₦airaland Forum

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BREAKING NEWS!!!​
The Vice President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria Yemi osibanjo​ has finally stepped down. It has just been announced on TVC news, BBC news, AIT and NTA news.

He stepped down from his car today in front of his office to continue his office task. He is such a hardworking Man.

Thank you for your attention.
Now go back to whatever you were doing. Me, i just dey waka pass, na him i say make i greet wunna. Wunna well done ooh��‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️�‍��
�����������
Remembering the fallen at the Imo bank heist

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#1. It is only in Nigeria that "Who are you?" is not a question, its an insult. A serious insult depending on the situation and "are you talking to me?" is more of a threat than a question
#2. Ladies are powerful the can introduce two boy friend at the same time.They will say My love,Meet my sweet heart.
#3. Guys, if you urinate and it comes out in pair, one going left and one going right. Just know you are a potential twin father.
#4. Last Time I Was An Important Member Of My Family Was In 2005
Wen I Was tge Only One Who Could Connect A DVD Player to Television
#5. To all the guys without beards please say after me" I'm a princess a beautiful princess and soon to be a mother".
#6. Nothing hurts more like being dumped by someone you plan to dump
#7. Black people will ask you "what do you do for a living" in order to calculate the level of respect to give you
#8. What is the greatest lie your ex once told you?




Ethopia's worst aviation accident caught on camera


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Good day
Mr Chairman,
Accurate time keeper,

In short,
All protocols duly observed.

My name is my name, and I am here to
propose the motion that states.. 'Nobody
senior another person for this life, na turn
by turn', with my following reasons.
1. Dem first born you no mean say na you
go first die. Even Bible support am.
2. If you first me touch ceiling because you
tall, I go first you to pick stone sake of say I
near ground pass.
3. You fit first me enter SS1 and I fit first
you enter university.
4. My jeep fit stop for road while your Beetle
fit carry you reach house.
5. Girl wey marry last year fit born pikin
before woman wey marry 10 years ago.
6. Small boy wey just finish school fit begin
work before chairman wey do NYSC 2005
7. If aeroplane engine knock, both person
wey dey first class and the one for
economy, na the same Jesus dem go call.
8. Na Oga de pay driver, but AC de first blow
driver before e reach oga for back.
9. Person wey de healthy fit die before
person wey de sick.
10. You de stay upstairs no mean say you
near God pass.
11. Stone de scatter water, and water de
pieces stone.
12. Mr time keeper, as you want to ring that
bell, may your time in this world not be over.
I hope with these few points of mine, I have
been able to convince you that 'no body
senior another person for this life,
Na turn by turn
*Reflect on these words*

1.Your BIRTH came through *Others*

2.Your NAME was given by *Others*

3. You were EDUCATED by *Others*

4.Your INCOME indirectly comes through *Others*

5. Your RESPECT is given by *Others*

6. Your first BATH was given by *Others*

7. Your last BATH will be done by *Others*

8. Your FUNERAL will be organised by *Others*

9. You will be taken to your FINAL RESTING PLACE by *Others*

and

10. EVERYTHING you owned will be inherited by *Others*

Isn't it high time we learnt to live in peace and harmony with *Others*, because all through our lives, at one point or the *Other*, we will need each *Other*?

Copied
�



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• If you find another girl cooking stew at your boyfriend's place, my sister get another pot and cook rice, it's a team work.��
• I need to swallow magnet
my Girlfriend said I'm not attractive again�����
• Three arms of Govt. In Nigeria are the
Executhieves, legislooters and the judisharing..���‍��‍��‍��‍�

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✓ Nobody maintains social distancing like a guy escorting an ugly girl.... 15 meters distance

✓ My dear sister deep down that guy want to inbox u but ur profile pic looks like "please can you do me a favour”

✓ If Your Boyfriend Says You're Like A Mother To Him. My Sister Hide Your Purse

✓ My English is perfect when i speak it silently but when i open my mouth i couldn't can

✓ When God was telling animals to respect Humans, it seems mosquito was not there oooo

✓ Joy is when u ask ur mum for money and she says "bring me my bag"

✓ A true husband is one who lays down the laws for his wife...and then accepts all her amendments!

