And finally, here’s the poem I promised to post (I’d titled it LEAVING MY SCARS –for Ogrebuga):

[center]LEAVING MY SCARS

White whispers descending
Urges me to tear the sheet
But a promise bestowed
Haunts me past midnight
Till 1 AM, nudges me awake,
Draws my hand, trembling,
To pick my pillow pen.

‘Sorry’, softly spoken, Tears it!
A half height-still growing veil
To shield memories of a an ebony face,
an angelic smile, Beauty like a red rose,
Voice like the sound of rushing brooks
flowing in the morning;
Warm, soft, and sweet –
Unforgettable cuddles and kisses …

Poetry isn’t currency,
Hurt is a tiny word.

I felt a sharp pain,
Press a finger to the wound,
Now turning to a mental scar.

Time is freezing my fate to
A hard heart.

Hello,
Do you know
I write poetry
To hide my misery?

Do you know
I wore old clothes?

Do you know:
I lived in a mob hovel;
Shit in a broken lavatory;
Slept on the floor;
Prayed like a pastor;
Inhaled fantasy like oxygen;
Lived on a thousand big dreams?

Now, I am a success in progress – bar this shock.

Should I nurse hate,
Like George Bush does with Osama;
Pain in a person’s name?

We HAD Fun,
Sitting on the couches,
far from each other
throwing texts with our phones;
buying cards,
tearing out the inner pages, and
filling them with our own words;
lying in each other’s arms,
laughing, reading romantic poems,
I haven’t written for a long time now.

Am I going to far fantasizing?

I remember her  eyes,
The roughness and restlessness
Of a personality, like mine;
And in her voice,
The gentle heart, beating
Within a stubborn spirit.

For babes on this thread,
Do you know that affection
Doesn’t lie in that second plate of ice cream;
Post-paid phone accounts, runway outfits,
A never dry wallet, the front seat of a jeep,
or perfection?

Not her. Just generalizing.

You all expected a poem,
Here is one.

But I won’t hope for a reply,
Won’t smile if I see you,
Won’t send you cards on valentine …

I don’t love,
Can’t love,
Won’t love.

But maybe,
Just M-A-Y-B-E,

I will seek for a reply;
Smile if I see you;
Send you cards on valentine;

Even call, if I get a number.

I just remembered one thing:

I can still be

Loved again.[/center]


Please this doesn’t mean that this thread is closed. I will still visit everyday and read your posts (and reply too).  It is just that you guys have successfully helped me to pass through what I feel are the worst times.
I am open to new opportunities. Please e-mail or YIM me at the address I earlier gave.

Thank you, and may God bless you all.

PLEASE NOTE: The nairaland browser didn;t display the ame of the networking site I talked about in the post before this correctly. The site name is Legwork.

PRESENTLY … I still come back home and feel a fleeting sadness. I still get momentarily depressed sometimes. I still sometimes wish we are still together. I’m still trying to get used to waking up and not picking my phone to call her (I’d done that EVERYDAY for at least 7 months counting backwards from last December – honest).

But I thank God for the bright side of my life now. A stable biz that puts food on my table; the loyalty of 2 wonderful friends; the support and understanding of my family; and above all, the emotional development that came with experiencing what happened.

Will I meet someone better? I hope so.

Am I a stronger and better person now than before? Definitely. Most definitely.

Thanks to all of you in who contributed your posts: aisha2 (u are really a sort of legend here), mickplus, chychy, jibosqie,4him, almondjoy, ogrebuga, firestar, bennygee, and dellynash. God bless you all and may you also find support from people in trying times. You can send me a mail or YIM me on edisco1000@yahoo.com.

For those who may be interested, I found very helpful articles on www.hopecircle.com, www.enotalaone.com, and www.wikihow.com.

WEEK 5: Took a break from work. Rearranged the furniture in my house and started this thread. Also changed my phone.

WEEK 6: The break is public. My family and close friends have noticed. Some observant folks too, like my land lady. I was getting a lot of help online, including here at nairaland. Some real positive stuff too – a friend took me to a spa (I’ve never been to one before); another introduced me to, and got me a gold member registration in www.legwork.com.ng (nice social networking site – not that I am really keen to start anything right now).

I plan moving house. The house holds a lot of memories cos she chose the decoration theme among other things.

