₦airaland Forum

....and the moment of truth surfaced yesterday during the marriage counselling, when I was asked why do I want to get married and if I'd other choice would I have gone for it rather than my hubby to be? ..and my response was tears...God your direction is all I ask for...I'm scared.

I have really took my time to read and digest all comments one after another.
A big thanks to the mod for bringing this to the front page and thanks to my nlanders, some have really done the big critics, some are indifferent while some have really took their time to walk in my shoes and given me reasons to look at the two sides of the coin
I must say I'm really grateful as I'm still open to more critics and advices.
In case there's any marriage counsellor out there..Please I'm available.
Thank you

femi4:
Is there another man somewhere that you have feelings for?
Don't cheat on him, just tell him after the wedding to release you from his heart. Don't have a child for him........else you ll deprive such child motherly/fatherly care.

There's no man anywhere...I'm reconsidering this option.
Thank you

eOrdinaire:
Hello Unhappy Bride,
What does happiness mean to you?
What you need in a husband is different from what you look out for in a boyfriend?
To me, you have a good man but you can decide to lose him. It is your choice.
Stop comparing your man with what you watch on TV, hear on Radio or read in the newspapers.
They project a skewed perception of marriage.

Marriage takes a lot of work. Everyone you see happily married today has invested heavily to make it work.
There is nothing like someone will make you happy, it only exists in the figment of your imagination.
In all sincerity, you are not ready for marriage.
As a married man I can tell you that the feeling is not always there but the commitment and vows are stronger.
Marriage demands responsibility, accountability and selflessness.
Your husband to be like every other dude is never going to be perfect at all times in the bedroom, boardroom, in looks, in conduct and many facets of life. My dear, love is a decision. There will always be issues but how you deal with it is critical.

Cheating has never been a way out. It takes a lot from you than you think. It never makes anyone happy
Divorce is not an option. It ruins your present and future.

Whatever the issues, communication and teamwork is the way out. Be the loving and supportive wife a man needs.
Let us stop spiritualising things. This is just someone who wants to be married but still remain single.
Marriage will cost you many things and will give you many things.

Be Prepared. I am married and I am loving it. I should have done it earlier but it is never late.
Discuss the issues with your man. He also wants to live in bliss and not ready to compromise his future.

Be the supportive and long-suffering woman. It pays in the long run.

Pardon my rambling but that is just a piece of my heart.

Regards.

Your contribution is highly appreciated . Thank you so much sir . I will call him up tomorrow and discuss all these with him..I hope he understand and we conclude on a way forward.

pomsky:
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......hi, can you tell me how old you are?
Is he your first?
Have you had other guys chase you in d last 4yrs?
Are you sexually active with him or anoda?
During your courtship, have other guys sparked your interest/feelings
Do you work?
Are you attractive?
Would you like to marry anoda you may have feelings for, or is marriage off your list?
How was your relationship b4 this one?

......expecting your reply, but i just feel i should write this phrase as i await your response:

...."WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"
Waiting.........
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I'm 28 years old,
No, he's not my first
Yes, have had guys but haven't given anyone chance to get close to me
I'm not sexual active with..I tend to turn him down most time and when I'm in a fix..I just do it with satisfaction which he often complains about that I'm too rigid
Presently I'm not working..
I don't know your definition for being attractive, but I can say I'm petite and good, presentable and attractive
Yes I would love to..and besides marriage isn't just on my list for now
No serious relationships in the past.
Thank you

bid4rich:
My dear, this is a very serious situation you found yourself. Going about it may be tough but you have to do something.

The pain on the guy side may make him not to trust any woman again forever.

You on the other part may find someone attactive but never caring as he is and you may end up with pretenders and life destroyers that may end up with ''had I know''

There are some things also that you will do to someone that if he did not talk, nemesis will surely catch up.

If there is a way you can re-ignite the love you once had when you first started, it will do a lot of good BUT if there is still no love for him I advise you call him today and resolve/dissolve it but you may have to face the consequence later on in life.
NOTE: God is the first factor in marriage and happiness is the second and you cannot find happiness without God. Therefore go to God if he is man for you or not, for a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

Lastly, dont go into that marriage with divorce at heart. Remember God says ''I hate divorce'' May God be with you.

