₦airaland Forum

halfricanadian:
Learn to pray and pray so mch and so hard a wife shd naturally b a prayer warrior just pray nobody can help u except God trust me no body can cos if God doesnt build with u u only building in vain

u just said it all. he needs prayers. hnnnmmm. I know thatz d only way out for me at this point. I wish it didn't have to be tho.

my intelligent sweet hubby is a good guy no doubt. in his own way he has being the best these past 3years. we all have flaws and that has resulted to a lot of resolved and unresolved issues but still on still 3years don waka we still dey carry go. now here is the big BUT; he loves BIG ass women. chai, in my life i haven't met such addiction to ass loving like its the key to his success. to the point that am almost investing my money into herbs to mk my ass which is a little bit big to bigger just so he be satisfied. but then he says and i quote "no matter how big ur ass is men will always appreciate other bigger ones, its just a man thing u cant help it". i know every man has woman palace weaknesses but so far I haven't Caught my hubby in the act tho smtimes I feel a smell a rat due to things I see on his phone eventually after deep woman research it ends up not bin a rat. however I have tried to manage his weaknesses,, now that he is leaving for SA soon am a little concerned, just 3 days ago I saw a chat on his phone which isn't more than the usual,but this one get as e be small, he said and I quote "my juice in your rectum" according to him he said its a usual thing every man says but it doesn't necessarily mean he meant it, am a little concerned, this lady am talking about is based in SA, I think he found her on Facebook, so he sent her pic to his cousin who is also based in SA and he states and I quote "find this girl" now may be His cousin eventually found her profile and sent it to my husband so he was able to chat with her, thatz when he said this stuff about his juice in her rectum. sm hurt, I doubt if he understands why I should cos he feels its not Like u caught Me sleeping with her, okie, not that I have seen worse, but their is nothing about a woman with big ass I haven't seen on his phone, either his friends send the picture of a big ass girl and he analyses it or he is busy praising a woman with big ass. we tried to talk about it,though he said he was sorry. but sorry don't make it right. it hurts and now I feel when he eventually leaves for SA. it might be over, cos I hear thatz the land of asses. tho he assured me that he is just a king of talk but no action. that sounds Like a term to just calm me down. he kips his phones locked I just always find a way to hack into it by getting his P word one way or another. and then once he finds out she has it he changes it instantly. well am getting used to that. but I want u all to advice me especially the the men who talks but no action. should I see any one who also knows any good counsellor, kindly share numbers wiv me cos we might have to see one to help me move after incidence as this in marriages that almost keep ur tots at work. we aren't having any issues right now cos he has apologised and i have moved on no time for unnecessary grudges. but my mind don't get over the fact that his weakness is taking a toll on his habit and her might just fall victim of these South african bigass title who will desperately throw it at you, even pastors who aren't under the anointing will fall not to talk of ordinary men who can't remember the last time they read their bibles. i dont want to loose my man to infidelty. i want to help him get over his weakness if possible

Abiagirl777:
maybe its his way of bonding with you,since u've started it u gotta continue.
I hate touching ppl's toe nails and seeing water used to wash hands after meals ,it disgusts me so I don't do them.I explained to him when we married
in psquares voice'no start wetin u no go finish,I no be George finidi'.

I don't have any problem doing those stuffs oo. No issues at all. But is it wrong for him to say it politely. With some please. Or say it like am some slave. Thatz my issue. Now him dey vex for me.

So my hubby likes me cleaning his ears and doing his pedicures and manicure. Am totally totally cool with it. I didn't use to understand why I av to clean his ears tho. But I got to understand he likes me doing it. So why not. I rem a aunty of mine telling me that whatever u don't want with ur husband don't start it. She said it's not like shez discouraging me from doing all those. But one day it will cause a big fight that will confuse you. My be she was damn right. As I speak now my hubby has refused to eat or talk to me cause yesterday he asked me to clean his easy and I told him to say please and stop asking me like he put jazz in his mouth. So I went into the kitchen to make my hungry son's food and fed him; after feeding my son I took the cotton buds and asked to clean the ears and he bluntly refused; That was I knew fight don start. First can some wives share their own experiences with me on the Wierd stuffs we do for love and how you handle it. Cos it's unfair if he gets upset with me wen I refuse to do these stuffs. We have argued several times over this ish and he tells me to go and ask my formed and I will be shocked to hear a lot of wired stiffs women to for their men. So let's here ur ladies. Share your Wierd stuffs.

