₦airaland Forum

What do you consider important before thinking of dating.

Looks, money, social etc

Egbi2020:
@sirhot,though I'm not married yet but my elder brother happened to b in same situation in 2015 with his wife when they were dating and he came up with this same excuse and I gave him reasons why he should not leave the gal. This gal been from a broken home is not her making and I believe it is never her wish,the lady took her father's calm nature though I don't kno abt ur gal friend shaa from my sense of judgement in my brother's situation the gals mother is something else but never the less my brother still went ahead and marry this gal because of her calm nature n other qualities that he saw in her.and today they have a beautiful home.her marriage reunited her mum and her dad together as husband and wife after how many yrs.
My advice to u,u kno ur gal friend more than anybody on this forum if she has the qualities u needed in a woman and you so much love her,tell ur mum or dad first abt her. d person u know that is close to u and that can gives u a listening ear among the two of them.make sure you settle her background with ur parent before introducing her to them formally.and if they did not agree and u kno u cannot convince them just let d poor gal finds her way without telling her that is because of her background that d relationship could not work out.
best of luck

Wow... Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement. I'm happy for your brother too. This is very encouraging.

shinarlaura:
Am telling u

The post made sense to you... Smh


The thread is not about a cheating partner but a broken home and it's not cheating alone that causes a home to break.

obyrich:
May God's grace be upon you.

Thank you Sir. Respect!

yorubarere:
Then bro pray about your compatibility and don't go seeking advise in several places because we all have diff perspectives to life. Some advises might be good at faced value but bad in reality. At this point what I will just say is that try to belief in your instinct and gut we all have that power. If you think she is good for you, then try to convince your families.

NOTE OF WARNING: Pls don't be carry away with beauty and other physical values to the extent that you will make a bad judgment. Life is best enjoyed with a good spouse.

I agree Sir. Good advice. Thank you

Sanchez01:
I wouldn't say I'm shocked at the emboldened but you must understand that as a man, your family must come to trust your judgment and let you have your way. Parental consent is key, yes, but marriage involves two people. It explains why I said you are more concerned about your family than you are about her. This is an indication that you are prolly not ready.

Since your mind is made up about the psychological effect that is still lingering. It is safe to say to say you have already concluded that you cannot be with her and your posting this here to seek reinforcement for your action.

If she had been verbally abusing the father, then don't think she has totally stopped because you assisted her in doing so. What you did or what she did is to keep it in check temporarily.

She has her problems but the bigger problem rests with you as your are more concerned about your siblings and family than any other thing. Look for an angel to marry; one that faults would not be picked from.

I have been with her for close to two years hello..... I assisted her to abuse her dad it's funny how some of you so called educated and relationship savvy folks think!

gbosaa:
Let me ask you a question. What kind of advice are expecting here? What resolution are you talking about? What are you resolving?

You haven't taken the girl to see any of your folks! At this point, I'll say that it's all in your head. Your mind is playing tricks on you. You like her but worried about her 'background', you are very pessimistic about your own family accepting her.

Here is the solution. Take the girl to see your family first. Stop worrying about their potential rejection. They might end up liking the girl and giving their approval. If you think your family might be a problem, do one thing...leave her alone.

I have to think in a certain way because her mum technically has two husbands, her elder sister is from another father. It's something any reasonable person will worry about.

yorubarere:
Before you can get a good advise, I will like you to answer these few questions:

1. When do you guys started the whole relationship ish?

2. Are you guys living in the same vicinity? If no, what is the distance between both of you?

3. Is she a working class or still a student?

4. Are you too a student or working class?

5. Have you guys see face to face to talk about extended families issue - not a talk on phone.

6. Did her mum later got married to another man? If yes, is she still staying with the 2nd man or she has opt out again?

7. Which religion class do both of you belongs to? And what is the name of her church if she is a Christian? And lastly;

8. Are you ready for marriage yet?

Answer those questions up there sincerely and I will give you my best opinion.

We see almost everyday, she's a student and we've been dating for close to two years now. We are both Christians and we discuss about extended families, I visit and know some of her family members. She knows mine too. Her mum married another man where she had a daughter for him before marrying her dad, so she has a step sister but from another father but same mother. At present her mum not with any man. I'm over ready sef...

To all my educated and non judgmental friends:

We have been dating for close to two years now with no issues, we both love each other and determined to make it work.

