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Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 7:38am On Feb 03, 2015

Thank You Everyone.

God Bless you all for the advice and keep your homes & future family in peace.

MOD: Could You Please Permanently Delete This Thread?

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 10:43am On Nov 07, 2014

andromida:
No be me dey do am but if no be months how long? even if na weeks you use protection? You are not ready for a child yet you didn't protect yourself you put your your life in the hands of a woman you cannot even wife. I would think before you move in with a woman sef she should be someone in case things go south you can wife not just any woman. Awoof sex don turn to belle na you do yourself o. I hope you'll find it in your heart to love the child.

All the best as you try to make sense of everything.

Yeah... Learnt, digested my experiences while i still forge ahead.
I definitely will love the child.
Thank you again!

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 9:54am On Nov 07, 2014

andromida:
@op i think you have not been fair to this woman you claim to have loved you showed no consideration for her feelings someone you've been sleeping with without protection for months all of a sudden you require a DNA test? You are something.

For months kwa?? shocked

Na wa o!

Na you dey do am??
wetin i no go see for NL...

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 8:54am On Nov 07, 2014

[b]To all that have had something reasonable to say, my appreciation knows no bounds. God bless you!
In response to those who have said i have been feeding half baked story, from my own purview, i reserve the rights to share my story. Going by some seemingly irresponsible comments from the thread, i could cut it off but for the quite few adroit comments i came about, i will post the update again not just because i want to learn from the wealth of advice and admonition but to make others who are following the thread secretly to learn from my own story.

As much as i was so disappointed to have failed my parents. They did handle the issue better than what i expected.
Her said sister and her husband, without any prior information, went to see my parents behind me. Going by the fact that, their name and address was only a google search away. My parents called me the same moment they arrived that they had some people with him now saying that i impregnated someone. I was shocked beyond disbelief! My feet were shaking and thoughts racing as to why they did that. If i had at any point refused to pay the bills or had absconded, that was when i personally felt they had the whole right to have gone ahead to see my parents without running it through me. The said Aunt and her husband, i can't even say this is what they look like.

Anyways, the following day, my Dad invited us both(the pregnant lady) and i explained all that happened truthfully, hammering on the reason why i suggested termination in the first place(Disappointing them). However, since the worst has happened, i told them i will handle all the bills that come with the baby, ONLY after i have confirmed the paternity of the baby via DNA tests. Hence, all receipts of prior payments relating to the pregnancy should carefully be kept and will be refunded after the paternity has been confirmed.

My parents kicked against it and said they were going to take care of the child and the lady, they were also going to see the lady's dad so as to formally inform him of the fact that our family is ready to accept the child and take care of the lady as well. I also did state how desperate she and her family seem to me and that i can't settle down with her. She then said, if my folks were to go see her Dad, he will request for Marriage. Immediately, i told her categorically in clear terms, it wasn't going to happen.

Prior the meet, I have gone through all legal laws in Nigeria and there was none that at any point said anything about marrying just because you get someone pregnant. The only criminal offense as stated under Section 277 of the Criminal law of Lagos is, "Not taking care of the baby and every related expenses."
We await when the meeting will be and i will go and state my case.

But i was visibly shaken that the lady and her so called aunt could have gone to that extent, if things peradventure had been worse, she could send hoodlums or assassins to me or my family. I have stopped every form of communication as requested by her aunt with the lady till we meet at her Dad's.

Thank you!

Permit me to add this, to those saying i have fed on her food and stuffs, i will not blame your ignorance but next time ask questions like some others have reasonably done on this thread. For record's sake, i have paid for EVERY meal that we both ate throughout the span of the time i was with her. Even went as far as paying her utility bills and some of her part-time school bills. So before you go all thinking i was some leech who fed off her, it was the other way round.

Thank you again for your words. I keep learning from life and i'm fully prepared to be a good dad for the child if it medically turns out to be mine. Although, the thoughts of being a father i must confess send cold chills down my spine.
To the Lagosians, have a wonderful public holiday and to other's outside Lagos, a great day at work.
Bless you All.[/b]

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 9:28pm On Nov 05, 2014

BuddhaPalm:
Possibly 'manufactured'.

With the morning sickness, and the latest stunt pulled by family to show up at my family's doorstep without any invitation or informing me, i strongly doubt it.

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 9:22pm On Nov 05, 2014

pickabeau1:
Sapio
Do what u have to do
Be responsible to your kid
I wonder why some are weeping more than the bereaved

Thank you...
I sincerely appreciate your kind words.

BuddhaPalm:
My inner soothsayer says she was never pregnant. You should have calmed asked to take her for a test.

She was.. saw test results.

2 Likes

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 7:49pm On Nov 05, 2014*

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 2:46pm On Nov 04, 2014

freecocoa:
LOL , sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, pardon me.

