Dear Naira land,
Pls I need an urgent advise,
I lost a contact with a guy I love so much, almost 6yrs ago. …we were so very much in love…
Recently we met on one of the popular friendship site again where people exchange photographs and u see ur old friends and family.
I was shocked when I got his message , anyway he requested we see and arrangements was made , before I left he asked, are u still single, I said no I married with a child now for 5yrs.
Anyway we met and we talked, and by the time I got home , I know am still in love with him but I cant help it. can’t seem to get him out of my mind; he has been asking that I marry him, I am like what are u thinking? And he said I rightfully belong to him, I though it was a joke until he started visiting my parents in my hometown , begging my parents to pls give me to him, my parents find it funny but my father thinks otherwise,
I know we love each other but am in a fix,  What should I do?
Please advise me?

Forget him. don't even see him anymore. You lived for 6 yrs without him, you can live another 60yrs without him.

If every one choose to leave their marriage and move on with someone they claim to love, very few marriages will survive.

A man who truely love you will not break your marriage. He will pray for you happiness in the marriage you are in.

Shit happens, you lost the man you loved. Thats final, you lost him. Let him remain lost.

Anything else, you bring shame on yourself

thanks Ogb, those are true words, its easier said than done cos this morning alone we have talked over 5 times!!

You are MARRIED and you are still communicating with your EX

Women sha !!!

If it was your husband that's doing the same and you posted the story here, nairalanders would have castrated him by now.

Forget about him and face your marriage & kid.

Why is your dad in support? Could it be because your ex is richer financially than your husband  

rominiyi:

thanks Ogb, those are true words,  its easier said than done cos this morning alone we have talked over 5 times!!

where is your husband my dear sister?  you should be talking to him.  this guy will definately use you and dump you and you will be the greatest looser plus you already have a child.  think think and think some more.

i think for this reason God gave you 2 running legs

rominiyi:

thanks Ogb, those are true words, its easier said than done cos this morning alone we have talked over 5 times!!

It looks like u want a failed marriage on your record, plus heartbreak for yourself, your husband and your child!

mu husband and I are not presently on good terms, its been going on for a while. He did somethings to me but I have forgave him even before my ex came into the picture,
I get what u are saying about me been the loser, u are right,

heartbroken? the only one I will feel for is my child, cos even my hubby has broken my hearts so many times, and I keep goign back to make it work,
just that this time , I cant seem to handle what I am truly feeling for this comeback guy,

i dont normally beg people to wise up i will do that here. why did you and this lovely romeo break up 6yrs ago if i may ask?

the fact he can go to your parents shows he is manipulating you into a relationship you will possibly loose.

we lost contact, No cellphones, no email , not popular then and the landphone I had was messed up by Nitel, I relocated and there was no way he could reach me, Though he left some letters for me which I didnt reply and I am blaming myself for that now,
Oh my God! whats happening to me?

It might look like I am not ready to listen, but my heart wants him, Whatever u are telling me is for my own good, I appreciate, How can i still stay with a husband i stopped loving just for the sake of my child,
How can I rekindled my love for my husband? I am lost now ,

You are married for five years right?
so why are you still looking outside. For you are to really flee from adultery and heartbreak, i suggest you stop seeing your ex and stop communicating with him. you may not realize what is happening to you now until you see yourself in his bed and you will have a big price to pay for that and a bitter pill to drink. Think with your head not your heart. If your husband gets to know about this, do you think he can really trust you. You are married. Get that to your skull before a bird will rat you out.

rominiyi:

heartbroken? the only one I will feel for is my child, cos even my hubby has broken my hearts so many times, and I keep goign back to make it work,
just that this time , I cant seem to handle what I am truly feeling for this comeback guy,

Your case is a bit more complicated, you are having problems with your marriage and then an Ex shows up with love and marriage on a platter of Gold.

He might be coming back out of pity if he thinks you are not happy in your marriage.
he might be coming back because he has been searching for you for the past 6 yrs and just found you. (I wonder if you lost him at sea or on a deserted island, for it to take 6 yrs to locate you)

Whatever the reason he is coming now.
remember your marital vows.

