₦airaland Forum

Udehpaschal1:
@op, are u indirectly referring to buhari?

and who is he? I stay in France you know

This is a lengthy but very funny and insightful article, it's also an apt satire portraying the hypocrisy of Nigeria politics and politicians... And I felt I should share

This is an exclusive never before seen comprehensive guide to running for President of Nigeria … it was firstly commissioned in 1999 and since then it has evolved into a powerful document. And for the first time ever … thanks to the awesome research team at ofilispeaks.com (even Eric Snowden could not enter this team) we have all 9 steps needed to run for President of Nigeria.

Step #1: Run But Don’t Run
Now before you can run for President of Nigeria, you first of all have to prove that you cannot run physically. Let me explain … if you can run a 100 meters dash in less than 20 seconds, then your Cholesterol is too low, your Pot-belly too small and you are probably too young to be President of Nigeria. Wait 4 more years … because Nigerians respect old age, if you can’t even run and have to move around in a wheelchair your chance of being President increases. Remember “run but don’t run.”

Step #2: Don’t Buy* A Nomination Form
Now that you have passed the first step … the next step is to buy the Presidential nomination form. Now this form is expensive, like 27.5 million Naira …but as a politician that is chicken change for you. But if you go and buy the form with cash Nigerians will think you are rich and there is nothing that Nigerians hate more than a rich politician. Nigerians want to know that their politicians are very poor, very very poor! So when it comes to nomination form … buy the form but with a loan.
After that, let Nigerians know how you struggled to get the loan … how you put your only house up as collateral and how broke you and your family are now. If you cannot get a loan, you can always get a set of poor organizations like the Cattle Breeders Union or the Market Women Association to come together to buy your nomination form for you. Nothing says “poor” better than hundreds of poor people coming together to buy a 27,000,000 Naira nomination form for you!

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http://i1.wp.com/ofilispeaks.com/wp-content/uploads/nominations.jpg
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Step #3: Create A Captivating Campaign Slogan
Now that you have your nomination form filled out and accepted by INEC the next step is to find something to campaign on. Don’t pick serious stuff like unemployment or jobs … who are you kidding! Not even Jesus can solve that shit.
Instead pick something that all Nigerians can relate to … like Rice … every Nigerian has to eat so sprinkle that rice seed all over the nation and watch as your votes grow. And if rice is too controversial, remember you can always run literarily on shit…

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http://i1.wp.com/ofilispeaks.com/wp-content/uploads/B33VbjXIUAEq76i.jpg
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Step #4: Whatever You Do Don’t Debate
If you want to be President of Nigeria…avoid all forms of debates. What! You want to expose the fact that you don’t know anything or expose your brutal army dictatorship background or even face the scrutiny of the lazy Nigerian media?
Please…Debates are for Oyinbo people … ndi obodo oyibo … don’t debate because debates are dangerous and they could reveal your evil past or incompetent present!

Step #5: Fake the Primaries
Women fake orgasms so their men feel good about their sexual prowess. Well as a Nigerian politicians you have to fake Primaries to make Nigerians feel good about their Democratic process.
So please by all means do the Primaries, smile in front of the cameras, make it seem like the results are unknown … but you know that is bullshit because there are really no Primaries, just Godfather’s.
So find your party Godfather andbuy get his blessing … then act through out the Primaries until the final vote is complete. As long as the correct Godfather is on your side you are guaranteed a victory. But remember to act surprised and shocked after the results are announced wink wink…

***
This is the limit I can share, please get the remain steps here >>
ofilispeaks.com/how-to-run-for-president-of-nigeria-in-9-easy-steps-pdp-apc/

sorry

luxanne:
If it aint crazy, then it aint u n nitlad Lol

Just clicked on his profile, bin a while he's bin on nl, let's just kip our fingers crossed ok.

I've sent him a mail tho.

ok, fingers crossed

N i kip asking, how old is this dude?

Does it help if I say I so don't knw a thing abt me Patna and now he's gone awol?

oh well, that's how crazy our love is

Luxanne, please helep me look for nitlad

Dem full choir now na, especially campus fellowships. And after choir prunes their voice and sharpen their skills, they leave to go make money.

Good for them, maybe being a gospel singer isnt really their calling because check it, we have enough in the gospel business doing good.

Tashamania:
Checked ..

All the best

well, did u see my project?

Big blow again. I missed the experience, after all my planning

I figured when i checked their site some weeks ago. Too bad I'm not gonna be going. Make sure you bring highlights and snap a lotta pictures.

But wait oh, is Tiwa a gospel singer? What are you guys expecting? Its show biz na, plus its her choosen style.

You people should free her for me jare

Really can't wait to be done!

Aww...this so romantic!
I didn't know guys go through all this just to woo a lady, and here i was thinking it was like slicing a knife through butter

Zane2point4:
Abeg lemme hear word, are you real?your type also wears bum pad and push up bra, I hate it when girls call nicki "fake"while knowing that all of them ain't real, na jux jealousy the worry all of una.

I'm very real na, or you wanna feel?

Dark horse by Katy Perry deserve the award, whenever I hear that song, I just....

Casting Crowns! So happy for them. Buh they are gospel and not inspirational singers

Iggy...well I'm indifferent about her award, but its better her than Nicki, that girl makes me wanna puke with all her fakeness and nudity

Beyonce again? Well happy for her, she's just everywhere. BET and now AMA, she's just a natural.

Sam smith...I'm liking that dude, he reminds me of John Legend sometimes.

Frozen...deserved the Soundtrack awards. Totally like the cartoon.

Pharell should not feel bad, he won big at the BET awards. Evry day not xmas.

Who or what is One direction? Americans can be cray sometimes.

But its all good, I'm cool with the outcomes.