Yes. And each other hence the silly inter-tribal mentality where tribes dislike each other and pick at such stupid things like that doesn’t change the fact they’re still nigga

Hmm this explains a lot. Thanks for this post

It’s for both. For the adults to celebrate the baby, and for the baby to have fun. Babies may not be able to speak but they can understand and see what goes on around them, and they tend to enjoy parties as they get to play, eat cake, have fun as babies do and be around other kids. After all the fun, they get tired and fall asleep

Abortion is always a very ethical and controversial topic to discuss. Personally, I’m not for it. Children are a blessing, some women are barren and try their best to conceive but they can’t, while others end up conceiving unintentionally. While a woman is in charge of her body, I do think the fetus, something we once all were, still has the right to life and if she doesn’t want the baby, pass it to someone who does. Give the baby up so the child still gets to live and be with parent(s) who want them. Why should they die when they didn’t ask to be born? What if your mother aborted you? What you can’t do, someone else will.

Pregnancy is a process, but it doesn’t last forever. The woman should just give the child up so the child still gets a chance. Unless the pregnancy is seriously high risk, but regardless I’m still against it.

I don't believe in men suppressing their emotions, I want to be able to know how he feels. It reminds me that he's still a normal human. A strong man to be is a man who knows who he is. He is not controlled or influenced by people easily and doesn't fall into the mommas boy category (most mommas boys are extremely submissive and passive when it comes to their mothers and find it hard to draw boundaries), he knows how to control his emotions and is hard working.

Basically to sum it up, it's a man who knows what he wants, is confident, isn't easily swayed by influence and is emotionally intelligent, knows God. That's just my definition.

Thoniameek:
" I want a real man , a strong man "
"A man crying is not sexy"
"Real men don't show weakness "
"I want a man who can control me and call me to order"

Calling men who side women "pussies"

And much more , and all these I've heard from women themselves.

Maybe I have it all wrong but I don't want to be with a brick wall and I'm sure most women don't. When you begin to require all that from another human being you're most likely setting yourself up with either someone without conscience, without emotions and is most likely to abuse you one way or the other

Men are humans first before being men, why then aren't they allowed to show emotions like a 'normal' human being would?

We make our boys bottle up things they are suppose to share all in the name of being a man! They're just children for crying out loud!

Being a man is simply knowing your responsibilities and handling them. Is a crying man not able to handle his responsibilities?

I've resolved in my mind that; as a guy if there's nothing in this world that can make you shed a tear then you're dead ead ed ed ed to me

Please let me know if I'm getting it all wrong because it's really getting me infuriated

Thank you for your kind words. You also

Bigsteveg:

Good to hear. It is well with you.

Yeah that does make sense. I forgot men are so visual. I agree.

The situation is still there, but I don't care because we have all ruled her out of my unborn child's life because of her behavior. She was behaving like that because she thinks I was taking her son away from her because he was really into our relationship then all of a sudden he changed and his father assumes it's his mother's influence. My ex boyfriend's father and his wife have accepted me and the child and have been meeting with my family to ensure the child and I have support. Thank you for asking.

Bigsteveg:


Men's mind is controlled by what they see. Unlike women that are controlled by what they feel.
Both men and women do like it but I must say men can't do without it for long because like I said earlier, an endowed woman can pass and the man will want to have sex with her because he's being controlled by what he see. That's why a man can sleep with anything provided there's a hole .



By the way how far about the issue with your Nigerian mother in law

Lol. You came prepared with stats. I rest my case but can I ask why men like it so much?

Bigsteveg:

Yes. Medically it is.
It even helps make child birth easier
Below are some benefits;
Improves orgasms: Blood flow intensifies your sexual desire. In fact, some women achieve a real orgasm for the first time ever during pregnancy!

Burns calories: Sex is the most fun way to stay fit — you’ll burn 50 calories or more in 30 minutes of love-making.

Lowers blood pressure: Sex has been found to lower blood pressure…a good thing for both of you, since high blood pressure is linked to the pregnancy complication preeclampsia.

