₦airaland Forum

hispinkolo: @bafm,

@ Purecotton
Once upon a time a girl I know fell in love with a guy but she didn't live in Nigeria.The guy was deep into his job back in Nigeria and progressing oo.The girl suggested for him to relocate to another country and was met with stiff resistance.Then she started a campaign to try and convince him,she even went to the extent of sending his cv and eventually got him a sponsor for his visa.Family kicked hard against it,labelled the girl wicked,life snuffer,they said the guy won't do well,people abroad are suffering,people abroad are gnashing teeth etc

The guy eventually moved.First year was so tough,at times they cried and wondered if they'd made a mistake.after a while things started looking up and today stable job,nice house,basically having a good life. The same people that were abusing the girl are the ones claiming that it was Gods plan for the guy to be abroad bla bla and lining up for vacation in their home.

I understand why you feel bitter and angry cos he's not appreciative.Perhaps he compares your success to his and feels emasculated and that's why his family is insisting you return to Nigeria. I'm sure you are wise enough to make a decision that's best for you.
You have to find out what is scaring your man?Whats holding him back? Why is he so reluctant?You both are now married and all hands should be on deck to better the family.No space for pride here.Why is he dodging interviews?Does he have any concrete reasons?Find out what the naysayers are filling his head with and counter it with objective reasons.
I cannot advice you to leave your job and go into abyss without anything to fall back on.Before you move,please get a job oo!
If he's scared of being jobless if he relocates,he should start applying for jobs from Nigeria,take a month off and do internship to beef up his cv,spend a bit of time exploring the lifestyle etc.He may like it.
Or does he feel a woman abroad with a good job will be acting tough cos of the laws in place?As per fear that he won't be able to exert control over you?
It takes a man who is very secure and comfortable with his life to be proud of his wife and her achievements especially when she's earning way above him.Some people tend to believe that if a woman earns more,it means she's wearing the pants in the Home and won't be submissive naija style.
So you really need to know what's up and start tackling one by one. Don't forget to let him be the man and handle his responsibilities no matter how small,so that you don't fall into a trap and start funding his lifestyle. If he gets used to it,you will be finished and It will only fuel resentment in you and cause you to disrespect him.

Letting go of grudges normally happens when you both talk and he realises his mistakes,says sorry and starts behaving better.If that is not an option,you have to look to Jesu,the author and finisher of your faith ..otherwise,you will have wrinkles from frustration and anger.Please,make sure you voice your pain out to him and make sure he understands that cutting you down Infront of people only makes him look bad.you both are a team and are supposed to build each other up.
Your marriage is too young for you both to be apart..

This is time to bond and enjoy the butterflies,time to knack akpako on floor oo,table,hanging from barbed wire,inside bar beach . Time to learn each other well and draw boundaries..early years are so important.
Long distance sucks,no need to give room to devil.At least regular visits to hold body and soul together till you're both sorted.

Man shall not live by Vaseline alone.......

Thank you dear

Rhinoowhor2014: @Purecotton.and Sekena.Pls How much is d Makari serum and cream sold in Nigeria ,I realy need it urgently.and how can I get it online? Since fake is everywhere can I place an order?.Tanx

I buy mine directly from www.makari.com and they deliver to me using dhl. Their products ain't cheap but they work. I battled with severe acne shortly before my wedding and I was told to use makari by a friend and the results were amazing.

I think there's an official makari distributor in nigeria. Please google it. I remember seeing an advert they placed on lindaikeji

Get makari body beautifying milk.

Get the skin repairing serum.

For sunscreen, I suggest neutrogena. In the morning, You scrub your face with the soap gently, leave it for 10mins, rinse, apply the sunscreen first, then apply the body milk. In the evening, do the same but apply the serum instead. If you want quick action, apply both the milk and the serum.

This method worked so well for me that after 2 wks, I saw amazing results.

Now I use the makari products just one a week or once in two weeks to maintain my skin. Or I mix it with jergens lotion and apply it daily.

Sekinatr. It's makari exfoliating bar soap.

Make sure you get the original. You can get it at alhaja's shop at illupeju or top makeup store. There's lots of fake about even in the US.

I buy mine directly from makari

Get makari soap, serum and beautifying milk and use all three.

Use the serum and the soap twice a day. Aldo use sunscreen/sunblock. SPF 60 minimum. You will light in 2 weeks guaranteed !

Stop once you achieve your desired skin tone and just focus on maintaining your skin. You can do this by using sunblock everyday and using makari once a week or once in two weeks.

hispinkolo: Purecotton&toyescole& anyother new poster,
Hello and welcome!!
I go soon write encouraging epistles for you(better run OOO).

People,look into their mata and say sontin abegggg..it's just one or 2 people that have answered?

@Godmystrength
Post pic and give us inspiration naaaaaaaa

@aisha2
When temper is cool come back..there's something I want to show you..but after you're not angry?

Ok o. Looking forward to your epistle.