✓ If he starts making you feel happier than your husband or boyfriend, block him... But don't block me oh

✓ If you have never rebooted your phone because of network, forget it, you're not Nigerian

✓ Imagine your boyfriend is talking and he says "For example, let's assume you're beautiful"

✓ Sister, don't be a boring girlfriend. Sometime visit him and drop a lipstick and tell him you found it there. Sit down and let the Solomon display his wisdom

✓ Once she starts getting 200 likes� on Facebook she thinks that everybody wants her. If you're among these girls, lick ur hand and give urself a very heavy knock on the head

✓ Ordinary go and off the light, you are jumping and jubilating. What if she turns to snake?

✓ Nigerian women will say they want a romantic man, but deep down within they know it's bank alert that turns them on

✓ It's raining and you are telling somebody's daughter to enter your house, Are you Noah?

✓ They know your girlfriend is texting 8 other boys yet they kept quiet. MTN, AIRTEL, 9MOBILE AND GLO will not make heaven

✓ In Nigerian movies, the poor boy always meet a rich man's daughter by the roadside, and repair her car, and they later fall in love. I have been standing by the roadside, in my village since morning, and no car wan spoil.

✓ When She Visit You With Barcelona Jersey, My Brother Just Know She Wants 8rounds.

✓ A Rabbit entered a shop and asked: "Do you have carrots?". They said, "no we don't have." The following day the rabbit came to the shop and asked again, "Do you have carrots?" They replied angrily, " We said we don't have carrots, if you come back again asking, we gonna screw a nail in your head with a hammer!" The third day the rabbit came yet again and asked, "Do you have a hammer? They replied, "NO." He said, "What about nails?" They said, "NO." Then he calmly asked, "Do you have carrots?"
Don't let the devil scare you, he doesn't have anything. Just pursue your dreams. Have a fabulous evening


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My neighbor Chike was a champion when it comes to bedding social media female friends. He had so mastered the game that no week passed without him having a female visitor from social media platforms. He'd always brag about his ability to convince girls he'd not met before to come and spend a day or two in his one room self-contained apartment. In his words, "I be the social media Casanova, them girls no fit resist me"

True to his words, all the girls that visited him were the prettiest. The type of girls I'd see and thank God for creating women into this world. The type of girls that would make one a man of vision; envisioning them in their natural forms in bed. That set of girls that were proportionally endowed, possessing just an adequate of boobs, hips and facial beauty. Those were the type of girls my neighbor Chike, imported from social media. How he convinced them to visit him at home remains a mystery to me even to this day. Sometimes, I envied his convincing ability and what he enjoyed using it.

I had at a point, begged him to teach me the tactics and styles he used in wooing and convincing these girls. He taught me wholeheartedly but my naive mind couldn't grasp the lesson. The only time I tried inviting a girl I met on social media to my house was the last day I tried it. She insulted my body, my soul, my spirit and even my shadow. She extended the insults to my parents, accusing them of not training me properly which was why I could come on social media and invite girls to my house. Little did she know that they (my parents) gave me the best training but copying Chike's lifestyle wouldn't let me uphold it.

When I told my neighbor, Chike, what I experienced, he laughed off the remaining part of my already diminished ego. After laughing, he told me that I couldn't convince her because I was not born with the ability. He further advised me to leave the game for them who were 'blessed' with the convincing abilities. I concurred with him even before he said so. I've already decided to leave it for his likes, after all I have earned enough insult to last me a lifetime from my failed attempt.

Time went by and Chike continued hitting jackpots. His social media games continued blooming. Then one day, I was washing some clothes in front of my apartment when Chike entered the compound. He looked so happy and lively. Seeing him, one could tell that something good just happened in his life. He was full of smiles. He walked to where I was doing my laundry and sat beside me. I curiously asked him why he was smiling like someone who had just been duped. He didn't say a word, rather he brought out his android phone and showed me the picture of a very beautiful and endowed girl.

"This is my Amanda and she is coming to visit me this weekend", he said with so much pride and gloat. "Wow, she's so beautiful", I managed to reply after swallowing hard. He went on and told me how he had to put so much time and efforts in wooing and convincing 'his Amanda' to come and spend time with him. He also told me that Amanda used to warn him that he may not like her when they'd eventually be together. While he spoke, my thoughts went wild. I started imagining and wishing that this damsel would be my guest. The thoughts of all I could do with her in bed flooded my mind. "What's there not to like about this beautiful damsel?", he concluded, jolting me back into reality. I told him that everything about her was lovable and his happiness increased.

