₦airaland Forum

khalhokage:
We've been together for a while now, and I intended to marry her, but she has a flaw that i can't get past and she has to change.

She never apologizes, she finds it so difficult to say sorry for any wrongdoing, she will either try her hardest to defend it or start being emotionally manipulative, I have spoken and complained to her about it so much and I'm tired of talking about it because it now seems like I'm begging for an apology from someone that is supposed to care about how I feel.

It may seem like a small issue to some but I've thought about it, if she's like this now what will she be like during marriage?
At this point i think I should just end the relationship instead of going ahead to marrying someone with a flaw I know I can't live with.

What do you think?

oweniwe:
Don't marry a man that openly cheat. Or a man who sleeps with other girls, but says he has no feelings for them... Such guys don't listen to simple advice from their wives.

My gman was a womanizer and let me tell you... He would first spend a week with girlfriends in posh hotels and pay School fees for girlfriends before sending us feeding money in school. They will be spending on girls, hotels, drinks, travel money and other "flexing/enjoyment" stuffs... But if you advise him to buy small land, he will give 101 reasons why he cannot buy land now

I can never advise my sister to marry any man who openly womanize.. never. They don't know how to set up or invest in biz so if they lose job.... small time, they go broke

oweniwe:
The third guy doesn't sound irresponsible to me. To take care of a grandparent and to run a taxi are not beans. If he had a better job, I'll have recommended him....

Guy 1... I hate womanizers

Guy 2... Short guys can be very stubborn. Any small mistake the wife does, they will see it like you're disrespecting them and will start giving attitude until the wife has apologised thoroughly

Guy 3... He definitely can't abandone his grandmother cos of little quarrel with wife so he will always come back home. The experience of knowing how to take care of a woman is a plus

oweniwe:
The third guy doesn't sound irresponsible to me. To take care of a grandparent and to run a taxi are not beans. If he had a better job, I'll have recommended him....

Guy 1... I hate womanizers

Guy 2... Short guys can be very stubborn. Any small mistake the wife does, they will see it like you're disrespecting them and will start giving attitude until the wife has apologised thoroughly

Guy 3... He definitely can't abandone his grandmother cos of little quarrel with wife so he will always come back home. The experience of knowing how to take care of a woman is a plus

mrblessed:
You surely have a whole lot going through your mind at the moment. This is certainly not the best time to be a woman. As for your guys, you know them better, continue to carefully and consciously interrogate their characters. Good luck in your screening exercise.

light101:
Mehn! How do people know for sure a man that cheats and the one that does not. People are very funny sha. My dear, I told you earlier that there is no perfect man. You just have to go with the one u believe his short comings u can live with.

edoman2016:
What took you so long at 33 years before thinking of marriage? What happened to your past relationships?

light101:
Among these three guys, if you don't have any other options and you have to pick one, which of them will you consider?

generationz:
please don't have sex with any of them like that lady advice's you to. As long as you refuse to you have to power

generationz:
you know sometimes we don't really end up doing the things we say we will do when angry. The reason is the circumstances at the time these things happen might not warrant such reaction from us.

generationz:
are you melancholic?

jesmond3945:
I wouldn't know, you have to find a way to manage them or probably you stay single but if it is cheating a man has a high propensity to cheat.

eniolorunfe:
You cannot manage a man that cheats!
If you're not okay with one, quickly take a walk. There are men that don't cheat!!! Though they may be few, that doesn't mean you can't have one of them.

The earlier you decide what you want and who /what you can live with the better. You don't have to choose from these guys. Let them go and start socialising more so, you can have more options and a larger pool to choose from.

Be true to yourself and don't settle for less!

jesmond3945:
Op do you want to marry? If you say yes then you have to be real. No man i repeat no man can withstand the temptation of cheating. It might not be now but one day he would give in when you consider the billions of olosho littered all over the place. So remove that factor from your mind. If your man cheats find a way and manage the situation if he doesnt then you are lucky. Fron your narrative you have already made up your mind but you are scared of what the future holds for you and the first oil man. You might be surprised he wont react the way you envisaged but just know that there is no man who would not jump into the arms of another woman especially if the cash is there.

Acidosis:
First, you need to learn to date only one man at a time. When you date or flirt with more than one man, you automatically begin to assume your partner does same with other girls.

Second, learn to trust your partners partner. At your current state, there's no way you can trust any one of the three guys, cos you don't trust yourself enough to settle for one.

