₦airaland Forum

can some1 in the house jist me abt what happened yesternight.

hi guys
kind of not new wit the soap but can any1 tell me the site to go to in other read the whole story there

u luk great 2
great dentation
nice smiles

saw urs bt was kind of
is that u

accepted that was my mistake



thanks 4 telln me abt my profile

sikira is the daughter of the king&rasaki is the guy
cnt use u head to figure it out

we use our sense to make our cash

do u av to send vtu
alrite
34180962
am waitn

I MISS YOU
SEND MY 100NAIRA FAST
OR ELSE

Once upon a time….there was a king who was very wealthy. The king had a very beautiful daughter called FUNMI and the king wanted a husband for FUNMI; the husband would inherit half of the King’s Kingdom. The king then organised a carnival for all the eligible men to come and participate so the winner would be the FUNMI’s Husband…………………, The price to pay is for the man to swim through a pool (the pool was filled with Snakes, Alligators, Crocodiles and other dangerous reptiles) so anybody that can swim through the pool from one end to another would definitely be FUNMI’s husband…



…….After waiting for hours and nobody could even attempt to swim through the pool, the King wad disappointed and was about to call the carnival off when suddenly the crowd saw a man that ran through the pool with a speed of light and everybody started clapping and cheering the guy……………meanwhile, the guy was still panting and trying to catch his breadth while all the clapping was going on. The guards helped the man to where the king was seated and that was the first time the man could even gather enough breadth to talk and before the king could say anything……………The poor guy asked: “WHO PUSHED ME?”………….

A young Yoruba man walks into a bank in New York City
and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Lagos on a vacation, for two weeks, and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Yoruba man hands over the keys to a new brand BMW 6 series. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The yourba man produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the yoruba man, for using an $80,000 BMW as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the BMW into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the yoruba man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a successful business man. What puzzles us is,why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Yoruba man replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks, and pay only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" The bank employees watched as he pulls out of the garage, windows down and sunroof open. Juju music blasting from his car, as he pulled away.

guess those son are invisible

whao

Dear all,

On the 1st of July, I got a text from my fiancée telling me he was ending our 4/half years relationship. It was the most devastating piece of news I have ever gotten in my life. Well, many may say it is always the lady's fault when a relationship ends . Anyway, I wouldn’t want to load you with details. But subsequently, I met a guy who has been of help to me over the issue. he sent me the piece you are about to read, it brought a whole lot of relief and lessons. I hope you all would find it helpful too, now or in the future.

"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand
and said, I've got something to tell you.

She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking.

"I want a divorce!" I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
softly, "Why"?

I avoided her question.

This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!



That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping.

I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew.

I didn't love her anymore, I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had
spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt
sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take
back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.



Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her
cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to
sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful
day with Dew.


When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did
not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out
of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention
was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day,
we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding
mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the
bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't
tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I
put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I
drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest, I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to
me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy
was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to
carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday work-out made
me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me, , she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum
out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife
gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my
face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last
minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through
the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly
and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding
day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.

I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind, I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money in
the bank, blah, blah, blah. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that
build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you
just might save a marriage.



For those who are married, I intend to tell them via this piece that they can continue to have the best of time in their marriages (if they presently are).

For the others, well, it is certainly a piece to learn from.



PS: all comments on this piece and pieces of advice for the sender are welcomed. Just click reply.



Cheers.

>
>
>
>WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
>
>
>Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple
>creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans
>take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be
>President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a
>water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you
>the truth, The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another
>gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to
>stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
>Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never
>stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional
>well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister,
>or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
>
>Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
>tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all
>your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
>thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be
>your friend.
>
>Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more
>than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable
>to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original
>color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to
>shave your face and neck.
>
>You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big
>hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You
>can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with
>a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
>
>You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
>minutes.
>
>No wonder men are happier.
>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Please laugh it off - Very funny




STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me,

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : ", And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

do u mean husbands are 4 sale nw
that was a nice one bro,kip the flow of jist rolling

i feel so srry 4 the guy 4 all that has happened to him.but i think i was God's favour 4 him

dnt blame the man,u know say dem born am inside bush&also has a name called BUSH

that was a nice 1.lol

thats a nice one.oluwa o,it is a scary movie

guess the baby is a really monkey