Have you ever wondered why many girls use smileys and short replies when chatting nowadays? Seriously, I have come to realize why most girls do. I was chatting with this babe yesterday and I was Like... ME: How are you dear? GIRL: 5n. ME: How was your day? GIRL: 5n. ME: How is your family? GIRL: 5n. ME: Are you missing me? GIRL: No. ME: But I'm missing you GIRL: Tanks. ME: I'm not feeling well GIRL: Sowi ME: So how was ya day? GIRL: 5n. ME: are you busy? GIRL: No ME: Are you with someone over there? GIRL: No. ME: What? Why don't you type something interesting instead of sending me short replies? GIRL: K ME: Type something now! GIRL: K ME: Ok! Ok so its true. GIRL: Dat wat? ME: I've heard you failed your English exams... GIRL: Who telled you? It is unpossible! I sawed the resalt yestarday... I passed away. ME: OMG... That's ok. You can use smileys and short replies please!!

And early this morning a man was about to receive a contract of N30 million # Somewhere_in_Ni geri#when his wife called him on phone.
(On phone)....
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Wife: Woooooooooow!!,darling I have a very big surprise for u,I can't believe this.
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Husband: wow, ok pls I will call u back,I'm about to receive a contract of N30 million.
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Wife: Darling,it's a good news but this one is very urgent pls come home now,pls it's VERY URGENT.
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Husband: but I'm about to...
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Wife: PLS JUST COME HOME BABY,TRUST ME.
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Husband: em.. pls my wife just called me for an urgent thing.Pls grant me d access to go and come bak quick.
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Company: Well,if u leave,I'm afraid of what might happen to d contract.
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After few minutes The man quickly went home...
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Husband: (Seriously sweating) honey why this urgent surprise,when I was abt to receive a contract worth 30 million?
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Wife: Honey,our troubles are over and God has finally answered our prayers.
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Husband: R u pregnant?
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Wife: Haba honey is more than pregnancy,if it's just pregnancy I wouldn't have disturbed u in ur contract.
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Husband: Wow,so what's d surprise?
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Wife: (Being happy) Honey, I can't believe this,u knw we have been praying over 6 months now? God has finally answered us.That Big rat that always disturb us in the kitchen is finally dead,I called u to remove it,I'm afraid of touching rats.
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WHAT WILL U DO IF U WERE TO B D MAN?

I've been laughing since I got this joke.....but are we really this bad? ANGELS: Father! We are tired of these Nigerians in heaven. GOD: What have they done this time? ANGEL: Everything!Theydon't listen to instructions. They don't obey traffic rules. They don't wait for their turn in anything. They are completely reckless! GOD: Then we better send them to hell! (Calls the Devil). Hello.. SATAN: Hello my creator and master, pls call me later. There's an issue I'm trying to resolve. Ten (10) minutes later: GOD: Hello Lucifer. SATAN: Your Lordship my father! I'll call you back. The issue has turned into a crisis ooo! An hour later: SATAN: Hello? GOD: What's going on over there? SATAN: It's the Nigerians I have with me in hell oooo! (He stammers),they... they... they have quenched the fire in hell and installed air conditioner

////////////// 1. Daddy lied in the church that he had an accident when it was Mummy that hit his head. 2. Daddy said Mummy is too wide and he's not a good swimmer. Is mummy a swimming pool?. 3. I think Mummy is still a virgin. 4. I saw an original balloon in Daddy's room but Daddy has spat in it. 5. Mummy was mad at Daddy yesterday because he touched Aunty Angela's bum bum. 6. I know why my Daddy is always reading newspapers. So that Mummy won't ask him for feeding money. 7. Daddy has shaved his beard because Mummy said he looked like an he goat. 8. The landlord will never give us quick notice because my mother is his friend. 9. I know when my daddy collects his salary because my mummy will call him sweetheart. 10. Why is Daddy always fighting with Mummy in bed but yet Mummy will say, "Oh, it's sweet!" 11. Sometimes, Daddy's thing will go up, sometimes it will go down. 12. Mummy said Daddy is a womaniser. Is it because he works in the ministry of women affairs? 13. Mummy told Aunty Rukky that Daddy gave her gonorrhea, is it truth?. Is Daddy a gonorrhea distributor? Some parents will kill their child if they find out what they say about them outside. COMMENT WHICH OF THE ABOVE YOU SAID WHEN YOU WERE A KID

I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY: . I was hanging out alone in a bush smoking some hard weed at around 11pm. I decided to leave for my house but no taxi on that route at that time of the night, so i startd recallin old comedies nd startd laughin on ma own nd i also decided to hitch a ride home if possible. It started raining heavily and suddenly a range rover jeep stopped by my side. I quickly jumped into the passengers side and closed the door then the car started moving, and just when I was about to say thank you to the driver, I discovered there was no one in the car. I started to freak out but was too scared to jump out of a moving vehicle. When the car got to a bend, a hand came in through the driver's window and turned the steering wheel.This happened twice and on the third time I totally freaked out, jumped out of the car screaming and landed in a ditch full of rain water. I got up and ran for my dear life and entered the nearest bar I found. After downing 4 bottles of Guinness Stout and narrating my ghost story to anyone who cared to listen, three guys just walked into the same bar all drenched in rain water. One of them pointed at me and said, "Akpos, isn't that the mad man who entered the car while we were pushing it? Don't laff alone...pls comment lol

