₦airaland Forum

5minsmadness:
Opinion on girls who sleep with married men infers that the girl knew the man was married. A girl who sleeps with a married man unknowingly cant be faulted here because she was decieved or just ignorant. But there are girls out there whose specialty are married men. Why?

Married men are more responsible. That's just the truth. Married men have put aside boyish things and have this level of romance exuding from their entities. Probably the married man is having issues in his home. he may be in the wrong, he may be in the right but the case in point is, he and wifey are not in the love zone at the moment. Married man has all this romance and allure he wants to give out not to talk of the sexual tension because he hasnt had wild sex with wifey since like forever; and then agnes the new secretary comes in. She's pretty, dresses the kind of smart way wifey used to do when they were dating and she has a new perfume scent every other week. Also she is single. Married man starts to remember the good old days and wants to show his stuff. it usually starts innocently enough, a romantic gesture(meant for his wife), a kind compliment(meant for his wife), an intimate discussion or a joke shared(he and wife are no longer discussing or joking) and the game is set. He thinks he'll stop soon enough, this is just for the thrill of it and she doesnt even mind, in fact she knows he is married so the boundaries are there, or so he thinks. he forgets he is a physical being and sooner or later if he and wifey continue to be at logger heads or if they dont genuinely patch thier differences, adultery happens.
Yes it is his fault, he could have been stronger for his wife despite her character.
it is also possible that if wifey had paid attention to the tell-tale signs(and they are ALWAYS there) she could have averted the disaster.





As for the girl, this married man usually has money, one of a single girl's basic and most important needs. He's not going to be pestering her phone 100 times a day to know how she is, he is not going to be monitoring her left and right to see if she's keeping a boyfriend by the side, not as much as a single guy would anyway. He is not going to demand for sex, most of the time sex is romantic and occurs spontaneously. He's not interested in marrying her so she doesn't have to always behave her Sunday best, she can be as wild as possible with him and this eventually makes her more fun to be around. He is a friends with benefits(money and sex and connections) kind of deal and its a win win for her as long as his wife doesnt find out. And dont worry when its time for her to settle down if he is the nice type he will even buy a big wedding gift for her and exchange secret glances with her once or twice at the reception. Karma? Not to worry because by now she is born again and carries church on her head and prays everyday for her husband. She is the one who funny enough will do all it takes to make sure her husband does not stray from his matrimonial home for whatever reason. Whether karma eventually catches up with her is anyone's guess.


The long and short of it is an affair is not rape. There is mutual decision making and consent and therefore both parties are to blame. Neither the married man nor the single girl is arm-twisted into the adulterous relationship and neither are they arm-twisted into maintaining that adulterous relationship. Something is fueling that relationship and as long as that fuel is there the relationship will continue.

if he channels all the romance and energy he spends on the other girl on his wife don't you think he wouldn't have to go out in the end?

And yes, like you said if he was irresponsible in dating, he will be irresponsible in marriage even if his wife is an angel. That is why I say the runsgirl or his wife has never been his problem and will never be, its him

5minsmadness:
Your thinking is based on the assumption that men cheat for no reason at all; that no excuse is good enough for a man to cheat. Well I'm standing here as the devil's advocate to tell you that there are genuine excuses for men to cheat. If cheating is so rampant among the men in the society its not because they have gone bonkers; there is a reason for it. Single ladies keep going on about if my man cheats i'll do this, If my man cheats I'll do that, why give your man the avenue to cheat in the first place? Why put him under duress, why tempt him in the first place if you care for him so much?

A man marries a woman he loves because of her character and her looks. These are the two most important reasons upon which others can be extrapolated from. Knowing this, it then lies on the woman to maintain these two features as much as humanly possible. Nobody is expecting you to be as slim or as pretty as the day you both got married but at least show some effort, that's all a man needs. You get married and immediately cut your hair and stop using make-up and look like mike tyson and somehow expect the man to still have the same level of attraction for you? Or you stop having your bath in the evenings and wear old-woman underwear all around the house and keep the toilet door open while you poo and expect the same level of attraction to be there? How? Or you let yourself go and become the allegorical humpty-dumpty with smelly underarm pits with dirt under your flabby braests and expect hubby to not be tempted to look outside? Hubby is human too! Hubby is still attracted to looks and his flesh still hungers for a semblance of that thing that made you irresistible to him in the first place.

