Something happened today that has really made me question myself as a man, and I sincerely need honest advice from mature minds here.
Earlier today, my younger one went to the field to play football. After some time, he came back home crying seriously with blood rushing from his head. According to him, he had an altercation with someone much bigger than him, and the person picked up a stick and hit him on the head.
Immediately, I became angry and asked him to take me to the field to identify the person that injured him. Deep down, I was expecting myself to react aggressively because I felt any normal man would naturally defend his younger one and confront the person strongly.
When we got there and I saw the guy, something happened to me. Instead of fighting or causing a serious scene, I just started asking questions about what happened. I couldn’t bring myself to react violently or aggressively the way many people probably would have. I eventually carried my younger one and went back home.
Since then, I have been feeling ashamed and disappointed in myself.
The painful part is that this is not the first time I have noticed this about myself. I always seem to avoid problems, confrontations, or situations that may escalate. Even when I am angry, I still start thinking about consequences, expenses, police issues, public embarrassment, injuries, and other complications that may arise if things get out of hand.
Because of this, I often withdraw instead of standing my ground fully.
Now I am beginning to feel like I am too timid and not confrontational enough as a man should be. Sometimes I feel weak, powerless, and unable to command respect the way other men do. I see some people react boldly in difficult situations while I keep overthinking consequences and avoiding escalation.
Honestly, it is affecting the way I see myself.
Please, I need sincere advice from experienced people here:
- How can someone stop being too timid or fearful? - How do you become more confident and confrontational when necessary? - How do you stand your ground as a man without always retreating? - Is this kind of behavior weakness, or is there another way to look at it? - What practical things can I start doing to become mentally stronger and more assertive?
I would genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from men who may have struggled with similar issues before overcoming them.
I'd advise you to hit the gym, bro.
I'm not even talking about building muscles here even though it's a major perk.
It has been proven that weight lifting boosts a man's testosterone levels significantly. So being consistent at it builds mental strength and your self esteem, even before the muscles start coming out.
In a month or two, you'd find out that you'd naturally be walking with your head up high, chests out and wouldn't be afraid to look anyone in the eye while maintaining a charming personality
Abdullahi4u7: I believe he's delivering an Islamic lecture and in reverence of the words of his Lord, Allah, that were being recited, he cried. It was obvious because he asked the reciter to continue afterwards.
Thus, this is nothing but cheap propaganda.
PS. I am non-partisan.
You're right. I have seen several tafsir videos of pantami breaking down in tears while in the middle of it
Denko2721987: Asin ehn, e just be like say u they my mind.. Even players wey they field they play the ball no they spit like that.. Its so irritating and this same thought of his wife getting tired of its sef just the same way u reasoned it has crossed my mind severally.. Like kilode
It's an habit that he does when he's nervous and he's always nervous during a match
WatchYourSix: Athletics Madrid and Arsenal should just know that whoever wins btw the two of them is automatically losing the final ….…
I mean just look at this two madt teams…: this should have been the final of the UCL
That's not always how it works bro, football ain't mathematics. If arsenal or athletico scores first, it might difficult for any of the two team to equalise or even win. Personally I feel this match is quite a poor display because both teams are unable to defend thier goals.
P.S, Arsenal have not conceded more than two goals in a match for over 3 years now.
Eriokanmi: This Deji must be very stupid. When the GSM first came, they said poor people wouldn't be able to afford it but within a year, pepper sellers got one, likewise beggars. In the 90s, a financial group said Nigeria was not ripe for atm cos thieves would always buggle it and take people's money away, but what happened next?
Why not provide the 24hrs electricity first and see if Nigerians will be able to afford it or not. In my area at alimosho, we're under 33" we've been enjoying 24 hrs power supply for nearly 20 years until recently when the supply became epileptic. Next to the estate where I live is a community, comprising low cadre people and artisans. There's a woman who operates a pepper grinding machine. She's always busy from morning till evening. Once its 7pm, alhaja would tell you that you're late so people always get there ahead of time. She enjoys same 24hrs electricity supply.