If you are not happy in your marriage, together with your husband, go for counselling.
if it does not work, get a divorce properly before going into any other relationship.

Don't rush anything. You may regret it later.

rominiyi:

It might look like I am not ready to listen,  but my heart wants him,  Whatever u are telling me is for my own good,  I appreciate,  How can i still stay with a husband i stopped loving just for the sake of my child,
How can I rekindled my love for my husband? I am lost now ,  

think this through and through. i hate to see anyone hurt. i can just smell hurt all over.  i hope this guy is worth the agro he is about to cause you and your child.  i wonder why he has not married before now.

i dont know if you pray  please do because this is almost the devils arrow towards you.

how old are you? your hubby and romeo?

in your opinion is this guy leaving your marraige for?

ogb5:

Your case is a bit more complicated, you are having problems with your marriage and then an Ex shows up with love and marriage on a platter of Gold.

He might be coming back out of pity if he thinks you are not happy in your marriage.
he might be coming back because he has been searching for you for the past 6 yrs and just found you. (I wonder if you lost him at sea or on a deserted island, for it to take 6 yrs to locate you)

Whatever the reason he is coming now.
remember your marital vows.

If you are not happy in your marriage, together with your husband, go for counselling.
if it does not work, get a divorce properly before going into any other relationship.

Don't rush anything. You may regret it later.

chihums:

You are married for five years right?
so why are you still looking outside. For you are to really flee from adultery and heartbreak, i suggest you stop seeing your ex and stop communicating with him. you may not realize what is happening to you now until you see yourself in his bed and you will have a big price to pay for that and a bitter pill to drink. Think with your head not your heart. If your husband gets to know about this, do you think he can really trust you. You are married. Get that to your skull before a bird will rat you out.

how can a man expect a young lady to pay this heavy prize this day and age? the guy is so selfish and manipulative for going to her dad i am not trusting him with my dog let alone a woman.

Thanks to u all for your wonderful advice. I know nairalanders do really care,
I didnt lost him at the sea, he is also not aware of what I have been going thru cos I never mentioned it to him, I have not also slept with him since we re-united again, Though he was the one that dis-virgin me,
maybe its still part of the emotion ,

@JJYOU
Thanks so very much and to OGB too, He is not manipulating me, I dont think so, He was married too but it didnt work out and he is divorce right now,
though I didnt let him know all of this , that I really still do still care about him, I just keep telling him noooooooooo I cant leave my husband and child for u , but its all a lie.

he has met with my child and loves her to bits, i refused all of his gift but he kept on sending stuffs to my child saying she shoudl have been his,
thanks for ur time over my matter ,

My advise to you is, " Don't start what you cannot finish". Now that you haven't seen him (that is if you've not), Go with him to an opened environment where the risk of falling into any temptation would be evaded and explain to him that you're not willing to give up your marriage for anything. Tell him about the vows you made to your husband on your wedding day and that you're determined to stick to it. Say anything you want to say to him but make sure you part on a good terms with him. Afterwards, delete his number from your phone, change your number, most importantly, remember you said you came across your ex for the first time on one of the friendship sites, if it's Facebook or Hi5 or whatsoever, go and unsubscribe your membership so that the temptation of seeing him again wouldn't crop up again, if you know what i mean.

Just try hard to loose any contact from him and never plan any future arrangements or meeting with him ever again, this may be hard to do but trust me you'll get ova it. If you are a Christan, go on your knees and ask Jesus to help you deal with the situation, cry unto him and he'll answer & not fail. If i may even ask, what led to the break up 6 years ago?, was it (1). pressure to get married, (2). Love lost, (3) lose of contact, (4) infidelity, what exactly?

Don't worry God would help you through this!!!

whether he deflowered you or not isn't any fact, the fact remains you are married. Count your past ordeal as a mistake and move on with your marriage. It is as if you will die if you don't have him, Abi ? Satan is making it look that way. But experiences of people who fell prey to his crafty acts show that the end really matters afterward. I mean if you marry your ex, you are going to have more problems than you have had in your marriage. it's no curse but an effect of nature: You will reap what you sow. Don't Please, if you love God and yourself

rominiyi:

@JJYOU
Thanks so very much and to OGB too, He is not manipulating me, I dont think so, He was married too but it didnt work out and he is divorce right now,
though I didnt let him know all of this , that I really still do still care about him, I just keep telling him noooooooooo I cant leave my husband and child for u , but its all a lie.

he has met with my child and loves her to bits, i refused all of his gift but he kept on sending stuffs to my child saying she shoudl have been his,
thanks for ur time over my matter ,

Wish you success.

