₦airaland Forum

The Banker
Magazine, a
publication
of Financial Times of
London has ranked
Zenith Bank, First Bank,
Guaranty Trust Bank,
Access Bank, United
Bank for Africa, Fidelity
Bank, First City
Monument Bank and
Skye Bank among the
global top 1000 banks. The banks also made
the list of top 25 banks in Africa.
However, the Nigerian banks did not rank
among the top five in Africa. Zenith which is
the most capitalised bank in the country
ranks 7th as against its last year’s 6th
position in the continent. First Bank and GT
Bank made the 8th and 11th positions
respectively.
The top three banks in Africa are all from
South Africa. Standard Bank Group topped
the Africa chart with a capital base of
$9.842 billion and is in the 112th position
globally. The second is the FirstRand Bank
Holdings, South Africa with a capital base
of $8.471 billion. The Needbank Group
Limited, also of South Africa, came third in
the top 25 banks in Africa with a capital of
$5.123 billion.
The Banker in its benchmarking of the top
1000 global bank said that Zenith Bank PLC
had, as at 2011 financial year, a total tier
one capital of $2.398 billion as against the
$2.405 billion of last year. This makes Zenith
Bank the biggest bank in Nigeria, the 7th in
Africa and the 322nd in the world. It is
followed by the first generation bank, First
Bank, with a total of $2.262 billion
shareholders’ stake in the bank known as
tier one capital in 2011. First Bank occupies
the 2nd position in the Nigerian banking
sector, 8th in Africa and 338th in the globe.
The third highly capitalized bank in Nigeria
by the standard of Bank of International
Settlement (BIS) is GTBank with a tier one
capital of $1.478 billion for the 2011
financial year. By tier one capital ranking,
it is Nigeria’s 3rd biggest, 11th in Africa and
455th in the world. Access Bank followed
closely with a capital of $1.054 billion
making it the 4th largest bank in Nigeria,
15th in Africa and 541st universally.
UBA is the 5th largest bank in Nigeria, 16th
in Africa and 563rd in the world. Fidelity
takes position as the 6th biggest bank in
Nigeria, 17th in Africa and 618th in the
world while First City Monument Bank
becomes the 7th largest bank in Nigeria,
22nd in Africa and 710th in the world.
Bank of America which occupies the first
position in the global ranking has a capital
base of $163.626 billion. It is followed closely
by JPMorgan Chase with a capital of
$142.450 billion. The third position is
occupied by HSBC, a British bank with a
capital base of $133.179 billion. China has
three banks in the top ten positions while
Japan has just one.
The Banker magazine’s endorsement has
become an instrument that central banks
and bankers seek after as a marketing tool.