But who are these women or ladies that choose and prefer a fellow woman's husband to single men. I see some messages on my husband's phone smtimes and I just smile. "Suo was just checking on you" checking on him to know if his wife isn't doing a good job or what. You know it's heart aching. To all the single girls out there that prefer married men. Many wives are unhappy, you have broken some homes, you are at the verge of breaking some, some couples even quarel /fight everyday juat because you are in the picture. Let the change begin with you. LEAVE married men alone. Even if they come to you be WISE in your decision remembering you will be hurting ur fellow woman by your approval. let the change begin with us women.

Shiningmama:
I had to read through all your earlier post. Seems we are in the same boat but your is much better than mine
My own husband cheats, no taste no standard. He can't just resist women. Both singles and single mothers, all join.

His love for his mom is 80%, she is the one controlling our home. I don't have any problem with that. The kids can't even play with him because he is always chatting. Who born me to check his phone or come closer whenever hebis chatting.

Everything is now history, thanks to some great people on Nairaland. We don't even talk again, though I still prepare his food ooo. I can't remember the last time we had sex. I just see him as a neighbour sharing the same flat.
My little advise for you even though I am not in the best position to advice you. Please it is Only you that can make yourself happy. Just let him be, stop complaining and make yourself happy. Stop crying before your children. Don't let them have bad impression about marriage.
Wish you all the best o.

Wow I just saw ur post. At least my hubby still have sex with me. Tho I have observed he doesn't really like kissing anymore except I force him to. But at least I can say our sec life is good. Cos I put my all into it and mk myself look like the best. But ur story is way more pathetic than mine. I haven't caught him cheating yet even tho.its just the signs that are there. His love for his mom too is like 80%. And I dare not look thru his phones. Its his taboo. So tell me how are you coping? How long have u both bin married and how are u able to mk urself happy still leaving with him. Cos I for one actually assured myself that the day I catch him cheating am gonna leave with my kids. I may not be able to endure it, but I prefer my happiness than anything else. Even the bible says it's only infidelity that should come btw you and your husband. Cause I might not have the strength to cope. Even tho I know if I leave today he will not come begging. So wats d point. Abeg life is too short to be unhappy.

Shiningmama:
Hmmmmmmmmmm! Are you writing my story?

@shinningmama please share your story we can pick a word or two from it. What we need to do Is learn to encourage each other and make ourselves happy.

My topic might not be new. But my experience and what I have come to learn in this journey of marriage is new. So maybe I just began to agree with that saying "no man is worth the stress". I have come to learn the HARD way. My hubby made me learn the not so nice way that he isn't worth the stress; may months back i used to cry,complain,check his phones like every night, bother my head to get his password. And you know what I suffered more. Cos whenever i eventually find what u looking for, my dear i never get the answer I thought I should get. Words like "baby don't worry your little head about anything cause I will never cheat on you" even tho I know they ain't true. But rather I get abused, shouted at for not minding my business, and even sometimes I just find out the tables are turned around and am the one begging for what I don't know. Sometimes while crying 8 just LOL cause it's just a funny world.
I realised that it's not like he doesn't care. But no man can help having external woman around, no matter what u do to take care of them. They just can't do without it. Also he doesn't want me to ask questions about it instead just move on like nothing happened; thatz man's definition of just give me peace. I tried to do it my way several times but It never paid off.
Now I have drank the I don't care pills. I may not be there yet but am working and grooming myself to the point where even I find him on top of another woman I would just smile, walk into my kitchen and prepare food for my children. That brings me to the children part in this circle of marriage. They are all have got. There is none that loves me more than my toddlers. Cause they are the only ones that run to gt me tissue when they se tears rolling down my eyes. Only them know wen am in pains. Only them follow me where ever I go. Only them ask me mummy how are you. Note. Its not like hubby doesn't love; but here is his definition of love. I put food on your table, I pay all the bills, I take care of you and the kids, you never lack... that should. And you know what I pray to God to bless him for me everyday.
Am glad am getting better in this institution and my garden are getting better, from my cooking, to my use of patience, to my reduction of anger, and some others in can't mention.
But you know the shocking thing. I didn't pray about any. I only worked on it. Neither do I pray for my hubby never to cheat on me, nah, I rather pray for my toddlers to prosper, and remember the pain we went thru to bring them to the world and give them the best.
Or is there any need to pray for our men not cheat? Am I being selfish? I think I woyld rather work hard, have a fat bank account, so I can always give my kids the best in life. So dear wife worry not about them hubby. Your happiness is paramount, is he already cheating on you and you can't take it anymore. Then step out from the ever crying zone, gt urself a happy zone, mk urself happy, but keep praying for him to be saved. If u r happy u can pray, if u are sad have u observed you can't pray. So first get your happiness then u pray for him to be fine wherever he is.
Now my hubby don't respond to my messages, but I keep sending them. Reminding him I will always love him. 2days ago I bought him a small card of just 500naira but the words in it where true. May God bless us good and trying wife's and give us grace cause thatz all we need.

