HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) - Romance (3)

HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) - Romance (3) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Romance › HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) (27312 Views)

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Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by osothermal(m): 6:25pm On Dec 29, 2015

She should be more involved in church activities now because in the presence of God there is fullness of joy both of you if the relationship is a serious one okay. You guys should go for natural site seeing ie Ocean view or any other natural habitat hold her closely look her in the eyes with all sincerity tell to always trust you dat no matter what she is going tru that you guys are in it togeda ,tell her you she has a glorious future that God has promised her .just encourage her and give her hope,you guys should always pray togeda and don't try to initiate any thing intimate with her be her best friend , be humorous than ever always make her happy trust me she will get over it asap.I wish you well bro

From Glory to Glory that's where we are going

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by zealot4me(f): 6:25pm On Dec 29, 2015

olyivy:
She might have actually been raped.

I have seen a lady I witnessed her raping by armed robbers from a hideout deny completely till date that she was raped.

Just what I was thinking

1 Like

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by saasala(m): 6:33pm On Dec 29, 2015

RHEMAA:
Thank you very much sir Decker. It happened in May. How long do you think it will take? she feels sad that she turned me down after months we hadn't seen each other. at first, I thought she was just trying to push me away not until I saw her shiver. Then I became so worried. I hope the healing process won't take a lifetime. thank you.

I can relate with your current ill experience. I have a girl who narrowly escaped rape at 14. This bad experiance hunted her for years until I came into her life. In our case she was okay with pre-intimacy and thats because her dad took her to see a psychologist, but once we were ready to have sex she would begin to shiver and cry uncontrollably... I would hold her hand, talk sweet things into her hears, assure her that I will always be by her side and would never hurt her. With time she overcame her fears and we now nyansh like there is no tomorrow. In fact she makes the advances.

First thing first, she must enroll for a class with a psychologist, lest the bad experiance torment her till Jesus comes like Oprah Winfrey. Then be by her side, walk her through the healing gently with love and you will have her puccy to yourself in due time.

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by sleek82(m): 6:34pm On Dec 29, 2015

You can help her get to mirabel center LUTH 08176275732.... They will help her there. Im sorry about your woman but please try as much as possible to be with her now than ever. She really needs someone by her side. Contact them on that number or go to that address. They will surely help you

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by saasala(m): 6:38pm On Dec 29, 2015

sleek82:
You can help her get to mirabel center LUTH 08176275732.... They will help her there. Im sorry about your woman but please try as much as possible to be with her now than ever. She really needs someone by her side. Contact them on that number or go to that address. They will surely help you

RHEMAA ... Solution here

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by dre11(m): 6:39pm On Dec 29, 2015

RHEMAA:
bro, I don't know any psychologist, How do I start? I am so worried because, with the way she shivered and said I should not touch her, it really made me worried.

first and foremost
have she reveal what transpire that night to her parents

if she hasn't.... she needs to do that.

if she is a virgin.... the incident will be worse on her, but getting over it will take time, love, care, talking and understanding.

getting out of this state is a gradual process and you need to know and read more about post traumatic stress/process disorder so you can also be of help.

I do hope she has gone to the hospital after that incident to see a psychologist and also an OG to know if her vaginal is in good condition

also...... if you are a Christian, you can also check the spiritual implication and help her pray through...... I believe in the effectiveness of prayer but you have to seek medical help too

Best of luck

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Nathe11: 6:46pm On Dec 29, 2015

20bc:
[color=teal]Both of you should watch horror movies together, that will trigger something in her, and when it does be there for her, she will get over it.....

Or better still, try And recreate that event and this time, apologize to her, beg her for forgiveness, bam both of you are back to your normal life of kissing without her shivering....

Good luck [/color]

seriously!!!...#not cool @all

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by DeeMain(m): 7:03pm On Dec 29, 2015

Hi Rhemaa, I am a Therapist and I can help her.

