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Culture / Praise God, I Am A Feminist! by teejay137(f): 2:12pm On Oct 27, 2016
The word ' Feminist' seems to be getting a lot of bad press in Nigeria. Feminists have been blamed for a lot of societal ills including but not limited to rising divorce rates and juvenile delinquency so i decided to find out exactly what or who a feminist is. I GRABBED A DICTIONARY and looked up the word feminist and this is what i got;
Feminist: A supporter of feminism, relating to or advocating equal rights for women.
Feminism/ Feminist movement: the movement aimed at equal rights for women.
I am pretty sure there are other dictionaries with more elaborate definitions but this is good enough for me.
I still don't get what is so negative about that but i suppose there are others who share the same sentiments WITH THAT GENTLEMAN so i will respond to that inbox out here and answer everyone once and for all.
I am not one for labels and tags but;
1.If a feminist is someone who believes there is nothing extraordinarily special about a man WHICH puts him above women,
then YES, I AM A FEMINIST.
2. If a feminist is someone who says if both partners work and have an income, then both should share financial as well as other responsibilities in the home,
then YES, I AM A FEMINIST.
3. If a feminist is someone who says a man is not more clever, wiser, more deserving of respect or deserving of adoration and worship, simple because he is male,
then YES I AM A FEMINIST.
4. If a feminist is someone who says, the kitchen is not the sole responsibility of a woman, except she is a stay at home mother, and that whoever gets home first, can and should start dinner,
then YES, I AM A FEMINIST.
5. If a feminist is someone who says both parents must raise their kids together, and this includes; shopping for them, grooming, discipline, helping out with home work, attending PTA meetings and other school events, training, educating, loving, providing and doing everything else for and with the kids,
then YES, I AM A FEMINIST.
6. If A FEMINIST IS SOMEONE WHO SAYS A MAN HAS ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY ABUSE HIS WIFE AND CONSTANTLY THREATEN TO SEND HER BACK TO HER FATHER'S HOUSE,
then, I AM DEFINITELY A FEMINIST.
7. If a feminist is someone who says a man, read husband can cook, do laundry, do dishes, clean the rooms, bathrooms and toilets, and take his daughters to the hairdresser's or his sons to the barbershop,
then YES I AM A FEMINIST.
8. If a feminist is someone who says instead of demanding respect (that you are usually even undeserving of because you have fallen short), a man should earn respect, heck, every human being should earn respect,
then YES I AMA FEMINIST.
9. If a feminist is one who says a woman can refuse to have sex if she is too tired, not well enough, not interested or the husband is crappy in bed,
then YES I AM A FEMINIST.
10. If a feminist is someone who says young girls should reach the peak of their chosen careers and not feel the need to remain small so that their men can feel 'big, important and manly',
then PRAISE THE LORD, i am a feminist.

2 Likes

Family / Change Cometh by teejay137(f): 1:50pm On Oct 27, 2016
I was in church the other day while a Deacon was making the announcements. It was a particularly joyous moment as he announced the births of several babies. ‘Hallelujahs and Praise the Lords’ rent the air, you know the birth of a baby is always a joyous moment. When he announced that a couple was blessed with twins, the whole place became charged with electricity and everyone was in frenzy. The joy on the faces of the congregants was a sight to behold. Those who knew the father of the twins and all those around him, rushed to hug him and shake his hands. It was obvious that he was the man of the moment. In that moment, all the other new babies paled in significance.
Come Testimony time, only Papa Ejima came out to testify and there was another round of shouting hallelujahs and backslapping. He moved like an achiever, he spoke like one and beamed like one.
Somehow, I found myself thinking back to Mary Slessor’s time in Southern Nigeria when twins were hated and killed. Hapless mothers had their twin babies snatched from their bosoms and killed because for some reason, twins were considered evil. No man would have dared share such a ‘taboo’ testimony at that time.
However, Change happened. It was not easy and didn’t come cheap but today, many couples desire to have twins and even triplets. People actually ‘sow a seed’ for multiple births, whether they have the means or not. Everyone believes twins are special and attract special blessings from God. People randomly ‘dash’ twins all manner of gifts and it is not uncommon to hear a proud Iya Ibeji confess that she has never lacked anything since she had the twins.
How about the dominant left hand? Apart from a few ‘recalcitrant’ cultures, the once reviled and shunned leftie is now considered special and genius.
Time was when nobody would accept something offered with the left hand, because it was considered disrespectful and it believed that it was used to clean up in the toilet and other silly notions. People with a dominant left hand were considered sinister and dodgy.
I am a Southpaw and I have had my fair share of jeers and condemnation for using my left hand to eat and write but today, people routinely say they are sure I am brilliant just because I am a ‘lefty’.
We are told most American presidents are Southpaws as well as hundreds of scientists, musicians, artistes and other geniuses. Although some Nigerians still cling to this notion of ‘right good and left bad’, the rest of the world knows and recognises that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a dominant left hand.
Modernity is the quality of being current or of the present.
Nigeria too will get there.
This is why I don’t give up. I believe that someday, men and women will be judged on the quality of their ideas and their contributions to the world and not their Instruments. I believe that one day; a woman won’t be blamed for ‘failure’ to give her husband children especially males. She won’t be asked ‘what did you do or say to anger him’, when her husband is physically abusive and she won’t be made to kneel down and apologize for making him angry enough to strike her. She won’t be shamed and asked what she was wearing or what took her to his room, is she is raped by some scumbag.
One day, most if not all of the burdens imposed on women by religion and tradition, abi culture will be removed by modernity. No matter how long it is resisted, it must come to Nigeria too. We will catch up with the rest of the world in this and many other issues. We will hopefully let go of those harmful, retrogressive, archaic ideas that serve to keep us perpetually as hewers of wood and drawers of water, as consumers and never producers, as importers but not exporters.
The only thing we seem to have in abundance which we export is Religion, a different brand from the one brought down by the people we now export to. Sadly, it still does not help us because it has only served to make us lazy dreamers.
Still I hope, still I fight!
Change is indeed coming but it must begin with us.