Seriously? The unprotected sex was her choice and you gladly agreed thinking she was barren? Did you see any proof of that? I mean, you shoulda known that woman was trying to get pregnant and even if she were barren, miracles do happen(supposing you both are religious).

Not really trying to judge/blame you cos I don't, just kinda stating the obvious, well she's made her choice and there won't be any need trying to talk her into an abortion cos she will most likely budge not, I do empathize with you, I just believe unprotected sex is a huge deal, therefore one should be on guard always as regards it.

Guess you'll just have to wait this one out till she decides to communicate, who knows? You both may come up with an arrangement that will favor both of you, this could turn out to be a good thing, lest I forget, do you love this woman?

Thank you.. sometimes i laugh at myself at the sexual choices i settled for with her.
And her desperation only came to fore, the moment i sensed within myself she got pregnant.
Do i love her? Yes, but do i see myself building a home with her, her age definitely puts that out of the question. Not feasible!
I do know how much a big deal unprotected sex is believe me, but the trust you have in the fact that you're dealing with someone definitely older, understands you and more experienced gives that assurance that no matter what happens, she knows what to be done in the worst case scenario. Alas, i was wrong!

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 2:23pm On Nov 04, 2014

pickabeau1:
You need to discuss with this woman
It will be difficult to convince her to abort.. so maybe you should strike that option out
I believe she will be ready to even take care of that child on her own
Well... i get your fears and concerns,, but you have to man up

If i only know how she's faring, at least it will be a head-start. But she's all silent. No words, response or calls.

freecocoa:
You said her father called you names for talking her into terminating the pregnancy, which pregnancy are you now worried about? Or are you worried she didn't go through with it?

Anyways, I don't know why you would be having unprotected sex with someone without talking about what may come out of it first, so figure it out.

I'm human..hence if she's still carrying then it's my blood with hers in one being. Why shouldn't i be worried.
The unprotected sex we had was her choice. Her reason being, "She was barren and never wasn't going to get pregnant". Moreover, she wasn't going to jeopardize or try to hold me back with anything.

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 2:16pm On Nov 04, 2014

pickabeau1:
Not maam
So what is your own issue with the whole matter

Why do u want to abort

My bad. My issues are as follows;

1. We are not well financed enough to take care of a baby.
2. I am not psychologically ready to want to have a kid now especially not outside wedlock.
3. I am as good as dead with my family getting to hear about it.
Why bring to life a kid/possibly kids we can't afford to provide with things they want and you have to start going to sister's to get them things.

Family › Re: What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 2:11pm On Nov 04, 2014

StPete:
I think she isn't too young to have a child and believe me, if she keeps it, later on, you'd be thankful that she did.

Her age i agree with you is sure out of the question. But the finances to take care of the baby is to be called to question.
Shame isn't it to see a kid grow up without all he/she may need?
Moreover out of wedlock?

pickabeau1:
that may be the only opportunity for her to have a chilld
Congratulations daddy!

my exact fear ma'am.

kilokeys:
op i wish u were aborted.
a young man like u.. earning thirty thousnd.. skipping fornication to commit adultery, impregnating the lady, wanting abortion

u deserve a ban on NL.. then 2 life sentences.

may u never meet any of my family members o.. weyrey

Read well sir, i didn't say i earn 30k. She does.
I sure do earn more than that. But not criteria enough to have a kid.

3 Likes

Family › What Did I Do Wrong? by Sapiosexual22(op): 2:00pm On Nov 04, 2014

Hi All,

I’m using a second account to post this and i want to ask for advice from people who are more experienced than i am and have families of their own.
I’m in this dilemma that is clouding up my head and i want out of it. I’m a young man in my mid twenties. I met this lady some 4 years back while she was still freshly married via social media but was suffering abuse from her husband back then. All the while, i was her listening ears through the trials and travails.
At some point we lost contact only to hear when we regained touch that she left her husband and one of the major reasons was because she couldn’t give birth.

All the while, i was in school(Uni) putting final touches on my undergraduate studies. The said lady as i type now is in her late 20’s and at least 3years older than i am. Fast forward months ahead, we found this chemistry and talked while the distance was still there, in the midst of it, she was in and out of 2 relationships without any carnal knowledge of her dates she said.

Knowing the dictates of the country, fast forward three years,NYSC finished and i had the intention of moving down to Lagos full time in search of greener pasture. Initially, it was for interview tests and i’d lodge in hotels for them. Some which the said lady would book and have paid for me. Weeks after, i was spending my first week in a hotel while i did confide in her i was seeking an apartment to rent and settle in. To cut it short, she offered me a place to stay in her one bedroom self-con apartment.

