₦airaland Forum

1. A girl who asks for money all the time is called "Commercial Bank"

2. A girl who calls you for food always is called "Agricultural Development Bank"

3. A girl that uses your money to take care of other family members is called "National Investment Bank"

4. A girl who prefers to have sex after marriage is "Social security Bank"

5. A girl who is very faithful to you is "Fidelity Bank"

6. A girl who gives it to every available man is "Access Bank"

7. A girl who dates men from different countries is "Intercontinental bank"

8. A girl who doesn't demand too much money is called "Micro Finance Bank"

9. Dating a woman older than u is "union bank"

10. A girl who is always faithful and trustworthy to her guy is called "Guarantee trust bank"

11.A girl whose guy disvirgin her is called "firstbank"

12.A girl who uses all ur money to buy jewelries is called diamond bank....

Nawa for our girls, daris God ooo....

ADD YOURS!!!

Many have heard about this match. Some think it’s an urban legend. Some think it’s only a joke. But only few know the truth. A long time ago, few months after the end of the Nigeria-Biafra war, the Military Governor of Lagos decided to stage an exhibition match at the then glorious National Stadium Lagos.He thought it would be a special way of celebrating Nigeria’s victory inthe war, a way of helping Lagosians to forget the sad bloody years that had just passed. He wanted to stage the match between Nigeria &Ghana but was advised against it. His advisers reminded him how Ghana trashed Nigeria 3-Nil at the 1960 Independence Match, that another loss to Ghana might defeat the purpose ofthe exhibition match. His advisers suggested that they choose a team that would be very easy to beat. Brig Gen Mobolaji Johnson agreed. Ethiopia was considered. Zimbabwe was considered. India was considered. USA was considered. And India was chosen. He & his advisers believed that India would be a walkover. But had he known what would happen he might have chosen Brazil. Yes, Brazil were the reigning world champions at the time but…Oh, had he known. India agreed to play the exhibition match with Nigeria.In fact, they were over joyed.Nigeria was one of the best teams in Africa. And they had never played with an African team before. What more! They were most over joyed that Nigeria had agreed to their three special conditions. What were these conditions? Well, on that fateful day, a bright Saturday afternoon on August 15th, 1970, the National Stadium Lagos was filled with excited spectators.That was Condition No. 1, that the match be played on India’s Independence Day. As the players of Nigeria & India came into the pitch, spectators screamed with more excitement as they saw that all the twenty-two players were barefooted. That was Condition No. 2. (Remember that India had withdrawn from the 1950 World Cup because they weren’t allowed to play bare footed.) Priiii… Referee Mohammed Touat

LOADING....

Do you think he will get the Job?
Drop your Comment.

Do you think he will get the Job?
Drop your Comment.

During the days of our mothers and grandmothers, virginity was the pride of every young maiden. A priceless gift they present to their long-awaiting hubby on the night of their wedding.Those days, couples looked forward to their honey moon with so much anticipation. Because for the bride(sometimes the groom too), it’s a new beginning of their sex lives. All the things they’ve heard in whispers would be totally put into practice. Wow! I could imagine how she would feel as she spreads her innocent legs wide and watches the Almighty Anaconda slowly and ticklish penetrates her cubicle, breaking the gate that has been shielding it and then welcomes her into the ever-exciting world of sexual ecstasy.But could the same be said of our contemporary society now? Impatience and moral decadence has really stolen the virginity pride from us. Girls wouldn’t want to be told about sex, they want to experiment it themselves. While men of nowadays would do anything to lure even under-aged girls to their bed.I was indeed very surprised when a 13-year-old JSS 2 student sent me a text asking if she is old enough to indulge in sexual acts. I asked why she wanted to make sex her priority in life instead of her education -the same act she would start running away from in due time - so why on earth must she rush into it at that tender age?
I also remember those days, when men get frustrated in their attempt to see a lady’s cleavage.The women made sure they wore clothes that cover up every vital part of their body.
Lost by the beauty of her eyes, heart,character and other little places they manage to see through, they would crave to have her for keeps, so as to have the opportunity of seeing all her endowments in full the moments she becomes his wife.The eager husband-to-be would be so eager to unveil his bride and devour all she has been hiding. His impatience would make him agree to "ALL TERMS AND CONDITIONS "
It is totally a different ball game now. In reality women don’t wear panties; instead they tie coloured ropes round their waist. Amazingly, I have heard people say that real women don’t wear panties. How true could that be? Their reasons for coming to such conclusion, I can’t say, but hope your guess is not as good as mine - i.e. for easy access to their treasure islands. You will also see ladies dressed in two-piece clothes that could easily be mistaken for a scarf.
The most annoying part is that you would still see the same girls battling to draw their skirts down and in the process pushing the little cloth barely covering their boobs up and down. They keep acting as if they were compelled to put on such scanty dresses or perhaps they didn’t know it was not their size when wearing such.