Due to constant light, pure water companies,.nylon or celophene companies, even welding companies bombarded the community. They pay their nepa dues cos they appreciate its importance. There's also a furniture guy in that community that I know. He moved into his house near Ifo 3 years ago but still keeps his shop. He comes all the way from ifo to operate it
Deji should just shut his parrot mouth. Nigerians can afford any service, provided its available and sustainable. Does he even know how much people spend on solar and it's maintenance in their various homes? Iya alata has a solar in her shop, powering fridge and apartment and charges her phone too.
Deji should run a trip to Benin republic. He will retract his statement when he comes back
SixSeven: Look at this picture below. What does it say? 👇
Meanwhile in a country called Nigeria, what was the headline for this weekend? Obasanjo says NNPC refineries cannot be fixed 🤡
Iran never said let's wait for this war to end. They never said maybe US will attack it again so let's not repair it. They never complained about the sanctions. They never complained about world economy and all those nonsense those people smart by half come to preach to you online or on TV. They went straight to business.
This is the same government people abuse here meanwhile their own government in Nigeria doesn't give a damn about their welfare. The failure of a power minister says we should appoint a coordinating minister of energy after failing to restore power in 2 weeks he gave himself. President disconnected his own residence from national grid and went solar. Eeeeeeddddddoooots
Niscort: Hope South Africans too are not immigrants in other African countries? Just asking
They're not, South Africa is the only first world country in black Africa. You'll hardly find any south African in other African countries searching for greener pastures. They have absolutely no reason to migrate to a third world African country. Unless of course it's for tourism purposes which still doesn't make sense, since they've the most beautiful landscape in the world (Capetown)
Razzness: Gawuna polled over 800,000 votes last election; that doesn't simply go away. Whether his ward people don't like him is another issue. But the reality is that Gawanu has been on the battlefield of elections multiple times before; that definitely gives him a significant edge over Abdusallam, who is relatively a novice and will have to rely 100% on Kwankwaso voters.
Gawuna will definitely not win without Kwankwaso while Kwankwaso "might" pull through without him. What I am simply saying is that their chances of winning against Abba and Ganduje (who are also no strangers to the election battleground) will be much stronger if they align together.
You are right, Boss and I completely get your point. But in a free and fair election devoid of electoral malpractices and use of thugs to intimidate voters, Gawuna wouldn't even poll up to a 200,000 votes.
Remember the 2019 episode where Gawuna and Garo invaded a polling unit in Gawuna ward when it was obvious that Abba would win flawlessly. The embarrassment was too much for them to stomach and they tore the ballot papers? (The video is still in twitter) That incident ultimately led to the election being declared inconclusive by APC court.
Razzness: Hmmm. You are right, Gawuna is almost a sure bet to betray Kwankwaso as soon as he becomes governor. But then he already has a political pull of his own, unlike Abdulsalam, who will rely solely on Kwankwaso's voters, and the combination of Abba and Ganduje is not going to be easy to beat. A Gawuna backed by Kwankwaso has much stronger odds of winning than an Abdulsalam. The question is whether Kwankwaso can take the risk with Gawuna or play the safer bet with Abdulsalam and fight it out.
I live about fifteen minutes from Gawuna ward, where Nasiru Yusuf Gawuna is from. Honestly speaking, the situation on the ground doesn’t match his hype online. Much of what’s pushed on platforms like Nairaland and twitter feels exaggerated. I'm not surprised though, that's what APC data boys are being paid to do.
In reality, Rabiu Musa Kwankwaso has a much stronger visible presence in that area, with more posters and grassroots support, except right around Gawuna’s father's home. The bottom line is Kwankwaso doesn't rely on Gawuna, if anything, the dependence runs the other way and both men know this.
