₦airaland Forum

intruder15:
That's fine. Why not pay her bride price as well? It doesnt need to be big.

I wish I could just go to pay it alone. I have plans of taking elders and uncles to do the needful early next year.

If my parents where with me like most parents I knew are with their child, I would have done the needful since

nicerod:
Kindly respect ursef stop forcing people who don't care into ur life..



God forbid bad thing happened to u .ur wife and the baby will suffer.


.. infact if possible stop communicating with them

main reason I do not want them close. I'm afraid of them and the extended family in general, I just can't stop thinking about something bad not happening, the thought of something bad happening is the reason why I created this thread

GboyegaD:
I would rather advise you to distance yourself from the negative energy they give you. Now that you are done with school, move on with your life and call them occasionally. They need not have full information about where you are or what you do.

As for your sister, if she doesn't need your help, let her be. You are not the messiah, stop acting like one. Focus on yourself and your immediate family.

thank you very much

intruder15:
Firstly, stop cohabitating with the lady. Don't expect your parents to appreciate a girlfriend because she has a child.
Propose to her if you love her. Get married even if it's a small wedding. I will advise a small wedding.
Your problem is that you care to an extent about how people see you. Your parents inclusive.

God sees your heart. Who are men to tarnish your image when God sees what is untold.

Place your mum and dad on a salary scale of 10k each per month. Once your start this, don't heed to any other expenses from them.

Take care of your younger ones as you can. But not at the detriment of your immediate family.

thanks very much.

About cohabiting with my woman, I can afford to wed her any moment, I don't want to spend any penny on that yet, not until I'm very much settled, and she understands me. But early next year we will be going for just small court marriage

nicerod:
Whar I can say is don't let her come near ur family she either came to spy or harm u or ur baby



Stop giving them until they learn to appreciate the little u have been doing.


U have to be mean to all of them

I ask my younger sister to move in too my place last month so I could monitor and cater for her. She came, stayed only one day and started crying too go back that she can't stay with me probably bcus of the hatred and things mom has brainwashed her. She even left my ous unannounced, I and my woman searched for her all over the city for 20hrs

She probably came to spy.

frozen70:
Hmmm

This is very deep

You have already started a family to fill the gap of lack of love from you parents

I think you have exposed yourself a lot to them, simply because you are extending good hands to them despite your own financial problems

No matter how much you spend on them all, build your own home and business and get your wife doing something so that when you are falling your wife will raise you up

The problem has already been created between you and your family including that of your wife

You need to go and do the proper thing on her family before you can call her a wife

Secondly, if you know that person your parents respects, you need to visit the person and explain all you can without reservations and ask him to unite your family together

Your parents have to lead any group of people that will follow you to your babe mama family, you can't do without going with them

The load you are crying is too much for you and pregnanting her was another load of joy to the Pains you are passing through

If you refuse to reunite with your family, then you are prosponing the evil day

As for your mum, i don't think she is OK

You spirit is irritating her demons

Your father is just silent and following your mum because he doesn't want her naughtyness

You woman is not recognized by your parents because of lact of family values among you guys

Your child is just a victim of all the nonsense going on and you have to protect and guard him

my parent listen to nobody they don't take advice from anyone and they are very far from home. Their brother and sister have ignored them to their fate. I have tried explaining the situation to the head of family but its not helping matters. As much as I still have my plans too cater for them and build their dream house, I want to set myself up first.

Thank you very much for this

ZIMDRILL:
Love them from a distance if you can move away start your life some were far, you will see that your life will be less stressful

From your narration
your mom is very toxic when she near you, your upbringing will be telling you not move away but reality has shown you otherwise

thank you. This is exactly what I have been doing. I always help them from afar. What baffles me is how dey keep on telling witches and wizard about my life. I'm very much used too staying away from them, it has help me till this very stage.

Olasyke:
Mama's boy. Your emotions would get you killed or worse. After all they've done to you, I thought you'd cut them off and severe ties with them?

I tried doing this. The pressure from the extended family was so much on me. My parent kept feeding them with lies and about how I have money and I'm ignoring them. My living close too the village does not help matters too. No body from my family has seen my baby boy since I gave birth,

She came to the village for an occasion, she wanted to stay at my place for sometime but I do not want her around.