WHAT IS YOUR OWN SAY?
Kindly drop your comment on this.

Pr0ton: Even if I'm not responsible for the pregnancy !!!

u get tribal marks ni( sho ko ila ni)

1. If she didn't call you, she is just waiting for you to call her

2. When she is mad and walking away from you, follow her,please?

3. When she pushes and hits you, grab her and don't let her go

4. When she ignores you, give her your attention

5. When she says I hate you, say I love you to her

6 .When she says it's too cold, hug her tight

7. When she tickles you, tickle her back

8. When she stares at you, she wants a kiss

9. When she starts to cry, tell her she can cry on your shoulders

10. When she says she doesnt think your relationship will work out, convince her she is the woman of your dream.

LADIES, DID I REPRESENT U WELL ON THIS

AND GUYS, NOW U UNDERSTAND THEIR LANGUAGES, DO THE NEEDFUL!!!

1 LUV.....

egopersonified: Op, op, op, how many times did I call u? Y dont u keep yr eyes out of those places? Y do u guys ve to google a lady's assets? How many girls have you seen staring at a man urinating in public? U all better be careful ohh, dont dig yr graves with ur eyes ohh.

we are preaching this to make dis world a better place.

1. Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout life.

2. Why is a car's windshield so large & the rear viewmirror so small? Because our PAST is not as important as our FUTURE. So, look ahead and move on.

3. Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes a few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

4. All things in life are temporary. If they are going well, enjoy them, they will not last forever. If they are going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

5. Old friends are gold! New friends are diamond! If you get a diamond, don't forget the gold!
To hold a diamond, you always need a base of gold.

6. Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says,"Relax, sweetheart; it's just a bend, not the end"

7. When God solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems, He has faith in YOUR abilities.

8. A blind person asked God: "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision"

9.When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them, and sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10. Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles; it takes away today's PEACE.

[quote author=da-gentility]my dear, the Op is just contradicting himself. Wat concerns exposing of body and carrying of big phone. Dont just get it.[/quote]Dont bother urself dear. It is d wise ones that can undastnd this simple illustration.

Brazil wins
#team.Neymar#

*Your friends are getting married, and all the guys/ chicks coming your way seem to want just flirting,Relax Dear.

*Your friend graduated at 22, and at 28. You are still hustling to get the admission for the 1st degree! Cool down

*Your friend got a good job immediately after University,You are still hustling to get one even after MSc. Calm down sweetheart

*When your friends are getting things you think you deserve, do not despair, remain focused.

LISTEN, Life isn't a race with some one else, the first to DEPART is not always the first to ARRIVE.
Life is about your own SAFETY, SUCCESS and HAPPINESS.Be Patient,Smart, Focused and God will reward you.God is Sovereign and his timing is always PERFECT and he makes it so good. He never Sleeps nor Slumbers.

A signboard outside a restaurant said :"Eat as much as you can and let your grandchildren pay the bill".A man entered the restaurant, ate as much as he can and when the waiter gave the massive bill he pointed to the signboard, "Don't you see, only my grandchild needs to pay for this bill".The waiter said, "Sir, this is not your bill. This is your grandfather's bill"..

I hope the phone i ordered from china no dey there or ........