I knew she was from a broken home and still went ahead to date her for close to two years - I'm not judgmental.

She told me how everything was between her dad and her and in fact, she didn't set her eyes on her dad for months, she used to verbally abuse her dad which I encouraged her to stop, I encouraged her to make amends that no matter what, she'll need her dad to give her hand in marriage, she did that and today she even visits and stays with the dad.

She hangs out with the dad at times because the relationship has been renewed. I stood by her and supported her to her new found relationship with both parents.

To those saying that I should wait until I introduce her to my parents, don't you think I should have a strategy to go about it. Many of the people posting here are not married or close to getting married that's why you talk out of ignorance.

In this country an igbo parent will say no to a Yoruba suitor, what do you call that? So someone thinks that her partner might be rejected based on tribe, is it foolish for the person to seek consent of people who have experienced it and how they were able to succeed?

We claim another person is judgmental but rather than give me a reasonable advise apart from a few the rest are busy digging out my post from 2012 - 2016 and attacking my personality. Are you not judging my past? If I make a post now about the number of guys you slept with and lived a wayward life you'll say all that was in the past. It's okay to judge other people and call them judgmental while you stay as a saint.

Only empty brains attack persons personality rather than the issues at hand.

lereinter:
broken family is not a problem you should be bothered about

Why do you say so?

mirabeldesmond:
ah...it's even ur post. since u already have a solution to ur problem.. why bother us with it.

I didn't bother you, but matured people who probably got married in the same situation.

I don't need advise from kids please.

obyrich:
These are points you will present before your parents. You didn't answer questions on divorce history in her family.

Okay boss. I'm still researching on that.

mirabeldesmond:
by d way it's not ur post. we all came to give our own views..why my own kum dey pain u like this...kpele sir!

It didn't pain me but you sounded like I don't need my family at all that I should be a man and get married alone, that's why I also asked you whether you'll be the one to give yourself your own hand in marriage.


You need to comment in a realistic way. Nobody marries without family whether it's one or two family members to witness.

gbosaa:
Why bring this matter here when you haven't spoken to or presented the girl to your family? You are worried that your family might not support you right?
I think you are not ready for marriage. I think you have been wasting this girl's time because you'd have some reasons in the future to worry or blame her parents separation if something went wrong.

Leave the girl alone. Stop wasting her time. Find yourself a girl that is not from a broken home.

Is that what you'll do if you were in my shoes?


If you don't have any advise to give why not allow people who have an experience of how it went and how they succeeded to give me tips. Why do people think that opting out is the next option rather than resolving issues.

mirabeldesmond:
my brother u are not serious yet. my friend's milk fell and spilt.... I'm holding onto mine firmly so that it won't fall and spill.

Don't worry you'll give yourself hand in marriage without your dad and his consent.


Irrelevant analogy!

2kurupt:
I don't advise self conceited folks, am outta here

Get lost then... One idiot out, one more to Bleep off my thread!

Sanchez01:
Sirhot, ladies from broken homes are quite difficult to live with or manage. However, there are determinants that would spell out her actions. For example, if her father is responsible for the breakage, chances are that her viewpoint of men might not be too nice.

I believe her reactions towards you, particularly when you have misunderstandings matter a lot. Have her talk about her father and see her reactions while seeing is at it. It just might help save you or otherwise. I'm shocked at the fact that you are more bothered at what your family would say rather than what you think is best for you.

Bro let's not talk like we are not in the African society please. Marriages are between families and not individual. You cannot get married without your parents and siblings.

You started off well but didn't end well. The psychological effect on any broken home if not carefully handled spills into marriage.

Like you said, she didn't use to talk to her dad, intact she used to quarrel with him, verbally abusing and attacking him. I was able to make her stop and today she has a good relationship with the father but the mother and father are still cat and dogs.

2kurupt:
Young man, nobody is hating on you or bitter on this thread. You come here looking for validation of your obnoxious idea & you think it's gonna go down well?

Someone commented that you're immature and you're yet to prove otherwise

You are attacking me without advising on the issue.


That's what empty brains do!

Cutehector:
u this girl... I pray not to be ur boyfriend else u will kill me

Hehehe.. a pained, judgemental girl from a broken home

obyrich:
Does she have other married siblings who stayed married? Does her family have a history of divorce? Does she exhibit unstable behaviour in your relationship with her? As in when you have misunderstanding, does she quickly tend to withdraw or she earnestly tries to have issue resolved?