She is suffering from trauma. Her body remembers the horrible events of that day subconsciously. She will treat every sexual advance as if rape is about to happen. Sex and rape have become linked in her mind. A Therapist needs to work on breaking the power of the traumatic event over her and also deal with her skewed perception of intimacy and sex.

She should be okay in a few sessions. There are newer, more effective techniques for these things.

I stay in Lagos. Contact me if you need us to talk more.

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Originalsly: 7:03pm On Dec 29, 2015

Bro....you both live in Lagos...but yet you can't see each other for months because of schooling? So how can we help if you wouldn't be seeing her for the next few months? No need for all this drama. To the heart of the matter..... it seems that you are really looking for a quick fix so she can overcome her fears and allow you to smash her. If you don't have the patience nor the understanding of the depth of the problem it is better you leave her alone... yes... abandon her in her time of need. Why?.... because I can see you losing patience and forcing her to have sex and that would be the end of her....most common end being suicide. If you want to be a man...and really love her like your mouth is saying then you need to be with her through this the darkest period of her life. She has confided in you only...you cannot betray her trust. What she can't bring herself to tell you is that she was raped. In the dark forest you really think the guy's would care if she is on her period or not?... guys that sip blood like wine? Think about this.... she is a virgin... just like you are a virgin in terms of anal sex....a guy never jumped on your back... should a bunch of guys rape you... how would you feel?...who would you tell?.. how long would it take to forget about the experience? She, a virgin being raped and life threatened with spiritual consequences is in ten times worse a situation than you can ever imagine. Like someone said before... read up on the trauma caused by rape and how best to speed up the healing process. For now, I advise that you do not ever try to make any physical contact with her....let her initiate the contact and keep it at her level....meaning if she manages to hold your hands... don't be trying to massage her legs in return... just hold her hands in return.. when she looses then you loose as well. Don't ever think in her life she would one day forget about it...it would eventually be at the back of her mind but can be resurrected in a flash should you do something to trigger her memory. Be gentle, be verrrryyyy patient but most of all be understanding of her plight.

1 Like

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Omotaday(m): 7:25pm On Dec 29, 2015

Decker:
First of all, my heart goes out to your girlfriend. I thank God she wasn't raped and she made it out alive.

What your girlfriend is going through is a post traumatic psychological response to what she suffered. The problem is not with you, she'd definitely react the same way to any guy who tries to touch her.

Most times, the aftermath of a rape encounter deals a hard blow on the mind and general psychology of women. It's understandable. But what you should do is give her some space, and by that I mean; don't try to engage her in any sexual activity, for now. Let her emotional and psychological wounds heal first. It might take time to heal, and you have to be patient. Don't rush her into anything now.

I would also advice that you see a psychologist that would guide her through this tough process and time in her life. She also needs you to be there by her side, so, in trying to give her space, and letting her wounds heal, don't stray too far, still always endeavor to be by her side. Let her know that you are always there to protect her no matter what. Give her that assurance and try to make her feel happy and secure always, and hopefully, with time, she will come through.

You could also advice her to peruse through the web, there are definitely websites or forums that deal specifically with people that have passed through similar rape cases. She can spend some time on these sites, read people's own experiences and how they handled theirs and maybe conversing with them. This could also help in speeding up the healing process.

i hope you have gotten all the advises you want but you also need to look at it from different direction. You said the girl is a virgin, how about if the girl has been defiled by someone while you are away and she is trying not to let you find out about this by acting like that everytime.

1 Like

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Nobody: 7:29pm On Dec 29, 2015

Bros you can do it yourself...talk to her as much as you can,take her out to nice places,read the bible together dont make her feel lonely show her love as much as you can...im talking from experience

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by delpee(f): 7:30pm On Dec 29, 2015

Please take her to Mirabel Centre which is being managed by an NGO that counsels and helps rape victims. She can also follow them on Facebook.

I empathise with you both. Perfect healing is her portion by God's grace.