I told you before, if we all leave  our marriages to be with those we love, very few marriages will remain.
Go to him if you think it will make everyone happy. I mean, if your current husband will be happy about it, your daughter and yourself.

I know men who will be glad to be rid of their wives. if your husband is one of those, then you could be doing him a favour by leaving with this guy.
Anyhow think hard

Loss of contact ,
he is 41, my hubby is 40 and I am 32
and to be honest , its as if my whole world will crash if I dont take this guy's proposal, whats happening to me ,
I am seeking God, but its only what I want that I am hearing  right now,

Are u really married?its just funny u stl feeling smtin for him( an ex),

Were u really in love wth u husband b4 getting married?

Its going to be unfair to ur self if u stay  married to sm1 u dont really love,

Its not abt us and wht we say but wht u wnt out of ur life,

Wht kind of role model u wnt to be to ur kids,

U wnt them to believe in love and go for it or just take anything just becos they wnt to look good to the society .

Its all abt wht u wnt, and for ur marriage, u knw where the problm lies pls work it out ok.

Good luck.

Did you really love your husband before you married him in the first place? Let's know.

Thanks to you all for taking interest in my matter , I really do appreciate it and may you find help when u need it ,
I have just finished speaking with my Dad now and he is inviting me over for a talk, My ex was with him over the weekend in my hometown,
I truly love Him ,

On the contrary, your whole world will crush and burn in fire if you accept his proposals. At 40 he is divorced. how sure are you that he will not divorce you. You really need a lil slap to erase that stupidity from your empty skull. you suck

you need a lil harshness huh

Yeah I did when I met and married him but about 2yrs after I saw the other side of him, yes Its true every man has hiw own bad side,
my husbadn and i dated for 8months b/4 we got married but I was in a realtionship with my ex for almost 3yrs

rominiyi:

Thanks to u all for your wonderful advice. I know nairalanders do really care,
I didnt lost him at the sea,  he is also not aware of what I have been going thru cos I never mentioned it to him,  I have not also slept with him since we re-united again,  Though he was the one that dis-virgin me,
maybe its still part of the emotion ,

rominiyi:

@JJYOU
Thanks so very much and to OGB too, He is not manipulating me, I dont think so,  He was married too but it didnt work out and he is divorce right now,
though I didnt let him know all of this , that I really still do still care about him,  I just keep telling him noooooooooo I cant leave my husband and child for u ,  but its all a lie.

he has met with my child and loves her to bits,  i refused all of his gift but he kept on sending stuffs to my child saying she shoudl have been his,
thanks for ur time over my matter ,

i thank you for not sleeping with him. they say the road to any womans heart is lovingthe child. that must be chapter 1 vs 1 in any clever mans bible. i know this is very difficult for you. i have been there some yrs back. him having another family is making this matter complicated.  you dont know what the ex wife knows about you.

see if you can work on your relationship if you cant give yourself a break from both of them and give uncle romeo long time to prove himself. and please know that men dont appreciate what they conquered. dont give him sex on tap. make him wait until he has proved his worth. know that it wont be easy because you will loose many people along the way.

i hope you have not been called to pay the prize no one should ever be asked.  i envy you. thread carefully i say.

rominiyi:

Thanks to you all for taking interest in my matter ,  I really do appreciate it and may you find help when u need it ,
I have just finished speaking with my Dad now and he is inviting me over for a talk,  My ex was with him over the weekend in my hometown,
I truly love Him ,  

what is your dad interest in this matter?  he should be helping you and not making you more vulnerable.

chihums:

On the contrary, your whole world will crush and burn in fire if you accept his proposals. At 40 he is divorced. how sure are you that he will not divorce you. You really need a lil slap to erase that stupidity from your empty skull. you suck

you need a lil harshness huh

thansk Chilum, I know I need that slap to really awake from my slumber , This guy is my whole world, thats the truth ,

rominiyi:

Thanks to you all for taking interest in my matter , I really do appreciate it and may you find help when u need it ,
I have just finished speaking with my Dad now and he is inviting me over for a talk, My ex was with him over the weekend in my hometown,
I truly love Him ,

Wishing you the best. Keep us posted on what your father says.
Also we like to know the situation in your marriage, why do you easily love someone else after 5yrs of marriage. Something is amiss in your marriage. Our advice can't be accurate without knowing in what ways your husband has been hurting you.

