₦airaland Forum

jemype:
5 yrs. is a real long tym tho naa.any lady would b traumatized

andromida:
Awwww i get it but the way i see it there is no unfinished business he chose his wife for whatever reason don't try to analyze him or know the why of what. Just stay with what is real he chose her. Why do you need to be hurt again before you can move on? Nothing stops you from crawling from the pain if you can't walk away from it. You can be gentle with yourself as you crawl away there is no one to impress except yourself. The unfinished business is just a feeling.

But if the only way you can free yourself is one last conversation then do it but just remember your comfort zone seems to be pain and sadness calling him so he can tell you its over is going back to pain not moving away from it. I hope you find courage to move away from it.

harsysky:
I wish you the best soonest,Rhed, and I don't care how God does it.

harsysky:
you're in a world that's synonymous with risk. Believe me you could be cheated again and again and again, but you know what, it makes you a very strong lady, one who has come to realize that risk- taking is the sole thing that differentiates every being.

Don't be afraid of being heartbroken. Ask people on here how many times they've been heartbroken and you would realise the ones who have been more than thrice are stronger than those who are just once, heartbroken. I forgot to mention ,too, that some are mentally stronger than others. You're mentally stronger now believe it or leave it. It's not easy to come on here (Nairaland) to narrate this story of yours; it shows you're a strong lady.

I believe men still approach you now , give them a chance. I trust you know my giving them a chance isn't the same as sLeeping with them. Don't be afraid, the system we are all in hates people who are afraid ,and doesn't hesitate snuffing them. It's Well!

idu1:
rhed, let me marry you

Nubian113:
The one relationship you need to nurture is the relationship you have with yourself... It's not closure you seek in contacting him, it's pleasure because your comfort zone is pain.

Through counseling I've learnt that the brain is just a machine that works on repetition and recognition and our sub conscious mind feeds this machine. If our sub conscious mind harbours pain such as fear ( in ur case a huge fear of abandonment) it tries to protect us by locking us in so as to speak. Then the brain goes into repetition mode and I think that's where you've been stuck.

What I'm saying is quit using this man as a distraction from spending time in your own skin and use this energy your wasting on him to better understand your needs. Rekindle a loving relationship with yourself because loving yourself unconditionally will automatically put you off anyone who doesn't have your best interests at heart.

You said your last attempt at a relationship was a lookalike of him, well once you start to forgive, nourish and love yourself, trust me he will be the yardstick by which you will judge men you don't want in your life. Instead of looking for another him you'll run screaming from his type because you'll have zero tolerance for pain.

Make 2016 Your year of self preservation and self care. Then good men will radiate towards you.

margarita:
Hello people, just came across this site and thot you guys might be able to help me. My ex boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago. He actually said we should break up and even though i understood where he was coming from(we had drifted apart), i was very hurt. Recently, just when i thought i was getting over him, i've started thinking about him alot. I really do miss him. We don't live in the same town and yesterday i came up with a plan. I would outlinethe plan below but i need u guys to tell me whether i should carry out the plan. Or maybe some of u(esp guys) can tell me what to do. Thanks.

Plan: Go to his town, he'll know am coming but he won't know its just to see him. Tell him how i feel but stop short of asking him that we should get back together. Tell him i don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me but i felt the need to let him know how i feel. Then tell him i came from my town to tell him that and pack my load and leave. What do you guys think? Should i tell him or keep it to myself?

For the guys: What would you think if an ex told you how she felt?

Thanks for your help.

harsysky:
I couldn't just get past this tHread without dropping one or two comments. I don't know exactly how you feel, rhed, eventhough some of us here have been heartbroken at one stage in our lives, we didn't spend upto the number years you'd stayed with the guy.

One thing the world has taught me is that I shouldn't mind the time I've wasted; it's just irrelevant! I owe myself every happiness there is in this world , and the moment I neglect that very duty to my humble self, I suffer for it.