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by 20bc(m): 7:39pm On Dec 29, 2015

Nathe11:
seriously!!!...#not cool @all

[color=teal] Fπcking cool and it works like magic, its all about facing your fears....[/color]

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Sermwell(m): 8:19pm On Dec 29, 2015

i swear i knw exactly wat happened!!
Ur babe is no longer a virgin n doesnt want u 2 find out. She cooked up dat story. Pls be wise.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Petroking: 8:45pm On Dec 29, 2015

RHEMAA:
Good morning nairalanders. I won't say I am new on this forum, but I have been a keen observer of things as a guest. now to the issue.

I have a fiancee who we have been together for 3years now. She is a final year student of a polytechnic in Nigeria while I am also an undergraduate of a university. we don't see for months unless there is a holiday like this current yuletide break.
things have been going very well until she had a particular experience that is currently threatening the stability of our relationship. Some months ago, she was ambushed by a group of cultists on her way back from her friend's house (by 9:25pm), They dragged her forcefully to the thick bush where they hold their meetings and remove everything called clothes on her body. in the course of the forceful drag, she sustained bruises and some Injuries that left scars on her skin up till now. According to her, she was begging them to spare her life and let her go. They gave deaf ears to her profuse pleas and tried to take turns and rape her.
Luckily for her, she was on her period and that discouraged them. even at that, she said one of the cultist insisted he was going to have sex with her whether she is bleeding or not (as blood could be seen dripping down her thighs). In tears, she continued begging. The group leader then pierced her palm with a sharp object and sucked the blood that dripped out from the cut, he told her never to tell anyone what had happened in school else she will die. they took her undies and only gave her the gown to wear. In the deep of night, she walked home alone in tears and shiver from the bush path. she wasn't raped because she was on her period.

Now, the problem is, we met this break period and I tried to touched her. (not an attempt at sex. she is a virgin, we haven't had sex since we started dating) I tried to kiss her, but she started shivering, I held her close but she was so insensitive. I asked her what the problem was, she said as I held her, her memory went back to that experience she had and that she doesn't feel anything.

Please, this has been going on for sometime now, how do I help her? she says anytime I try to kiss her, the memory plays in her head and she goes cold. I love her so much. help me.

HELP!! Truckpusher, Decker, vixkiz, MrbrownJ, Brackett, Laveda, .. everyone, please help!

Lalasticlala... please, I need help, I would appreciate if it graces front page.

Guy... You only need to do the right thing
Get to the necessary authority and do the necessary .... Nothing like this happened to my girl sha .... but they already know say army no be talk talk na action....

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Figs(m): 8:48pm On Dec 29, 2015

RHEMAA:
Good morning nairalanders. I won't say I am new on this forum, but I have been a keen observer of things as a guest. now to the issue.

I have a fiancee who we have been together for 3years now. She is a final year student of a polytechnic in Nigeria while I am also an undergraduate of a university. we don't see for months unless there is a holiday like this current yuletide break.
things have been going very well until she had a particular experience that is currently threatening the stability of our relationship. Some months ago, she was ambushed by a group of cultists on her way back from her friend's house (by 9:25pm), They dragged her forcefully to the thick bush where they hold their meetings and remove everything called clothes on her body. in the course of the forceful drag, she sustained bruises and some Injuries that left scars on her skin up till now. According to her, she was begging them to spare her life and let her go. They gave deaf ears to her profuse pleas and tried to take turns and rape her.
Luckily for her, she was on her period and that discouraged them. even at that, she said one of the cultist insisted he was going to have sex with her whether she is bleeding or not (as blood could be seen dripping down her thighs). In tears, she continued begging. The group leader then pierced her palm with a sharp object and sucked the blood that dripped out from the cut, he told her never to tell anyone what had happened in school else she will die. they took her undies and only gave her the gown to wear. In the deep of night, she walked home alone in tears and shiver from the bush path. she wasn't raped because she was on her period.

Now, the problem is, we met this break period and I tried to touched her. (not an attempt at sex. she is a virgin, we haven't had sex since we started dating) I tried to kiss her, but she started shivering, I held her close but she was so insensitive. I asked her what the problem was, she said as I held her, her memory went back to that experience she had and that she doesn't feel anything.

