₦airaland Forum

I wanted insight on what it is nigerians hate about people that aren't from their own country. Because I had no idea these things are still such a problem nowadays. And what to do going forward regarding the arrangements of my child being kept away from the evil grandmother

Richy4:
I don't understand what you really wanted OP...U said he was an EX right? Based on my little knowlege,I know that EX belongs to the past..

So what do you want people to advise you on?

<<<<Do you want people to advise you on how to go about the child warefare and support?

<<<<was it to help u scold your Ex for his immaturity

<<<<Was it for us to hand it down cold on your Ex's mother for her meddling tendencies in your relationship

<<<<Or was it the fact that u still harbour some romantic feeling towards this Ex and u were asking for advice on how to get him back..

pls explain.. so that people that can help can understand what u wanted..

I honestly do not know. My mom warned me not to be with him because she said something is not right with that family of his, but I fought for our relationship and stayed with him because I didn't see any strange behavior until certain points, and still I chose to stay because its him that I loved but of course I didn't appreciate certain things regarding his surroundings aka his mom

It is joke of the year and its extremely unfortunate lol

Benita27:
Men fight for what they want, boys quit. What does his mother have on him?. He shouldn't be in a relationship 'till he could say "No" to her demands.

Just imagine when your mum is the one who decides whom you marry?. Joke of the year!.

Unfortunately. He is extremely afraid of her. I remember him crying to me once saying he hates the way she is, but he told me that when she does such things it's like he can't speak. I honestly don't understand what kind of family I have gotten myself involved with because I thought they were simple people.

Benita27:
Let's take the focus from your supposed future mother in-law. What's your boyfriend's stand in the situation?. She broke off his previous relationship, then she's breaking off this one again, is he such a mama's boy that he let's his mum take major life decisions for him?. I blame the kid you're with and not the mother. He's yet to be a man and you should be lucky he's your ex now, else his mum would have been the one deciding even what you wear and eat.

I didn't know. She seemed interested when I was telling her where I am from, but because I'm from a respectful family I would've thought she would be ok with it because I thought what matters more is who I am as a person, I do not account for my country because I didn't choose where I was from and respectfully, those are where my parents are from. She never expressed any issues, until now. Thank you for your kind words, God bless you also.

greatnaija01:
I appologize on behalf of my country BUT there are reasons why things happen...

1) You are not from a country they can respect

2) Igbo and Yoruba do not mix so for the woman to be igbo n marry a yoruba man... then she is the one controlling the home else its the Father whom you claim has no issues with you that should have taken a final stand on this matter.

3) Outside USA, Germany, Italy, France, Spain Nigerians do not really think much of any other country.... in Africa Nigerians feel we are the best... tho thats not true but am just saying how it is o

4) Pregnancy outside wedlock speaks volumes over here about the upbringing of the parties nd their parents... so this is why it may be denied.

5) It is all a game of politics. So I advice you, walk away from them and give birth to your bundle of Joy in peace.

I wish you well and also next time never sleep with any dude until you know him and what his culture permits... God Bless you and your Baby.

The mother has evil intentions, so we were warned to keep the child away from her because she doesn't even want to see the child come into the world successfully. His father remarried and his wife has been kind. But my ex is so strongly controlled by his mother so he doesn't have his own identity and she is trying to get rid of me because I'm in the way of what she's trying to do. I don't understand, why didn't she just say from the beginning that she doesn't want him to date a girl who is not one of them instead of causing all this drama

BornnAgainChild:
Concentrate more on your un-born child, your bf and his father...leave the mum for now...when time comes she would have no other choice than to accept you and her grandchild...

Mind you this can only work if ur bf and his father is truthfully behind you...you can also talk the dad to convincing his wife you mothet inlaw


All the best

I love and respect him, but I would not wish to marry a man like him

Thank you!

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I had met my now ex-boyfriend in school, and he looked like such a simple guy with a simple life. No problems. We became best friends, and months later we got into a relationship. He told his mother about me a couple of months into us pre-dating each other, and she seemed to be ok with it as my ex had told me, she had never accepted him to be with a girl before and she had made him break up with an ex from the past. I finally got to meet her a few more months down the line, although my spirit didn't feel ready, but the first impression went well. She welcomed me with hugs, and constantly assured me to make myself comfortable, and we spent hours just talking and she looked happy. I told her I was Ghanaian and Caribbean and she didn't seem to mind, only to find out much later down the line, almost a year into our relationship she told him to break off the relationship with me. Only to find out, she has plans to set him up with another girl from her culture (she's igbo), and she feels I am messing up her plans. Not to mention I am also currently pregnant and she doesn't want me to carry to full term. So she is strongly against everything. His father likes me and doesn't care (he's Yoruba).