My new biz is a little stabilizing ,

Then the best surprise: I’d wanted to get a 99/2k model of T Camry – my first car, by the middle of this month; on Wednesday, my 2 closest friends take me to Nandos at S/lere, tells me to forget the Camry, ask me what slightly more expensive wheels I’d prefer if I could afford it - Nissan pathfinder -03, they pledge to make up the money for that by this month end – just to tell her that I’m better off without her (na them talk so!).

2 days later, her mum calls me and afterwards put her on the line. She wants to come back, thinks we can still work things out, cried , I nearly crack, told her I still didn’t know what my offence was that made her leave, drops the line on her, felt guilty afterwards.

I broach the issue to my close circle. Everyone says No – my siblings, my friends, even my land lady who she’d approached to persuade me!

WEEK 2: No communication at all. I’d called in the first 2 days but she wouldn’t pick. For the first time since it all began, I’d felt I was really been treated unfairly (especially after the efforts I’d put in to revive the flame, while struggling to put a new business on a stable footing), so I said to watch and see if he will call. She never did.
I managed five tortuous days before I went to see her.

WEEK 3: More of a confrontation than anything else. After almost 2 hours without any meaningful progress, I’d tried a hypothesis by suggesting that we could take some weeks break, review ourselves and … she almost immediately agreed. I left with a feeling that I’d just helped her articulate what she’s been finding difficult to say.

WEEK 1: I’d noticed that what I considered uncomfortable developments for almost a month, were becoming regular – No calls or texts for up to 3 days (we talk to each other first thing in the morning, at least once within the day, and last thing at night); no acknowledgements to my texts, no weekend visits. (we see each other every other day).

I’d tried to address the issues earlier than then, so over a scheduled lunch, I’d asked the usual questions:
What ma I doing wrong?
What did I do?

Bad encounter. Ended with my plea: Please whatever the problem is, let’s (meaning her, cos I was sensing that) not give our bodies to other persons yet. We can work out every other issue (meaning: I can bear every other sin) except that.

Hi all,

Sorry for the break in transmission.

It’s really been tough this past couple of days.

Well, I said I was going to keep you abreast of my progress in this unplanned journey and I intend to do just that. For ease of concentration, I have decided to cut the whole post in to a series of smaller posts so that I can keep you attention without boring you.

I will start with a  summarized dateline my journey through heartbreak from the start to the present:

Hi folks,

thanks for ur time.

Just decided to keep on keeping on (ala plantation boiz).

I am moving (lookin at march end).

@ogreguba
Sorry Bro. The error is highly regretted.

@aisha2
U are wonderful.
If you think the spa was great. Just wait till i get my new wheels.

Thanks guys.

I woke up to some music I never heard before something about "life is a highway, am gonna ride it ,
I think its cool. And to som of you who want to judge the way I am or not handling it, how about this
Told you what, I had a low this morning (first Sunday without her). But then I know the feeling, bad as it is, will pass.
The gist of te phone call was like [i], we're mad for each other, , trials come,, blah blah blah.[/i]And my rely was like, [i]I have given my everything , my emotions are drained, , there's nothing more to give.[/i]Besides, the trust is gone. Felt bad after it all, but I know I did the right thing.

What u think?

Hi guys,

Thanks a lot for all the warmth and care reflected in your posts.

@ogroguba
Thanks bro. really getting to see all my siblings in a different light now. Specially my little sis and our youngest guy.

@jibosquie
Thanks bro for the wonderful link, tho’ my connection made it blotchy and all. “scars” was wonderful but Chychy’s ‘memories’ is it. Tho’ I wil put up another poem by Monday. Thanks.


@almondjoy & 4him
I am really grateful to God and guys like Mickplus, aisha2, chychy, jibosquie, and some other guys out there for my progress. It may be slow but I don’t think I may want to handle it any other way than I am right now. Thanks all the same for your posts.

@ all u wonderful guys
Guess what?
My friend lived up to his word – even a notch higher, actually took me to one of those Top hotel spas in the island today. Boy was I refreshed (for want of a better word).
Got back home and got this call – from her mum. We spoke for like 5 mins, and then guess whom she handed the phone to …

Don’t want to undo all the wonderful progress we’ve made in this tortuous journey so far.
Please, allow me the luxury of mulling over the “talk” today.  I will give u a sneak peak of what it was all about soon. (Please don’t conjecture).
I am still basking in the treatment I got at the spa today. Real cool, but I wondered when I’d just walk in and do that on my own (it was worth every dime), and also why some real wealthy folks rarely take advantage of these wonderful services.

I now understand the real meaning of the SA proverb “umuntu nguntu ngabantu” translated “a person is a person because of other persons”. I’m this Ok cos of you all, thanks.

