₦airaland Forum

Thanks Vonny , all well said , I am crying reading what u have written up for me ,

Vonny:
Rominiyi,

Wake up and smell the coffee woman. You are looking at your marriage and your past relationship through rose-colored glasses. In other words, you are in DENIAL. The issue here is not your EX or your HUSBAND. The issue here is YOU.

You are not as EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE as you think you are. As a matter of fact, you are far from it. Here's why---

1. So your husband did 'things' to you and has been doing 'things' to you for quiet sometime, but you've been going back to him to try to work things out---good for you, I applaud you for trying, but the truth is you haven't done the most important thing of all---YOU haven't TRULY FORGIVEN him. This is the reason why you are running to your ex for emotional support. Moreover, if it is that YOU are ALWAYS the one that tries to work things out with your husband, then you may also be in DENIAL in regards to your marriage. Have there been times when YOUR HUSBAND ran back to you to try to work things out or has it always been your attempt to?

2. Before new tenants (your ex) move into your home (marriage), you must first SELL YOUR HOME (divorce). In other words, your home (marriage) is far from being SOLD, and it hasn't been SOLD---You are still married to your husband regardless of whether or not your having problems; therefore, there's no room for new tenants (your ex) right now. Even if you sell your home (marriage), you still have to clean up the house (a process called HEALING if you choose to leave your husband) for your new tenant. When you walk away from a relationship, you need time to HEAL from it (regardless on whether or not it was a bad relationship). If you leave your husband, you will still need time to 'HEAL ALONE.' If you choose not to HEAL ALONE, and opt to run to the arms of your ex. Your relationship with your ex will end just as fast as it started.

Rominiyi, a failed relationship/marriage is NEVER a one-way street. You keep putting the blame on your husband, but what part have you played in it? If you think you've done NOTHING wrong then think again. You've already been sneaking around and introducing your daughter to your long lost ex.

Anyway, before you decide to LEAP, I would suggest thinking about the following---

Are you ready to face your marital problems head on, and actually FORGIVE your husband for his wrong doings in the past?
Are you ready to displace your child's idea of marriage?
Are you willing to break a home (marriage), in order to work on another (your ex)?
Why did you break up with ex? Why did your ex get a divorce? What were the issues in his marriage? Be very careful when you get this information from him, because you are only hearing HIS SIDE OF THE STORY.
Why would you want to work on UNCERTAINTY (your ex), instead of working on a GUARANTEE (your marriage)?

There's so much at risk right now---YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR CHILD, YOUR MARRIAGE, Notice I don't say your ex, because he is not truly part of your life YET.

I'm sure there are plenty of more questions that you can ask yourself, but my advice is---

Life is too short to work on UNCERTAINTIES---If you leave your husband, and get back together with your ex and things don't work out between the two of you, you will find yourself back to square one---which is, hopping to the next man for emotional support---have you thought of what this will do to your child?---Oh my, too much to lose for a man you are uncertain of, but, GOOD LUCK.

my Dad's interest is that he wnats my happiness and he wants to talk with me one or one, this guy will leave Abuja to go to my hometown , so my Dad knows this is not a joke anymore, thats why he needs to see me in person.
I am from a well to do family and its not as if he is enticing me with anything, But the truth is I love him,

chihums:
On the contrary, your whole world will crush and burn in fire if you accept his proposals. At 40 he is divorced. how sure are you that he will not divorce you. You really need a lil slap to erase that stupidity from your empty skull. you suck

you need a lil harshness huh

thansk Chilum, I know I need that slap to really awake from my slumber , This guy is my whole world, thats the truth ,

Yeah I did when I met and married him but about 2yrs after I saw the other side of him, yes Its true every man has hiw own bad side,
my husbadn and i dated for 8months b/4 we got married but I was in a realtionship with my ex for almost 3yrs

Thanks to you all for taking interest in my matter , I really do appreciate it and may you find help when u need it ,
I have just finished speaking with my Dad now and he is inviting me over for a talk, My ex was with him over the weekend in my hometown,
I truly love Him ,

Loss of contact ,
he is 41, my hubby is 40 and I am 32
and to be honest , its as if my whole world will crash if I dont take this guy's proposal, whats happening to me ,
I am seeking God, but its only what I want that I am hearing  right now,

@JJYOU
Thanks so very much and to OGB too, He is not manipulating me, I dont think so, He was married too but it didnt work out and he is divorce right now,
though I didnt let him know all of this , that I really still do still care about him, I just keep telling him noooooooooo I cant leave my husband and child for u , but its all a lie.

he has met with my child and loves her to bits, i refused all of his gift but he kept on sending stuffs to my child saying she shoudl have been his,
thanks for ur time over my matter ,

Thanks to u all for your wonderful advice. I know nairalanders do really care,
I didnt lost him at the sea, he is also not aware of what I have been going thru cos I never mentioned it to him, I have not also slept with him since we re-united again, Though he was the one that dis-virgin me,
maybe its still part of the emotion ,

It might look like I am not ready to listen, but my heart wants him, Whatever u are telling me is for my own good, I appreciate, How can i still stay with a husband i stopped loving just for the sake of my child,
How can I rekindled my love for my husband? I am lost now ,

we lost contact, No cellphones, no email , not popular then and the landphone I had was messed up by Nitel, I relocated and there was no way he could reach me, Though he left some letters for me which I didnt reply and I am blaming myself for that now,
Oh my God! whats happening to me?

I love it!!! even diary of a mad black woman was fantastic,

why did I get married, I watched it about 2times

heartbroken? the only one I will feel for is my child, cos even my hubby has broken my hearts so many times, and I keep goign back to make it work,
just that this time , I cant seem to handle what I am truly feeling for this comeback guy,

mu husband and I are not presently on good terms, its been going on for a while. He did somethings to me but I have forgave him even before my ex came into the picture,
I get what u are saying about me been the loser, u are right,

thanks Ogb, those are true words, its easier said than done cos this morning alone we have talked over 5 times!!

Dear Naira land,
Pls I need an urgent advise,
I lost a contact with a guy I love so much, almost 6yrs ago. …we were so very much in love…
Recently we met on one of the popular friendship site again where people exchange photographs and u see ur old friends and family.
I was shocked when I got his message , anyway he requested we see and arrangements was made , before I left he asked, are u still single, I said no I married with a child now for 5yrs.
Anyway we met and we talked, and by the time I got home , I know am still in love with him but I cant help it. can’t seem to get him out of my mind; he has been asking that I marry him, I am like what are u thinking? And he said I rightfully belong to him, I though it was a joke until he started visiting my parents in my hometown , begging my parents to pls give me to him, my parents find it funny but my father thinks otherwise,
I know we love each other but am in a fix,  What should I do?
Please advise me?