Some Ladies of nowadays would never cease to amaze us.They hold the most expensive phones and because they know the worth of these phones, if you check the phones,they are well covered with a phone-cover.
Check the screen, it is well guarded with a screen guard. Some go around with Samsung galaxy Tabs and iPads all well guarded and protected.
Check even the keys, they are well protected with a keypad-protector.And ironically, these ladies walk the streets with their bodies WELL EXPOSED. WHY?....
It is either the phones are worth more than their bodies or they are yet to recognise their worth as a woman.
To our ladies, So which is more valuable? Your phones, ipads, tabs or your body?

Guys comments are welcome too

A Lesson on humility to learn from the story of Bode Thomas...

Bode Thomas, yes, the same Bode Thomas, whom the Surulere street was named after, died on Nov 23, 1953 in a most mysterious manner.
Bode Thomas was born to a wealthy trader, John thomas in 1918. Himself, FRA Williams and Remi Fani-Kayode (Father of Femi Fani-Kayode) attended Law School in London, and they established the first law firm in Nigeria, called "Thomas, Williams and Kayode".The law firm was established in Jankara, Lagos.
Bode Thomas was an excellent lawyer, but he was also very arrogant. Because of his education, he was made chairman of the Oyo Divisional Council at one time, while the King of Oyo, Alaafin Adeyemi, (the father of the current Alaafin) was a mere member.
On Bode Thomas' first appearance in council after being appointed chairman, all council members stood up for him in deference, to welcome him, except Oba Adeyemi, who, for cultural reasons, should not show deference to anyone in public, not even his mother.
Bode Thomas rudely shouted at the King"...WHY WERE YOU SITTING WHEN I WALKED IN? YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHOW RESPECT?"
At that time, Bode Thomas was 34 years, while the Alaafin was in his 60's. The Alaafin felt very insulted. He said "SE EMI LO NGBO MO BAUN?" (Is it me that you are barking at like that?)Bode Thomas responded by shouting some english sentences which the Alaafin didnt understand, so the Alaafin just told him... "MA GBO LO" (continue barking). The confrontation happened on November 22, 1953. Bode Thomas got home and started barking.
He barked and barked and barked like a dog all night until he died in the early morning of November 23, 1953.
Bode Thomas was the Balogun of Oyo. So, when next you drive on Bode Thomas street in Surulere, remember that man, who cut short his own life because of his arrogance and naughtiness.

@Moderator, kindly put dis post in the right section because i dont knw which section exactly it should be and i also recommend it as a front page material so that people will knw pride comes before destruction, that humility will take them to high places no matter what!!![email][/email]

@Op, sadly, these people dont knw u exist....smh4u

Chai!!! so i no fit read long wordings again?
Chineke, i don lazy dieeee, even if my life is attached.

E get one particular restaurant wey I dey chop 4 G.R.A.
E get one oyinbo wey dey always come chop there too…Anytime dis oyinbo chop finish, he go shout ”Hey”, so I wonder wetin dey make am shout.I decided to chop wetin d oyinbo dey always chop so may be me sef go shout too. When I reach d restaurant yesterday evening, I order wetin d man dey chop.Dem tell me say na chicken & red wine, so i chop am, but i no shout, I collect extra plate, but i no still shout. I say dis oyinbo na mumu o, why e dey always shout like dat now?Na then i just vex ask 4 my bill. The waiter tell me say one plate of chicken & red wine na N75,000, then d extra plate too na another N75,000. Na then I shout hey! heyy!! heyyy!!! ……!!!! heyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyy… ……..

I still dey shout till now

After dem don bring back our boys....
let my superboi(messi) set d world ablaze with tricky, pacy and classy showing.
#teamargentina#

I beg find beta thing talk...
Btw, we are all human prone to mistakes.

Tattooboy: beating of his life? U gotta be kiddin me

His wife na JEZEBEL v2.0

TRUE BUT FUNNY
NEVER make this Mistake if your Wife is using a dual sim Phone!!!