Hi Guys,

Thank u all 4 ur wonderful support.

Even though to be candid, sometimes u see how some people talk9or is it write or type), and you wnder if they have ever had the privilege of being in love. Anyway, I guess it comes with the turf – public forum, and I guess I am much better than worse off for the help this thread has been to me.

Talking about love, no matter the pain I am going through now (believe me, quite a lot), I’d give anything to be in love again (not necessarily with the same person). Cos I know what it means to be loved, and I know my heart is capable of receiving and returning love. And I know it will come my way again when I am ready. It is beautiful, probably the most beautiful thing in the world.

@mickplus
Thanks bro for the compliments and support. Maybe as I feel bolder and stronger, I may contact you on your email to send you a personal thank you note for all the wonderful words. U r really great.

@aisha
Hmm! How do I complement a woman again without … Sis u’ve done me a great favor with your timely and kind words. Wish ur email was in ur profile, in which case, I’d owe u what I owe mickplus.

@chychy
And the title is …, MEMORIES! Thanks a lot.

Feeling a little down. I’ll see u folks. Luv!

Hi guys, if I am doing well, u deserve all the kudos.

@aisha2 and Chychy
“That’s d spirit bro … “
“Damn bro …”
Those energetic openers were really invigorating. Thanks a million.

Aisha2, “memories” is really cool, but please let’s see what some1 else may come up with. Three posts more, and no suggestions, then “memories” it will be.

@mickplus
Urs was the first I read this morning b4 leaving the house. The camaraderie is infectious. Thanks bro.

I am doing another poem (I fancy myself a circumstantial poet cos only some turn in circumstances compel me to write). Also toying with the idea of a fictional diary of this whole em,  em ,  shit (Yes shit! Please excuse my language) from the day it all started and how I passed through and got over it. Think it’s a good idea? Just that writing, either from pain or otherwise sort of purges my emotions and leaves me better afterwards.

I can’t thank u guys enough. Bless you all.

Hi guys,
Thanks for all ur posts (I‘ll call them balm).

@kalmebad
Thanks Sis. Talking about seeing the writing makes me know u’ve really been there. Thanks for the advice. I am trying my best.

@masam
The spiritual growth is something I am really left with right now. Just read an article on why God allows us go through some pains. Praying I will see the lessons in it all. Thanks.

@aisha
Ur post really made me feel normal again. A friend (not nairalanders) came around and just made me feel sooooo abnormal for feeling the way I do. I cant help feeling it, but I want to get over it, and that’s why I made the effort to post it here in the first place (and it’s working). Thanks sis.

@Chychy
Thank you for reminding me of that. I am all trying to take it in stride. I am an optimist. Just that this got me bad, maybe cos it happened in the midst of some serious challenges from other areas that I was counting on her support to face them.

U guys are really wonderful.
I am really picking up faster than I thought I will thanks to this thread and all ur wonderful contributions.
Decided to make myself feel good today, so I’d gone out, bought myself some stuff – an orange T shirt (u wouldn’t have caught me dead in on b4), and a watch (to remind myself that I should move on). A friend suggested I follow him to a unisex salon he patronizes and give myself a body treat (massage, pedicure, like stuff), and I’m really considering that this weekend.

I also finished the poem (and  aside the melancholy, I think I feel good reading it and knowing I could do something good like that (my opinion). Here is it:


[center]The glow has dimmed
On the pyre of my passion
Watching the flames recede
To embers of forlorn desires
Threatening tomorrow
For yesterday’s misdeeds
In the virginal sunset
Of a harlot’s evening

I sit my sorrow
On a window sill
Staring hard at grief
Painted in dark colours

Fight weeping;
True tears of memories misery
And the stretched agony
Of mental pains

But time’s bandage unwound
Fresh scars of memories
In this ritual of remembrance
Silently and slowly
Etching, penning pain.     [/center]
I am yet to find a title, suggestions are welcome.

Thanks all and please (even if it’s just 4 a little while more) every time I read one additional line here, it really helps.

@mickplus
Thanks a load bro. Believe me I think this approach is the nearest best thing I’d ever had to deal with it.
Nah! Rushing in2 a relationship is the last thing on my mind now. Lucky I’got one helluva work to do trying to estab a new biz. Thanks bro, thanks a lot.