Mine, ll b ju mong

Whr is d hole?
32 32 32 32 32

Fanks

it nt a family mata oooo

PRANK
LADY: good morning Dj
RADIO STATION: Good morning,wat cn i do for
u
LADY: Please,I'll like to get two tickets for the
Nama Awards show this weekend
...
RADIO STATION: Well,you'll get the tickets for
free only if you play a prank on someone on
air&make them belive it.
LADY: That's ok
Radio station: Are you married? Do you have
kids?
LADY: Yes,i hv gt 1
RADIO STATION: Gud,you will call your
husband&tell him he is not d
father of ur son.
LADY: Wow,that's a big one.
RADIO STATION: Well it
depends on how bad you want the
tickets and anyway we will be live on air
listening and step into tell him it's all prank.
LADY: Ok,let's do this cause I really want d
tickets.
RADIO: Ok,where is he right now?
LADY: He's at d office. His number
is...(radio station calls the husband)
LADY: Helo Love!
HUSBAND: Hi Baby!
LADY: How is work?
HUSBAND: Gud,can't wait to get back home &
make sweet luv 2u.
LADY: Me too! But em...dia's something I need
2 tell you.
HUSBAND: Ok I'm all ears dear!
LADY: swt u kno dat i luv u isn't
HUSBAND: Yes I do!
LADY: And we promised 2 always
be sincere 2 each oda?
HUSBAND: Yes we did,u're startin
2 scare me dear,pls, wat is it?
LADY: Something happened in my
office Nine years ago.
HUSBAND: what happened?
LADY: The annual xmas
party we had in d office 9yrs ago I
got drunk&had sex wit a co-
worker...em,u are not d father of
our son,
HUSBAND: What!
Lady: I just felt u shld know
HUSBAND: Are u crazy?
LADY: I'm sori luv, 4give me, I jst needed 2 get
it off my chest.
HUSBAND: I can't believe dis.
LADY: am sori luv,pls 4giv me.
HUSBAND: You want 4givnes? Ok u av to 4giv
dis,I have been sleepin with ur sista for d past
5yrs. Even yestaday I went home at lunch
and made passionate love to your sister.
RADIO STATION: Oh God!
LADY: What did u just say?
HUSBAND: You heard me,we just
confessed our sins to each
other,Is there someone dia with you?
RADIO STATION: Sir,dis is Power FM & u are on
air.We asked ur wife to play a prank on u so
u guys can get
tickets to go watch the Nama live
show dis weekend.
HUSBAND: Oh shit! :PPRANK
LADY: good morning Dj
RADIO STATION: Good morning,wat cn i do for
u
LADY: Please,I'll like to get two tickets for the
Nama Awards show this weekend
...
RADIO STATION: Well,you'll get the tickets for
free only if you play a prank on someone on
air&make them belive it.
LADY: That's ok
Radio station: Are you married? Do you have
kids?
LADY: Yes,i hv gt 1
RADIO STATION: Gud,you will call your
husband&tell him he is not d
father of ur son.
LADY: Wow,that's a big one.
RADIO STATION: Well it
depends on how bad you want the
tickets and anyway we will be live on air
listening and step into tell him it's all prank.
LADY: Ok,let's do this cause I really want d
tickets.
RADIO: Ok,where is he right now?
LADY: He's at d office. His number
is...(radio station calls the husband)
LADY: Helo Love!
HUSBAND: Hi Baby!
LADY: How is work?
HUSBAND: Gud,can't wait to get back home &
make sweet luv 2u.
LADY: Me too! But em...dia's something I need
2 tell you.
HUSBAND: Ok I'm all ears dear!
LADY: swt u kno dat i luv u isn't
HUSBAND: Yes I do!
LADY: And we promised 2 always
be sincere 2 each oda?
HUSBAND: Yes we did,u're startin
2 scare me dear,pls, wat is it?
LADY: Something happened in my
office Nine years ago.
HUSBAND: what happened?
LADY: The annual xmas
party we had in d office 9yrs ago I
got drunk&had sex wit a co-
worker...em,u are not d father of
our son,
HUSBAND: What!
Lady: I just felt u shld know
HUSBAND: Are u crazy?
LADY: I'm sori luv, 4give me, I jst needed 2 get
it off my chest.
HUSBAND: I can't believe dis.
LADY: am sori luv,pls 4giv me.
HUSBAND: You want 4givnes? Ok u av to 4giv
dis,I have been sleepin with ur sista for d past
5yrs. Even yestaday I went home at lunch
and made passionate love to your sister.
RADIO STATION: Oh God!
LADY: What did u just say?
HUSBAND: You heard me,we just
confessed our sins to each
other,Is there someone dia with you?
RADIO STATION: Sir,dis is Power FM & u are on
air.We asked ur wife to play a prank on u so
u guys can get
tickets to go watch the Nama live
show dis weekend.
HUSBAND: Oh shit!

yap

no b small wahala oooo

A boy caught his Dad red handed wit d maid.
Dad told d son take dis #500 & don't tell ur
Mum pls.. D son ansd! But Dad dis unfair
Mum gav me #1000 wen i caught her wit d
gateman.

WHO WANTS TO GO TO HEAVEN?
In a class full of primary school students, the
following conversation ensues:
TEACHER: Who wants to go to heaven?
All the children raise up their hands EXCEPT
James.
TEACHER: James, why are you not raising up
your hand? Don't you want to go to heaven?
JAMES: My mom told me to come back
straight home after school.