Secondly, there is nothing like love. I have seen people who loved each other at first sight ,and thought they were meant to be forever, but to no avail. I would reiterate, " there is nothing like love." I am gonna explain it. When I say there is nothing like love, what I simply mean is that "love is an entity". It is always there staring at us ,because it's a seed. if one says " this is my love at first sight" there is actually no love, it's attraction. We often mistaken attraction for love and vice versa. Love is built; it is fed. that's why you can't just meet a girl or a guy and siMply say I don't love him or her when there is no chance given.

I pray and hope you become happier again , rhed. it's possible, nothing is impossible as far as I'm concerned. God's ur strength.

andromida:
Dear rhed you are on a long thing i say this with the kindest thoughts to you.

Why listen to Adele? to remind yourself of something you think you lost? You want to stay stuck or move on? The Adele sung is about you staying stuck a song about pining, yearning for lost love , it reeks of despair. Is this how you want to continue being?

You don't need closure, you don't need your ex to anoint you and say you can now move on. lol
You don't need pep talks from him, you don't need validation that it should have been you the truth is you don't need him that is why he is gone to be with another woman. You need to be on your own side, you need to pep talk yourself. Sweet talk yourself.

The wonderful soul rocking news is you can save yourself. You don't even have a choice you have to save yourself! so for starters as much as Adele resonates with your pain you want to drop that. Yes drop the pain you are holding on to it so tight its become your comfort zone now you even kind of love it, it moves you. Lol

Get a song that speaks of hope, of happy love good things that are swimming somewhere in your soul but you are so scared to let out because you are afraid to hope and fail again but so what if you fail? who cares yes you care but you just do something else you smile to yourself, you smile at another dude he says hi you say hello like that and like that.

Dear rhed life is not this complicated there are a lot of good men out there but you need to exercise your freewill and your super power - choice exercise it and look up to what you can have not what was once and is no more. You will probably feel resistant to the idea of hope and getting out of stuck its human just don't back down, don't run back to the painful, uncomfortable comfort zone.

And yes sometimes life hurts, relationships bring out hurts it does not mean you stop engaging it means you grow up learn from the old relationship and create something beautiful for yourself. Enough of Adele please

Youngpo413:
start with Adele's latest song "HELLO" then thank me later.

KimBerlyie:
Lol awwww u welcome, don't mind me I can be blunt at times
But seriously don't let anybody think u re ain't worth anything OK? There is this saying ' if u love somebody, u let him/her go but if they re urs, they come back to u' that ex of urs wasnt urs to be with. You need to get out there nd be happy, just don't stalk him again, leave his pics, don't chat him up or anything. I will be waiting for d iv, I need to goan learn how to tie d perfect gele

Oliviaarims:
U've got to resurrect from it if don't want to wallow in self pity for the rest of ur life. Take ur own advice and enjoy the remaining part of ur life. We never know when we're going to die, u know. Pray often.... Go 4 therapy if u must.

Oliviaarims:
Fear is such a terrible limitation. If u keep holding back, because u're scared of being hurt, u'd end up regretting ur decision for the rest of ur life. By then, what u'd be saying is "Just if I had tried again." Don't allow such trivial fears take the juice out of ur life.

Falling in love and being loved back is such a wonderful feeling and it's totally worth the try. Even if u get hurt again, u'd be consoled by the fact that at least, u did what u could.

Youngpo413:
phobia? 18 yrs is a long time mon ami,its a long time to let go.

Youngpo413:
"give love a chance and you will never regret it"

Oma307:
I will suggest spiritual cleansing for this kind of situation

Oliviaarims:
Hmm.. 18yrs! No matter how young u started dating this guy- I'm assuming 17,age isn't on ur side. Pls, make a more conscious effort to put everything behind u and be new you. Allow this new year give u the opportunity to make a fresh start. U've mourned too much over a dead and buried relationship. It's never going to resurrect.

Open up ur heart nd soul to love again. Ur ex shouldn't be ur standard anymore. It may be difficult, but u've got to try. Good luck!

pinceprinz:
WoW!