The D-day finally came. Chike had made sure that his house was sparkling clean. He also made available varieties of food stuff they'd need throughout the weekend. I'm sure he did that because he wouldn't want anything to shorten the time he'd spend in bed with Amanda. In the evening, around 5 pm, the almighty Amanda arrived. Oh my God! Her beauty was out of this world. Her physical appearance was way beyond what her pictures showed. Beyonce have nothing on her when facial beauty matters. Her curves and thoracic endowment were so perfect. When she greeted me, I only heard a melody. In a nutshell, Amanda was the perfect description of a beautiful woman.

On seeing her, I started envying Chike. "How could he be the only one having all the fine babes while I only watch?", I thought. That night, I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't stop imagining how Chike would be dancing on top of Amanda. I imagined her touches, the taste of her plump breasts and maybe her juice, her moans and most importantly the expression on her face when she'd be cumming.

I was still in my thoughts when I heard the door of Chike's apartment opened violently. Before I could get to my own door, Chike had already started banging on it (the door) loudly. I quickly opened the door only to find Chike totally naked, using his two hands to cover his 'rod' and 'balls'. On seeing me, he started shouting "Onwere amu, Onwere amu (she has penis, she has penis)", before rushing into my house. I couldn't understand him. I slowly tiptoed to his apartment and peeped. There I saw a very large penis dangling inbetween Amanda's legs. Looking upwards, I saw two big boobs on her chest. I then realized why my neighbor ran away from his house. Amanda was a transsexual (transgendered).

������
****************************************
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My neighbor Chike was a champion when it comes to bedding social media female friends. He had so mastered the game that no week passed without him having a female visitor from social media platforms. He'd always brag about his ability to convince girls he'd not met before to come and spend a day or two in his one room self-contained apartment. In his words, "I be the social media Casanova, them girls no fit resist me"

True to his words, all the girls that visited him were the prettiest. The type of girls I'd see and thank God for creating women into this world. The type of girls that would make one a man of vision; envisioning them in their natural forms in bed. That set of girls that were proportionally endowed, possessing just an adequate of boobs, hips and facial beauty. Those were the type of girls my neighbor Chike, imported from social media. How he convinced them to visit him at home remains a mystery to me even to this day. Sometimes, I envied his convincing ability and what he enjoyed using it.

I had at a point, begged him to teach me the tactics and styles he used in wooing and convincing these girls. He taught me wholeheartedly but my naive mind couldn't grasp the lesson. The only time I tried inviting a girl I met on social media to my house was the last day I tried it. She insulted my body, my soul, my spirit and even my shadow. She extended the insults to my parents, accusing them of not training me properly which was why I could come on social media and invite girls to my house. Little did she know that they (my parents) gave me the best training but copying Chike's lifestyle wouldn't let me uphold it.

When I told my neighbor, Chike, what I experienced, he laughed off the remaining part of my already diminished ego. After laughing, he told me that I couldn't convince her because I was not born with the ability. He further advised me to leave the game for them who were 'blessed' with the convincing abilities. I concurred with him even before he said so. I've already decided to leave it for his likes, after all I have earned enough insult to last me a lifetime from my failed attempt.

Time went by and Chike continued hitting jackpots. His social media games continued blooming. Then one day, I was washing some clothes in front of my apartment when Chike entered the compound. He looked so happy and lively. Seeing him, one could tell that something good just happened in his life. He was full of smiles. He walked to where I was doing my laundry and sat beside me. I curiously asked him why he was smiling like someone who had just been duped. He didn't say a word, rather he brought out his android phone and showed me the picture of a very beautiful and endowed girl.

"This is my Amanda and she is coming to visit me this weekend", he said with so much pride and gloat. "Wow, she's so beautiful", I managed to reply after swallowing hard. He went on and told me how he had to put so much time and efforts in wooing and convincing 'his Amanda' to come and spend time with him. He also told me that Amanda used to warn him that he may not like her when they'd eventually be together. While he spoke, my thoughts went wild. I started imagining and wishing that this damsel would be my guest. The thoughts of all I could do with her in bed flooded my mind. "What's there not to like about this beautiful damsel?", he concluded, jolting me back into reality. I told him that everything about her was lovable and his happiness increased.