Thank you so much...I will work on this..

Billyonaire:
The OP voiced her concern and her feelings, and she is being judged. I congratulate her boldness. So many women and men are going through this exact thing and do not have the boldness to air it, thanks for anonymity that nairaland offers.

OP, do what you have to do. It is not every ejaculation that ends in pregnancy. It is too late to call it off, but not too late for a divorce. In the end, happiness is what matters. I can not say that the guy is not sensing that you do not love him anymore, I bet he knows, but I guess you are just too beautiful for him to lose, but will certainly lose. Life is not fair and we shouldnt expect marriages to work 100%, humans were not naturally intended to be married. We invented marriage.

Thank you

sobmos:
A wise man once told me that,there's nothing like falling in love,but you grow in love with you partner. Give it time and you'll get back to your senses. Maybe you're just getting cold feet about the whole wedding brouhaha. Pray more.

Thank you so much...I will be more prayerful

treny:
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I'd preferred you left without a comment, you just have to waste space..... The lady needs advice not criticism after all, you might be in worse shoes and we don't Just don't know it

Thank you so much...so many are just quick to criticise....I put this up for constructive critics and good suggestions...Most people are in this situation but just scared to pour out their minds...
Please If you aren't in one's shoe, don't conclude on how he or she should walk, cos you cant really say if the shoe fits or pinches...Thank you.
I appreciate all constructive critics and better suggestions.

iPrevail:
Nonsense talk!. Your problem is obvious.. You're a frigging gold-digger.. It's been the money keeping you all along.

You dated someone for four good years, you felt no connection.. You didn't breakup. He then engaged you... You still didn't breakup. Now he's about to get married to you but you still wouldn't let go..

Are you related to Lucifer?

Have some good in you... Save that poor guy's soul.. Tell him you feel no connection whatsoever.. It best you do so before the marriage.. Tell him he's free to divorce you after the marriage..

This is one very horrible story

This has got nothing to do with money please...saying the guy is earning a good salary is just to add to his qualities....money isn't a factor of what's on ground please...my family back ground is very okay...and my family is handling almost everything for the ceremonious wedding.....Thank you for your contribution.

DonX001:
Why the heck did you agree to get married to him in the first place??
Is it about the 'good paying job'??

Not at all...met this guy when he earns less than 20, 000 monthly...

vizkiz:
marriage is overated in Nigeria!

I'm a victim of the overrated marriage in our society.

MzNelly:
Try to spice up your relationship

And figure out what attracted you to him in the first place

If you still don't feel nothing, call of the wedding.

Happiness is of extreme importance, my dear.

Seriously, have tried all I could to spice up this relationship..not just working out...

As I write you this letter, I'm not happy and not fulfilled. I'm getting married in less than one month to my boyfriend of 4years, but I must confess that nothing and I mean absolutely nothing interest and excites me about this guy. I don't feel complete with this guy at all..
I've been turning deaf ears to this inner voice but I kept pretending and forcing it on myself hoping I will get along sooner or later.
I must confess, this guy is a complete gentle man with a good paying job, full of ideas, loving and caring and everything about me is his priority. He's loved by all my family members and everybody around me. Calling of the wedding ceremony will be an outrageous thing to do because of the embarrassment to our families, friends and the guy in particular.
Have made a conclusion within me...after getting married, I will convince my the guy to allow me travel out of the country, maybe if I'm away, I can start a new life out of Nigeria chore and if this doesn't work, I will either file for a divorce after one year or cheat on my husband to make me happy.
Please a very constructive critics and advice will be highly appreciated.
Thank you.

unfulfilled bride to be.

Pastor Bankole, thank you for your assistance....I really appreciate and I pray God will continue to uphold and strengthen you in his vineyard....nairaland isn't the end...Thank God we can reach you through other means..

Good evening sir..Please I had a dream that I was picking up eggs falling from a mango like tree in my dream along side with water..but it got to a point that anywhere I get to, I was always seeing eggs for me to pick that I had to drop some of the water(in bottle) in my hand so that the eggs will be not crack..I'm scared..don't know what this implies...Thank you sir.