1 Like

Literature / Change Cometh But It Must Begin With Us. by teejay137(f): 9:30pm On Oct 22, 2016
What is Change?
The word Change can either be a Noun and Verb.
As we all know, a noun is a person, place or thing. Therefore, Change as a noun can mean a different or fresh set of ideas or clothes or anything else for that matter.
A verb on the other hand is an action, something we do. In this instance, change is defined as to make or become different in nature or form; to exchange or replace with another, to transform, alter shape, position or composition. It can also mean to lay aside, abandon or leave something or someone for another.

I was in church the other day and a Deacon was making the announcements. It was a particularly joyous moment as he announced the births of several babies. ‘Hallelujahs and Praise the Lords’ rent the air, you know the birth of a baby is always a joyous moment. When he announced that a couple was blessed with twins, the whole place became charged with electricity and everyone was in frenzy. The joy on the faces of the congregants was a sight to behold. Those who knew the father of the twins and all those around him, rushed to hug him and shake his hands. It was obvious that he was the man of the moment. In that moment, all the other new babies paled in significance.
Come Testimony time, only Papa Ejima came out to testify and there was another round of shouting hallelujahs and backslapping. He moved like an achiever, he spoke like one and beamed like one.
Somehow, I found myself thinking back to Mary Slessor’s time in Southern Nigeria when twins were hated and killed. Hapless mothers had their twin babies snatched from their bosoms and taken to the evil forest to be killed because for some reason, twins were considered evil. No man would have dared shared such a ‘taboo’ testimony at that time.
However, Change happened. It was not easy and didn’t come cheap but today, many couples desire to have twins and even triplets. People actually ‘sow a seed’ for multiple births, whether they have the means or not and in fact, everyone believes twins are special and attract special blessings from God. People randomly ‘dash’ twins all manner of gifts and it is not uncommon to hear a proud Iya Ibeji confess that she has never lacked anything since she had the twins.
How about the dominant left hand? Apart from a few ‘recalcitrant’ cultures, the once reviled and shunned leftie is now considered special and genius.
Time was when nobody would accept something offered with the left hand, because it was considered disrespectful and it believed that it was used to clean up in the toilet and other silly notions. People with a dominant left hand were considered sinister and dodgy.
I am a Southpaw and I have had my fair share of jeers and condemnation for using my left hand to eat and write but today, people routinely say they are sure I am brilliant just because I am a ‘lefty’.
We are told most American presidents are Southpaws and most scientists and other geniuses are southpaws. Although some Nigerians still cling to this notion of ‘right good and left bad’, the rest of the world knows and recognises that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a dominant left hand.
Modernity is the quality of being current or of the present.
Nigeria too will get there.
This is why I don’t give up. I believe that someday, men and women will be judged on the quality of their ideas and their contributions to the world and not their Instruments. I believe that one day; a woman won’t be blamed for ‘failure’ to give her husband children especially males. She won’t be asked ‘what did you do or say to anger him’, when her husband is physically abusive and she won’t be made to kneel down and apologise for making him angry enough to strike her. She won’t be shamed and asked what she was wearing or what took her to his room, when she is raped by some scumbag.
One day, most if not all of the burdens imposed on women by religion and tradition, abi culture will be removed by modernity. No matter how long it is resisted, it must come to Nigeria too. Nigeria will catch up with the rest of the world in this and many other issues. We will hopefully let go of those harmful, retrogressive, archaic ideas that serve to keep us perpetually as hewers of wood and drawers of water, as consumers and never producers, as importers but not exporters. The only thing we seem to have in abundance which we export is Religion, a different brand from the one brought down by the people we now export to. Sadly, it still does not help us because it has only served to make us lazy dreamers.
Still I hope, still I fight for change. I have started my own walk towards it so that I am ready to embrace it when it comes. I have started in my little corner with the way Modernity is the quality of being current or of the present.
I am raising