Razzness: This is getting serious. If Kwankwaso really wants to do Abba dirty, he should just pick Gawuna as the gubernatorial candidate. Abba will be done. But seriously, I can't even begin to understand what kind of brain Abba has. Even if you intend to betray your principal, why do it just a year to the election? Why not hold on till you win your second term? Then you can do whatever you like.
The worst mistake that kwankwaso will make is to give the gubernatorial ticket to Gawuna. As soon as he becomes governor, he's returning to APC within months. For all we know, this might be the plan between him and Ganduje to further destroy Kwankwaso.
Better kwankwaso make him fight for the ticket with Abdulsalam and other kwankwasiyya loyalists.
Abba may be accused of betraying Rabiu Musa Kwankwaso, they still have decades-long ties with him and are generally viewed as more honest figures than Gawuna. Gawuna has, for years, carried a reputation for being untrustworthy and controversial, with criticisms of his behavior going back to his youth.
His inability to secure victory even in his own ward during the last governorship election is a reflection on his standing amongst his own people.
Ibrahim505: President Buhari ordered the soldiers to extra judicially execute any thug involved with snathcing ballot box. Garo deliberately teared the election result of entire local govenment denying this same governor been elected in 2019. The politicians are only using the poor as a tool for their fake rivalry.
Exactly what came to my mind just now. Garo was virtually stripped naked and about to be lynched by kwankwaso/Abba supporters. Fortunately, the police arrived and whisked him and Gawuna away, the video of that event is still on twitter. That mob will be looking so foolish right now with the way things turned out.
Eriokanmi: Where did you get that information of 250yrs old narrative from? Stop spewing nonsense. Plateau used to be one of the safest places in Nigeria. Are you aware westerners once lived there for over a century? Where are they today? Would this have happened if your narrative was true?
Please help me ask that devil. Is it thesame Plateau state that was so sweet in the past that it's slogan was made "home of peace and tourism?"
During my NYSC camp days, I met a lady from Bayelsa who introduced herself as Apili, and I immediately declared that she had one of the most lovely and unique South -South names I have ever heard.
On the last day of camp when she showed me her deployment letter, I realised that Apili was an abbreviation of APPEAL COURT.
If Stammer was in Nigeria and three suicide bombers exploded in a British Market and elsewhere, he would cut short his trip and go back home to attend to the emergency.
But the black man, Tinubu is traveling to another country when bombs are exploding in his country, killing innocent people and leaving tens of people injured.
I know some fools will say is he suppose to go and treat the injured by himself or pick a gun to go after the Islamic terrorists.
Buhari, tinubu, atiku... All they do after taking office is move from place to place, taking pictures and basking in the title of President of Nigeria. But when it comes to real leadership, there’s little to show. It’s as if the country can burn to the ground, and they’d still be satisfied just holding the title.
Tharyor1984: This is one of the privilege Atiku want to kill himself for
Buhari, tinubu, atiku... All they do after taking office is move from place to place, taking pictures and basking in the title of President of Nigeria. But when it comes to real leadership, there’s little to show. It’s as if the country can burn to the ground, and they’d still be satisfied just holding the title.
South Africans can, under certain conditions, claim maintenance from a sibling.
But it’s far more complex than many believe.
That’s according to attorney and family law specialist Amy Marx, who unpacked the issue in an interview following comments attributed to the National Prosecuting Authority.
NOT A NEW LAW, BUT RARELY USED
Marx said sibling maintenance claims are not new.
“When it comes to maintenance claims, this has always been in the books,” she said.
She stressed there is no new legal development and that the principle forms part of common law.
However, she described it as ‘extremely difficult’ to compel one sibling to financially support another.
There are strict steps that must be followed.
PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS FIRST
A sibling cannot be approached first for maintenance.
“You first have to go to the strongest link, which would be parents,” Marx explained.
If parents are unable to provide support — for example, if they have died — the next step would be grandparents.
Only if they are also unable to assist would a claim against siblings be considered.