You all have done well. And you av succeeded in ending the marriage. God bless you all.

Hello you all. I am his wife.but I am indeed glad he came here to pour his heart out. He doesn't like communicating with me that much, once he is upset u dont wanna be around me. You will pity me, he treats me unfair, he removes his ring at will and says he had a bad day and so it his wedding ring that caused it. You can take a look tru my profile. You would see just a little of my complaints. But now i get where the problem is. Funny enough I didn't know he had this topic here already cos I am not much of a nairaland person so if he didn't make front topic I won't have seen it. And it was even God that drew my attention here cos even front topic I don't read that much. Very very glad I did. Now o am not a cheating wife and would never ever till I die cheat. I would rather walk away. You see d gentle man who put this topic down, he doesn't talk much to me. If anything goes wrong with us, I could be talking for 3mins he will just increase the volume of his phone and start playing music. He can agree how any times in a day I ask him why he hates me so much. Cos he acts as such. Let me analyse the instances that made him think am cheating. My EX who was the first man I probably ever loved. Myself and my husband has had plenty issues on exes his exes sef just disappeared completely like a year back. My ex probably called me and we had a very clean and open convo. I tot to myself this is wrong jor. So I told him, my ex called me and he has always bin calling which is true. But very clean convo. He has Like 3kids now and is happily married. The day i told my hubby my ex called me. He was just there like whatever, and I rem telling him that day you never get jealous of me. U should even ask me questions or something. If I keep talking without bin asked questions then something is wrong with me. God knows I felt hurt that he was neutral. And that night my husband decide to have phone intimacy with an old female friend to get back at me. I rem that Sunday Wen I saw it. I cried. I felt hurt d moment he said that's for Kipling in touch with ur ex. And i asked him why he didnt allow us talk about it immediately, sometimes thats all we need just talk to us and show u care, till date i always feel my husvand is t worrird ablut losing me, instead he pays me back. And i dont think it should that way, sometimes communicatikn is all u need and u would just find d truth in d detail. I cang coynt how many incriminatikng stiffs i have fpynd on his phone, me i cant kip quiet for too long i tell him sharp sharp and sometimes it isnt what i think, but if i decide to keep.quiet and pay him back i would only be hurting us more, so back to my ex, Then we went out, we spoke about it and it all got cleared, but I guess it didn't. Secondly he spoke about me removing my ring. Now this is me also.when I find out hubby always removes his ring often and blame it on bad days I join him. Right now none of us Is wearing a rjng; he as removed it again and thrown it away claiming another bad day and I joined in cos I don't undestand that ish again. Now the third case of cheating. He said o saved my ex's number yeah that's true and that becos I didn't want my husband to think otherwise cos I actually think he knows the guys number or have it saved somewhere. This guy is helping my lil brother gt a job with an oil firm. He is only helping.
When my husband saw this I felt so bad so so bad and I wish I had discussed it with him. But I tot he would pay me back painfully again so I decide to keep it away from him. The third blame is me cooking for a guy on the estate. The guy is a friend I met quiet alright. But God sees my heart I cooked it out of helping. His wife is overseas and d guy claimed to be broke, then also there was fuel scarcity he said he couldn't get fuel to buy. So he wanted me to help him with food. That faithful day, my husband's friend who also lives on the estate was home, my nanny and my two kids, so I asked him to give his opinion,and he said why not that the guy is an easy going person on the estate and for him to ask for food he must be In a bad state. We had some left over rice at home and I told hy nanny to go and give him. When my hubby came back that day I Had to find a way to explain to him. I wasnt too sure of his response, but to a certain extent d man i know and the way he has bin treating me I tot he will say no big deal. But I got otherwise instantly I knew I had messed up, but how to fix it became a problem. He has called my dad on this matter. That old man is another man I fear the most after God. Tho I was scared of wat he will do to me. But I was rather glad. Cos I wanted to be free and be trusted again. The matter on ground is something that I know can ruin my home but now that he as spoken I believe and hope he learns to trust me. Now I understand d reason for the mean treatments. He doesn't like visiting marriage counselors, so smtimes we end our matters and issues arguing and no resolution. Am saying it world wide now. I am not cheating on my husband. I love him than anything else in the world. Appreciate him and would always honour him. His changes and behaviour towards me recently sort of got me changing to, but now I see where it's all coming from. God bless u nairaland at least he spoke here. But seriously, dear Nairalander's you can't give concluding opinions on a journey of 3years based on 650 words. U don't av any idea wat we both av bin Tru to just conclude that he divorces a woman u know nothing about based on the short story u heard. I am a woman who would do anything g to keep her home. I took steps that I had no clue I would regret. Now he doesn't trust me no one knows how that feels. Even when I go out for business he picks d lie from d truth and this hasn't bin making me go what I deserve. I hope and pray God fixes this for me.