Reduces pain: Orgasm releases oxytocin (or the “love hormone”), which one study found to increase pain tolerance by 74%.

Improves sleep:
For moms: Sex is relaxing — so it helps you sleep better.
For babies: The rocking motion of a sex session often lulls baby to sleep.

Boosts immunity: A study found that sex boosts levels of IgA, an antibody that helps avoid colds and other infections.

Boosts happiness: Orgasm releases endorphins — which make both you and baby happier and more relaxed.

Increases intimacy: Thank oxytocin again — it’s been linked to romantic attachment.

Speeds up postpartum recovery: Orgasms during pregnancy prepare the pelvic floor for childbirth, which in turn speeds postpartum recovery. Do Kegels during pregnancy sex to pump up those muscles — and increase pleasure for you both!


Also note that sex during pregnancy does not affect the baby
The thick mucus plug that seals your cervix helps to guard your baby against infection. The amniotic sac and the strong muscles of your uterus (womb) also keep your baby safe.

However if any of the couple should find it uncomfortable with sex during pregnancy, it should be put on hold and a medical personnel be consulted. He or she will be in a position to help them

So you think sex even during pregnancy is good?

Bigsteveg:

Sure they won't die, but if couples enjoys it and so far no complication, should they also stop it? When doctors will even encourage both to keep having it.
Everybody should study his or her body, simple. Its like family planning. What goes for A might not go for B. That does not mean because of B, A should not use it or because of A, B should keep using it.

Yes it depends, however they won't die without it

Bigsteveg:

And some pregnant women will want it all through till the last day. Body differs.

Both. Without the egg and without the sperm there would be no baby, therefore there is equal share in a child. A woman just has a closer bond because she is the one who went through the pregnancy and felt the movements, bonding with the baby so she is more nurturing towards the child

Smh. There's a place in hell for people who disown their children. That son looks like him the most and he's his first born, he needs to stop the pettiness

Hmm this could be it

jamesbridget13:
I am a married woman op. N with all fairness, don't begin to hate ur wife for this. Probably she is among d ones that believe what they hear about in laws being unfair to their daughter in laws(I have had my fair share)


Op talk to ur wife. Tell her to accept ur people. Tell her u will stand by her if perhaps there is any unfair treatment which won't be. Assure her that ur people love her n that if she loves them back she won't regret it.


She is only trying to avoid them to avoid troubles but that's not d best way to go about it. I hope she understands n change her mindset

Some of us have suffered because our spouses family members don't like us for no reason and your wife doesn't like them when they are here telling you to take care of her? She is ungrateful. Why does she feel that way about them?

amliftedhigher:
Good morning wonderful nairalanders.

I Am having a very delicate family issues now. I am an only son of my family and 5 sisters all married, since I brought my wife to be to them they all love her with passion and they keep telling me to take good care of the girl, they keep warning me not to treat her bad.

My sister love my Wife with passion including my aged mother but my wife to be in return hates them openly to me.

She doesn't like me mention them before her or discuss any thing with them. But she adores her family so much. We have finished traditional marriage remaining church wedding which is next two weeks from today.

During our preparations my family has noticed her long mute with them in issues of our wedding arrangement, they ask me but I told them that my wife is a shy type that doesn't talk too much but I was lying.

N/B they have not done anything evil to her and they will not think about it because they all fear me but my confusion Now is why my wife hates them? One of my sister lives in the same city with my wife but she hardly visits her.

My fellow comrades please what do I do? I can't hate my sisters because they and their husbands train me in the university . I came from a poor home but seeing the love I have for education all My sisters and their husbands swear that I must attend university . My God's grace I am working in one of the best organization in the country now am comfortable. Do I chase my family away now because of a woman I am getting married to? Help am confused.

