₦airaland Forum

I feel your pain. You will get over her. Honestly maybe we are only hearing your end of it, but this woman sounds like she is taking advantage of you and doesn't deserve you. There are so many women who would love to have a doting boyfriend who loves and cares for her as much as you do. You just have to find the right person who you are compatible with.

You men have it a lot easier than we do when it comes to finding a life partner, but it seems like when you fall in love, you fall hard, even if its with the wrong woman. Then you get bitter and take it out on so many good women that come into and out of your life by dogging them out. I hope that will not be the case with you. Take the time to heal and get over her properly before diving into something else. Know what you want, avoid dealing with her type again, and take your time, you are still young. Be strong and take good care.

Dealing with a wicked situation with my boyfriend. I'm AA, he is Naija but lives works and goes to school in the US. Most of his family lives in Nigeria and I've met a few of them. We've been together for a year and we had our ups and downs. I do a lot for him - cooking, cleaning, trying to be supportive and he is so busy that I always have to work around his schedule. We had been dealing with some issues and I had some suspicions that he may have someone in Nigeria. A few weeks ago I said something to him out of anger to the effect that sometimes I feel like I need to move on from the relationship. It was a very bad timing as he was going through some issues at the time. He was really hurt by the comment I made and even though he says he forgave me, he said that I destroyed him and broke his heart and that the incident made him see me as a typical American woman who is so quick to walk out on a relationship. He feels that if we get married, as an American woman I would be more likely to divorce him because we have less loyalty. Since then he has became really distant and cold.

After I kept asking him about why he's been so distant and he's told me that my comment made him realize that he is afraid of a long term commitment and that we should have an open relationship. So I feel like he isn't sure about me, which is OK - I never pressured him and didn't expect for him to be ready to propose marriage anytime soon, we need to get to know each a lot more first, we have our cultural differences of course, and need to make sure we both want the same things or can compromise - i.e. how much time would be split between staying in the US and Nigeria. But having an open relationship is not something I want to do. I don't really understand how to let him know that I am committed to him. I feel that if I open myself up to dating other people and he sees that, he will feel his instinct about me lacking loyalty was correct.

Now I found out that his family may be putting pressure on him to marry someone from back home, so he's weighing his options, hence his suggestion that we be allowed to see other people.

I'm in a very hurtful place. I know I need to just leave him alone, but it's just been a crazy roller coaster ride :-(