@nautillus
U really give it straight. The ",  ate fish ,  blah, blah, blah." stuff got me laughing at myself.
I’m not a wimp. I think I can safely assume that I have quite some mental strength. One thing I know is that it will pass but then it hurts a lot while it is lasting, and all I’m doing is just trying to get over it as fast as I can. And dwelling on her flaws isn’t just in my style. Thanks all the same bro. Reading ur post helped a lot.

@ All
Thanks a million. U guys are really helping a lot. Just seeing a new post, takes an edge off the pain. One line, one word, one letter … it’s all doing me a world of good. Thanks all.

@baby4u2
U make sense by asking that I stop remembering her. Truth is that writing that out really made my heart lighter cos its like holding back to some treasure, and then in letting it out, it loses its treasure appeal. Maybe my way of dealing with it may include some different approaches but honestly, I felt a great deal better talking about that hol. I don’t want to get her back, so please continue helping me get over it. If it will make u post more, please I am really trying hard not to remember. Thanks a million. Just finding a new post to read is working a little miracle, sort of makes you feel and draw from the strength of all u caring people.

@almondjoy
Thank God you’re not going thru such. “seeing the signs’’ was like noticing some changes, and just keep being optimistic that it’s a phase that was gonna pass, or like, ‘hey, seems I should put in more effort, more loving … “ that kind of thing. Thanks for ur post.

I have trying the ‘keep yourself busy’ thing but it doesn’t really seem to be working right now as my thoughts just won’t shift from her.

A friend suggested I remember the good times and write about them – that it will help me remember something positive about it all, and also get them off my mind cos its remembering the good times that hurts.

There were so many good times. Here is one:
There was this time we just decided to take a short holiday. I’d been away for a month on some business. So on my return we went to my village (she was the first girl I ever took there). We had this compound nobody stays in so it was two of us alone. Impulsively we both decided to switch off our phones, being such busy people. (We succeeded for only 2 out of the 4 days we spent). In the evenings we’d take a bike to the seaside (I am from the Niger delta) and eat locally prepared fresh fish. This event is particularly remarkable cos in the 4 nights we spent, if lovemaking is sex, surprisingly to both of us, we did that only once; but If like I learnt from that 4 day we spent, that there is a unique intimacy that develops from talking, communicating with each other far into the night, sometimes till early in morning, then I’d say we had the most intimate intercourse couple can ever have - Shared things we’d never ever tell best same sex friends. We laughed, cried ,  at our stories. And later when we were leaving we promised ourselves we’ll make it an annual ritual. That was October 2006. We couldn’t go last year cos I was trying to establish a startup, so we’d planned doing it this year April when I’d have less stress. So much for planning.

I’ll stop here. Think I feel a little better, actually smiling at the memories as I type.

@ baby4u
Thanks for ur post. Going through d posts sort of helps. I know it that she may have lost something good, but believe me, I’d prefer she never did. Besides it makes me feel like shit, a lot of folks were really into us – older people, neighbours, colleagues, church members. That’s the ones that kills me most. Walking alone were we used to go together.

@creamdream
Tried the link but it wont open. Thanks all the same.

@kalmebad
Thanks for all those kind suggestions. I am doing my best with time. I‘ll put ur advice to work. Also saw ur post on knowing d heart of genuine men. Don’t really think it’s ok for me to put a post there in the mood am in now. But there are nice guys out there, believe me. Wish you d best.

@ all, I’m trying to write a poem on time and pain. I’ll post it when am thru. thanks

Hello all,

This is as much a therapy for me as much as a thread for everyone who’s currently experiencing the pain of a failed relationship, to pour out his/her heart, and hopefully drop and pick up tips to pick their pieces together and move on with life.

I am pained, confused, depressed …

Anticipated FAQS:
What happened?[/i]She walked away.

[i]Who’s fault?
80% hers, 20 mine (Babes believe me. My 20% was that, I saw all the signs but refused to believe it was going to happen – I thought we had something really beautiful. She said so all the time).

I’d have volunteered more but the pain is seeping in as I write. Besides, I guess I still have a lot of sentiments attached to what we shared to make it all public here.

A friend suggested I write about it, keep a diary, journal – anything, that will open a catharsis channel for me. So I decided to do this in the hope that I may also get others to share their experiences and tips to help me (and some of us) overcome the pain.

On my part, I’m going to be on the look out for valuable resources that will help me (and us) in the healing process and I hope to share it with us all. If you have too, please post.

And lets not talk about making up here please, just how to deal with a raw, bleeding, broken heart.

Summary, please I want to read anything useful that can help me deal with my heartache.

Thanks.