Bridgetown:
Does lax means sag? If yes I will advice you try and wash it with alum or go for a surgery since you care so much. But the truth is your husband is already cheating or lusting after a lady, only time will tell.

Am not all that totally expanded, oh well I can't really tell am not the one entering. But I still don't know. I heard alum has its side effects

Though he usually says he doesn't care about my self esteem but I don't think this has to do with self esteem alone. I think there is more. While we were dating we spoke about my sex life and body nature. It's not like I had too many relationships but I just knew men say my vaginal is kind of lax. Even wen I lost my virginity the guy called me a blunt liar to my face, saying I claimed to be a virgin when I wasn't.

You didn't bleed and getting in wasn't so hard. That is one ruined relationship that would have been awesome. And probably the last man standing. If you be virgin, you go know, if you not, you will know and I KNEW then that I was.

Now my husband knew this about my body and decides to stick with it. Somehow someway which I don't know after my first child, vaginal got tight, second child too same happened. To a certain extent it helped our sex life because it made him love it. And I could tell it's one of the reasons he probably hasn't cheated..

Just 2 days back. We had a little misunderstanding then I mentioned something about sèx. Quote me if am wrong. Sex is meant for bonding between a man and a woman and that's why God instituted it in marriage alone. So you both can get closer, and in my own opinion when there are issues BTW them the power of sex is to make forgiveness easy. The next thing my husband said is. It's not like am enjoying the sex. It's now feels like been in a pool.

OMG I was HURT. I lost the essence of life immediately, lost the essence of marriage. Out of anger I told him only men with big dicks should complain, men with pencils dares nor. That was my only defence because he said it with soooooo much heartlessness. I cried...i cried so much. This man that I have back sex with so that our sex life would be whole. Sometimes I bleed. Then I said to myself it's not worth it. Then I realised, For him if anything goes wrong with me due to that sexual style, Am on my own. Few hours later I sent him a text that I was sorry for everything not because it was easy but two wrongs never ever make a right in marriage. Can't walk away with two kids can only make it work.

Following day wen I saw he was in a good mood. I decided to ask, then he said I was lax and it has made sex unenjoyable. I wondered y he didn't tell me immediately he noticed and why he had to throw it to my face. But what, it's a man's world. If they don't reap their mean ways here on earth. It waits in heaven.