You enter the family and stop being polite, exchanging words with hubby at every given opportunity, making yourself an irritation in his home and you expect him to come running home to you? You hassle him everytime for money while telling him he is not measuring up to his peers and should work harder so he can open a boutique for you, and when he does you behave as if the boutique is your right in the first place, the money you make from it you never once share with your hubby, anytime hubby sees you he thinks of how he has been railroaded and doesn't receive any thanks for what he has done for you only criticism and snide remarks of how he should prove his manhood so you can respect him, in fact all traces of the loving and endearing character that attracted hubby to you in the first place is gone and you expect him to not look at the pretty sweet chic at his office who speaks kind and soothing words into his ears, who smells like cool evening spring and sunshine, whose smile lifts off the gloom you placed on hubby before he went to work and you think hubby will not be tempted to cheat? You think these are not valid reasons for cheating? Think again.

You had sex with hubby when you were dating three times a week, you were a sexual tiger in bed and all of a sudden after marriage you start quoting to hubby ----sex no be food, try and control yourself? All you can now do is the missionary position because you cant be bothered to spice things up in your bedroom, in fact you now retain sex until hubby has done something special for you then you lie down and spread your legs to give it out as a kind of reward...something he paid your bride price for? Suddenly you remember its your body and you are the one in charge and you selfishly hoard yourself and your pleasurable body from him not minding the sexual tension he is under and then you wonder why he has started visiting porn sites and ogling women outside? You are waiting to catch him cheating on you so you can thump your chest and say all men cheat instead of quickly doing something about it when you see the tell-tale signs? And you claim to love such a man? NO you don't. You are just selfish and your man is in torment.


Married men don't just cheat. The women that marry womanizers usually already know the kind of men they have before marrying them and hopefully are ready to deal with the consequences. Women who marry decent men who 'suddenly' become cheats should find out the reason why and try to fix it. And if they want to quit they should quit. They might just be doing the man a favour.

yes, I am of the opinion that no reason is good enough to cheat on your spouse, as an adult who is going into marriage you should expect that things wil not always be what they used to be. And when those unfavourable changes occur and you have tried everything possible to change the situation and it remains the same, its either you live with it, or you divorce, to me, adultery means wanting to eat your cake and still have it, even the girl out there who seems to be the new pitch perfect is not going to be exactly the same as when you married her.

The truth is there will always be reasons to commit adultery, but none is good enough. A thief will always give very solid reasons why they had to steal, but does that justify stealing?

Moreover if you really want to make the best of your marriage, you will do everything in your power to make the best out of it. Most people that cheat actually want to speak the word, wave a magic wand and expect a change to happen, no, you have to be willing to work for the change.

You gave the example of the woman who wasn once sexy both in and out of bed and after you married her she is no more like that, what did you do to change the situation and what were you doing till it got to that extent. She's getting fat, have you ever registered at a gym with her and made sure u worked to shed some weight with her, did you ever ask that you both eat healthy or did you asked for pounded yam for dinner n expect her to eat carrots to bed so she can shed some weight?
U want sex and she says am tired, did you offer to help her put the kids to sleep while she relaxes after dinner,or did you offer to help in the kitchen so things will be quicker?

Nobody is married to a superman or superwoman, and it will b gullible to expect that things will remain the same.

Most of the people who cheat never actually attempt to make things work in their home before they jump out, they never want to put in any work but they expect a change. You have to be willing to give it your best shot before you throw your hands in the air cos there will always be a thousand and one reasons to commit adultery, but doesn't still make it right.

there was this one time my man was ill, he intended for me to come over but i couldnt bcs i had some obligations that kept very busy thru out the day, i had already called that i wont be able to come but on getting home at 7pm that day i was really worried about him, i made dinner, still couldnt eat and it had started raining, i just dressed up, took my bag, packaged my dinner and headed for the park. i was lucky to still find a taxi as at that time 8.30pm and it was a 45mins drive down to his place. i also had to had to walk down the street from whr the taxi dropped me off, he was so shocked to see me cos he knows i dont do late nights. he swears thats the most romantic! i tink dats d most stupid tin i ever did tho cos the road is often besiged by robbers and its lonely.