Sometimes we give advice to blocked heads, but i think it's really ok to let such hit a rock and call his worst mistake experience. You are on your own. the decision is yours to make. Go to your Dad. You'll see he will advice you not to go for him but to solve your marital problems.
Lust is different from Love. Infatuation is counterfeit love Which one do you feel for him?

Rominiyi,

Wake up and smell the coffee woman. You are looking at your marriage and your past relationship through rose-colored glasses. In other words, you are in DENIAL. The issue here is not your EX or your HUSBAND. The issue here is YOU.

You are not as EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE as you think you are. As a matter of fact, you are far from it. Here's why---

1. So your husband did 'things' to you and has been doing 'things' to you for quiet sometime, but you've been going back to him to try to work things out---good for you, I applaud you for trying, but the truth is you haven't done the most important thing of all---YOU haven't TRULY FORGIVEN him. This is the reason why you are running to your ex for emotional support. Moreover, if it is that YOU are ALWAYS the one that tries to work things out with your husband, then you may also be in DENIAL in regards to your marriage. Have there been times when YOUR HUSBAND ran back to you to try to work things out or has it always been your attempt to?

2. Before new tenants (your ex) move into your home (marriage), you must first SELL YOUR HOME (divorce). In other words, your home (marriage) is far from being SOLD, and it hasn't been SOLD---You are still married to your husband regardless of whether or not you are having problems; therefore, their's no room for new tenants (your ex) right now. Even if you sell your home (marriage), you still have to clean up the house (a process called HEALING if you choose to leave your husband) for your new tenant.  When you walk away from a relationship, you need time to HEAL from it (regardless on whether or not it was a good/bad relationship). If you leave your husband, you will still need time to 'HEAL ALONE.' If you choose not to HEAL ALONE, and opt to run to the arms of your ex. Your relationship with your ex will end just as fast as it started.

Rominiyi, a failed relationship/marriage is NEVER a one-way street. You keep putting the blame on your husband, but what part have you played in it? If you think you've done NOTHING wrong then think again. You've already been sneaking around and introducing your daughter to your long lost ex.

Anyway, before you decide to LEAP, I would suggest thinking about the following---

Are you ready to face your marital problems head on, and actually FORGIVE your husband for his wrong doings in the past?
Are you ready to displace your child's idea of marriage?
Are you willing to break a home (marriage), in order to work on another (your ex)?
Why did you break up with ex? Why did your ex get a divorce? What were the issues in his marriage? Be very careful when you get this information from him, because you are only hearing HIS SIDE OF THE STORY.
Why would you want to work on UNCERTAINTY (your ex), instead of working on a GUARANTEE (your marriage)?

There's so much at risk right now---YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR CHILD, YOUR MARRIAGE, Notice I don't say your ex, because he is not truly part of your life YET.

I'm sure there are plenty of more questions that you can ask yourself, but my advice is---

Life is too short to work on UNCERTAINTIES---If you leave your husband, and get back together with your ex and things don't work out between the two of you, you will find yourself back to square one---which is, hopping to the next man for emotional support---have you thought of what this will do to your child?---Oh my, too much to lose for a man you are uncertain of, but, GOOD LUCK.  

my Dad's interest is that he wnats my happiness and he wants to talk with me one or one, this guy will leave Abuja to go to my hometown , so my Dad knows this is not a joke anymore, thats why he needs to see me in person.
I am from a well to do family and its not as if he is enticing me with anything, But the truth is I love him,

Something is missing here, Why didnt ur old guy contact ur Dad during the 6 yrs u lost contact, _{abi the guy dey jail?}