But trust me since then I have been concerned,Google all I could, nothing much. Even the kegel exercise has always been my practice. I now feel this time he might just look outside wen sex gets all pool like. He said he will buy toys, he said he can't pretend to love it wen he doesn't. Which I agree with. But even the toys can it ever be Like d real things. Sometimes he might want to feel the woman and not want toys. What happens next? I can't encourage him to cheat cos if he does and I find out I would leave with my kids. But I don't want him to. Am confused. So so confused. You know wen a man is concerned he will probably do research with you, find out info call doctors, but he didn't, he just broke the news to me and he's like do something about it or I might not be making out with u again. It's really not fair. Cos some men might possibly not go about it that way. But at the same time, it's like that's his nature. I can only Leave with it or take a walk. But take a walk to where, becos am now lax? But I also hear sex in marriage is KEY, with two kids, and I love him, but thatz still not the point. I DON'T know. Please who does? I have smiling all over the house, acting like everything is fine once am alone i cry again, because the fear is, would there ever be a solution , would I still be tight again, and this is a marriage where sex is sometimes 1 in 2 or 3 weeks, so definitely that's not the reason for my laxity, i will be sad if my marriage gets ruined because am lax. I hope my husband reads this thank God he is a nairalander

IamLEGEND1:
this one is strong........










BUT WAIT OH!!!!















WHY NOT WRITE THIS DOWN ON A PIECE OF PAPER (old school style)








AND GIVE IT TO HIM INSTEAD OF POSTING IT HEAR.








ABI HIM BE NLder?












but i guess u wouldnt know dat,since u dont touch his phone












and wat about sèx?






tell us about the sěx....

If I try to talk to him it hardly goes down well. Sex is good with us funny enough, it's d only time I feel loved by him, it's the only time we r closer. But that's not marital bliss.

andromida:
Are you happy?

When you did your findings what did you discover?

What do you mean a love-vendor not a cheat?

Live for the children? nope yourself and the children yes yes.

You know he has it in him but he is not showing it to you inspite of your best efforts to motivate him. Why do you keep saying he is unhappy?

U know an unhappy man when he is angry. His choice of words wen he is angry defines his unhappiness. Every marriage has issues, every one has weaknesses, but if u truly love your wife and u know u do no matter how angry a man is he would watch d words he would use on her. My husband practically tells me wen he is angry that he shouldn't av taken the pregnancy, pregnancy u planted n ur free will that I didn't force to happen. When we are not kids. That alone speaks for itself that times wen he smiles with me he is probably faking it.

andromida:
Lady stop comparing your relationship with others. Yes they may be happier, they may be miserable but at the end of the day how does it concern you? Its ok to be envious of the romance between other couples and want it in your own life maybe you can start by discovering yourself on deeper levels so you can take care of some of your emotional needs. Yes yes the constant talks about the relationship and how sad you are just stop it.

The idea that he is your husband so he must act a certain way might be the cause of your sorrow just accept the way he acts and don't try to enforce your ideas of how he must act. He is not an extension of yourself, he is an individual on his own willfully married to you as you are willfully married to him.

You even want to divorce him to make him happy. Please stop this micro managing and laser focus on his happiness. You are the most important person in your own life. Everybody is living their lives the way they want, even your kids will eventually grow away from you.

As for his phone unless you suspect him of cheating and you want to investigate what do you want with his phone? Maybe you can learn to take yourself to the nice places you want to go.

Just give yourself permission to be happy as an individual in the marriage without anyone's contribution.