Third, trust is not built in a day, it is earned over time. Hence, settle for one man, examine him whether he's trustworthy. If he's not, just quit immediately. Melancholy, owing to their nature, largely struggle with trust issues (not necessarily jealousy), so it isn't entirely your fault.

Don't give yourself heartache by going for a man you cannot trust. It will make your life very miserable. Unlike the sanguine females, most of whom are largely radical and untameable attention seeking flirts, the melancholy female is too reserved to allow any woman invade her territory, so be guided please. You cannot simply date just any man out there.

A responsible man you can trust is the number one factor you should look out for, rich or not. While the sanguine woman would warmly embrace a jaye jaye drug-money & flirtatious club resident, you cannot!!!

To overcome your insecurities, follow the man you can trust. Over time, you will overcome your insecurities. That is the only sustainable way.

Acidosis:
You're a melancholy, an over thinker, you imagine the unthinkable and make decisions based on assumed and sometimes ill-informed personal views. Not a bad thing though as it makes you a very detailed analyst with some iota of perfectionism.

That being said, you described yourself as a jealous person, so why bother asking them whether they will cheat on you or not? Does asking stops you from being jealous? Does knowing whether they will cheat helps you in anyway?
You have to realize that no amount of negative answers from your potential promiscuous partners can help you overcome your insecurities.

Besides, how can you even love and respect a man that tells you to your face that he would sleep outside of his home with a side chick perhaps, for 2 weeks if his wife offends him?

So dear, you ask too many questions, yet can't even decide on who to marry. Do you now understand how you complicate things for yourself? Since your many inquires cannot inform your choice, just quit asking too many insecurity-informed questions and follow your heart.

I don't have any recommendations as women generally follow their hearts at the end of it all. Once a woman's heart settles for a playboy or a drug peddling alhaji masquerading as an oil worker, no amount of good guys can change una hearts. So please follow your heart and be prepared to defend or withstand the consequences of your actions, whether good or bad.

light101:
Kai this lady, u made me laugh out real hard this early morning. See the way u describe I think the third guy, tiny, short etc . One lives with grandma and u will be sharing the pot of soup with the granny after the wedding. One is only the mum that can 'soften' his heart when there is issue.

Ur situation is very funny, having three guys and at the same time, all the three are not okay. Maybe u should drop this set and pick another set just to examine them.

It is well with you. If I may ask; how old are you? To be sincere with you, there is no perfect man even if u meet one tomorrow that he appears to be perfect, u will still discover that he is not as perfect as u thought.

You just have to pick one, if it all works out well, thank God, if not, still thank God and keep going.

lefulefu:
from her writeup e don already dey obvious her mind dey on the first guy wey dey work for oil company.it doesnt matter if na womaniser.better to cry in a limo car than to be smiling in a hut.abi no be so babes dey talk am?

sacx:
Hmm sister, your village people are after you

KanwuliaExtra:
They all have issues.

If you must, just flip a coin and get it over with.

You have not slept with any, so you do not have a real relationship with any of them.

tenmariner:
Are u planning on causing a deliberate misunderstanding in the marriage? Cos ur test seems centered at their reaction if it happens. More like anticipating an ECOMOG war in ur marriage!

Realife4u:
According to Dane Spot - Our mind is powerful. What we think determine our feeling. What we feel determine our believe and our believe shapes our reality. -Dane spot.

Steps to overcoming your challenge.

Step 1. Return everything he gave you back. You can not be feeding from the table of God and the demon.

Step 2.

Believe that what happened in the past when you were with him is past because you are no more with him. When you change your mindset and you believe in You experience real Joy in your life.

Step 3. All religion encourage their follower's to pray because prayer is the key. As often times as you remember during the day and night and midnight, pray. Whatever it is that is bothering you, tell it to God in prayer. Discuss with God like you would a friend, specify in your prayers what you want God to do for you and believe in him 100 percent to grant your request.

Realife4u:
Our mind is powerful. What we think determine our feeling. What we feel determine our believe and our believe shapes our reality. -Dane spot.

Steps to overcoming your challenge.

Step 1. Return everything he gave you back. You can not be feeding from the table of God and the demon.

Step 2. Believe that what happened in the past when you were with him is past because you are no more with him. When you change your mindset and you believe in You experience real Joy in your life.

Step 3. All religion encourage their follower's to pray because prayer is the key. As often times as you remember during the day and night and midnight, pray. Whatever it is that is bothering you, tell it to God in prayer. Discuss with God like you would a friend, specify in your prayers what you want God to do for you and believe in him 100 percent to grant your request.