Thanks in anticipation

My friend came over and brought her friend with her who used my bathroom without asking, did a no. 2 and didn't even bother to flush or use spray. Walked into my bathroom later that evening, wanting to use the toilet and saw the disaster she left behind for me

This is hilarious. Some people do not have sex at all during a pregnancy. I'm sure the guy didn't die from abstinence from sex for a couple of months until the wife gave birth and recovered

It is not for you to buy because you have not lived it lol. There are people who pretend. My own grandmother pretended with my mother too until my father married her, then the true colors came out. I have seen previous threads where people say the same thing. She didn't think our relationship would get as serious as it did, which is where I feel the problem came in and she didn't mind me before because she thought I was just a temporary girlfriend passing by, who would give him 'experience' on how to understand women. I saw signs early in the relationship but not to this extent, but enough for me to be weary of her. I always knew in my spirit one day a big disagreement will occur and surely this situation happened. That is already my focus.

Chommieblaq:
I don't really buy this story. It's either your boyfriend is not straightforward with you or the person that told you what's up is lying.

There are bad MIL and boyfriend's mom, but no Nigerian mother who doesn't like her DIL or girlfriend will even waste time pretending, they have the chance to cut the relationship at the earlier stage, so why pretend? If she's as bad you you wrote, then believe me she must have shown it to you, but love cover your eye

And if actually true, focus on your child. He's your Ex, let it go. Don't judge people because of one experience. Same thing happens in every country. It's an individual thing.

I don't understand that though because my ex's father is not even from the same tribe as her so why does she get to dictate that? I sympathize with your friend. Those kind of old head mother in laws are the worst, there will never be peace. Yes. I don't want someone like that in my life but I appreciate your advice

Greystone:


It's unfortunate but many people are very narrow minded and she seems to be one of them.
I have a friend whose mother in law treated him similarly to how ur bf's mother is treating you.
Nothing he did was good enough and the root of the problem was he was from another part of the country and she wanted her daughter to marry from their tribe.
I don't want the same to happen to you.
And u r right, she will continuously meddle in ur relationship.
I hope whatever u decide to do is in ur very best interest.

I don't want her to like me. She is evil. I don't want to be liked by such. I would rather just leave it alone because it's true, these issues are already enough now a marriage would be even worse. She would never stop meddling in it. It's a shame he was born to such a woman

Greystone:


You can't make her like you.
You most likely never will.
If it's like this while u r dating, then it will be hell if u marry her son.
It's ur choice.

Unfortunately it seems so. I had no clue parents still do this either. She is obviously tribalistic which is very ironic

MrRhymes101:
Parents still do this?? what a shame. That was how I anchored a wedding last year and the groom was obviously unhappy, as in it showed!! Pple were saying it was his mum that chose his wife

Thats what I heard too

Xtargold:
Because it is the only finger that has a vein that runs straight to the heart.

It's strange because I have never disrespected her or done anything wrong to her. But yet she has all these problems. His father doesn't have an issue with me, in fact he has also always been in support of me before this situation and even during and he is Yoruba. And, yes you are right.

Greystone:
@ skressed1, it's an unfortunate truth that we can't control the people we fall in love with.

Your bf's mother doesn't like u now...what makes you think this will change when u are married?

She will hate you even more then for being the woman who her son insisted on marrying.

As for me, i have this guiding principle with relationships;
If i don't have peace of mind, I'm out.

No mucking about, no compromise.

Life is too short to be spent with heartache and pain.

Before you can love another, love yourself first.

A lifetime is a very long time so be wise.

No, he wanted to reconcile with me after he broke up with me after giving it some time, and his mother told him no. He has never passed on any message about that to me. We found all this out through someone else who was telling us what her intentions for him are.

ciwi:

Did this woman expressly tell you that she doesn't want you to marry her son? Or did was it ur ex boyfriend who passed this message to you?

Sorry to burst ur bubble but I think it's the guy who wasn't interested and used his mum to clean up his mess

quote author=skressed1 post=59610780]She's a woman scorned I can only think of that as her reason, and she wants to be the one who dictates who and what in her sons life. I was a threat to her. Thank you so much for your advice however, I truly appreciate it. Thats all I wanted to get out of this.

My oldest brother. A boy

Is this really what happens? If two people have a child out of wedlock they have to marry?