The D-day finally came. Chike had made sure that his house was sparkling clean. He also made available varieties of food stuff they'd need throughout the weekend. I'm sure he did that because he wouldn't want anything to shorten the time he'd spend in bed with Amanda. In the evening, around 5 pm, the almighty Amanda arrived. Oh my God! Her beauty was out of this world. Her physical appearance was way beyond what her pictures showed. Beyonce have nothing on her when facial beauty matters. Her curves and thoracic endowment were so perfect. When she greeted me, I only heard a melody. In a nutshell, Amanda was the perfect description of a beautiful woman.

On seeing her, I started envying Chike. "How could he be the only one having all the fine babes while I only watch?", I thought. That night, I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't stop imagining how Chike would be dancing on top of Amanda. I imagined her touches, the taste of her plump breasts and maybe her juice, her moans and most importantly the expression on her face when she'd be cumming.

I was still in my thoughts when I heard the door of Chike's apartment opened violently. Before I could get to my own door, Chike had already started banging on it (the door) loudly. I quickly opened the door only to find Chike totally naked, using his two hands to cover his 'rod' and 'balls'. On seeing me, he started shouting "Onwere amu, Onwere amu (she has penis, she has penis)", before rushing into my house. I couldn't understand him. I slowly tiptoed to his apartment and peeped. There I saw a very large penis dangling inbetween Amanda's legs. Looking upwards, I saw two big boobs on her chest. I then realized why my neighbor ran away from his house. Amanda was a transsexual (transgendered).

������
****************************************
Watch this funny video below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IemCcdLXumc

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MEANWHILE

¶¶I say make I patronize you and u say shoe na 150k....... How much come be my leg?? �

¶¶I wonder how rich people sleep at night with fridge full of food. Me just 1 yoghurt, I couldn't sleep till I finished it�

¶¶Slim girls with big belle be like small letter "b"�

¶¶My post are to make you laugh and forget stress so keep your seriousness and maturity for your family meetings�

¶¶Ur parents named you Fortune
And u went ahead and added Mhizfortune and you think your village people don't understand English �

¶¶Eat good food just in case u vomit in publicmy friend vomited rice nd red oil today, I shame go buy Meat drop on top of d vomit�

¶¶Many guys are single because they refused to reply that simple text: "Please can you do me a favor�

¶¶Dating broke married men is not only a sin, is like stealing an empty handbag�

¶¶One thing about one room apartment is that you wake up and see all your properties at once.�

¶¶If I did succeed in making you smile, drop one prayer point for me�



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6igcqOFvsiU
Fatal accidents caught on camera

1
One thing about one room apartment is that you wake up and see all your properties at once.�

2
No man is as humble like a man who is asking for a lady's number in public. He will just be sounding low like a new generator.
If you experience, you know. �

3
Sometimes it is not the Tailor's fault.. My_sister you just don't have the same shape as the lady on the catelogue��‍♂

4
Now that you didn't buy Easter hair, shoes and dress did you die? You just put pressure on somebody's son �

5
The beauty in a woman is perfectly revealed when her husband is responsible.
irresponsible husband destroys a virtuous wife.��‍♂️

6
Don't let anyone give you pressure! Some people are only rich on SOCIAL MEDIA�

7
Stingy boyfriend will never tell you that your hair is old. They will be like, "BaBe, this hair keeps shining everyday".�

8
DATING A TWIN IS A PROBLEM, YOU CANT EVEN SAY BABY THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU☝

9
BOYFRIENDS are NOT responsible FOR your BILLS, stop CALLING them BROKE because YOU can’t AFFORD your OWN BILLS. �

10
Pls oo, if ur galfrn texts you "Will be coming to ur place around 6am tomorrow with my mum" what does it mean?�


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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9gtZEoNBFo
The 8 most dangerous cult groups in Nigeria

�
During sex when you hear the lady telling you "should i put on my panty or should i wait" just know that she is asking for the round two�

�
Invest two goats and get 3 cow in 40 seconds, � ask me how?
No be only una sabi crazy�

�
Sometimes it is not the Tailor's fault..My_sister you just don't have the same shape as the lady on the catelogue�

�
U can't date a guy living with his parents, but u can date a man living with his wife? Aunty come and enter heaven let me see!�

�
I have CERTIFICATE in kissing, DIPLOMA in Caring, DEGREE in loving, MASTERS in Petting and PhD in Sex. Pls who has job 4 me�

�
Just a reminder to all married people:
If you have promised ur wife / husband that you will love her/him 24/7
then today is 24/7.. ��‍♀️

�
No man is as humble like a man who is asking for a lady's number in public. He will just be sounding low like a new generator.
If you experience, you know. �

�
Nigerian girls are like NEPA...Once they Start given you Light just know that bill is Coming�

�
Some girls wahala tire me. Why will you go and have sex and later get pregnant and start shouting ooh God this can't be me.
My sister who do you want it to be. Your mother?�

�
Buying ❀ flowers for your Village girlfriend is not an issue. The problem is when I receive a message from her the next day saying "boo, the vegetables you bought me tasted somehow" Na wa oooooo. �

�
Abeg which part of Nigeria is my father land�️ because as I dey now am broke I want to sell my own portion�‍♂️

�
She asks you for money and you complain that she loves money, she decides not to ask you anymore and you say she has another boyfriend.
My brother what really is the matter?�

�
Ladies, please take a moment to thank and appreciate those guys that dated you in secondary school. They loved you with no makeup, no Brazilian hair, with your short hairs, your over sized uniforms, your shapeless bags and rubber sandals.
"That was true love"�

�
That moment when you want to pull out or withdraw,then she holds you tight.My brother just whisper into her ear that you will raise this child alone �

�
Some visitors get mind shaaa�,them serve you food, you say make them help you change meat�

�
One of the advantages of being a beautiful girl � is that you will buy something in the market and pay with your phone number Ugly girls ayam sorry�

�
My brother hustle ooo, make dem no hold your hand for Club dey tell Bouncers say e dey with me...�

�
One thing about one room apartment is that you wake up and see all your properties at once.�

�
Nothing is sweeter than separating two ladies who are fighting. If you're a man, you're lucky because You can hold any part of their body for free�

�
Just say you want us to break up...
Which one is "Unlock your phone � lemme check something".�

�
How come when a lady spend a night with you .. their phone never ring?
I don't understand..�

�
When a relationship is coming to an end, what are signs and symptoms
1. Deafness: I didn't hear it ring.
2. Blindness: I didn't see your missed calls.
3. Formination of busy: when you called, I was frying stone
4. Nowhere to be found: Can we meet? Oh I'll be going to the moon with my mom �5. Online but not chatting: I just on my data to check if the sun is shining

�
The problem with ugly people is that, they always expect too much from the camera�

�
Husband no scarce, Na you dey find Hushpuppi, with a touch of Johnny Sins, and Pastor Adeyemi�

�
You see someone with a good house and a good car. You are there screaming vanity. Oh, so nobody in your family has reminded you that poverty is also vanity.�

�
I went for an interview yesterday, BOOM!!! My Ex was the interviewer� Satan's only begotten daughter asked me to mention 7 Indian Biscuits�

�
Wait O, Can Last Born Marry Last Born? What If They Wake Up At Night And Start Crying �, I Want To See My Mummy?�

�
Akwa ibom state police command released 350 dogs on the street to enforce lockdown in the state. Now the dogs are remaining 6 �

�
Maybe The Reason Why Jesus Didn't Have a Female��‍♀️Disciple is because He Called Them And They Were Asking For Transport Fare�

�
Finally, i hv learnt hw to toast a girl!.
Baby, as i set my eyes on u, my slippers cut�

�
Ladies Don't be too shy to ask your Ex for airtime, it's part of your retirement benefit �

�
Okay, Ladies sometimes when you see a Guy staring at you it's not that you are attractive. It could be your makeup is not matching your neck..!�

�
Stop boiling bathing water with cooking pot, one man was smelling egusi soup in the bank today �

�
Respect the woman who cooks for you.
Poison is not expensive. �

�
So if I marry now and snake enters our compound my wife will tell the kids to go and call their father.� To come and do what exactly?��‍♂

�
Who said that English is easy?
Fill this blank with "YES" or "NO"
1. ______ I am not a Virgin.
2. ______ I don't have Sense.
3. ______ I am a Cheat.
4. ______ I am Stupid
I'm in my house�
Come make we fight


MEANWHILE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9gtZEoNBFo
The 8 most dangerous cult groups in Nigeria