For almost 1month i was there but traveled in between. In the 3rd week staying with her, i got an apartment. But the ease that came with it and the fact that i had a 7am-7pm training to always attend daily slowed down my hesitation to move to my place as i was always exhausted by the time i’m back. Weeks back, i came back and what i had waiting for me was the ‘blue-strip” test showing positive for pregnancy.

Shocked as i was, i held my calm and waited for her to also tell me what happened. Prior to this time, she had gone ahead telling her folks and friends without my knowledge. I simply asked, what she would have us do with the pregnancy? Knowing that i am not ready to be a father(at least, financially and psychologically), and she on the other hand, wasn’t earning enough(30k) to cater for the baby if we do decide to have him/her. I logically explained to her that, going by our financial situation, it’ll be unwise of us to raise a kid. She went all silent and she started communication with her sister and so on. Second day came, i asked her the prior question again, her response was, “God Will take care of the baby”. Dumbfounded i asked just to assure that i wasn’t hearing the wrong person. It came again more with a “I’ve got Aunts that will help me”

I felt rage within me and yet still held peace… i continually reminded her for the next 24hours of how we can’t keep the baby as much as i understand her crave to have one and maybe prove her “EX” wrong on her child-bearing capability. 24hours over on a Sunday evening, and she sent me packing around 10pm, just after coming back from her sister’s with the excuse that, she’s scared of sleeping next to me just because i said, it was foolish to have the baby kept. I obliged, moved my things that same night and sought for the nearest hotel to lay my head while i was in another long week of my 7-7training. She sent a text on Wednesday of this same week that she had thought about it and her sister has found some doctor to help her with termination.

I initially thought, we could both visit a hospital ourselves and do it, but to be on a safer side, since her sister was already involved, i let them be. On Thursday, she sent me a quote of 21,500 and credited i her with 22k. Friday afternoon, while i was in the middle of a presentation in my training, i got a call from a man (Young Voice) claiming to be her dad, saying he wants me to stay away from her. and that i was callous to have pressurized her into terminating the pregnancy. Disturbed, i couldn’t finish up my presentation, i sent her a text asking what was happening, she replied “We are busted”.

That was her last line of communication and i have not heard from her since then. She wouldn’t pick calls nor reply text messages, nor whatsapp messages & BBM messages. As much as i’m concerned about the pregnancy, i’m worried about her and what’s happening with her.
Please what should i do? Was my advice wrong? Or am i at mercy of a desperate woman who wants to have a child?

Properties › Re: Clean, Pristine Executive Mini-flat by Sapiosexual22(op): 5:29pm On Oct 07, 2014

GONE..

Properties › Re: Clean, Pristine Executive Mini-flat by Sapiosexual22(op): 8:17am On Oct 07, 2014

Sapiosexual22:
STILL AVAILABLE

Sapiosexual22:
GOING!!!

Properties › Re: Clean, Pristine Executive Mini-flat by Sapiosexual22(op): 6:39am On Oct 05, 2014

GOING!!!

Properties › Re: Clean, Pristine Executive Mini-flat by Sapiosexual22(op): 2:20pm On Oct 04, 2014

STILL AVAILABLE

Properties › Re: Clean, Pristine Executive Mini-flat by Sapiosexual22(op): 7:04am On Oct 04, 2014

AVAILABLE

Properties › Re: Clean, Pristine Executive Mini-flat by Sapiosexual22(op): 2:17pm On Oct 03, 2014*

Cheers.

Properties › Re: Clean, Pristine Executive Mini-flat by Sapiosexual22(op): 2:14pm On Oct 03, 2014*

Properties › Clean, Pristine Executive Mini-flat by Sapiosexual22(op): 1:49pm On Oct 03, 2014*

Large Mini-flat That Could Pass For a 2 Bed Room (Depending On Self)

Comes With 2 spacious Toilets and Bath
Water Treatment Plant
Security & Fenced With Barbed Wires
POP Finish
Spacious Bedroom with wardrobe
Generator for Residents available too

EXTRA; The tiles and the whole apartment has been cleaned with acid to glister and treated for bugs.

Travel › Re: Picking A House - Help!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 7:48pm On Sep 20, 2014

seyikares: @phema

@ops u can still try ojota,ketu,Maryland,oregun gbagada,they are all easily accessible too and r cheaper .

Thanks dear... God bless your heart!

Properties › Re: Picking A House - HELP!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 7:25pm On Sep 13, 2014

YorubaJesus: I dont use whatsapp on that number. Call or send sms or send your number

Just did...

Travel › Re: Picking A House - Help!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 7:24pm On Sep 13, 2014

Phema: It was like a block of flats. About 5 self contains and 2 mini-flat. He was staying in one of the mini flats.

Oh ok... Thanks for your time again.
I'd try my luck at it.