I don't know what it is with women who like tearing other women down. Personally, my mother is Ghanaian and she has a good relationship with my brothers girlfriend. Even told my brother she doesn't mind him marrying her, and yet the girl is Filipino. Mind you, my brother is my mother's only son. Some women are just different. Some will be accepting and create a space where there is respect and the boy can learn to be a man and make his own decisions without his mothers involvement in all of his affairs, and with some they will go out of their way to make sure you get out of their way. Rarely do you hear this issue happening among men. Such women are very closed minded and controlling.

Mothers like that have unhealthy relationships with their sons, they might as well marry them because to them they make it about them when it comes to their son. I can testify to that because my ex boyfriends mother is Nigerian and as things got serious, she started having problems with me. Serious problems. You just have to pray and ask God to align you into a good family where the mother/family know God and don't cause or entertain trouble because otherwise that is a set up for a marriage from hell.

She's a woman scorned I can only think of that as her reason, and she wants to be the one who dictates who and what in her sons life. I was a threat to her. Thank you so much for your advice however, I truly appreciate it. Thats all I wanted to get out of this.

Richy4:


I know u are angry.. but asking why she will go all the trouble pretending, she alone can answer that...But i have to let u know that there's a saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer".. I feel that was what was applied in your case...(just guessing)

Pls make sure u take care of the baby,I guess that's the major thing eveyone here on NL will be advising..

No lol. When you marry someone, you are marrying into their family also, so they will be around regardless.

begwong:
Why not?
You are marrying the man and not his mum!

No. I'm personally going through a situation, where the mother of mine has even gone to the extent of evil just to get rid of me. Unless the man can draw the line between you and his mother, there is no point. You'll just be signing up for a lifetime of misery and a troubled marriage. No one should have to deal with that.

She pretended to like me and that is why I feel deceived. She invited me into her home and allowed me to stay with her, she would invite me to family events, she would sit down and talk and make jokes with me, pray with me, she would ask me to give her things instead of being true to herself and just simply expressing she is not happy with whats going on because she wants her son for someone else. Or she doesn't like me. Why go through all that effort and waste time pretending? That is the part I do not understand. A conversation with him may be coming soon seeing as other family members have intervened and are opposing her behavior.

When it comes that, most of us in the family including on his side as well have already agreed that the child has to be kept away from her under all circumstances for the sake of their protection. She doesn't want to see the baby come into the world, there is no way I can expose the baby to such. When it comes to that, we won't mention anything about her to the baby ever. All I want the child to know is that she is not around. But they still have grandparents so it shouldn't matter. She's irrelevant and the baby doesn't need to know

Richy4:

Ok I just want to let u know that it's not a country thing...it is an individual kinda thing..a lot of Nigerian men have married foreign ladies and most of them are living peacefully .....

So i guess the woman doesn't like you...She alone will be in a better position to tell u why she doesn't fancy what you were selling..

Besides, u are a woman..u know some women would see someone just once, and dislike that person's appearance by just looking..no matter what u do, they will not like it...

As for your child, u and your ex should sit down and talk about the way forward....Since both of u planned to bring a child into the world, both of u should sit together and device a way forward..

Finally, I have to ask that when the baby arrives, pls do not teach the child about hate..The woman got something against you, do not try and make the grudges u have with her affect the kid..Do not make it feel as if she also have something against your child..I know it is hard to believe but it is the only truth..It is very easy for a mother to turn the heart of their kids against someone

Good luck

My ex because we are no longer in a relationship

Mustiboy:
Why are you calling him your ex? Isn't he the one you wanna get married to?
Or is there something I'm missing?

I appreciate your kind words. Thank you so much, I agree.

Ilekokonit:
You had a lucky escape. What if the clearly immature guy had disappeared 10 years after marrying you ??

He doesn't have a mind of his own and there is no guarantee that the new woman his Mummy sources for him will last with him.

Stay away from this guy even if he comes begging.

He feels he is doing you a favour and if he can deny his unborn child, then what "long term" chance do you have with him ?

Cut your losses and God will give you a "mature minded" man from any race that will treat your child as his own.