Marx said there is a common law principle that blood relatives may have a maintenance obligation, but “it basically gets weaker the further away it gets”.
ADULT SIBLINGS CAN'T REFUSE TO WORK
The situation differs when it involves adults.
“You can’t be able-bodied and just not be making money,” Marx said.
She said someone cannot simply choose not to work and expect a financially successful sibling to cover their living expenses.
There must be a reasonable need.
If a person is able-bodied and capable of working, that weakens any potential claim.
WHEN SIBLING MAINTENANCE MAY APPLY
Marx said such claims are more common in cases involving minors or adults who are unable to support themselves.
She cited a case involving a child with Down syndrome who could not work and was living in a care facility.
In that matter, siblings had received money from their parents’ deceased estate.
The maintenance court allowed a claim against the siblings because funds that should have supported the vulnerable child had effectively been paid out as inheritance.
INHERITANCE ALONE IS NOT ENOUGH
Marx clarified that simply receiving a larger share of an inheritance does not automatically create a maintenance obligation.
If provision for a dependent person was not properly structured in the estate, and inheritance effectively replaced maintenance funds, a claim could arise.
But she stressed that each case depends on specific legal requirements.
“You’d have to prove that there is a legal requirement for the maintenance,” she said.
LAW MAY EVOLVE, BUT LIMITS REMAIN
While acknowledging that case law can change over time, Marx said there is currently no general duty on extended family members, such as aunts and uncles, to provide maintenance.
For now, sibling maintenance remains a legal possibility, but only in narrow, carefully defined circumstances.
“It’s not that you can just go straight to a sibling,” she said.
The law is good. If one sibling gets an accident, or handicapped, it's only right that their siblings step in to support them, instead of being abandoned.
First time seeing a post from you without hate towards Nigeria and Nigerians. Wishing you continued growth and positivity.
Macphenson: But for Kwankwaso"s ego, he would have been the vice president fi only he agreed to vice Peter Obi. He missed a lifetime golden chance. Now he is struggling to maintain his political structure.
He's literally fighting for his political existence.
Razzness: This politics is a very dangerous game. Imagine Abba who is like a son to Kwankwaso betraying him. I remember 2023 elections, Kwankwaso fought like a mad man for him to be governor, travelled across all the 44 local governments of Kano and campaigned for him, he was hosting radio and television programs everyday campaigning. Baba even slept in INEC office on the day of election till they finish counting votes. Only God knows what Tinubu is saying to this governors.
Right! I also live in Kano and I remember that time, infact we pray early morning prayers together with kwankwaso for open street just because of Abba!
Na money tinubu dey give them, simple.
3 times their previous allocation!
Oil subsidy money!
Jonathan could have done thesame thing in 2014 with Nigerians money, but he chose to be fair and democratic, this giving the opposition a level-playing field.
So you see there's nothing special about tinubu tactics or "political brilliance" as his supporters put it.
Solofresh2: You don dey talk like say na new news. Person wey hear you go think say na yesterday internet just invent. Make I ask you, all these plenty talk wey you dey talk, na for who? For the mumu wey don already collect monthly data and dey hunt for clout like lion? Dem no dey read long thing like this. Dem dey chase trend like dog wey dey chase okada. You dey cry about consequences like say dem no know. DEM KNOW! Na the "consequence" na im be the content. Your "scandal" na their "brand". Your "regret" na their "engagement". You think say na mistake? Na strategy! Lana story? Na old trailer. Today matter na: "How I use my past scandal buy new G-Wagon." The pikin go grow, see the videos, and the mama go tell am, "See money wey I use train you. No judge me." Na so market set now. You dey warn people wey their brain don sell for data? You no see say for their eye, your warning na content idea? Dem go screenshot your talk do video with sad music talk say "See how society dey judge us." The real truth wey pass your own na: Internet no get memory. Internet na BINGE-WATCHER. E dey watch, e dey laugh, e dey share, e dey forget you tomorrow for another trending scandal. You think say you go immortalize? You go vaporize! Tomorrow, another person go do something more stupid, crowd go rush go there, your own matter go cold. So all this your "future go knock" talk...abeg. Na today's likes dey pay today's bills. Tomorrow na tomorrow. If trouble come, dem go use am do another content: "My Redemption Story." Everything na content circle. My own advice pass your own: DO THE WORST! TREND THE HARDEST! Make your past so terrible say when e knock tomorrow, e go meet(bouncer) for your door. By then, you don already buy the house wey the door dey for.
