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Kate arms were aiming to grip james neck, he whimpered as he ran around the dimly lit stuffy room for the door, atlast he found the door knob and attempted to open the door only to realise that it was kate's arm, "YE" james shouted as he felt a hand grip his neck, he struggled unsucessfully to free himself from her grip yet he was unable, at that moment his whole life flashed through his mind how his father left his pregnant mother, the landlord who threw his mother out for refusing his demand for sex.
_______FLASHBACK_______
Ko, ko, ko a unknown person banged on the door, his mother enquired from within on who the was that but it seem like the person preffered to use his fist instead, later the person stopped. "You people should stop opening the door for unknown people that is how my elder brother was bla bla bla" my mother ranted on as i was to open the door before...
Common open this door a husky voice roared we then found out that it was the landlord who has arrived with some mobile police men...

Sorry for the late update had to buy this for you guys. . .

That feeling you feel when you see a vulture perched on your bed stand james felt at that instant,, he then ran back to the car only to meet kate smilling sheepishly. . Whats wrong james asked in confusion but kate just kept on smilling, james was enraged in a split second as he thought that kate has tricked him . But he checked himself in time as he heard unseen footsteps around them . James grabbed kates hand and darted towards an enclosure behind their house closing the door he turned to look at kate, he gasped as he saw her that eyes were bulgy and yellow________

pabon:
I'll be honest with you. Your write up it's confusing because of your use of punctuation (or your lack of it, rather).
When writing, clarity should always be at the back of your mind. Ask yourself, "Will my readers understand what I'm saying here?"

The truth is that we often mistake our comprehension for that of our readers. Of course, you should know when to hold back information to create suspense but it shouldn't be at the expense of clarity.

Well done.

thanks i will modify it

Devilpen:
In a simpler form, try not to compile all details in one paragraph...

Thanks bro

It was as if the day finally dawned as james drove to campus one rainy day he sighted a distraught girl flaging down any visible car. James smirked as he pretended to pull over then accelerated, the girl kate bursted in to tears feeling pity james reverse and offered her a lift.
james later knew that she was having her final paper (exam) that day. They exchanged thier contact details and kept in touch till____.
As james stuffed the last case in the car booth, an eerie sound rented through the atmosphere. . . The lights went off suddenly, suddenly kate screamed that she felt a cold hand on her leg, at that instance james jumped as he felt a spiky arm encircle him, they both shrieked and ran to the car.
James drove furiously towards the gate as he honked the car horn. . . . Seeing no reply from the gateman he proceeded towards the gateman's hut. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and stared in horror at the suspended body of the gateman he heard kate scrEAM_______T.B.C

Devilpen:
Why didn't you finish the previous one...
Anyway this write-up looks more solid than the former one... Just continue

i tot bout your advice and decided to hold it a bit_________
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James turned over on his bed, and sighed he has been waking frequently to check the time he has planned to visit the presidential building in abuja via ibadan .
graAAMM, the alarm clock interrupted his thought as he scrambled out of bed to wake up his girl friend kate. As he got to her room he noticed a strange shadow staring into outer space, kate, kate, he called silently as he tip toed out of the room.
As soon as he got down he saw kate waiting patiently for him.
Kate and james have met in the university of lagos during a freshers party she was apparently drunk as she slouched against a cushion, he had approached her and asked her for a dance which she declined with a slap immediatly, an enraged james has sworn to deal with her ______________
t.b.c
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