₦airaland Forum

HomoDroid:
The OP has provided a good opportunity for us to treat a matter of great public concern in Nigeria -RAPE!

I make bold to state that the GF must have experienced the most excruciating form of rape, and possibly been involuntarily initiated into the cult.

The Suggested remedies:
BF should gain the full confidence of GF enough to make her admit the truth - he could try by divulging his deepest secrets to her enough to give her confidence to reciprocate. He could also take steps to assure her he intends to spend the rest of his life her, up to possibly exchanging marital vows or formal engagement or introduction.
Next he should make her understand she is a tripartite being with Body, Soul and Spirit; let her appreciate the relative value, capacity and limits of each part of her. Then let her know the extent of damage and the healing process for the body and soul that has been violated/wounded.
He should help her appreciate the global growing nature of this problem of rape such that she should seize from self condemnation and instead grab the opportunity to gain strength and become a source of inspiration to other in her predicament.
They should both seek spiritual guidance and assistance to deliver the SOUL from the cage of rape and move forward together.
If necessary, he should sacrifice a lot of his time to be closer to her.
If she admits the rape and can identify some of the cultist, she should consider leaving their vicinity to prevent a feeling of helplessness.

I sympathize with your plight and wish you both a stronger union.

thank you

Vikky014:
hmmmm she is stubborn smehw. r u very sure she was nt raped

I took are words to be true.

coolneger:
.

Are u on twitter? go follow @LekeAlder, or his website where such case are treated visit jacknjilive.com/therapy where u can book for free therapy, counselling,and it's confidential they have couple of certified psychologist trained in such cases.

Am sure that will help.Abt d cultist,she can involv d sch authorities.Above all keep her in ur prayers,God can heal and break any blood covenant they might have made by licking her blood.Wishing u guys d very best.#AllizWell.Cheers

thàñk you

Nomandsland:
I am really sorry 4 ur gf .. may Allah give her peace and heal her soul! Ameen ...
Tell us, where are her parents, do they know what happend? Does she have sisters around while ur far away? ...
I mean as i understood she is facing those guys everyday at school not? How can she go over it??

I really pray for her ...

she narrated the ordeal to her parents. her father threatened to report to the school authority for measures to be taken ágainst those boys. But she is afraid of being killed herself. her father hasn't done anything since then. Yes, cultists are disturbing her.

Vikky014:
This is quite disturbing... hw can sme1 threaten to bed a girl and she will keep mute bc they r cultist if am the one i must report to the sch authority with evidence of the threat. besides tell her not to b moving alone at nights in sch. if she is nt in sch hostel she shld try and enter sch hostel

I have drummed that into her ears. even before that incident where those guys molested her, My spirit was troubled to call her that night, i picked my phone and called her around 9.pm. I asked where she was, she told me at a friend's place. then I told her to start going home. It was some minutes pass 9 that it happened on her way home.
cultism is so rife in her school. cultists are disturbing her. she always warn me not to come see her in school in order not to endanger my life, and that the cultists could kill me.

greggng:
There is a lady that anchors a show called labi show on tvc late night fridays I will search for her email and u can write her she always bring psycologist on her programs. She will help

thank you. ilook forward to hearing from you.

MRBrownJ:
and you are still here wasting time on NL, instead of making sure she never return to this evil place?!

she is in her finals.. She should be through soon

dahmie2013:
Na wa o Op! Sumone went thru all dat, instead of u 2 try&help her thru these difficult times, u're busy worried abt how cant kiss or touch her.
All this generatn thinks abt is sex. Its a pity.

bro, is my seeking advice on how to go about it not an attempt to help her? thank you.

YourMain:
Ehm no don't. Be annoyingly close to her. Right now all she thinks of is the attack. She can smell the men. She can see them in her memories. She can feel them crawling up on her skin. Everything is 10 times worse in her memory. The flashbacks are horrible. Suffocating.

When you're there you can distract her. Even if it's the smallest thing. Make her laugh. Watch a movie. So she doesn't have to think about it.

How long will i have time for these? I wish I could. she schools in Anambra state, I school in Benin. she is to resume on the 4th and we will part ways again for another çouple of moths. thanks for everything . Yourmain

Orikinla:
OP or whoever you are, you are not a good boyfriend or whatever you claim to be.
She had a terrible nightmarish experience in the hands of cultists and thank God for saving her life, but she must still be traumatic. And instead of taking her for treatment at a proven psychotherapist or even take her to a proven man of God like Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye, you wanted to kiss and smooch her when even a dummy could see that she was still suffering from the trauma and fear for her life, because she must have recognized the cultists, but too afraid to report them to the school authorities or police.