Thanks for this! This was exactly the comment I was looking for. Of course they (including Tiwa Savage) know the consequences – they're not naive. they all knew what they were getting into. What people aren't getting is that not everyone has the same moral compass. For some, shame is an alien concept.
The Lana Rhoades he's referring to in his post, What the OP doesn't realise is that she maybe using this for PR move to boost her earnings. Even as a popular adult star, she's still unknown to millions. But this story about her not wanting her son to blablabla.... blows up on popular mainstream sites like Nairaland, curiosity spikes – and that means more clicks, more views, more cash for her 💸.
Like this, I can mention like five adult stars in their forties and fifties whose children (daughters) are now grown ups and are now acting porn like their mother.
Lolz, the OP think say as he dey see life, na so others dey see life . E fit talk this kinda thing for where pornstars dey, them go just dey look am like mumu dey laff.
Gerrard59: I am curious, are virgins so abundant in most parts of northern Nigeria? If so, what is the stat like amongst Christians vs Muslims (I assume Muslims will be the majority due to sheer preponderance in population). If there the preponderance of virgins is high across the region, how do young northern males handle their sexual urge?
Good morning, boss. Shey you know say Islam is very strict ba? Much stricter than any other religion in the world.
Since Islam forbids premarital sex, it promotes early marriage and urges simplicity in wedding arrangements so that more people can marry with ease.
The bride price can be as low as ₦20,000, and according to Islamic law, it’s meant to go directly to the bride, not her parents. After that, you may host a wedding that suits your budget. If you can’t afford a big event, that’s okay too. Most parents just want to see their daughter move into a decent, lawful marriage with a responsible husband who can shelter and provide for her.
But you know how people can be, hide behind religion to do bad things. Since marriage is relatively easy and affordable, a guy can marry a woman with no real commitment and sincerity, use her for two to five years, and then divorce her over something minor. That’s why you’ll find young women, even in their early twenties, already divorced.
So if you approach a young woman and show interest in marriage, she’ll usually be honest right away; telling you if she’s been married before or has a child. If you’re okay with that, then things can move forward smoothly. In most cases, the bride price for a divorcee is lower than for a virgin.
As a Muslim man, if you marry a woman expecting she’s a virgin and find out otherwise after the wedding night, you’re allowed to take the matter to a Sharia court. If it turns out you were misled, your bride price will be returned.
Based on indigenous northern Christains, obviously their views about premarital sex is expected to be much more relaxed. But that does not mean chastity is entirely absent. I'm sure there are still some young unmarried women there who still choose to remain pure just like you'd find in other tribes and communities across Nigeria.
As for the unmarried hausa men, many of them know the road to Sabon Gari as long as they are living in the city . That's where they'd go to ease tension. So anytime you hear that hisbah have raided Sabon Gari again, it's not the foreigners they're after. They are coming for thier own people, caught red-handed in red-light districts and sometimes bars. About 70 percent of the clientele there are hausa men (married and unmarried).
Apart from Kano, there's definitely a place (s) like sabon gari in kaduna, probably even livelier since kaduna is more liberal. As for the other northern states, I can't say for sure oo...Maybe they're just better at hiding thier own "Sabon Gari"
Family › Re: How Do Men Become Bold, Fearless And Confrontational? by Solcampbell: 8:10am On May 12*. Modified: 8:26am On May 12
