₦airaland Forum

khiaa:
It has nothing to do with what she said, I gave the reason the X is used sometimes inplace of the word Christ.
Yes people name their children Christ and also Jesus.

shadowgwalker:
point of correction please, it is Christmas and not Xmas ... the x was to cancel that word 'Christ ' cos haters were scared of the name above all names.

[size=20]George Carlin on religion[/size]

When it comes to bullshît, big-time, major league bullshît, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshît story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is bleeped up.

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fück things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.

And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to Bleep that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and Bleep up Your Plan?

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the Bleep bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't Bleep around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that RoosterDrinker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.

In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!

(Copyright 1999 by George Carlin. Printed without permission.)

[size=20]George Carlin on religion[/size]

When it comes to bullshît, big-time, major league bullshît, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshît story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is bleeped up.

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fück things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.

And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to Bleep that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and Bleep up Your Plan?

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the Bleep bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't Bleep around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that RoosterDrinker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.

In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!

(Copyright 1999 by George Carlin. Printed without permission.)

Nasiru21:
Islam is an evil and false religion with a fake prophet and a fake book (quran) . The day I discovered this I converted to Christianity.

yaskarahyelhope:
Y must everything be abt d woman. D man nko. d woman no fit wear am anything in case im go bang Anoda woman outside? Abi for women wey die, men aren't held responsible Abi? As for d circumcision, Na wa O!
Kai! Women don see nwi!!!!

cocoduck:
rip sister, I admire your courage and conviction, you lived and died for what you believe. Anybody that says you are foolish is a hypocrite. This is an example for me. I chose to be a JW. nobody forced me to do that. anybody that has died has been aquited of his or her sins. and for her immediate family members don't worry or weep much for she will be resurrected and she is no longer worried about living in Satan's system of things, she is in peace now wiaiting for Jehovah to resurrect her instead of doing the wrong thing just to stay alive and later loose the same life a short while later. RIP SISTER.

What is prayer?

When should one pray?

Does speaking in tongues mean your holier or more serious than those dont?

damosky12:
Death in this context is'nt what you think it is. It is like quistioning a VC why he allows people to graduate from the university after the completion of their degree. When a man finishes his work and leaves, we should be celebrating instead of acting bitter.

EvilSeeed:
O right.. So you are a believer.


Then I guess this is just an attention seeking ploy innit?!


Congratulations to you then You have been duly noticed.

Sadly, God isnt online.. He does not own a Laptop neither is there WIFI in Heaven so posting inflammatory messages addressed to God online is an exercise in futility. All you are doing is constituting a nuisance and making a mockery of yourself.

You may pretend like you dont care what anyone thinks, but I am sure your curiosity would make you read through this message and that is enough for me.

Goodluck to you..

EvilSeed/RighteousFruit.

lanre316:
One question, are you an atheist or do you believe that God exists? If you're an atheist, then don't bother reading the rest of my post. Why should you bother yourself with a "non-existent" God?

But if you believe there is a God and you're not joking about this your post, then you are really a sorry case. If you are frustrated, as your username implies, do you think lashing out and insulting God will take you out of your misery and frustration. There's a reason why he's called Almighty. He can do anything and NOBODY can question him.

But I want to believe you're joking around. And I pray for you that God whom you had blasphemed will forgive your ignorance and irreverence of him and help you to solve that issue that turned you into a frustrated man. Amen.

Mescopaul:
I've long quitted arguements with atheists or any religion-related issue. It doesn't help matters. Atheists don't want to change not because they've strong reasons, but just because they are too lazy to worship and serve God. I'm unfollowing this thread so don't bother to quote me. I have a LAST word for all you guys including the owner of this forum (it pains me that you are an atheist, i'm a lover of programmers and internet scientists, i've actualy and personaly admired you, infact i was your secret fan, but i've lost all the high esteem i held for you, though it means little or nothing to you.) . My LAST exhortation is this: "I plead with all you guys to refocus your lives and serve God. It's just ONE life, ONE chance, pls don't blow it"

Goodmorning.

Hadizy:
Sorry derailing your thread but please how do I delete my account. Off Nairaland. Or change my username?

malvisguy212:
satan,why? Because God told his creation not to eat from this tree,but satan deceive God creation to disobey him.is like a father told his son not to go there but someone trick him to go,so i will ask the same question you ask, who then is evil?

God did not seat back,bible say"God declear the end from the beginning" before you were born he know your ending,at the womb God say "jacob i love esau i hate"

malvisguy212:
God is good.

malvisguy212:
this is why i say atheist and satanist are one,you bot lay alligation on God,it's all about hell,what about heaven? All the good things God lay in store for you, why not mention it? I dont even know when last i talk about hell until i join nairaland,well,if hell is your problem no this, it is only a gulty man that will always think about his punishment. Thank you for your time.

malvisguy212:
evil is not really a created thing. You can't see, touch, feel,
smell or hear evil. It is not one of the fundamental forces of physics,
nor does it consist of matter, energy, or the spatial dimensions of the
universe. Still, skeptics like to claim that God created evil and cite the
Bible to "prove" their point. The Bible is quite clear that God is not the author of evil and insists that He is incapable of doing so.

malvisguy212:
God did not seat back,bible say"God declear the end from the beginning" before you were born he know your ending,at the womb God say "jacob i love esau i hate"

sukkot:
song of solomon 1 vs 6 Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me <<< JEWS. BLACK

malvisguy212:
listen and listen carfully,God did not created you with pain or disease, if a child is born with disease,it mean satan work his magic on the child.
John 9
New International Version (NIV)

9 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was
born blind?” 3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work (Glory) of God might be displayed in him.

sukkot:
first of all the negros are the jews and thats why we are fu-cked up right now. as a race we are getting our karma. its YOM KIPPUR time for negros. has been for like 600 years.

sukkot:
the bible is all about reincarnation and karma. crime and punishment. thats what the bible is about. thats the integral part of the bible. the backbone of it. in fact i can tell you 99 percent of everything in the bible is crime > reincarnation > punishment. doesnt matter if you cant remember all the people you killed or your heinous crimes in past life. punishment they say is best served cold

sukkot:
that baby born with a hole in the heart, do you know how many people he tortured or murdered in past life ? all these starving africans, do you know all the wickedness and evil they have done in past life ? this is their season to harvest that which they have sown. it is called YOM KIPPUR. I am sure when sanni abacha or babangida come back in future life with only one scrotum and one eyeball you will be saying the LORD is wicked

malvisguy212:
God own you know answer,have you ever called on the name jesus?it is you that can help your self,aknowlegde the power of God first ,take the first move,read in the bible, all the people jesus healed,they are the one's that called his name even when they did he walk by until they say "Lord have mercy on me"

you have a genetic disease because God want to manifest his glory on you,the opposite of glory is shame, wherever you see the word"Glory" in the bible, is to put to shame the devil,God want to use you to shame the devil but first, are you ready to accept jesus christ as your Lord and saviour? Change your signature if you accept. Thank you.

bebe2:
Why are the streets so bare?

Is there a curfew?