Hello sis. Did you read my post? I said we school in different states. To me, I thought she had gotten over the experience. I had no idea it was still so fresh in her memory after many months. I held back after she displayed fear and shiver at my touch and told me she hadn't gotten over the the trauma, That's why i opened this new account fot this sole purpose of getting help and advise.
I have gotten loads of advices and would head to them. We will pray about it. thank you for your input.

Orikinla:
OP or whoever you are, you are not a good boyfriend or whatever you claim to be.
She had a terrible nightmarish experience in the hands of cultists and thank God for saving her life, but she must still be traumatic. And instead of taking her for treatment at a proven psychotherapist or even take her to a proven man of God like Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye, you wanted to kiss and smooch her when even a dummy could see that she was still suffering from the trauma and fear for her life, because she must have recognized the cultists, but too afraid to report them to the school authorities or police.

Hello sis. Did you read my post? I said we school in different states. To me, I thought she had gotten over the experience. I had no idea it was still so fresh in her memory after many months. I held back after she displayed fear and shiver at my touch and told me she hadn't gotten over the the trauma, That's why i opened this new account fot this sole purpose of getting help and advise.
I have gotten loads of advices and would head tobtheme.

delpee:
Please take her to Mirabel Centre which is being managed by an NGO that counsels and helps rape victims. She can also follow them on Facebook.

I empathise with you both. Perfect healing is her portion by God's grace.

Thank you very much.

Omotaday:
i hope you have gotten all the advises you want but you also need to look at it from different direction. You said the girl is a virgin, how about if the girl has been defiled by someone while you are away and she is trying not to let you find out about this by acting like that everytime.

I trust her.

Originalsly:
Bro....you both live in Lagos...but yet you can't see each other for months because of schooling? So how can we help if you wouldn't be seeing her for the next few months? No need for all this drama. To the heart of the matter..... it seems that you are really looking for a quick fix so she can overcome her fears and allow you to smash her. If you don't have the patience nor the understanding of the depth of the problem it is better you leave her alone... yes... abandon her in her time of need. Why?.... because I can see you losing patience and forcing her to have sex and that would be the end of her....most common end being suicide. If you want to be a man...and really love her like your mouth is saying then you need to be with her through this the darkest period of her life. She has confided in you only...you cannot betray her trust. What she can't bring herself to tell you is that she was raped. In the dark forest you really think the guy's would care if she is on her period or not?... guys that sip blood like wine? Think about this.... she is a virgin... just like you are a virgin in terms of anal sex....a guy never jumped on your back... should a bunch of guys rape you... how would you feel?...who would you tell?.. how long would it take to forget about the experience? She, a virgin being raped and life threatened with spiritual consequences is in ten times worse a situation than you can ever imagine. Like someone said before... read up on the trauma caused by rape and how best to speed up the healing process. For now, I advise that you do not ever try to make any physical contact with her....let her initiate the contact and keep it at her level....meaning if she manages to hold your hands... don't be trying to massage her legs in return... just hold her hands in return.. when she looses then you loose as well. Don't ever think in her life she would one day forget about it...it would eventually be at the back of her mind but can be resurrected in a flash should you do something to trigger her memory. Be gentle, be verrrryyyy patient but most of all be understanding of her plight.

Thank you for your piece of advice. With the way I feel now, my mind is not centred on anything intimate with her.

sleek82:
You can help her get to mirabel center LUTH 08176275732.... They will help her there. Im sorry about your woman but please try as much as possible to be with her now than ever. She really needs someone by her side. Contact them on that number or go to that address. They will surely help you

Thank you very much.

olyivy:
She might have actually been raped.

I have seen a lady I witnessed her raping by armed robbers from a hideout deny completely till date that she was raped.

she said she was not raped as her menstrual flow discouraged them from doing that. Cultism is very rife in her school and according to her, cultists are really disturbing her.

MRBrownJ:
1) that girl is damaged, emotionally and physically damaged, so i will suggest you seek professional help in order to have a chance to sort this issue.

2) i will also suggest that she should face her fears and find a way to press charges (if possible) against these cultists, if not then it is just a matter of time before they finish what they have started.

3) relocate far far away from where this happened, so that she can possibly forget and move on

btw, if the below quote is true, then why did you guys not see for months?!

Sir, she schools in Anambra while I school in Benin. we don't see for months sometimes. just on holiday period and festive seasons.
I just pray heaven will have intervene in this issue. cultists are really disturbing her in school. one said he must bed her by hook or by crook.

YourMain:
Ill be honest the first thought would be see a therapist but honestly they're expensive and they won't do anything you and other friends can't.

Ehm I don't live in Nigeria so I wouldn't know. But I'm sure there are some around.

And don't give her space.

thanks a lot. Yourmain. helping her get well is what I am working on now. how o you mean i shouldn't give her space?

nigeriancuban:
I throught you were making sence till I saw the word SPACE...thanks,your advice is noted

op if you take this misguided advice from this honourable dude then u r Oyo....

how bro?

