₦airaland Forum

Before you bring "God" into the argument, read about the concept of "Yang and Ying" as it applies to "Good and Evil". You will realise the arbitrariness in the concept of Good and Evil. In order not to have a chaotic world and the desire of man for self-preservation, man decided to aproximate some phenomenon as "Good" and its opposite "Evil". The approximation itself is still relative and not absolute. That is why criminals are executed by law and no one (or maybe very few) scream "Evil". In essence, Good or Evil doesn't have Absolute existence. They are the creations of our imagination, perception, philosopy, religion etc.

Now you see why you shouldn't drag "God" into your confusion.

Confusions like this make the world interesting and should spur us to seek harder, the Ultimate Ground of Existence which we all call God. Philosophy made first attempt in seeking and gave birth to religion. Religion imposed "answers" as dogmas and gave birth to science as a result of dissatisfaction. Science is still searching for answers.

In summary, we all know nothing. When the Oracle of Delphi picked Socrates as the wisest man on earth Socrates was surprised and laughed saying "Why will the Oracle of Delphi pick me? The Oracle of Delphi is always right but I know NOTHING so I can't be the wisest man" The Oracle was right after all. For he who knows not and knows that he knows not is wise.

Keep Seeking.

I think most people don't understand what Atheism is all about. Atheists are simply those who don't believe in a theistic God. A theistic God is a God who is a Person and most world religions claim to know many things about him/her through revelations. The existence of such a God and all "revealed" attributes of him/her in "holy books" are what atheists reject completely.

The above however doesn't mean Atheists don't believe in the existence of some form of God or the God concept. In fact, most Atheist are constantly seeking God and may even be closer to discovering God.

When you begin to talk about God with neutral terms such as "the ultimate ground of existence", the "source or origin of everything" etc., you'll begin to have meaningful conversations with Atheists. And when you are quoting from your "holy books" in such conversations, desist from attributing authority, infallibility, accuracy and finality to the contents of your book. Even science, with its ground-breaking achievements, is always open to new ideas and theories that can change everything.

Johnwendy1234:
2400000 annually

How reliable is this please?

DreamersVille24:
Temitope74 see let me engage you a bit.

I know very well her kind of person and I have dated such.

You are the cause of everything and I'll tell you why.

She knows you're obsessed with her beauty, she knows or thinks you think you can't afford to lose her. She feels her beauty and attractiveness will get her any man and she may be right and so that is the card she would always play against you when you guys have issues, although she may be doing it subliminally and you respond to her subtle threats by always pandering to her misdeamenors.

Now is there a way out? Maybe. But you'll have to put her on the line.

Do not always compliment her, make her understand that youre smart and attractive and many ladies are on the line on your matter too. Make her believe you're with her for every other thing but her beauty and that beauty doesn't matter for you.

Tell her that even though you love her you will not accept her obstinate actions and will be forced to end everything.

You have to risk it all and make her make the hard choice of either sticking with you or moving on to explore the days of her youth.

Make her understand that the world does not revolve around her fine face or big nyashh. Make her believe you don't care much about those things.

You're the man so man up and stake it all... if you lose her then you know you dodged a bullet and if she comes back then you know she'll be in it for life but you have to give her that ultimatum.

All these things I stated are to be shown as well as said to her.

Lastly, never let a woman believe you're obsessed with her or she'll never truly be yours. Women always want to be in control but when you show her that you will always be in charge, she's going to be so into you cos she wants to keep trying to get you under her and she'll relish the challenge. When she has tried for a long time without succeeding, only then will she be submissive and totally loyal to you.

Cheers mate.

Hmmm. Thanks a lot.

tensazangetsu20:
You actually sat down to type all this . Are you sure you above 30

Things we do for love... I wondered how it got that long too after reading again. I'm actually fast in typing.

pocohantas:
If you had mentioned that earlier, I wouldn't talk much.
Don't try to marry such a woman. EOD.

If you dare marry her, you'll do everything to please her...till you lose your very essence as a man.

You may finally get frustrated and take it out on her one day.

Exactly my fear. Thank you so much.

DonPiiko:
The thing with girls is, speaking from my many years experience as a bachelor, many girls especially the ones who think there are beautiful are hardly ever in a hurry to get married. There seek out the highest bidder, there's a stage in your relationship that you should know where it's headed.

I would suggest you become the better person by making peace with her, once this is done, ask her in clear terms where she wants the relationship to go or if she sees a future with you. The answers should determine your next actions

Ok. Thank you bro.

pocohantas:
She might be taking you for granted, I wouldn't doubt if you say that. Y'know, you all underestimate us. A woman is capable of doing things that'll keep testing your love and patience, till she is very sure she has you mumu button. You wouldn't even know when and how it will happen. So, in all your dealings, don't allow yourself to be taken for granted, it leads to see finish.

As for her lack of commitment. How early is early20s? Is she still a student? Is she overly interested in the fast life? Contrary to what we read here every day. Not every young girl is overly enthusiastic about diving into marriage, while the idea of being in a committed relationship appeals to us, some wouldn't mind stalling it for a while...for various reasons.

Have you sat her down for a talk?

She's 22. She actually gets along with me easily in terms of maturity despite our age difference. We had a long face to face conversation about the commitment issue before introducing her to my parent.

DonPiiko:
Temitope74 you were too harsh, apologize and make it up to her. If she's very attractive as you said, a lot of guys will be on her case and will be waiting in the winds to take her away, she is still young and still in the market so you definitely know she will be hard to control.