Well miss, There isn't much to do now than to forgive yourself and him and simply be somebody else's . There isn't much left for you to do than actually move out more often so you can see enough reason to move on. ... Attending shows and adult oriented night outs might increase your chances of meeting a single Dad within your age bracket or maybe someone slightly older . Fact is younger guys esp those of this side of the world don't really know much about Love outside sex and romance. Attending to a mate's quintessential whims and quips isn't an art we master well at tender ages - it develop s with age (experience) ; why I'm urging you to roll with older guys.

However, If you know you're in need of the hot romance, you gotta throw your shy rapper away and get back young really. Start attending night bashes; Quilox , Las Vegas (no advert intended) etal are places you could frequent. Hope you've not lost all your charms over the years af weariness already? You'll need it. Who knows, you might be lucky to meet a clean cut ginger who's already tired of these young hoes that ain't loyal lol and is ready for a romp with a representative from older generation who'd remain Loyal forever just like it would a been in the movie ' The gods are not still to blame' ... Who knows?

KimBerlyie:
Hmmm just start listening to Adele songs everyday nd night. You can start with

'Someone like u' : I heard that u, settled down, that u found a girl and you re married now '
Never mind, I will find someone like you


Or 'Hello'

They said the time was supposed to heal you, but ain't done much healing, hello! I came to ur wedding, to see if things will ever get better but it's not.
Hello from the other side, I always stare at ur display pictures to check if u re look better without me by ur side but I know I can't stop living without thinking of u


Hey sis!! U need to move on mehn, don't u av friends or family or work? Just get busy with something nd try not to hold back again. Stop stalking d poor man nd move on, he doesn't care abt u.

Wow 18 yrs!!!! first love can never be forgotten , I pray u move on and stop thinking of him . M sure age is not by ur side just let another man sweep u off ur feet jare nd send us ur wedding iv nd send it to ur ex also


Laveda big head!!! Come nd advice this sister!

panachuku:
[right][/right] best u kill ur self. Waste

EZEIGBO1OFIMO:
I understand the feeling , but you know trying never hurts, besides you'd be meeting new people not your old friends. Here's a simple trick I overheard from a psychologist. Every morning, when you wake up, look in the mirror and make your self a promise to be happy, get a semi permanent marker, and write the same thing on probably your palm. Dont just stop at making this promise, endeavour to revel yourself in enjoyment, eat healthy, travel to new places to explore, get your life back. Happy sunday.

EZEIGBO1OFIMO:
I understand the feeling , but you know trying never hurts, besides you'd be meeting new people not your old friends. Here's a simple trick I overheard from a psychologist. Every morning, when you wake up, look in the mirror and make your self a promise to be happy, get a semi permanent marker, and write the same thing on probably your palm. Dont just stop at making this promise, endeavour to revel yourself in enjoyment, eat healthy, travel to new places to explore, get your life back. Happy sunday.

STILESGANG:
18 years or 18 months

stillchris:
na your type i dey pray to be single till 80. na only that kind situation fit clear your eye.

EZEIGBO1OFIMO:
I think you've had a pretty much good, stress free life, and couldn't bear this heart break. From your reply, I think you're not too much of a social person, so your ex has become a basis for accessing individuals you meet. Again I'll advice you to meet as many people as possible and make friends with them, get to know the views of others from a social standpoint, do some volunteer work that gets you in contact with people of all ages and wealth; little by little, you'll begin to develop your own social values and views. While this will not guarantee that you will totally forget your ex, it will help you see him not as an eye lens for viewing the world but a certain piece in the picture of your past, which he is. Happy sunday.

EZEIGBO1OFIMO:
Do you have a Job or a hobby?, do you ponder over other good things about your life?, are you grateful for being alive?. Sometimes shiit happens, relationships go sour, people die, fal out love; but these things do not stop the sun from rising, the earth will still spin round the sun, the rains would still come, and the flowers will blossom on the morning dew. Stop sulking; first go spiritual, if you're a christian, pick up your bible, watch uplifting vidoes online, call the counseling unit of a church, pray about it. Get out in the scene, take yourself out on a good treat, go to the movies, kick the sands barefooted at the beach, enjoy life like you've never known it. remember "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."