Properties › Re: Picking A House - HELP!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 6:34pm On Sep 13, 2014

casmirjohn: call,08174452902,08159777608

Good evening, I should call you on what exactly sir?

YorubaJesus: I can send you pictures on whatsapp. Power is okay, I can't guarantee 24 hrs light but in a day, there's usually power for more than 10 hours. Call me on 08098526071.

Sent you a message via whatsapp

Travel › Re: Picking A House - Help!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 6:32pm On Sep 13, 2014

Phema: Very serene indeed and kinda central. Accessible to all parts of Lag without much hassles. Then again, if you want to buy cheap food stuff, all you need do is take #50 cab to Ojota. You have almost all the major banks along that road. So, bank transactions are quite easy. Relatively safe too. Stayed there for good 2 years and never for once did I hear of any robbery incident. Don't mind me ooo. I really just love the place.

Some landlords do take one year's rent. You do have to search harder though. Tell your agents to get houses that landlords accept one yr payment. I paid for 1 year when I stayed there. Just called the landlord and he said he doesn't have any vacant flat. I've lost the agent's contact.

If you want a bigger room, then do a mini flat . Then again, it's more money. The one I stayed in was quite small too, but I didn't mind cos I was staying alone. Sometimes, quality prevails over quantity

Good luck in your search and welcome to Lasgidi!

Yeah it's position is quite strategic with accessibility to major access routes to Lagos and even outside, Yet still maintaining it's serenity.The power too I was told is quite great.

Overall sounds like a perfect place!
Thank you... One hopes to make dreams come true starting from West Africa's biggest city.
I'd consider a fairly spacious self con.

Permit me to ask, was the one you stayed in a BQ to a house where it was just you and your landlord in the compound?

Properties › Re: Picking A House - HELP!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 3:58pm On Sep 13, 2014

YorubaJesus: Come to lekki, an estate close to alpha beach. There are a couple of mini flats for 350k so u have a choice to choose one. It's a quiet neighbourhood with good roads and street lights. The sea is just right behind you so on a Sunday evening if you don't feel like going out, you can sit infront of your house and enjoy the serene view of the sea and the natural breeze in the air.

It's ideal especially if you are working on the island because you will always be against traffic during rush hours.

Pictures available on request.

That sounds perfect I must confess.
I'd like to see the pictures. Drop your line and I'd send you a message.
You also didn't talk about power.. What is power like there?

Properties › Re: Picking A House - HELP!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 11:17am On Sep 13, 2014

sam13: Suggestion of perfect areas i can choose for you Surulere, Yaba, Ogudu,there are good miniflats in these areas
Call 07038462492

I'm not a fan of Yaba as such due to it's proximity to UNILAG and the students. I'd rather prefer Ogudu not the Ojota side now. But some place fairly cool.. I could also work with the GRA

Travel › Re: Picking A House - Help!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 11:15am On Sep 13, 2014

Phema: Try Ogudu GRA. Its on the mainland but not far from the Island. Very serene with mostly the upper and middle class. Very quiet. Stable electricity and accessibility to the major places in the city.

A good studio apartment will be about 300k, excluding the agency and other fees. Only problem is that you may be asked to pay for 2 yrs. So with agency fee and all, it could come up to 800k/2years.

That used to be my hood and I miss it so much. Best place I've stayed in Lag.

Thank you so much. I have been there myself and I must confess that yes, the environment is super serene and I loved my first walk through it alongside the agent who toon me visiting.

Problem however is, the size of the studio apartments were quite small and coming up with 2years rent is quite something I can't afford. A year, I could still do.

By the way, do you have any links to securing an apartment there? A big studio apartment or a fairly priced mini-flat?

Thanks.

Travel › Re: Picking A House - Help!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 11:12am On Sep 13, 2014

lymelyte: yes..

Ok. Thank you.
The traffic on that road at night is something to dread. Thank you still though for your input.
I will give it some thoughts

Travel › Re: Picking A House - Help!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 4:50pm On Sep 12, 2014

lymelyte: No it is not.. When I mean ajah, I mean ajah lekki extension.. As a matter of fact, ajah is not far at all. There are jobs on the island. What kind of job are you looking for? Inbetween, extreme and end means the same thing..

Ok... Lekki Extension will extended to place like Abraham Adesanya yeah?
And I'm a fresh graduate. Hence, anything to give me a career headstart will be good.

Properties › Re: Picking A House - HELP!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 1:07pm On Sep 12, 2014

doyin1985: Would prefer ogudu

Ok. Thank you so much.

Travel › Re: Picking A House - Help!!! by Sapiosexual22(op): 1:06pm On Sep 12, 2014

lymelyte: Sure 400k is enough for a mini flat at ajah Part of Lagos..

Isn't Ajah the extreme end of the island.
Looking at it's proximity to job prospects.

1 Like

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