By the way I am not just blaming the men per say, I actually blame the person who is married but still cheats on his or her spouse, it could be the man sleeping with the runsgirl or the woman sleeping with the gigolo, it goes both ways, I wouldn't blame the runsgirl, neither will I blame the gigolo, I would blame the cheating spouse cause you owe it to your significant other to be faithful.

I only stated runsgirls in the thread because it seems the cases of cheating men are more, the gigolos r not left out, I don't blame them too.

The essence of the word 'blame' here is to emphasize the fact that its you who should work on yourself not the runsgirl or the gigolo, which is why I said you need the will power, the power to stop a gigolo or runsgirl from destroying ur marriage(if you value it) lies with you, not some random chick or guy who u owe nothing and who owes you nothing. That is the blame I am talking about.

So 5minsmadness I hope you do understand that I am not trying to make it a gender thing. Thank you.

5minsmadness:
On the topic, the op in aportioning blame to the men only, is doing exactly what she is trying to preach against. There is a common saying: It takes two to tango. You cannot blame only one party, the problem will continue. If all married men through some miraculous event stop cheating and stay at home, the loose women out there will still find a way to get into their homes.

It all boils down to upbringing and morals. If a person has bad morals and no inner sense of self control then he is bound to stray out of marriage especially when the challenges of sexual incompatibility comes up as it usually does. This is the role spiritual restraint was supposed to play in society but now we have more or less chucked that out the window and now immorality is everywhere and we are paying the consequences.

I do not blame d girl because the man was not forced, he knows the girl is a bad girl, he knows what he is doing is wrong but he did it anyway. Why does he not shut the door of the house in her face if she finds her way to his house? Even from childhood there are certain friends you had that your parents warned you about that they r bad. So as an adult if u still need someone to tell you to run away from someone who doesn't have your longterm best interest at heart then I don't know why you are an adult.

Personally if I get married and my husband cheats on me, I'd be very disappointed in him not the girl, he owes me fidelity not her. I might chose to continue with the marriage or just quit and move on but whatever the decision will be, we both know things will never be the same. Any person who knows the effect cheating has on his/her spouse and still cheats is a really mean person to me.

crackhaus:
What do you mean by you're a living testimony?

Not trying to wish you evil, but your life isn't over yet - anything can still happen to right/balance out a past wrong.

yea, I believe in the concept of time, if you keep putting in your best n not give up, things will work out with time

Floodgater:
@ serenity22. I am not saying the parent is the cause per say, i am saying the parent (mother especially) has a great role in this. A non cheating parent can raise a cheating son cos they didnt teach, fill the void with faithful values since the society allows cheating men. Men unlike women are greatly and easily influenced by friends. For me the extent to which a man can be filled by friends is dependent on how much space left by the parents. Seriously how many parent drum into the ears of sons the need to be faithful? but the girl is taught chastity directly or indirectly. The 'untaught' son is taught by society that it is natural to be polygamous. As it is difficult to convince otherwise an adult indoctrinated on islamic etc values so it is with faithfulness. I still maintain that the runsgal is part of the cause though not all the time. For instance many people know its bad to steal and dont steal cos its peanut but give them opportunity to steal millions with slim chances of getting caught then you will know that it is one with sound morals against stealing that wont steal. I am saying somtimes people wont cheat if runsgals dont push them to do it and yes they will fall since they are empty or will you not join to blame a runsgal that will seduce a lonely man (that will otherwise be faithful) separated from his wife for a while due to work or something.

yes I do agree with the most part of your write up, but I do not agree with the later part and that is the point of this thread.