My mom is in her late 40's, she is a type of woman who doesn't care about her child wellbeing and being the first child from her womb, I was most affected. Countless time I have faced pain and cry asking myself if she is truly my mom. She has an habit of raining curses on me since my young age until I left home at 15. Over the past 10years i have been staying with one family to another working my ass off. Trust me I have had my own share of sufferness. The most astonishing part is through those years my mom might only call once in a year and that's after facing backlash from family members why she do not care about her son.

She also always have her way of blocking extended family members from helping me by either fighting with them at the brinks of them helping me or she will sha do something awkward at those moments that will make the helper back off.

I won't be able to go into details of the sufferness I had been through with no support or parental love/care. Atleast if parent don't have money, they will support there child with prayers and care.

2020 I went home after 10years away, due to little misunderstanding, she knelt down in the middle of the compound and started raining curses on me, saying I will never prosper and all sort of different curses. I had to left home bcus of that. I went to further my studies at sch by engaging in all various type of hard labour. My mom will usually tell me going to school is not compulsory for me, that if I can't afford to go to school I will do hard labour. Yet when it comes to my younger brother she will have money to pay for his schooling and upkeep

Fast forward too last tear, things started going well for me, I was okay and doing pretty fine in school. Because of the loneliness and love I never had at young age, my girlfriend got pregnant and I told her to keep the pregnancy bcus I'm very sure I could take care of them.

That same last year, I wasn't happy deep down about the situation my family were in, so I gave about 50% of my savings to my mom too start a medium business for the family upkeep. A month later grandma died and my father had no money for burial. Yes my father and mother have been living together all this while. My dad is different from my mom toward me, he will always support me when he has, but he is not a fighter, he doesn't care either but hevis better than my mom. he will only give wen he have it. Though He finally succumb to my mom pressure and they both forget about me 2016 as a failure who will never make it. I was just 20years old then with ND certificate.

For the burial, I was foolish enough to support them with almost all I had, and my mom also diverted the money I sent her for business into the burial. After the burial they all went their way and I'm left with my pregnant wife and depleted account balance. A month too the due date, things were so bad I already have plans to sell some of my furniture's wen my baby arrive. After my baby naming ceremony I was left with only 12k in my account and nobody to look on too. Non of my family member attend my child naming ceremony, only three people from the extended family who are close by came from my villagewhich is 7min drive to where i reside. My parents didn't even call me or my wife to send a little token for the child or at worst ask for his wellbeing.

Luckily for me again after the child dedication things started improving, my child brought favour and luck. A family member ask my parents why they didn't attend their grandson naming ceremony, they told him because I do not support their family despite me having money. I was so angry they could utter those statements after all I had done for them. Many more I did for them was not mention here. I later found out my father was angry because I gave my mum money to start a biz fir the family but I didn't give him money to build a house.

Despite all they did, I put it behind me and still started giving the little I could afford, they won't ask me directly if they need any thing but would rather tell people or family members to call me which often pisses me off, they have spoilt me in the face of families and old friends that i have money but dont want to help them. They do not appreciate the little I am doing.

I am currently serving NYSC, but because I have been taking care of my wife and boy Without help form nobody dey thought I am very rich. I have explained to them I'm not what dey think I'm yet but they won't bulge, they get angry anytime dey need and I could not provide. I don't have a car neither have I build a house.

Despite all this I still give them everything and they still kept on telling people I'm not helping them. My younger brother university education fees and welfare is on me, I pay 50% of thier rent recently, I send some cash periodically to them too yet they are not appreciative, everybody in the family sees me as someone who's not giving his parent.

I Iive in my state of origin and my parent are staying far east. Recently my mom came home for an occasion and want to stay at my place, I was not kinda comfortable with her coming around, I do not have that feeling. Yes I could send them money and cater what I can but I do not want her around me for now atleast not until I have figured out my life and settled down. They have called almost all the family again telling them how I don't want my mom to come to my side. Everybody in the extended family thinks I'm rich. I'm really afraid something could happen to me(Village people things)

My child is 10month now, and non of them have send a single penny for him.

I'm just confused because I know if I fall today again, there will be no shoulder to rest on, all I have is my wife(not wedded yet and my parents don't care about that) and my child.

Pls I need advice on what to do and how to handle them. I'm confused they might want my head through this hatred.