JAMB SCORE GRADE POINTS 180 – 185 ------------------------20 points 186 – 190------------------------21points 191 -195-------------------------22points 196 – 200-----------------------23points 201 – 205-----------------------24points 206 – 210-----------------------25 points 211 – 215-----------------------26 points 216 -220------------------------27 points 221 -225------------------------28 points 226 -230------------------------29 points 231 -235------------------------30 points 236 – 240-----------------------31 points 241 – 245-----------------------32 points 246 -250------------------------33 points 251 -300----------------------- (34- 43points) 300 -400-----------------------(44 – 60 points) WAEC / NECO O’LEVEL GRADE POINTS 1. Single sitting------------------- 10 points 2. Combined Results------------- 2 points A1------------------------------6 points B2 and B3---------------------4 points C4 – C6------------------------3 points For example IGWE ARIYO HASSAN scored 205 in UTME = 24 points He applies for Political Science He presents only one WAEC result=10 points He has 5 credits in the necessary subjects (3 x 5) =15 points His total points =49 points. He will now await the school to release the cut off point for his course.

Lots of marriages has crashed these days as a result of the high standard of living some ladies wants but their man can't provide. They tend to cheat on their partner as a result causing break-up at long run. We bring to you Five things ladies check-out in men before accepting marriage.
1) Height: Obviously, an average woman would surely love her man who has the height, no woman loves a short nigga. 2) Wealth: As the saying goes, where there's money there's love. No lady likes a broke man. 3) Good in Bed: Ladies loves romance so they can easily get to fall for someone that can make them wet anytime. Having a big d*ck is a plus as well. 4) Occupation: Many ladies would fall for someone who has career, who has a good income. 5) Nice Family Background: A woman would disturb and always ask after your family before accepting to marry you. No woman would marry you without knowing your family. Who knows you might be a ghost.

In secondary school, I was very poor in Maths and Chemistry. During exams, I'd get between 2% and 8%. . The results used to be announced out from the lowest to the highest marks, So I would always be the 1st Or 2nd to be called out. . One day, the Maths results were being released and my name wasn't among the first to be called out. . The teacher got to 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s && 70s. Still my paper had not been called out. Everyone kept looking at me asking: " Guy wats up? "How you take do am? . And the teacher went on to the 80s And when he got to 88%, He had one paper remaining. I then asked myself, could I have scored a 90% in maths? . I was feeling very anxious and happy now that I knew I had proved the so called genius wrong, Could I have gotten 88%? I thought my dreams have been answered. . The whole class was amazed as every one kept looking at me. It was Unbelievable. Finally the teacher looked up and said, "There is a cow that did not write his name on the paper that scored 0%. If you have not received your paper come and get it now."I FAINTED!".

A man and his wife quarrelled. After the fight, the wife went into the bedroom. A few minutes later, the husband also trooped into the bedroom only to find the wife busy packing her suitcase! He asked "You are packing! Where are you going?" She answered "To my mother " The man paused for a while after some minutes the man also got his big bag & started packing his clothes. The angry wife stared at him and said: "You are packing! Where are you going?" He replied "! I"m going to my mother!" The wife replied, "To your mother!! what about the 6 children?! Who is going to look after them?" The man replied, "You are going to your mother! I'm going 2 my mother. The 6 children should also go to their mother!! simple!!

THE POINT OF NO RETURN Just when you think you are about to rest, you have to make bigger commitments. You may be transferred to another city and may need to get a house there. Some may want to build in the village, others want to invest in properties etc, and so you take the next set of loans… another 8 to 10 years hustle. After 15 to 20 years, you suddenly realize that you have only been working to pay off loans and live an average life. If you want to travel abroad on vacation, that’s another topic. You remember that career I told you about? The initial plan? At this point you realize that the kind of politics you need to play to get it may overwhelm you or even change you to someone else. You may also need to spend some more money and invest a lot of emotions and still will not get there. All these while, you were boxed into a small community, an illusion, thinking you’ve attained elite status, cut off from the reality of the outside world, 20 years after, you realize you will soon retire but then your kids start getting into college so you have to double up, you start getting frustrated. For most people, it always ends like a sad movie, you turn to look around you and your friends on the outside who hustled for the first 10 years of his or her life can afford to give you a loan, they’re more relevant in their communities than you are, better satisfaction and fulfillment because they are in touch with reality. There is a high probability that we die soon after we retire due to our inability to readjust to a normal life. This is the life of today’s ‘oil worker’, it’s the reason I’m neck deep in running small businesses aside my job in a multinational.