I chose to still not blame the runsgirl for seducing the lonely man who is away from his wife because at a point he knew he was being seduced but what did he do to stop it?

You see, I believe cheating is in stages, you do not just meet some random girl today and sleep with her that same day/moment as the case may be. It takes days, weeks and mayb even months with texts, calls,outings n even gifts. You knew what you were getting yourself into and you still went ahead with it, how is the runsgirl at fault, when you consciously, purposely did what you wanted to do

iwakolewa:
No,my opinion is people who cheat (men) do so because,they're upping their game,they feel they have what it takes....looks,swag,wealth to hook a babe up either they are married or not,lust is not always the case. ...I think it has to do with machismo.

Lust is chasing after anything female,house girl, sister in law,neighbour,mad woman. ....not all men do this, most men cheat with class and style,they do it not cos they are sex starved,but cos,it gives them a feeling of 'I'm still a man'.

this is wierd, ok. I am learning, I never knew people actually cheat for such silly reasons. That makes it even easier to stop cheating if I am to go by this your idea, since its more of a stupidity kind of thing that may or may not pass with age.
By the way broke people cheat too, this is not just about class

bennyrazz:
things & topics like these freak me no more. I was going to a store once to buy somethings and I saw a very preety lady coming in front of me, and I really don't know why it is that anytime I see a very preety lady I look at her left hand to check for wedding ring, this time around I did such. I never knew the lady was looking at my eyes as she was walking towards me, I saw the wedding ring fine but what baffled me was that she was quick to use her right hand to cover the wedding ring on her left hand while holding a bag. Then my eyes went straight to her eyes while she walked past me. Our eyes were glued on each other and as she walked past, as a man, my instinct or subconscious turn my neck around to look at her behind. Permit me to say this, I liked what I saw and she too also turned around to look at me. She caught me staring then she frowned and later smiled and I just shook my head in disbelief. In my mind I was like wtf just happened? a married woman that was some years back sha and I could remember a lady once told me some single beautiful women wear wedding to scare off men. As for cheating, some men have the spirit of covetousness. They want to possess every woman.

what trophy comes with trying to possess every woman, you myt just end up possessing that one who woman that will be your undoing

Floodgater:
Most of the runsgals had no good or sound moral background, same goes for cheat. Some regret their background and wish it was different. It is the attitude of there will always be cheat that has enhanced cheating. A woman that will not accept cheating will hardly raise cheating boys. A woman that accepts or manage a cheating husband will hardly break the cycle with her son even after experiencing the hurt first hand. Such a woman rarely has a voice in her home. It is obvious from the other thread that cheating fathers dont want to stop at their practical cheating examples, they also want to indoctrinate their sons as their best legacy or inheritance to them. Where the father do not give cheating lectures and the mother still fails to inculcate faithfulness by saying and teaching her son, merely expecting him to feel her hurt afterall he is angry at father's actions hurting mum he will still go ahead to cheat tommorrow cos on the one hand is father's footstep and on the other is the best mum who accepted it thus any 'best girl or wife' should accept it.

hmmmm, this is deep! But I would never say a cheating person cheats because his parents cheated. Its usually for their own selfish purposes, they only look for other justifications

UjSizzle:
You know it's just easier to blame people, rather than accept your responsibilities.

It's the woman's fault I cheated; she seduced me.
No wait. My wife got so fat she stopped being sexy.

It's his fault the roof is leaking, the faucets bad and everything in my life is wrong.

It's my parents fault I sleep with men. They got divorced and raised me in a bad environment. Erm they don't give me money too. I feel so neglected.

It's the governments fault people go into prostitution. If they provided basic amenities, people would have better economic opportunities.

It's the Devil. He came from behind and pushed me onto those succulent thighs.

And there's almighty biology. Men have been hardwired with sexual urges that can't (won't?) be controlled. Women like money and will follow it like flies (wait. Is that biology too).