YourMain:
Literally start from the start. Hold her hand. Then build up to a hug. Literally take things on her pace. I know it's hard. Rape or any close encounter to rape is disgusting and it makes you feel dirty and sick in the inside. And it makes you second guess the intentions of everyone in your life. Be there for her. Don't try to get her talk about it. Don't pretend you understand. You don't. Do not pity her. If she tries to do things that are detrimental to her, don't lecture her. Honestly the only thing you can do is be there for her. Oh and she'll never ever overcome it. There's no overcoming. Just living. Try to assure her it wasn't her fault.

If there was a rape crisis group. They're better than psychologists cause it's people who have been through the same. Join those too! They really help. I wish you and her the very best of luck.

thank you very much. please, do you know any of such group?

RexKexMilann:
At This Point, You've Got to Put up with Her "Odd Demeanors" Because She's Gone Through Hell, literally.


All She needs Now is AFFECTION, Be By her Side AT ALL TIMES.


I still Suggest You Look For a Renowned Psychologist OR better Still, If You are a CHRISTIAN, Let GOD know about It.

Am sorry Bro, I don't Really know Much about "Issues" Like this.

Thank you for your piece of advise. I wholeheartedly appreciate .

Dinocarex:
I think she is suffering from post traumatic stress.
I don't want to dive into the spiritual aspect yet...
She needs to see a Psychologist asap!!

thank you. We both stay in Lagos. do you know any psychologist? help.

Decker:
First of all, my heart goes to your girlfriend. I thank God she wasn't raped and she made it out alive.

What your girlfriend is going through is a post traumatic psychological response to what she suffered. The problem is not with you, she'd definitely react the same way to any guy who tries to touch her.

Most times, the aftermath of a rape encounter deals a hard blow on the mind and general psychology of women. It's understandable. But what you should do is give her some space. Let her emotional and psychological wounds heal first. It might take time to heal, and you have to be patient. Don't rush her into anything now.

I would also advice that you see a psychologist that would guide her through this tough process and time in her life. She also needs you to be there by her side, so, in trying to give her space, and letting her wounds heal, don't stray too far, still always endeavor to be by her side. Let her know that you are always there to protect her no matter what. Give her that assurance and try to make her feel happy and secure always, and hopefully, with time, she will come through.

Thank you very much sir Decker. It happened in May. How long do you think it will take? she feels sad that she turned me down after months we hadn't seen each other. at first, I thought she was just trying to push me away not until I saw her shiver. Then I became so worried. I hope the healing process won't take a lifetime. thank you.

Margauxluv:
Be patient wit her. She wil still come to normal

I can be patient. But, how long do you think it Will take for her to be fine?

RexKexMilann:
I think All she needs Now is Constant "Soothing".


But If Symptoms Persist, Take her to A Psychologist.

bro, I don't know any psychologist, How do I start? I am so worried because, with the way she shivered and said I should not touch her, it really made me worried.

Good morning nairalanders. I won't say I am new on this forum, but I have been a keen observer of things as a guest. now to the issue.

I have a fiancee who we have been together for 3years now. She is a final year student of a polytechnic in Nigeria while I am also an undergraduate of a university. we don't see for months unless there is a holiday like this current yuletide break.
things have been going very well until she had a particular experience that is currently threatening the stability of our relationship. Some months ago, she was ambushed by a group of cultists on her way back from her friend's house (by 9:25pm), They dragged her forcefully to the thick bush where they hold their meetings and remove everything called clothes on her body. in the course of the forceful drag, she sustained bruises and some Injuries that left scars on her skin up till now. According to her, she was begging them to spare her life and let her go. They gave deaf ears to her profuse pleas and tried to take turns and rape her.
Luckily for her, she was on her period and that discouraged them. even at that, she said one of the cultist insisted he was going to have sex with her whether she is bleeding or not (as blood could be seen dripping down her thighs). In tears, she continued begging. The group leader then pierced her palm with a sharp object and sucked the blood that dripped out from the cut, he told her never to tell anyone what had happened in school else she will die. they took her undies and only gave her the gown to wear. In the deep of night, she walked home alone in tears and shiver from the bush path. she wasn't raped because she was on her period.


Now, the problem is, we met this break period and I tried to touched her. (not an attempt at sex. she is a virgin, we haven't had sex since we started dating) I tried to kiss her, but she started shivering, I held her close but she was so insensitive. I asked her what the problem was, she said as I held her, her memory went back to that experience she had and that she doesn't feel anything.

Please, this has been going on for sometime now, how do I help her? she says anytime I try to kiss her, the memory plays in her head and she goes cold. I love her so much. help me.

HELP!! Truckpusher, Decker, vixkiz, MrbrownJ, Brackett, Laveda, .. everyone, please help!



Lalasticlala... please, I need help, I would appreciate if it graces front page.