We're happy to officially inform you that
Jamb has announced the Cut-Off marks for
entry into Nigerian Universities for
2012/2013 Academic Session.
According to a memo sent to us, the cut-off
for Universities has been fixed to 180 while
that for Polytechnics and Colleges of
Education have been fixed to 160.
Announcing the cut-off today, it is
important to note that these are the
benchmark cut-offs. This simply means that
NO UNIVERSITY CAN CUT BELOW 180 and NO
POLYTECHNIC OR COLLEGE OF EDUCATION
CAN CUT BELOW 160. That is, for any
student to gain admission into any Nigerian
University, they must score 180 and above.
This announcement also confirms that all
candidates who scored 159 and below
cannot gain admission genuinely into any
institution this 2012/2013 session and would
need to re-write Jamb's UTME.
Even with the announcement of the cut-off
by Jamb, each Institution reserves the right
to set a cut off higher than the benchmark
but not lower. This means that as usual,
most Federal Universities will cut 200 and in
the same light, most Federal Polytechnics
will cut 180.
We, , therefore advise
candidates to watch out for our original,
regular, up-to-date and detailed
information of respective institutions as
they will fix their individual cut-off. We,
however, expect most of the cut-offs to
revolve around the benchmark, since most
institutions will want as much as to pay
and write their post-utme exam.
With the announcement of these cut-offs, all
Universities have been empowered to
officially begin post-UTME. Post-UTME
Planning committees in various institutions
will begin publishing and sending modalities
for the conduct of the exam in their
respective institutions to us.

AMBALI....THE DRIVER
A white man visited Nigeria for the 1st time
and was taken round the city of abuja by
Ambali - a taxi driver.
They drove past an edifice that looked like d
world trade centre.
The white man said,
"Wow! this building is awesome. how long did
it take them to build this?"
Ambali replied,
"3 years sir."
The white man said,
"that's too long. In my country, it takes just 6
months to build something like this".
They drove past a Mega mall and d white
man said,
"Now this is what I call magnificent! How
long does it take to build this one?"
Ambali at this time trying to be more
impressive said,
"4 months sir".
"That's too bad. in my country it takes just 2
months for something like this".
Finally, they drove past the 60,000 capacity
National Stadium and the white man was
awestruck.
He said,
"Excellent! world class!. how long does it take
to build this?"
Ambali answered,
"Oga, as I was coming this morning it wasn't
there o!"
HUH!
Naija no dey carry last na....LMAO!

Jonathan met
with the
Queen of
England.He asked her, "how
do
you run such an efficient government?
Are
there any tips
you can give to me?I want
to help
Nigeria" "well, said the Queen,the
most
important
thing is to surround
yourself with
intelligent people."Jonathan frowned,
and
then
asked,"But how do i know
the
people around me are really
intelligent?"The
Queen replied.
Oh, that's easy; you just ask
them
to answer an intelligent riddle.The
Queen
pushed a
button on her
intercom."Please
send David Cameron in here, would
you?"
David Cameron walked into
the
room and
said,"Yes, your majesty?" The
Queen smiled
and said,"Answer me this
please.
David,your
mother and father have a child,it
is not your
brother and it is not your
sister.
Who is
it?"without pausing for a minute
David
Cameron answered,"that
would
be
me."Yes,very good,"said the Queen.
Jonathan
went back home to ask his
Vice
President
Sambo, answer this for
me,your mother and
your father have a child,it's
not
your brother
and it's not your sister, who
is it?" I'm not
sure said Sambo."Let me
get back
to you.He
asked all his staff in the
Office but none could
give him an answer.
Finally,one day,he ran into
Dora
Akunyili.
Sambo asked," ora,Your mother
and father
have a child and it's not
your
brother or
sister,who is it?" ora answered
sharply,"That's easy, its me!
Sambo smiled,and said
"thanks!"Then he
went back to speak with
Jonathan.Sir,"I have the answer to that
riddle",
It's
Dora Akunyili!
Jonathan got angry,he said
to
Sambo.No wonder Nigeria isn't
moving
forward,
I am Surrounded by
Dummies.!"The answer is
David Cameron!
LWTMB4H (LAUGH WAN TEAR MY BELLE 4
HERE

Plz i nid a friend 4rm uniben

HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect and love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; Mouth Action