So yeah, we know the battle is a mental one. It's just easier to push the burden of guilt by blaming someone or something.
Or if people have really lost all sense of morality, they'll probably feel nothing.

thank you. Why blame the runs girl or runsboy? They are not the problem. As much as we like to blame the spouse too, he/she is not the problem. The cheating problem is from within or probably spiritual

Floodgater:
you justify the runsgal by exempting her from the blame. As long as the earth exist there will always be evil but our duty is to reduce it for our good. You saying absence of runsgal will encourage r.ape is like saying telling children not to steal will not stop stealing adults. Some cheats will stop if there are no runsgals. Some r.apist prefare minors or 'expensive' ra.ping to 'cheap' runsgals. People do no cheat cos its in their blood or born to cheat. People do not just wake up to be disciplined cos that act itself is no fun. I want to classify the people who dont cheat into three- 1. That smallest percentage that dont like to be hurt or hurt others (they are usually the one man one gal at a time regardless of friends insult they are naturally faithful). 2. The ones indoctrinated by parents to be faithful from childhood. 3. The ones indoctrinated by religion, situations etc at adulthood esp. to be faithful.

I do not in any way justify run's girls. My point is why blame the runs girl? Its just like a person who has festering sores that attracts flies focusing on chasing the flies without treating the sores. Why abandon the root cause of the problem, how are you ever going to solve a problem without taking care of the cause of the problem

carefreewannabe:
Yeah, teaching kids self-discipline is another necessity that will go a long way.

self discipline is a major, everything follows once there is self discipline.

carefreewannabe:
People misunderstand the concept of karma.

Buddhists believe that our karma (good or bad) is not only the result of our actions and reactions in the present life but also the accumulated result of our actions and reactions from previous lives.

I don't believe in previous lives either cos I am not conscious of it. why do I hv to pay for crimes I have no consciousness of? That's not part of the topic tho. Let's stick to the topic

carefreewannabe:
It still boils down to wrong values.

I refuse to accept that men are controlled by their testosterone or in other words the thing between their legs.
I refuse to believe that a man who has such values like honesty, loyalty, fairness and fidelity will make advances at his wife's niece.

But in Nigeria women are considered a trophy and their value is determined by their age and ability to push out babies and this is why you will VERY OFTEN hear stories of men sleeping with their housemaids, their wives' nieces, their students and with women who could be their daughters.

It is not the same everywhere. The way in which women are treated is different and the frequency of such incidents seems to be much lower in some other places.

In some countries people emphasize other values more.

very true, its not that nigerians do not know about values, its just that they lack WILL POWER to see through does values.

Brandnew2:
Was that your story?

that's not the subject of discussion, do not derial

Brandnew2:
It takes two to play the game. If there wasn't demand, there wouldn't be Supply so Men actually get the blame for their existence. Do you know that a man who patronizes a prostitute is also a prostitute? Lol!

never heard that one before cos going by my definition of prostitute its someone who offers sex for money or material gain.

crackhaus:
You don't believe in karma?
You know, that thing about life choices/events coming full circle and balancing itself?
Yin-yang?

No?

no, I don't believe in karma, I am a living testimony to karma being a farce. The fact that you have a squeaky clean record doesn't mean your life or relationship is going to be a smooth sail.

Brandnew2:
Married men have always been known to be cheats from time immemorial. There are only a few who don't.

so you do agree with me that runs girls are not the problem because there has always been runsgals from time immemorial yet the one's who didn't want to cheat did not cheat

cococandy:
That a man is a cheat doesn't mean he can resort to raape if he doesn't find someone to cheat with.

Rapistss are specially sick people and their illness doesn't emanate from lack of sex partners.

are you sure about that? To me, people who cheat have an uncontrolled sexual appettite fuelled by lust. Same with cheats.

crackhaus:
Did you also miss the sarcasm?

owkie, I get but its very misleading tho

carefreewannabe:
Knowing values and leaving by them are two different things.

I am not sure about that but I doubt that a girl who comes from a good home and who was brought up by loving parents who set the right examples and taught her that there are things that are more important than material goods and assets will sell her body unless she needs to do it to survive.

I also doubt that a confident adult who had decent role models needs to brag about the number of women he has slept with to feel validated and like a man.

