₦airaland Forum

Wow interesting ....












just joking... the story is; one word?

Horrible

The Doctor's Reply

Dear Anonymous,

I'm very sorry to hear such a story from you.
Some businesses in life can be very nasty
especially when it comes to kissing. I must
say that your case is a very rare one. Kissing
shouldn't be such a problem. There are two
issues that I would like to bring to your
attention that disturbed me the most. While
reading your letter, the fact that you torn
that poor girls' hair out, scared me the most.
I was just imagining and thinking that what if
it was my daughter. She would be hairless
and definitely won't want to see you again. I
would actually go after you and beat the hell
out of you myself. But I believe that I have a
solution for you. Don't despair my friend.

But just then before I continue, the first
issue is; are you really a vampire? Did you
bite that poor defenseless girl? Please pardon
me, didn't mean to pry into your business.
Whether you are a vampire or not, it's fine
with me. But strange enough is that; what
kind of a vampire are you that can't kiss,
have you watched movies like Vampire's
Diaries, or the Twilight Saga movies. Those
vampires can kiss. I'm so disappointed in you
as a doctor and as a vampire fan. Again, I
apologize; it's not in my place to judge you.
You might happen to be one of those funny
vampires that drinks red juice made out of
cranberries anyway. Come bite me! I dare
you! Either way I will still help you solve your
kissing problem.

The second issue is; if you are not a vampire,
how in the world would you stick out your
tongue like that to kiss a girl? The sight of
your tongue sticking out would have made
me to run away too. Maybe she saw your
vampire teeth, and that's what made her to
run away. We will never know. But my best
guess is it was your tongue. You don't stick
out your tongue when kissing a girl, and
worse you closed your eyes while doing it.
That's a big NO! My friend you might just be
one of those hopeless cases that medical
science can't fix. But like I said, I might have
a solution for you. Now I have kissed a lot of
women in my life, both as a man and as a
doctor. I cannot divulge certain information
of who I kissed because of doctor-patient
confidentiality. For example, Mrs. Bukola Joseph, a patient of mine, whose husband had LRS (Lip Rejection Syndrome). I had to kiss her every time she came for her consultation as part of her therapy because her husband had a
phobia against kissing. The poor woman's lips
were dry because her husband would not kiss
her. Because of her Christianity, she didn't
want to cheat on her husband, so she came
for this therapy. She has become a good
kisser actually and her husband is proud of
her.

Now let's see how we solve your problem.
The first thing you must do is to find a girl to
kiss. Now that might be difficult to do. So I
suggest you get a pillow. Now as you read
this, you must do it step by step. Do not read
then do, do as you read this reply. Did you
get the pillow? It must be those soft cushy
ones. Don't put any make up on; you might
end up staining it. This is how you are going
to do it. You need to relax. If your heart rate
starts beating fast like there are a thousand
horses galloping in your chest, just think of
something relaxing like your first day to
school! Oh heck! I can see by gaze in your
eyes that your first day to school was not
relaxing, you cried didn't you? Oh man! What
kind of man-vampire are you?

Okay, it's alright, Hold the pillow with your
left hand. Open your eyes don't close them.
Now purse your lips in such a way that the
pillow will know your intention. Look excited!
Actually you need to sound excited, don't
know how you are going to manage that. Now
bring your lips closer to the pillow, with your
eyes opened, your lips pursed, move your
left hand closer to your face, move your
head closer to the pillow also. Feel the
softness of the pillow with your right hand,
and then you start counting down, five, four,
three, two, and one... then full force you
stick your lips on the pillow and kiss it, make
sure that your tongue is not sticking out at
all. Do this for a full three minutes, and then
tell me how did it feel?


Didn't you feel stupid? How in the world
would you that to yourself. Are you that
desperate for a kiss that you end up kissing
pillows? My friend you really amaze me.
Please drop the pillow down! I know you still
holding it you fool! Two things I want you to
do for me. First, slap yourself very hard on
the face and say this to yourself - "I' am
stupid, I shouldn't have done this to myself.
And then second thing is; this is what I want
you to do, run out from that room to your
girlfriend's place, the one whose hair you
removed with your teeth. Please make sure
that the neighbor is not there, because he
will beat you up again! And when she opens
the door, just hold her close to you and kiss
her. Don't say anything just kiss her until she
let go. If she slaps you, then you know it was
good kiss. If she does not slap you, then you
still suck as a kisser and there is nothing I
can do for you my friend! Good luck and
happy kissing!

P.S. - Please note that I am not a real
doctor, My name is Saka, I am a mechanic, I am just holding this space for my real doctor friend whose gone for a vacation to Abuja for the next two weeks. Forget everything I've said, just go and kiss the girl, hope this works for you!