If your Wife uses dual SIM phone, save both the numbers under one name as “WIFE“.
Never, i say neva again must u Save it as “Wife 1” and “Wife 2“…:
Courtesy: From a HOSPITALIZED HUSBAND( he is still counting his ordeal from the beating he received from his so called wife.

You want me to answer, right?

Just hold on make i poo finish...

I DEY CRY FOR THIS COUNTRY...

Btw, who go fit visit Sambissa forest in order to know the health status of our girls.

I PRAY MAKE THOSE FOOLISH MILITANTS NO START BASUKA OUR VIRGIN GALS☜☜☜

wats dis gibbberish!!! MONEY ON MY DAMN MIND.
Btw who fit go Sambissa Forest and check if sunday service dey hold for there.

okpara ugo: It takes love to get love.

I once told a lady that I loved her by text message. I meant it and that was the first time I ever did. She didn't reply or say anything.

I don't pretend in a relationship. Later on, this lady became my ever closest girlfriend and we almost got married. So how would I have gotten this close if I were basing my relationship with her on my observation of her own inputs ? Ladies are laid back or oftentimes pretentious at the start of a relationship. Ladies will respond only to what you have offered them. So if you are offering half love, you get half returns.

I do not think your list is workable if what one is looking for is true love.

TO KNOW IF IT IS LUST OR LOVE, these 7 key points is d deal....##my 5cents##

elipheleh: Key points for loneliness and lazy ass people who wonder why they are still not taken

I guess u ar one of them....CHOP AND CLEAN MOUTH, i pity those innocent souls.

N£V£R!!! N£V£R!!!! N£V£R!!!!!

✓ Never cry for someone that doesn’t cry over you.

✓ Never hold on to someone that is not holding on to you.

✓ Never count on someone that doesn’tcount on you.

✓ Never plan your future with someone that doesn’t plan theirs with you.

✓ Never lose sleep over someone that doesn’t lose their sleep on you.

✓ Never waste your time on someone that doesn’t waste their time on you.

✓ Never make someone a priority yet they take you as their option.
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A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the tree top, ate the apples, and took a nap under the shadow.He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by, the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree every day.One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad.“Come and play with me”, the tree asked the boy.“I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more” the boy replied.“I want toys. I need money to buy them.”“Sorry, but I do not have money, but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So,you will have money.”The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily.The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned and the tree was excited.“Come and play with me” the tree said.“I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?”“Sorry, but I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house.” So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted.“Come and play with me!” the tree said.“I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?”said the man.“Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy.”So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.
Finally, the man returned after many years. “Sorry, my boy. But I do not have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you”, the tree said.
“No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite” the man replied.“No more trunk for you to climb on.” “I am too old for that now” the man said.
“I really cannot give you anything, the only thing left is my dying roots,” the tree said with tears.“I do not need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years,” the man replied.“Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, come sit down with me and rest.” The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears....
This is a story for everyone. The tree is like our parents. When we were young, we loved to play with our Mum and Dad.When we grow up, we leave them; only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble. No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could just to make you happy.You may think the boy is cruel to the tree, but that is how all of us treat our parents.We take them for granted; we don’t appreciate all they do for us, until it’s too late.

Moral: Treat your parents with loving care…. For you will know their value, when you see their empty chair…We never know the love of our parents for us;till we have become parents.

OUR PARENTS ARE OUR HEROES, cherish and take care of them when they are still around.

Dont forget to share your thoughts after Reading this Open Letter..