Please, this has been going on for sometime now, how do I help her? she says anytime I try to kiss her, the memory plays in her head and she goes cold. I love her so much. help me.

HELP!! Truckpusher, Decker, vixkiz, MrbrownJ, Brackett, Laveda, .. everyone, please help!

Lalasticlala... please, I need help, I would appreciate if it graces front page.

help her by keepin off kissin or touchin her

1 Like 1 Share

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by tweeby: 9:06pm On Dec 29, 2015

RHEMAA:
bro, I don't know any psychologist, How do I start? I am so worried because, with the way she shivered and said I should not touch her, it really made me worried.

Bro, I'm so touched by ur story cry

I don't usually comment, so hard for but gat to give u dis piece.... Plz in d name of God, take for for deliverance n u both should pray n fast earnestly, d guy licking her blood n taking her undies is not ordinary, those culties are diabolical in nature. Thanks for been a man n someone that truly loves, may God keep u both n also be her comforter thru dis truma. Amen

1 Like 1 Share

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by salvation77177: 9:14pm On Dec 29, 2015

My friend, you won't get any solution here. Now you said, her palm was cut and blood was sucked through that opening. Again, her undies were as well removed and taken by the cultists.
These things should tell you what happened was not ordinary but has a demonic undertone.
Believe me or not, something evil had transpired and divine intervention is urgently required. This is not a case of seeing a psychologist; what happened is not physical but spiritual.
Please, if you truly love this lady and you care for her future, advice her to go to a good deliverance church for genuine and proper prayers.
You may go to Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries nearest to you or any good deliverance church around.
You may take my advice or ignore it. The choice is yours. Thanks and God bless you.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Orikinla(m): 9:34pm On Dec 29, 2015

OP or whoever you are, you are not a good boyfriend or whatever you claim to be.
She had a terrible nightmarish experience in the hands of cultists and thank God for saving her life, but she must still be traumatic. And instead of taking her for treatment at a proven psychotherapist or even take her to a proven man of God like Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye, you wanted to kiss and smooch her when even a dummy could see that she was still suffering from the trauma and fear for her life, because she must have recognized the cultists, but too afraid to report them to the school authorities or police.

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Orikinla(m): 9:37pm On Dec 29, 2015

Sermwell:
i swear i knw exactly wat happened!!
Ur babe is no longer a virgin n doesnt want u 2 find out. She cooked up dat story. Pls be wise.

She was gang raped.

2 Likes

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by nolio(m): 9:52pm On Dec 29, 2015

Decker:
First of all, my heart goes out to your girlfriend. I thank God she wasn't raped and she made it out alive.

What your girlfriend is going through is a post traumatic psychological response to what she suffered. The problem is not with you, she'd definitely react the same way to any guy who tries to touch her.

Most times, the aftermath of a rape encounter deals a hard blow on the mind and general psychology of women. It's understandable. But what you should do is give her some space, and by that I mean; don't try to engage her in any sexual activity, for now. Let her emotional and psychological wounds heal first. It might take time to heal, and you have to be patient. Don't rush her into anything now.

I would also advice that you see a psychologist that would guide her through this tough process and time in her life. She also needs you to be there by her side, so, in trying to give her space, and letting her wounds heal, don't stray too far, still always endeavor to be by her side. Let her know that you are always there to protect her no matter what. Give her that assurance and try to make her feel happy and secure always, and hopefully, with time, she will come through.

You could also advice her to peruse through the web, there are definitely websites or forums that deal specifically with people that have passed through similar rape cases. She can spend some time on these sites, read people's own experiences and how they handled theirs and maybe conversing with them. This could also help in speeding up the healing process.

den she might neva get laid if she doesn't get past it.dere are things dat can make her forget abt it. E.g therapy

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by spiralwedge(m): 10:17pm On Dec 29, 2015

I wanted to believe it's trauma, but my 6th sense says its A R АР Е.