U av spoken well. But even when u try to make him happy it doesn't seem like he notices. As for his phone I don't even check it cos he has passwords on it. D day I was forced to check it was when a lady kept calling continously, he was ignoring this call then he asked me to pick it tho. D instant she heard my voice she hanged up. This made me feel something was fishy, then I was forced to check the phone when I saw the message sent by this girl saying he took advantage of someone, d instant he saw me with d phone in fact the remaining is long story. And till date he adamantly refuses to give me a deserved explanation. He covers up with my reaction after I saw the message cos I actually concluded he probably cheated on me. When we ladies use the "advantage" word there is ONLY one translation to it. But he denied it. I was forced to do my findings tho, he is a love-vendor at least not a CHEAT. @adromida am not forcing ideas on him, no, but I know he has it in him; something isn't letting him express it. Cos I see his reactions to life and issues in other aspects and I know he has it, thatz y am concluding that maybe he isn't happy, divorcing a man to mk him happy isn't a sin it's only that d bible says u shouldn't remarry. You av no idea how it feels living with a husband who has only 5% of love for his wife, gives 20% to his mum and 20% to his kids and the rest to his job. D kids are bound to leave one day, mum will surely leave too, it only me that will be left with him. Or you want me to just sit, watch and wait till then. Okay..... cod I can actually do that for the kids and just focus my attention and power and other things and conclude it's my destiny. But it's gonna be one long hell of a journey trust me"

pamodulus:
I wish I had the right words to tell you, but one thing is obvious. The connection isn't there. It's up to you to decide how you'd want the story to be told.

U r right d connection isn't there.

Every woman loves a romantic guy, show me a woman who puts her husband's dp up ALL the time I would show u a woman is married to a man that makes her smile all the time. My husband isn't the romantic kind of guy but I don't think that's very true: Cos I rem 2yrs back he had flowers delivered to me far away in the United states and he was in naija. How he did I don't know, but it felt like a proposal, cos I didn't experience d "go on ur kneels will u marry me ish with him". I did a survey with my married friends on fb,instagram, and bb. And I see d way wives are bin celebrated by their husbands... so I ask myself, am I doing something wrong as a wife, or is my husband not just a happy man. I tried to talk with him. Cos he doesn't like to communicate much with me it didn't do much impact. I tried to develop sending romantic messgaes to him. It didn't work. I rem few days back, I sent him a message, I quote "is it okay to be crazy in love with you" and his response "lol, as long as u tread with care and caution cos someone like me if u love me to much it will make me care less and love you less... Till date that response is still my most embarrassing textmessage from him, when am not a girlfriend. I was thinking and planning we change environment, probably go out without d kids. But I know who am married to d I dea might even irritate him.
I can't touch his phones without his permission; he can strangle my neck for that reason. And if u ask him he says because I vowed never to touch his phone again he is saving my life from bin destroyed. Lmao.
I don't think he is happy, when he is angry with or we arguing over an issue u hear him say things like I should not av taken d child from u when u claimed u were pregnant: yes I got pregnant out of wedlock but I didn't force him to. So why so much hate...
I see d love in vogue and I ask myself where I av gone wrong that young couples like us av such boring marriage.
I have my weakness, I do in fact I av a lot, but if there is sincere love it can fix it in my opinion. I don't think it's about my weakness. I think there is more. I don't think there is any one else either...
When am down he doesn't notice, if I av something on my mind and I try to wear d mood.. am on my own. I understand he is so engrossed with work but still. Dear hubby only u know wat goes on in ur mind. Would av preferred better options. I have seen u defend ur mum on matters BTW us and I don't think u can ever defend me like that. I have seen u care for some of ur female friends nd Dat treatment is far from us. I one day asked my hubby y he doesn't check me out nd tell me wen I look good nd i recieve the comments from differebt men outside, he said it's normal. He said men admire other women nd might not admire their own wives. So much to say, this is just very little of how I feel.
We had an argument yesterday dat involved me mentioning my mum law before I knew it he reported me to my sister in law telling her everything I said. Till now I haven't recovered from d textmessage she sent. He reallt made me miss my late mum. I know I shouldn't av probably talked about his mum. But I tot couples av each other's back.
We av two lovely kids from this marriage. But if he doesn't love me anymore, maybe he never did.. i rem him telling me on our wedding day that i musnt give him problems oo, he said ot like twice and i rem telling him not to worry all will be well. But do men say that on their their wife on their weddind day? is it adviceable to continue, I don't encourage divorce but wat if it will mk him happy. I can't tell.. I love him very much but he doesn't love me Like I do nd he doesn't want me to push it, it irritates him like he said, And I don't want to force it.I want him to be happy, I can't ask him cos he doesn't like communicating with me, it doesn't always go down fine majority of the time. He doesn't believe in marriage counselor or shrink........ so!! "Very confused state of mind"