaa or G.O" to leach on their partners.

2. That your sister is yet to see a stable relationship till now, is a serious alarm, especially for high value men (I don't know her story yet). How did she get so close to the mother of the man? (just a random thought).

My Verdict
-----------------
1. Your sister already feels like she's doing him a favour. That he doesn't measure up to him in anyway. It is normal. Because women are hypergamous in nature. Because of that, the home may not be built on love.

2. This man is already a red flag. Not because of education. Or "mommy pet" as you portray it. In fact, a man that is able to treat the women in his life well, has a huge tendency to treat his wife well. But that he had opportunities to improve himself, and he refused. And focusing solely on ministry.

helinues:
Edo above Yoruba as how? Who conducted the survey?

Quality of education in South West has fallen a lot. Agbero and Olodo uprising is derailing education among children and young adults.

Northernblood8:
The north is being targeted in SW. We are branded bad name for easy persecution. We won't forget this, tell Tinubu that the north will remember in 2027

I know you are not a northerner. We know what you are.

But at the same time, what you said is inconsequential. Begging has becoming an industry in the north. Let it remain in their region. We don't want our streets being littered with beggars. They have destroyed their region with lack of education and unprofitable religious practices. Let them live with the consequences of their actions. I am tired of seeing able bodies people littered our streets begging.

puremaker7:
Iran can not die without Invasion

I here you.

puremaker7:
USA will soon invade Iran

It wouldn't. There wouldn't be need for it.

Prevent Iran from exporting or importing for 6 months, target killing of military leaders and religious fanatics, Fund and arm dissident tribes to sabotage military installation.

Iran will die a natural death.

fuckJones:
Ipob terrorist
Niger militants
Boko Haram terrorist
Fulani headsmen terrorist


All giving Nigeria bad name

Are you aware that your crooked politicians are causing more than what these criminals are doing

Nigeria is a country that glory in lawlessness.

Dogalmighty17:
It never worked because it wasn't enforced simple. It doesn't matter who gave the order. Even the president relies on men to carry out his orders so if previous IGPs were committed to fully following up on their own directives, the matter would have been settled long ago.

You speak like a child. There are men in the shadows that makes the presidency possible. I no go talk pass that. But this will never work under civillian in Nigeria.

jchioma:
Good one! As e de go now, make everyone feel it! If you can afford it, go patronize private security. The country is in a serious security breach and all hands must be on deck.

I have been hearing this since 1999. Every govt attempts it. But it will never work. because these are the oligarchs. They are the ones that installs govts.

obi4eze:
Nigerians in UK talk too much online especially concerning japa. At some point, you would wonder if there are no Nigerians in the US, Canada, Australia and other countries.

There are more Nigerians in the US than in the UK but they don't make as much noise as the UK counterparts do. Because the pay in the UK is low, UK Nigerians take to 'oversabi' content creation to make more money.

Nigerians in UK are mostly broke.

They felt content creation is a way to augment their income.

And 95% of Nigerians abroad don't have solid technical skills to teach or talk about online that will drive large audience,

hence the reason everyone was doing Japa niche.

Most NIgerians in UK are struggling. I have a colleague who sold everything and left for UK, thankfully, he released on time and came back home to start over.

Na winter jacket and snow dem dey take deceive many at home. Husband and wife fit dey house make dem dey see themselves only at the bus stop for a whole week.

7

ALTERNATEID:
Before the buffoon called Trump started attacking Nigeria, he was threatening to attack Venezuela. Go and check out what Russia did in support of Venezuela that has now restrained US from attacking the country.

My point is, a country like Nigeria shouldn't be this weak.

ALTERNATEID:
This is a welcome development. While Nigeria should keep engaging the US government to iron things out, we should also be discussing alliance and military cooperation with foreign powers like Russia and China.

If US interest collides with Russia and China concerning Nigeria, America will attack Nigeria and there's ABSOLUTELY nothing two of them combined can do about it.

In life, you have to ensured that you are strong enough to fight on your own. Not depending on anybody.

I want you to know that America is the ONLY superpower in the world at the moment. China and Russia are global powers. America is the only country with the capacity to take war to anybody within 24hrs.

Pls don't go reason am say if America truly wants to attack Nigeria China and Russia can do anything about it. THEY CAN DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

This is open secret. Villages Re been wiped out, renamed and the criminals settled there.

saintopus:
This is really commendable from the Northern Governor. The Southern Governors are not doing anything to provide jobs for their teaming youth

This Borno governor is very useless. Person wey dey pay teachers ₦6000 as far back as last year.

biggz82:
Everybody in Nigeria that holds any position of power, no matter the position becomes power drunk automatically.

Nobody is power drunk. At the same time, everybody is power drunk.

This amd worst things are meant to happen in a system where there's no consequences and everybody is a thief.

richmond500:
That 1.7% in south south.