1 Like

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by RHEMAA(op): 10:26pm On Dec 29, 2015

nigeriancuban:
I throught you were making sence till I saw the word SPACE...thanks,your advice is noted

op if you take this misguided advice from this honourable dude then u r Oyo....

how bro?

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by RHEMAA(op): 10:28pm On Dec 29, 2015

YourMain:
Ill be honest the first thought would be see a therapist but honestly they're expensive and they won't do anything you and other friends can't.

Ehm I don't live in Nigeria so I wouldn't know. But I'm sure there are some around.

And don't give her space.

thanks a lot. Yourmain. helping her get well is what I am working on now. how o you mean i shouldn't give her space?

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by nigeriancuban: 10:30pm On Dec 29, 2015

RHEMAA:
how bro?

any more apace and she will get more psychological pains thereby making here more depressed and confused....

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by Nobody: 10:32pm On Dec 29, 2015

RHEMAA:
thanks a lot. Yourmain. helping her get well is what I am working on now. how o you mean i shouldn't give her space?

Ehm no don't. Be annoyingly close to her. Right now all she thinks of is the attack. She can smell the men. She can see them in her memories. She can feel them crawling up on her skin. Everything is 10 times worse in her memory. The flashbacks are horrible. Suffocating.

When you're there you can distract her. Even if it's the smallest thing. Make her laugh. Watch a movie. So she doesn't have to think about it.

2 Likes

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by RHEMAA(op): 10:32pm On Dec 29, 2015

MRBrownJ:
1) that girl is damaged, emotionally and physically damaged, so i will suggest you seek professional help in order to have a chance to sort this issue.

2) i will also suggest that she should face her fears and find a way to press charges (if possible) against these cultists, if not then it is just a matter of time before they finish what they have started.

3) relocate far far away from where this happened, so that she can possibly forget and move on

btw, if the below quote is true, then why did you guys not see for months?!

Sir, she schools in Anambra while I school in Benin. we don't see for months sometimes. just on holiday period and festive seasons.
I just pray heaven will have intervene in this issue. cultists are really disturbing her in school. one said he must bed her by hook or by crook.

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by dahmie2013: 10:34pm On Dec 29, 2015

Na wa o Op! Sumone went thru all dat, instead of u 2 try&help her thru these difficult times, u're busy worried abt how cant kiss or touch her.
All this generatn thinks abt is sex. Its a pity.

1 Like

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by RHEMAA(op): 10:35pm On Dec 29, 2015

olyivy:
She might have actually been raped.

I have seen a lady I witnessed her raping by armed robbers from a hideout deny completely till date that she was raped.

she said she was not raped as her menstrual flow discouraged them from doing that. Cultism is very rife in her school and according to her, cultists are really disturbing her.

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by MRBrownJ: 10:35pm On Dec 29, 2015

RHEMAA:
Sir, she schools in Anambra while I school in Benin. we don't see for months sometimes. just on holiday period and festive seasons.
I just pray heaven will have intervene in this issue. cultists are really disturbing her in school. one said he must bed her by hook or by crook.

and you are still here wasting time on NL, instead of making sure she never return to this evil place?!

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by RHEMAA(op): 10:47pm On Dec 29, 2015

sleek82:
You can help her get to mirabel center LUTH 08176275732.... They will help her there. Im sorry about your woman but please try as much as possible to be with her now than ever. She really needs someone by her side. Contact them on that number or go to that address. They will surely help you

Thank you very much.

Re: HELP! How Do I Help Her Overcome This Feeling. (please Come In) by delpee(f): 10:47pm On Dec 29, 2015

@Op
Let her visit Mirabel Centre now she's on holiday. If indeed she was on her period and they took away her pant, spiritual issues are involved and may manifest later. Let her visit MFM for this as someone earlier suggested. They are good in sorting out spiritual matters for those who have faith in God.
Blood sucking and taking undies with blood have deep spiritual significance. Ask some elders.

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