I'm willing to apologise. In fact, I've apologised on several occasions where I realised I went out of the line out of jealousy. But my fear bro is her feeling she's doing me a favour by being with me. I'm thinking of marrying her. Won't she go on cheating spree after marriage if she feels I'm not really the man of her dream? She's not committed. That's my headache.

veraiyke:
Bro if the only reason she wants out is what I've read you wrote up there then please leave her alone. Let her walk outa the door.

Thank you bro.

pocohantas:
Nothing wrong in what you said.
But the timing!!!

When you address issues with anger, you tend to use the wrong words. The listening party is also very defensive at the point.
So, you both end up worsening things if care isn't taken.

Hmm. Thank you. Honestly I typed all that angrily. I feel she's taking me for granted because she knows I love her. I just can't ignore her lack of commitment because I plan settling down as soon as possible.

Prelude:
I'm in my early 30s and she's in her early 20s. I'm working presently and she's still an undergraduate. We started dating 3years ago. We had a misunderstanding as usual and we've not been talking extensively on phone like we used to for about a week now. We only exchange pleasantries and hang up. I woke up this morning and noticed I missed her call around 4am. I immediately called her back to apologise for not picking cos I was far asleep. She denied she didn't call me, that the number was dialed accidentally... I didn't believe her so I decided to explode on Whatsapp:

"I believe you made that call but your larger than life ego won't make you admit you did. I've not been able to sleep well too lately cos I miss you. I know I have a bloated ego too but yours is unimaginable and I understand. You are wanted by all men so any man that the 'kitchen' is too hot for should Bleep off... judging from one of your embarrassing status updates."

"You see, you are very attractive and no man will pass you by without taking a second look. Your attractiveness will always bring men to you but what will keep them is character. Now, the most important character of all a woman willing to marry should have is submissiveness. And sadly, that is what you hate the most. You believe a man should bend to your will all of the time (after all, there are many men on the queue) and you never bending to his will at any time."

"I try to understand if that's actually your inner character or you are just acting up in order to shield yourself from being dominated. I discovered that your inner person is willing to submit but you are extremely distracted."

"You don't want commitment for now as far as relationship is concerned. You still want to fully explore your options. And no one can blame you for that really because you are at your prime age and have the best opportunity now to explore everything in your imagination. Because of that, you actually want DATING for now instead of a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP or COURTSHIP, even though you have disagreed with me on many occasions when I accused you of not wanting commitment. You don't want to admit it but your actions and inactions show clearly you still want to exhaust your options before being committed to one man. That's understandable because I was once there. If however I can turn back the hands of time, I would rather have dated only one carefully picked woman and marry her if I had known what I know now."

"We all have our weaknesses, which is why we can never find a man or woman who has it all. The best we can do is find a man or woman who meets our minimum requirements for a future husband or wife, pray about it and stick to such person while learning from one another with humility. Such commitment is what I find lacking in this relationship. And here are the evidences which I've been praying everyday you do something about but you just make it worse sometimes and break my heart:

You don't want to talk about marriage. It scares you. You desire to have a happy home but the thought of marriage irritates you because you know to make it work, you have to make some sacrifices which you are unwilling to.

Talking about sacrifices, I sacrificed my ex-girlfriend to be with you cos I believe I’ll be happier with you. You are however not willing to sacrifice your boyfriend. You just give excuses on why you still have to lead him on before breaking the news, making me doubt if you are really happy with me and want to be with me.

Then I brought you to my family. Everyone including mum calls you my wife and you have repeatedly shown your dislike for being called my wife. What every woman wanting a commitment crave for, you got on a platter of gold yet you detest it. And you want me to believe all is well and you really want to be with me? I have been trying to have faith but your actions and inactions towards commitment break my faith all the time.

Also, I covertly and overtly told you I don't like that part-time work you are doing. The work is one of your huge distractions. I've been careful talking about it so it won't look like I don't want you to progress or want to shield you from other men. I admit I don't want you there for my own selfish reasons, but the risks you face working there are far above whatever you are benefiting from there. Even if you don't eventually marry me, no man will not have his doubts about your integrity when you say you work in that kind of environment considering the prevalent behviour of your peers there.

Lastly, you seem to want a boyfriend for now and not a fiancé. A boyfriend who will play hide and seek with you, mind games, buy you chocolates, care only about your looks and how you slay, doesn't correct you in order not to offend you, ignores all your excesses without complaining about them, makes you feel you are perfect, say the sweet things you want to hear all the time etc. I did all that with my ex-girlfriends and where did it lead us?"

"I'll rather be your fiancé instead of your boyfriend. Just as I expect you to be my fiancée and not just a girlfriend or fling. As a fiancé, don't expect me to pretend to be capable of stomaching all your excesses and I will appreciate if you point it out too when I slide. I can't treat you like a date or just an ordinary girlfriend. It's either we are committed to each other or no relationship at all."

"Then finally on the issue of submissiveness, you must be willing to. Marriage is a place of submission. A woman too beautiful or too proud to submit shouldn't even bother to marry because the marriage won't work. Most religions agree with that. Even common sense agrees with that. When a woman is submissive, she wins the heart of her man and can get whatever she wants from him. That is the secrete of successful marriages."


Was I too harsh?
Should I swallow my words and beg her?
Should I just let her go and move on too?
I need your candid opinions and criticisms.