Teach children the right values in the right way and most of all give them the strength to be determined to stand by these values in an environment that discourages individuals to have what would make a society a better place for all.

I get your point which is quite right. But lemme give you this illustration, I read a story on lib a few days back of a teenager who was harrassed by her aunts husband whom she was putting up with, now this man will definitely not be proud of making sexual advances at his wifes teenage neice and the girl is very much young and likely didn't know what to do. My point in this thread is that runs girls with no moral values are not the problem, cos even if runs girls or sugarboyfriends do not exist people who want to cheat will still find some helpless person like a minor to harrass or will blackmail someone into doing what they want.

crackhaus:
They are the ones who usually end up with husbands who cheat; or if that doesn't happen, they end up with in-laws that keep causing problems.

#MyOpinion

lol, crackhaus you know that isn't true, in most cases its even the other way round. Life is not fair you know

carefreewannabe:
Honesty, consideration, hard work, compassion, diligence, helpfulness, generosity, fidelity, empathy, to mention a few.

these are good values and cheating people know it but they still cheat anyway, prostitution is one of the oldest professions since the creation, even with all that values generations before ours

carefreewannabe:
As long as men think it is something to be proud of to have slept with more than 20 women and consider it an achievement and as long as people / women value money more than their bodies, change will not happen quickly.

Children need to be taught the right values and they should be kept away from different media as much and as long as possible.

forget their boosting on every thread, tpia's thread told me that they r not really proud of it, they just don't know how to stop it so they resort to justifying it. You see most of them in reality do it secretly only that they get caught.
Again when you say children should be taught the right values, can u educate me on what values these could be?

ileobatojo:

why is your eye popping? It could happen, worse things have happened.

carefreewannabe:
It is wrong to sleep with a married man when you know he is married.

It is more wrong to cheat on your husband / wife.

My two cents.

I do know its wrong to do all that, we all know its wrong but its still trending, so what do we do? Do we just condemn the act and not find a solution to d problem, or do we just keep advicing people to either pray more or divorce?

zleemshaddy:
#jxt incase

just incase what?
Don't even think of booking space here, just share your opinions

This thread was not in anyway created to bash anybody. Its just to express my opinion and hear other people's opinion.

Addressing the issue of cheating, We often hear people blame the single girls for having affairs wwith married men but the truth is some of these girls don't even know at d early stage that the man is married.

Even if we succeed in getting all the runs girls off the streets n prostitutes from the hotels, do u not think men will start lying that they r single just to hook up with these single ladies.

I also think that these men will resort to raping minors since they can't get matured girls to willingly agree to satisfy their sexual appettite and this is not good.

You can never stop a thief from stealing by hiding all you stuff all the time, he would always find something to steal. But, assuming he is able to get his psychic off stealing, then he wouldn't have to steal again and u would have a more free society. In the same vein The only solution to stopping cheating lies in the hand of the cheat.
Once he is able to convince himself on why he should stop cheating, the human mind being dynamic will follow suit.

I have often asked a few men who claim they don't cheat why they don't, and the answer was all the same; they all DECIDED not to.
In essence, it wasn't as if they didn't have the opportunity or their marraiges was perfect. It was a conscious effort on their part not to.

There, in my opinion, lies the answer to every cheating man and woman, a decision not to and a will power as strong as ur will to breathe and voila we can now face other issues.

Lol, when we tell these men to learn how to cook they'll be shouting fire and brimstones. I just pray all her evil machinations fail and boomerang.

tpia6:
i dont want to find their trouble ojare, seems the thread has sent many into hiding sef.


I'll just open one for the women as well, so they (cheating men) can vent, i know they're just waiting to do that.

this topic is actually just because the family section is full of cheating threads nowadays. Might as well discuss it openly instead of making them creep around.

so true! I am surprised none of them has come out to register their names here, which makes u begin to wonder why they still claim all men commit adultery. I was expecting this thread to be at page 50 by now. Where r the men that commit adultery ooooooo, please your presence is needed here, come and answer our question, be proud of your status if you know its a good thing

Tpia6 please change the title to A thread for adulterous husbands