(c) teejaydogoh

More on my blog: http://teejaydogohscorner..com.ng
Family / A Husband Like Abraham by teejay137(f): 3:40pm On Oct 14, 2016
A HUSBAND LIKE ABRAHAM

The Bible teaches that wives should be humble and submissive to their own husbands and in teaching this principle, women are often told to follow Sarah's example. We are told that Sarah called her husband, Abraham ‘lord’.
Marriage counsellors teach it, many officiating ministers at weddings preach it and everyone who dispenses this advice always feels good after doing so.

So I decided to find out exactly why Sarah called her husband LORD. I picked up a copy of the KJV of the Bible, after all, where best to look than the Text-book, right?

We first meet Abraham hanging somewhere below Terah on the family tree and not too long after, we discover Abram, as he was known then, had no child. Initially, we are not sure who to blame but eventually we are told it is Sarah’s problem and this is confirmed several chapters later, when an Egyptian handmaid gives Abraham a son.
Now imagine a typical Nigerian family with this issue of childlessness;
The mother in law and her daughters and possibly all else will give Sarah hell and even if Abraham tries to, he can’t insulate her from their venom. Sooner than later, he loses his patience and starts to try outside ( they do that even when they have kids but they are all girls).
Anyways, whichever way you look at it, no guy is gonna wait around till his wife is Ninety-nine years old to have a child, God’s promise or not, Right? It is only reasonable to do something nah.

But what did Abraham do?
He prayed and beseeched God daily, we have no records of him turning on Sarah or blaming her. How about when she finally decided he could have a go at Haggai? Better woman, right? Sarah had to practically pull down Abraham’s dross and turn referee before he capitulated.
Nine months later? Boom, Ishmael!

And just when all seemed well with the world, Sarah came again with her yeye jealousy and demanded Abraham should send Haggai and poor Ishmael away because Haggai had eyed her.
Haba, aunty Sarah!

Did Abraham give Sarah an ultimatum to ‘take it or leave it?’
No!!!!! The thing pain am wella but he rose at dawn and gave them some water and bread and sent them away. He never even sent a servant to check up on them, na wa oooo.

All we are told is …..”and Abraham hearkened to the voice of Sarai.
If na you nko, my sister, wont you add ‘Master’ join to the Lord?
Mgbo, Uncle, how many times do you hearken to the voice of madam that you want to be Lord

Ok, how about when the three angels came a-calling?
Abraham ran into the tent and told Sarah; ‘oh girl, we have guests, oya put pot for fire’.
But he didn’t return to the strangers for chit-chat. He ran into the field, got a goat or so and gave a servant to kill and dress. It was also Abraham who brought the food and drinks and served their guests.
Sarah’s lord and master of all he surveyed, scrambling upandan to serve guests while Sarah reclined on her hammock in the tent.

So i ask myself What made Abraham his wife’s LORD?

I discovered Abraham was PROVIDER:
He was industrious; he had cattle, sheep, goats and servants, not a few. He provided all Sarah needed and desired. She was a beauty to behold and everywhere they went, kings desired her.

Abraham was PRAYER-HEAD:
He took all their cares and worries to God and held vigils over sacrifices. He prayed until something happened.

He was PROTECTOR;
He fought and won battles and ensured every member of his household was safe from harm.

Abraham was PARTNER
He never left Sarah to do anything alone and never ever told her that he was called alone and blessed alone, or that he was doing her a favour by marrying her and tolerating her barrenness. He never told her she was created only for his pleasure and had to live her life pleasing him.