She's the only child between her Dad and her mum, she has a step sister who isn't married and another step brother.

She doesn't exhibit any unstable behaviour and she puts in her best to resolve any issues.

LeView1:
And even if they are (God forbid) I'm not on nl being a pervert, a hypocrite, and a judgemental self righteous

As long as you are the one behind that keyboard then it's the real you. The one you hide from your married parents and partners

I understand you now. You are a pervert who is unfaithful and you need a wife who will pray and fast for your matter and because this girls mother divorced, you know for a fact that she will leave you in a heartbeat if you do her wrong. Of course being a dysfunctional pervert you know yourself and you know what you are capable of so this girl might not be the right fit.

Anyway. Dump her because she dump you if you step out of line.

More evidence follows

I'll ignore you because you are certainly not worth my time.


You talk about being judgemental but you are already judging me from my post, who is judgmental between us?



So people's comments online reveal their true self. I've read you comment on two other topics.



My dear, you are empty!

2kurupt:
If indeed you know your English, you wouldn't put that trash up there.

Oh, now it's not about being perfect anymore! What makes you think your own family is free of flaws? You see what it feels like to be judged?

My friend if you've ever filled a form, what you have is

- Single
-Married
-Divorced
-Separated

There's nothing like perfect in that list. It's either a couple is married or they are divorced.


I don't understand your meaning of being perfect. Try to understand how and where certain words should be used. Stop exposing your ignorance online.

There's no perfect couple but there is married couple!

Use of English I insist!

LeView1:
This man child who his parents are still together, please look at the threads he opens. He's obsession with porn, his acknowledgement that he can't have a healthy relationship. If this is the kind of man that comes from a home where the parents are still together, then I'm tempted to go and ask for my divorce papers

Evidence below :

There's actually no need for that!


If you read my personal text, i said anything I post here is not a true reflection of my personality.

Quit the hating.


I met so many sex starved married women through that channel and I learnt that all is not well in most marriages.


I had frank talk with people who contacted me.


You have no idea the purpose of that thread.


You are so bitter I see and I bet your parents are separated which isn't my fault!

Cheers

enny4real23:
you need family support but at the same time you need to stand firm about your decision to marry this girl, you are a man,they need to know you love her and you don't care about that she comes from a broken home, they will respect your decision. the ball is in your court, it depends on how you handle this matter.

Okay, thanks for the encouragement.

Justeenaleo:
What exactly is the belief about "children from a broken home?"

The belief is that the often stay in marriages.

I know of a lady whose grand mum divorced, her mum divorced, she was also on the brink of getting a divorce but she determined to stay to break that chain.

It takes zealous and determined people to stay because the scar of the parents broken marriage affects them and if they see any resemblance of such in their marriage they opt out.

Besides it will be difficult for one of the parents to give any advice concerning marriage since they themselves are not married.

It's a popular belief, people are just claiming ignorance.

2kurupt:
OP so who told you that you come from a perfect family yourself?
You actually sound like one who is looking for an exit strategy out of the relationship

There's a difference between separated parents and parents staying together. You don't know anything about the love we share.

It's not a matter of being perfect or not.


Use of English is a big issue here.

ToriBlue:
Its left for you to convince your family that she is good despite coming from a broken home.

That's the uphill task I'm faced with.

How do I start, because one question that will surely pop up will be, are both parents staying together?

People are just talking as if we don't need our families support.

LeView1:
My comment is hateful but you and your family judging the girl based on something she had no control of is what? Loving?

I don't advice children on adult matters so go brush your teeth and get ready for church.

My dear, my family hasn't rejected her because I haven't even introduced her to them. Nobody is judging anybody.

I only asked a question based on the beliefs that is being held about children from broken homes.

You sound bitter. Is everything alright?

ToriBlue:
Is that the reason why you don't want her? its not her fault that she is from a broken home.

It's not about me not wanting her, it's the family acceptance.

Why do we talk as if one gets married alone without family?

searchng4love:
Whatever rocks your boat. You have slept with her countless times and had her commit series of abortions.... So you come here Nicodemusly for reasons justifying your intent of dumping her! I understand. I can see through you.

You can't possibly say this to me because you don't know about our relationship!