Dear OP,

Calm down and listen to my counsel. I assume you are a Christian since you say you come from Akwa Ibom. Do you attend a church? If you do then

1- Meet the elders of the church and ask for counsel from experienced ones. Many of our elderly men and women have seen a lot in life and you will be surprised some have even come across the same exact type of scenario. If it is possible to find elders in church who happen to come from that lady's area or understand their native law and customs that will be even better. Let them guide you on what to do.

2- If you are not a regular church goer no problem. Try to find elders from your lady's area. Find out from them. How are marriages transacted? What are the customary rites and traditions as applicable in that part of the country. In short get someone to fully advise you.

3- Does the said lady, your fiancee have an elder brother or an older blood relative the mother and daughter are on good terms with who can stand in as the father? If there is such a person, try to take advantage of that.

Why am I saying all these? You see you don't approach this thing with emotions. You approach it with facts and we face reality.

This is Nigeria and this is Africa. Maybe if you were living abroad you can do as you like but the fact is family still has a lot to do with this matter of marriage.

Cultures and customs vary from tribe to tribe. What some tribes may condone other tribes may not. For instance some cultures will find it acceptable for the stepfather to take the place of the father figure. If that is the case no problem.

Some other cultures will not accept that. They will insist that the biological father must be present at the wedding even if the man is a deadbeat father or a drunkard.

Yes I know it is hard but that is the reality with some customs. If the biological father did not pay the mother's bride price or dowry in some cases he will not be allowed to collect the bride price, rather it will go to the mother's people.

Again there are reasons why I am calmly pointing out all these things. It is to avoid any booby trap or landmines in future. This is because like I said earlier we marry families here in Africa not just the individual -- this is the truth whether we like it or not.

Again it depends on the family. How close are they to the hometown,native laws and customs etc.

If the lady and her mother don't really fraternize with them, that might make things easier for you.

But in a case where the lady and her mother are close to the home front, frequent the village etc. It can become an issue if it is not handled with wisdom.

I understand how many of the ladies feel. Why should a man who abandoned them suddenly show up on the day of wedding and want to collect bride price?

It is human to feel that way. However everyone came into this world through the channel of a man and woman. God chose your parents in the sense that you were born through them.

There are spiritual realities tied to all these things. What you really need is Wisdom that is why I said seek for counsel.

It is also true that in some cases though not all, the women are only telling their side of the story and what suits them. It may not be the truth.

One may find out that the father is not a bad man after all but the mother cut the children off from him deliberately and permanently. They then raise the kids to hate the man. Nobody can deny such cases occur.

I don't know the implications of paying bride price to both the biological and step father. You may need to get counsel from both elders and pastors who come from that area/tribe to be well informed.

The truth is this -- there is a blessing that comes to you when the father of the woman you married gives his consent to your union.

Human beings are very deep and you want to avoid a case where what happened to your fiancee's parents repeats itself in your union.

I also strongly advise you to get a pastor to pray for you and break any curse in the lineage or any negative thing.

We don't do things out of emotions. We try our best to do what is right. We have seen cases of absentee fathers who abandoned the mother and children.

Yet when it was time to get married the children still forgave him and allowed him stand in on the day of wedding.

One of my in-laws faced a similar predicament. He father separated from his mother and did not care for his son throughout till the boy became a graduate.

But the fellow grew up, became something in life and still went after his father and took care of him though he did not deserve it. Today he has been mightily blessed and is doing well.

The summary and the bottom line is this. If possible seek for counsel from pastors and elders who are very familiar with that part of the country.

They will know what to do and advise your accordingly. Ask them is it possible to give bride price to both fathers?

Don't worry even if the absentee fathers had zero contribution to her life. You are not doing it just for him. You want to attract divine favour from God.

If they say no, fine. If they say yes,let them direct you.

Also you need good counsel because an absentee father who is deadbeat might decide to take advantage of you and start to live off you and be billing you.

To avoid all that ask for advice. If the elders who knows the customs of that area say you may not need to bring him into the picture then let the matter lie.

Also ask the elders in your family to carry out discreet investigation per the girl, her father and mother.

Trust me there are people who know what to do in such cases. All this is to avoid walking into a minefield or booby traps from either your fiancee, her mother or her biological father in the future.

Again let me summarize it for you. You don't have enough information to make a decision. Seek for counsel! God will direct your way. It is well.