So bros; are you a husband like Abraham?
(c) TeejayDogoh
teejaydogohscorner..com

1 Like

Family / Brother Emeka by teejay137(f): 3:32pm On Oct 14, 2016
I walked in late from work and met the Pastor and his wife, my dad and my parents in law in the sitting room looking grim. My heart skipped a beat and in a split second, my entire life flashed before me. I was scared something had happened to the kids or my husband. I would have passed out but at that very moment, I heard my husband's laugh in the kitchen.
So I greeted everyone and made a beeline for the kitchen where I met Emeka and my bestie; Chioma arranging drinks and glasses in trays.
I wondered if it was someone's birthday and I had forgotten. I mouthed; “what’s up, sis?" at Chy and she shrugged. I said hi to Emeka and noticed he was a bit distant and cold. I shrugged my shoulders too, took the tray from him and we all walked into the sitting room.
As soon as everyone settled down, Pastor Akin cleared his throat and started;
Sister Betty, I am sure you are wondering what is going on and I don't want to waste too much time. I will now ask my wife to pray for us before we begin.
"In Jesus' name"; Deaconess Ife started and everyone chorused 'Amen'. As she prayed, I began to get a sense of what was to come. It was pretty much obvious that Emeka had reported me to everyone present and it seemed to have something to do with my so-called wifely duties of sex and cooking.
I just shook my head and waited for the end of the prayer which came soon enough. Pastor Akin turned to me and said; "Sister Betty; brother Emeka came to see me and it appears we need to have a talk urgently. Everyone will get a chance to talk so please just listen to me now, and then we will all listen to everyone. By God's grace and the help of the Holy Ghost, we will resolve this matter amicably". I want to remind us that the Bible says the woman's desire shall be for her husband. The Bible also commands wives to be submissive to their husbands. Sister Betty, I understand you have stopped being submissive and you rarely cook for your husband. Even worse, you now deny him sex at will. He says you talk back at him and don't respect him. Sister, in the beginning, it was not so and it ought not to be so".
In the corner of my eye, I could see my mother in law tapping her foot and shooting daggers from her eyes at me. These people are not serious, I thought to myself. So Emeka and his mother want an open fight abi? Ok, I am ready too. Hahaha, poor dude, the person that advised you to toe this line, does not love you at all and you under- estimated me.
Anyways, make I dey prepare my defence.
"Yes", my mother in law interjected. "My son has suffered. He has been suffering silently for the past three years and I can no longer take it. A wife's duty is to cook for her husband, to wash his clothes and keep his home tidy. My son is losing weight and he is never happy. Something must be done and it must be now. If she is not ready to be a wife, she should say so. Let her go and let my son marry a real wife”
And she started to cry. Emeka glared at me and turned and hugged her, begging her to take it easy. Chioma and the Pastor's wife all clustered around her, pleading with her to stop crying, exactly what she was gunning for.
That woman has always been a drama queen and loved being on stage.
Emeka turned to Pastor Akin and said; ‘Sir, it is true, I have had it. If Betty cannot be humble and submissive like all good, Christian wives, I may be forced to seek a divorce. Do you know if I touch my wife, she cringes? I can’t take this anymore’. ‘God forbid’, Pastor shouted and broke into tongues. God hates divorce and it shall not be your portion, brother Emeka.’

What happens next?


http:// teejaydogohscorner..com
Family / When Will You Marry? by teejay137(f): 7:08pm On Oct 13, 2016
When will you marry: this year or next year?

Some time or never?

I am sure we all remember this song from our childhood, especially us girls. We sang this and many other songs as we played during breaks in school and weekends at home after our chores. We sang it without any real thought to the words, after all what did we know of marriage and timing?

Decades later, girls are often asked this same question; ‘when will you marry?’ Doubtless this is often accompanied by reminders that your mates and younger ones are already married, multiplying and filling the Earth.

However, shouldn’t the most important question be who will you marry?

When I was a child, I thought as a child and in my childish thinking, I assumed tall, dark and handsome mattered most. I assumed money made for a happy marriage. I promised myself I was not going to marry ‘ugly’ because I wanted cute kids.

Well, I’m all grown up now and I found out that no one needs rich, tall, dark and handsome to have a good and happy life, especially if this also means ugly, mean, lazy and churlish. Now, I know there is stuff that is way more important than a fine face and bulging pockets.

Young People come to me for advice on marriage and I always say to them; marry only those characteristics you want to see in your children. Furthermore, anything you can’t stand now will be amplified after years of living together and no, sweet sister, you can’t change a man. Neither can a woman be made more pliant or submissive.

Marry what you see not what you hope to see, do it for your children, if not for yourself, as kids learn more from what we do than what we say. People don’t change, I can’t over-emphasize this point. If you think there is room for improvement, talk it over now, if they want to be with you that much, they will work on those areas now. It is far better to be alone and unhappy than be with someone who makes you miserable; one is temporary and the other MAY be permanent.

Instead of being overly concerned about when you too will walk down the aisle or wear a wedding band or finally have fresh, home-cooked meals or freshly laundered clothes, prepare yourself for marriage.

How can a king want to marry you if there is nothing regal about you?

How can a focused, ambitious, hardworking and successful woman want to submit to you when you are a lazy bum?

How can you be the head if you cannot feed, house or clothe the entire body?

Make yourself marriageable or stay single.

Even more importantly, after you have made yourself an asset, don’t cast your pearls before swine. Don’t settle for less than the best. Take your time and get it right.

There is nothing better than a happy marriage

And there is no hell like an unhappy marriage.

Thanks for going through my article, more will be coming your way soon.

Marry right or not at all.

Teejah Dogoh

More on my blog: http://teejaydogohscorner..com.ng/

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