About 60% of them come from Bayelsa state.
That state is cursed

Bayelsa dey compete with Zamfara. Zamfara o. Zamfara wey that zombie governor don use him stupidity destroy since 1999.

chatinent:
I don't like wars.

But there's no peace without war.

If you want peace, prepare for war - Sun Tzu

press9jatv:
you dey lie here joor

Ok.

press9jatv:
na some tiny part

I doubt you can mention up to 3 places that doesn't. From Lekki, Ajah, VI, Ketu, Ikeja. No major city in the state without some significant smells in certain many places.

press9jatv:
And some people are saying Lagos is smelling. Funny Nigerians

Lagos smells guys.

Brendaniel:
They are all different, none of them is the same. even Tinubu is different from Atiku, till people like you learn to be detailed when dealing with such issues like picking leaders then you will start applying logic and common sense in elections...

I really wish there's a platform where people can debate. I would have loved to see you prove your logic.

But since we are in q virtual world. It is well.

PulaPower:
But this one like Bag of Onions isn’t a fine girl..

She for let fine girls do the talking..

Somebody finally said it.

Brendaniel:
They steal the resources from the country they govern and take abroad while telling the citizens to be patriotic



No, all politicians are not the same, that is like saying all men or all women are the same, you people should stop this nonsense, this what gives some people the justification to remove logic, morals and common sense to support any devil because he comes from their tribe, religion or simply collect bribe and support the person, in the end a devil is enthroned to lead the people and the cycle goes on, so please you people should stop pushing the biased narrative that has helped in destroying the country.

I just pity you. Can you give one example of a politician in this generation who holds prominent office that is different?

Meat grinder.

I know say most of una no dey hear word. Una go still apply.

Naira is not gaining at the moment. USD is weakening.

Passionate888:
I remember that quote by El Rufai, where he talked about the Fulani's and revenge

Fulani fear pass anybody. Dem dey flex muscle because no serious reprisal.

There's a tribe in Plateau wey Fulani no dey touch. I don forget now. I think it's Kpansin people.

A woman was telling us how a Fulani cow was eating her crop. She talking to him. The Fulani was telling her, "I know you are not from Kpansin. So you cannot do anything".


You don't make a statement by crying when your enemies attack you. You make a statement, if they kill 10 people. You kill 100, burn their villages and their cows.

Theu will come again. And when they do, half of them are wiped out on their way to attack you. And you still go to their village to clean them up.


It gets to q point that they know, that the entire tribe, no matter where they are have singleness of purpose. If kill one here, your another person will attack you somewhere else. They lose more by attacking you. Dem go avoid you totally.

Redoil:
some people went for this free eye treatment and came out worse or blind. So be careful of anything free for nothing is truly free in life

Anybody wey dey read this your madness go think say you dey talk from fact. Hod go soon punish una one dey with fake news.

Thundafireseun:
One governor is building houses to compensate people for their services and sufferings

Another Governor is destroying the one’s people built with their sweat and suffering

Zulum is one of the most useless governors in Nigeria

officialfysh:
When criminals are caught, there’s no need hiding them from cameras. Let the world know how to be careful when around such individuals

It's a criminal offence in Lagos, for example to expose a suspect to the criminal.

Nobody is a criminal unless giving the opportunity of a fair hearing. That's the difference between a sane society from a kangaroo republic.

because if it turns out that he's innocent. That he was forced to talk all those things under duress, and the court declared him innocent, which we have seen a lot. Then you would have destroyed his image through the useless interview.

WizardOfNG:
What sort of comment is this? Must we always focus on what has gone wrong, or not done, in the past? Can't we embrace optimism and hope for the future considering this occasion itself is a joyous and positive one?

Na wa for some of you and the way you seem to let negativity define your thinking and talk 24/7.

The National theatre, a pride of Nigeria in the past, had been long neglected and ignored. It's restoration is a thing of joy and positivity and I wonder why you cannot see this and only able to comment negatively.

I hope you really understand him. Nigeria is a country full of useless promises.

In 1999 OBJ told us he was starting over. Jonathan, Buhari, Tinubu (not sure of Yaradua) all said the same trash.

Nigeria is a giant, never ending, poverty wallowing entity that usually take one step forward and 10 backward.

If you read the speech of all Nigeria presidents, what Tinubu said in Brazil few days ago was what all of them said. "insecurity is a thing of the past" or some variant of it.

The country reeks of poverty and hopelessness for the majority of the people.

NothingDoMe:
But he didn't display extremism when he became president. 🤔

You don't have to when you the president. You enable or disable certain things.

It's saying Because the current VP has not display such since in power, then he is not.

NothingDoMe:
Well Buhari was seen as a religious extremist because he spoke and behaved like one before he took over the helm of affairs of Nigeria.

So it is natural that they would gravitate towards him.

Buhari was a bloody extremist