Wendy80: Omo ds ur inlaws na destiny killers oh ur hubby seems d difficult type, if u must relocate PLS get a job u are coming to. I know jobs ain't easy in Naija. If his salary can't sustain him how much more u then thnk of when d kids starts coming. Most friends I know who married Yankee based wives gladly relocated.

Hmmmm Serious destiny killers but my God pass them.

bafm: Evening evrybody,pls a̶̲̥̅♏ confuse n ℓ̊ dnt knw who τ̅☺ talk τ̅☺,my mum which was my only friend died dis year s̶̲̥̅ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡º°˚˚°ºooº°˚˚°ºo a̶̲̥̅♏ all alone,pls ℓ̊ need ÿu̶̲̥̅̊я̩̥̊ advice on something,early today ℓ̊ receive a strange sms dt my hubby is cheating on м̣̣̥̇̊ƺ ,whn ℓ̊ saw d txt my hrt fell inside my tommy,ℓ̊ was sweating seriously cos dis is d first tym ℓ̊'ll be seeing such sms n d lady mentioned his name,ℓ̊ left d church,went straight τ̅☺ d house n showed him d sms. He said,it a lie dt he's nt cheating on м̣̣̥̇̊ƺ..pls my mind isn't settled at all..ℓ̊ dnt knw wat τ̅☺ do..

Hmmm. An old friend of mine was once in the same situation.

She got an anonymous text informing her that her husband was cheating on her and that he recently had a child with the lady. The anonymous informant said he/she had to tell her friend as she couldn't stand the way the husband was fooling my friend and acting like he was the best hubby in the world in public.

Anyway, the text turned out to be very, very , very true.

So I would advice you keep an eye on your husband. Someone that knows both of you must have sent you that text.

deltateam: My sister it is o. Bible even said he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtains favour from God. I have been toiling over the years so its not a matter of time but favour and grace.

Like I said I was led to do this and I believe it will break that marital barrier to my marriage and launch me into a new realm of abundance and marital success. Even 1 month is too much a time for God to transform a man not to say 1 year.

This will surely work for me. Just do your part.

I totally relate with you on this.

My husband too struggled to get a breakthrough career wise. He took a step of faith and decided we do our family introduction. Barely 48hours to the event he got a job in the field he's been seeking.

Although the pay isn't great but it's was far better than staying at home earning nothing.

I agree. Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from The Lord.

pickabeau1: Hmm...
Someone has to take some time off and in sufficient time...

Even if it is to have conception

You can continue to talk to him,

Does he need to do any special exams to work in your location

Doea he have any issue with you being unsupportive or prideful?

Can you help with job searches.. Concrete steps

I know of people who left their jobs and moved abroad but things did not work out and they were left hanging.

I'm super supportive.

He once accused me of being proud but he later apologised.

Throughout our courting days, I helped rigoursly with job hunting but then he would decline interview invites for flimsy reasons. It was all so emotionally draining and the whole experience left me scarred and I'm not keen to go through that whole experience again.

He doesn't need any special exams. My husband is well educated.

Emioga: @mamateniola1 i lol when i read ur post bt hope u have apologised to ur hubby and i think it is better to explain what happened and hw u were feeling then.GOD will answer ur prayer too@oluwabukonla i rushed to put u in check abt name calling bt i saw pickabeau and temi4fash had done so i later saw ur apology so no hard feelings@purecotton do you feel secure in this relationship?(nt financial security o)as for me i dey my house with my ''neighbours'' minding my own bizness.PS:is their a thread for places where one can get baby clothes(sorry for going off topic my ogas @ d top)lool

Yes, I feel secure.

Although there's so much influence from his family as they want me to relocate without a job waiting for me and then manage my husbands very small salary.

His salary is so small that it can't even pay for a return ticket to see me.

ayaomoade: Is there any reason you can't relocate to join him? Are you both based in Nigeria or outside of Nigeria?

I'm abroad whilst he is in nigeria

pickabeau1: Strange... Those I know who don't move mostly have good jobs


Do you have kids

Does your company allow study leave or some form of sabbatical

Have u been seeking for jobs on the other side

What is his concern for not wanting to move.

Let's take it from there

No kids.
No. I'm not allowed sabbatical leave.
I have tried getting another job but jobs are so hard to get in nigeria.

It took him a long long time to get this job so he's worried if he resigns, he would becone jobless.
I have told him to try and get a job at my location but he's not keen/interested.

I need advice on how to handle a long distance marriage I keep hearing stories of men cheating or women losing their homes to some random lady, etc but what can I do when my husband refuses to relocate and insists on holding on to his job that cannot even sustain him.

Greenfield. What's your take on makari products and likas papaya soap

I have just come across this interesting thread and I thought I share my story.

I made this post on another thread but didn't get any comfort, support, advice or admonishments.

I'm facing the situation where I'm earning more than my husband.

I have always had a stable job and earned more than my husband even before we started dating. About two years before our marriage, God blessed me with another fantastic job.