What am I supposed to do, why would this woman pretend for so long just to go and behave like this after taking advantage of me? Is marrying outside of your country in Nigeria that big of an issue? I don't know what I've done wrong, I didn't know these things were an issue because everything seemed fine.

And that is ridiculous.

captainbangz:
I think its because few guys think after some spendings, sex should be rewarded afterwards...

That is an ignorant thing to say. I was taking precautions for myself to ensure I wouldn't get pregnant, and it was working. None of us would plan it. But you don't know that, because it's not relevant to the fact of the matter. That is personal. However, strange things happen and I took responsibility as an adult to face the situation on my end and figure out how it'll work for me, because I still will be who I am going to be, it just means I have a child, who was made out of love and is a new blessing and will bring fresh energy and joy to my family. I am motivated to work harder and be better for this kid. You sound like those people in such society who simply blame the woman. If a woman isn't conceiving, instead of looking at whether the man has issues, you say its the woman's without taking into consideration the man also has his part to play in the situation. That is what you sound like. The facts are the facts. I am facing the situation and trying to understand if some things happened as a result of cultural difference or simply reaction.

MMotimo:
Absolute nonsense! I'm guessing you are not Nigerian so your ignorance is forgiven. Like everywhere else in the world, there may be ( I do not know any) 35 year old men in Nigeria getting parental support and being treated like kids but it is not the norm in any part of the country.

Same way domineering, controlling mothers are not all Nigerian.

As for the topic, children are denied everyday in every culture by unwilling young men who did not plan to be fathers but were foolish enough to entrust contraception to their sexual partners. The deed is done, the ball is in your court. Best wishes!

Children are innocent. A child will not be condemned to hell under the circumstances they were brought into the world. They didn't choose their parents nor the situation in which they came into. God is the one that decided to plant them in their mothers womb so, that is the wrong idea that you have. I am a couple of months late to this discussion but I strongly disagree with what you have been saying. Psalm 127: 3-5

idris4r83:
the quotation is obviously condemning the act which is a reason enough to abstain from it.

Last time I heard of her, she was going back and forth with Davido over their daughter. Strange.. but maybe this is her way of showing support to him. As long as he's continuing to keep up his responsibilities as a father to their daughter, there's no interesting news here....

This is true, he is still under her roof and he is a mommas boy, so she got heavily involved in our relationship prior to finding out the pregnancy and made decisions regarding us for him. He was supportive up until I told him he should tell his mother because my family were looking to reach out. Then his mother started speaking words against me and against the pregnancy, and he followed

BroZuma:
In Nigeria, a 35 year old is seen as a child by the parents... literally, some go as far as living with their parents and getting financial aid (pocket money) at that age.

And it's worse with Nigerian mother's from some regions where they rule and command their children's lives for them.

Your case is not strange, just be strong.

I appreciate your kind and encourage words. Thank you so much

chukxie:
I'm sorry about this dilemma you're in. Your parents are great for standing with you in this very difficult time. Don't think too much about your ex-boyfriend's childish attitude because doing so might affect the baby in your womb. Concentrate of the brighter side of life, your health, the support of your parents and the future of your unborn child. Your baby's going to be born whether your ex and his mom like it or not. And after the baby is born, you may seek for a DNA test to prove the child was fathered by your ex. In the meantime, enjoy every moments of laughter that come your way, and don't give in to depression. God luck!

Wait until the baby is born and do a DNA test. As others have mentioned, don't speak on it until then just try and continue as normal but know in your heart it's a matter of time until the truth will be confirmed, that way you will know.

He's 20. That is one of the steps already being taken into plan, but I don't understand why his mother had to go about it in such a way when it could've been dealt with in the normal way.

BroZuma:
1. How old is the individual in question?
2. His mother does not determine paternity, a competent hospital (sic DNA test) and a court issued subpoena does.
3. You can take it up from here.

I am not Nigerian, and I'm in my early 20's expecting a child with my now ex-boyfriend, who is Igbo and Yoruba. His mother called me and insisted that the child is not his, and he went on to also deny the pregnancy all together. My parent's are also Africans, and as strict as they were even they managed to take the situation well and have agreed to see me through the rest of my education and make sure the child is taken care of. I would've thought in a situation like this the parents get together to talk about it? But instead when his mom found out she came straight for me and told me I will never be able to have her son (she's igbo) and told me to back off completely. He then completely disappeared and we haven't spoken in weeks. What would the better solution be besides court proceedings for child support once the child is born. Is it normal for mothers to behave like this? I just want to understand