OPEN LETTER TO WIZKID
Wizkid vividly I recalled back in 2011 dropping smash album”superstar”, with charts topping hits from holla at your boy to tease me, from don’t dull to pakurumo and more,you took the industry by storm,young,energetic and vibrant with unforgotten hits ,captivating voice and immense talent,grabbing awards and gracing expensive shows both home and abroad, no doubt a game changer, a perfect game changer ! Every young kid want to be Wizkid .Here came 2012,year of EME-cee, you took the shine of the crew,laced graceful and lovely hooks on 80% of the album songs,you so fly,hot and invisible.More shows and awards never stop rollingin. Starboy himself never seems unstoppable.And 2013, you seems superfly,you were atyour very best,in between controversy andmisunderstanding with your then manager (Osagie) and record label,EME Ent,u popped out singles- hits singles! Upto 20 singles ( a whole album) back to back rocking airways, topping charts in just 1yr, 1 year I repeat,smiles..bro here is a piece of advice putting out a lot of songs out in just 1 year is simply going to sell you short you still have a long way to go and no body does that in the world not even music icon Tupac, Jay Z and our veryown Tuface idibia.Your style is monotonous- same style,same theme of songs all I heard is baby-baby-baby, huh! People are getting bored of hearing same thing every blessed day ,baby songs will never make you a legend, it will never take you anywhere,fine it will put couple of millions in your account, buy you designer clothes and gold chains and some expensive fancy cars but for how long will that be before the brand Wizkid vanished?Bob Marley,Tupac and Fela Anikulapo kuti became legends basically because of the unrivaled contents of their lyrics about life,reality, freedom and brutality of mankind,they did it for a long time and they did it perfectly.Wizkid, listen and listen carefully,you needto start buying songs like a real professional,you need to go back to your winning team(Osagie and Banky W), let them be in control of your career just like when you guys started back in 2010.Remember these people are well read and older thus they possessed lots of exposure and experience you might never get in the next 10yrs.You need to understand you are a big brand who has a name/image to protect, you need to step up your game, surround yourself with highly educated entertainment professionals not your so called semi-illiterateteam.You need to understand the fact thatthe music industry is highly competitive,growing very fast with new artists springing up every blessed day.They are mean,hungary for fame and fortune and committed and simply want todethrone you and the rest of reigning established artists.Take time to pen good and meaningful songs,get professional song writers and slap it with classy expensive videos not allthose 2-seconds-one-spot videos you are giving us,they are not helping your brand. “Holla at your boy” and “pakurumo” videos became big hits and highly successful just because their story lines were carefully written- perfect scripts,good directing with high budgets which I believe is the handwork of the master planner himself,Mr. Banky W.”The matter” was a very good song-great delivery, great breath control,lovely rhythmand killer beat but the beautiful song was killed by a cheap and conceptless video.Davido will spend his last penny to get good and well written songs and slap it with classy and High budgeted videos.He wasn’t a freak to have shot 3 videos for his hit song skelewu that shows he classy,he’s professional, he wants the best,he has big taste ,he knows what he doings and what he wants .I see him doing different styles, very versatile, very diversify,tell me why he won’t grab those MTV awards and swept off heart of fans.Davido is practicing what I called PWMS-Professional Western Music Strategy i.e. buy songs, shoot classy videos and get good results,everybody does that around the world, that’s the professionalism, from Beyonce to Rihanna, Chris Brown to of course,the late legendary Michael Jackson. Banger Lee aka D banj aka Kinniun funfun will also spend his last to get the best producer to give him best of production and world class videos and massive promo same thing goes to the undisputed twins called “P square”.Stop doing things anyhow, stop giving us rush up jobs -production and videos,they are not helping your brand. Be moreprofessional, be more committed, control your temper, control your ego,stop changing managements-it kills,your career,one management hasn’t finished implementing his strategy on you to excel in your career, yousacked him get another and start afresh, bro that’s career s*****e!Respect your management, listen to them they are working round the clock to make you remain at nos 1,they are thinking for you to excel,stay humble,they are the drivers of your success,your success lies in the hands of thier great ideas and strategies.Stop the idea of I-can -do-it -by-myself just because you made coupleof millions ,got fame and knew some OAPS and Djs, fame and fortune isn’t enough. It has killed many (artists) and will still kill more. Stop tightening hands over your career, you need to spend more on your career, if you don’t, it will die , money will stop coming in and might go broke .Incase you are wondering what this is, it’s no beef just a piece of advice material for you to get things right. Am your nos 1 fan, I respect your talent and hustle but I hate seeing my hero falling so has many other music lovers in Nigeria and beyond. I wanna see you doing music and doing it big for the next 10,20 years maybe more.Bye!!!