When I landed the plum job, he didn't want me to take it and he wanted me to relocate but I refused and stood my grounds. I was really hurt then because the only reason I could think to explain why he would want me to turn down a dream job was jealousy. That job that he wanted me to turn down has turned out to be a source of blessing to him as I have helped him in more ways than one. Although he later apologised about his attitude.

He's not proud of my achievements, doesn't support me, doesn't ask after my career progression and he is always quick to talk down on my job when he's discussing with his friends and family. He keeps saying that "I'm just lucky" to have gotten the job. This hurts me so much because I have worked hard and really excelled at my job and worked really hard to keep it. I spoke to him about it, initially he denied it and claimed he supports me and he later apologised.

He didn't have a car and when I couldn't bear the embarrassment on him, I bought a top of the range car for him with all the documents in his name even before we got married. So many things I have done for him all to the Glory of God.

He took him about 3 years to get a job. On numerous occasions, he turned down jobs for mundane reasons. This led to so much arguments between us but I still remained with him and I supported him. He finally got a job few months to our wedding but his salary isn't much and can barely sustain him. The sad part is that both him and his family have refused to come to terms with his financial situation. They wanted me to resign from my job (again) before we officially got married and relocate to be in the state where he was and this caused so much fight because I kept asking how we were going to survive if I made such a move without a new source of income. I stood my grounds again and refused that I wasn't going nowhere. It seems they would rather see us live hand to mouth to prove a point that he's the 'breadwinner'. Today, I'm happy I didn't make the move because if I did, I don't know how we would have survived. My husband and I live a very comfortable life. . . . and I keep wondering why anyone would want to trade comfort for poverty/hardship.

I feel he is jealous and so is his family and it really hurts me. A man should see his wife as a pillar of support and a channel of a God's blessings in his life and not someone he should compete with or feel threatened by.

With all these, I still love my husband, I support him, I encourage him to succeed and I keep praying for him.

Sometimes I think the reason why things haven't picked up for him is as a result of his attitude. Maybe if he was more appreciative, proud, thankful and supportive of God's blessing (me), God would have also reciprocated and blessed him even more than he has blessed me.

This whole situation has turned me into a very angry, abusive, unhappy and bitter woman as I feel I hold so much grudges against my husband and I really need help to let them go.

Lightening: Your wife can earn much more without any qualms on the relationship. In most cases, what causes the resentment men interprete as arrogant is if the man is not doing his best or outrightly lazy, ( which is increasingly the order of the days), while she inturn slaves to earn the money used to support the man.

Respect comes naturally from your exploits. God commanded women to respect their husbands because He expects that men be hardworking like Him, their creator.

No reasonable woman would be convinced that her husband is doing his best ( even without so much to show for it) without opening her treasury to support him totally.

So Men, let's wake up!

God bless you real good for this. Amen.

This is exactly what I'm facing.

I have always had a stable job and earned more than my husband even before we got married. About two years before our marriage, God blessed me with another fantastic job.

When I landed the plum job, he didn't want me to take it and he wanted me to relocate but I refused and stood my grounds. I was really hurt then because the only reason I could think to explain why he would want me to turn down a dream job was jealousy. That job that he wanted me to turn down has turned out to be a source of blessing to him as I have helped him in more ways than one. Although he later apologised about his attitude.

He's not proud of my achievements, doesn't support me, doesn't ask after my career progression and he is always quick to talk down on my job when he's discussing with his friends and family. He keeps saying that "I'm just lucky" to have gotten the job. This hurts me so much because I have worked hard and really excelled at my job and worked really hard to keep it. I spoke to him about it, initially he denied it and claimed he supports me and he later apologised.

He didn't have a car and when I couldn't bear the embarrassment on him, I bought a top of the range car for him with all the documents in his name even before we got married. So many things I have done for him all to the Glory of God.

He works but his salary isn't much and can barely sustain him. The sad part is that both him and his family have refused to come to terms with his financial situation. They wanted me to resign from my job (again) before we officially got married and relocate to be in the state where he was and this caused so much fight because I kept asking how we were going to survive if I made such a move without a new source of income. I stood my grounds again and refused that I wasn't going nowhere. It seems they would rather see us live hand to mouth to prove a point that he's the 'breadwinner'. Today, I'm happy I didn't make the move because if I did, I don't know how we would have survived. My husband and I live a very comfortable life. . . . and I keep wondering why anyone would want to trade comfort for poverty/hardship.

I feel he is jealous and so is his family and it really hurts me. A man should see his wife as a pillar of support and a channel of a God's blessings in his life and not someone he should compete with or feel threatened by.

With all these, I still love my husband, I support him, I encourage him to succeed and I keep praying for him.

Sometimes I think the reason why things haven't picked up for him is as a result of his attitude. Maybe if he was more appreciative, proud, thankful and supportive of God's blessing (me), God would have also reciprocated and blessed him even more than he has blessed me.