₦airaland Forum

If by any reason, I regret relocating into the UK, in a way my soul swears for that man called buhari, because not only will I have been able to cope in Nigeria because I financially doing well, it just seem like the insecurity, delapitated financial, health, educational anf other sector has fallen short of catastrophic mess reason why I left. Sequel to my previous post on here, I have seen people blame me for apparently doing somethings am nt meant to do, but then no matter what I come here to discuss, na me know the intoto, and na me know exactly the toe inside the shoe wey dey pain me. The recent event of yawa that happened was when myself, my colleague who found me the job that am working at now went for lunch break, and I have sang plenty praises and accolades about this my friend to madam about how nice he has been to me and she knew he was the one that linked me to this good job. Recalling that day, she had called me at work that shes coming to London area with her director, a lady she met in this country who also linked her to beauty and cosmetic business with a well known brand thaat they want to come and sample and sell some products at a mall there in London. So during lunch, i called madam, cos we normally go to get launch at this same mall. Omo na so I call madam oo, sey shey u dey around, sey me and my friend dey mall for lunch, if u dey around make you for meet and greet am o, she come sey she dey one eatery, make i waka come there, funny enough we were just a minute away from her. Lo and behold as i saw madam and her director, I greeted the director, then reached out to madam to introduce her to my friend, omo she just sat down there, me wen dey expect sey since u know this na my correct friend wey help my life, u go at least stand up and greet him proper, omo she didnt stand, and I could see the way my friend was nodding his head while talking to her, it shows a sign of respect, but madam didnt reciprocate, I felt somehow...after the intro we left and I called her few mins later sey why u come downgrade me like that, that you could not even greet my friend proper, in which as of one i observed her while sitting there, the cloth she wore was an eyesore, so I knew thats why she didnt stand up,so I said why you come wear this kind clothe wey I know sey u nor fit wear comot for house if I was at home, she quickly confessed that it was because of what she wore that made her not stand up to greet my friend, that she apologised, but she has something to tell me, I said what, that is it possible that I allow her to be free to wear whatever she wants, that for example because of how shes dressed, it drew attention towards her that people tend to approach her for the product while giving her commendations that they like her shape and body, that she sold more products than her director, i was like wow, and u listen to pastor JERRY every morning, if you practice the preachings and you allign by the words that you hear, do you think you approach is the best way to sell your business? That you feel using your body as an object of attraction to well market to me is an indirect process of establishing organized and professional prostitustion. She said no oo, that sebi me I know sey UK tough, and she had to use whatever way to convince customers to buy from her. It didnt end there, wetin come burst my head be sey, she come tell me to allow her be free with whatever she wants to wear, and that I should put it into writing for evidential purpose so I wont deny it in the future that I accepted, omo my hND FALL, Something wey nor fit sup for NIJA.
I stylishly agreed, and penned it down on whatsapp message that I agree, I did it because, to catch a monkey u must act like one, u cant drag anything as such as that here, cos if I disgree, she go do am anyways and it will only cause more probs, but for my mind, we never spend a year, u dun dey run crazy race, me wen use millions carry us come here na to come here come dey follow your own dirty mandates, so I just dey plan on how we go go back Nija and destroy our passports. Since that time, she dun dey wear werin she like, wey be sey my daughter come tell me one day sey she nor like wetin mummy wear comot that she had to keep dragging her shirt down to cover her bum, I Was devastated that my 10year old will have such conscience and awareness.

As he be now, I wan use style sey my 40th birthday will be celebrated in nija, if she gork the FM we all go together, na say gobe, we nor dey come back again. The recent issue wey I experience na denial of sex. I go touch am, plz plz am tired....or am not in the mood, truth be spoken, there are different reasons why a woman might feel that way, and I pretty much understand that there are certain reasons like fatigue from work, too much thoughts, cos this town na billing, she does most of the house chores, so that alone can be wearing her out, but when we dey nija, no matter how stressed, tired or mentally down she is, she go open for me, its not even about turning me down, its about the way she does it, angrily and authoritatively, na then i come dey sense sey there could be more to it, is it because I earn lesser now that I was in nija, is it because the system is changing her mentals. I come give am lamba one day, i said I dreamt u have started having feelings for someone else, (jokingly oo) she said where, in school or where, I replied the dream is not clear, so U dont know, she said is it Lanre ( the guy I complainedabout in my previous ost) I said the dream did not reveal any identity, he nor reach 12 mins after we don ditch that discussion, She just came from nowhere and said damn am honrny, something wey i never hear from her in a while, now thinking, is it because I raised the false dream story? Something aint adding up there, in which I saw on her phone dey ask the guy to borrow her 30pounds, that does not speak well to me. Nlanders does any1 have a perfectly built up story or FM to take cornishly take us bk to nija, or the one I talked about is legit and ok? Nobody knows it all, why am here. Remain blessed brothers and sister.

Again, i wont be able to quote each post that i would like to respond to, so I will summarize again and point out somethings and other things that those who have japad already and those that are planning to should know.

1: I have done DNA on my son only 5 years ago, because he was the only one my mind doubted, result showed I was, I havent done for my daughter yet cos am most definite shes mine from the onset, but one can never say, I would have to do for her when we come to nija somtimes.
2: I understand that tracking her is against the law here, she knows and she might use it against me in the future. As we speak now, so many things have happened since my arrival in this country, we have had arguments, I am not perfect, as I have mine to deal with as well. Since we got in here,
being a student, she cant work more than 20hours a week, and because I am a tech person, I seek tech work remotely, but havent been able to get one, though I still make money from my e-commerce biz, so i have to change naira to pounds over the last 6 months now and its draining. Reason why am looking for a tech remote job is because of the children, when she goes to work or school, I have to be the one to care for the kids and pick up from school, mind yall
she does majority of the home chores when shes home, she does alot, that I cant deny, but I support when I can, wash dishes and sweep, I am always on the computer working, I SLEEP late aroud 2am, awake up 8 or 9, life here is somehow, but somehow will pay off one day
3: She recorded some of out argument and was telling her sister one day while we were having issues, that for example that kind of audi evidence, if she presents it in court, bla bla bla,omo na then I know sey one chance dun enter me. Let me gist u guys a little about what happened, she had stepped out to the library and I was home, she called but I was on a very important call, so as she was calling I was cutting it and automatically sending sms
to let her know that I was on a call that she should check her whats app in response to what she inquired, but maybe she didnt see it and she kept calling back, so i had to pick and somehow I yelled and said plz check ur whats app, she seem to have taken the yell personal, to be sincere I wasnt happy with her because she has not been giving me food, she will package the kids food, dash out and leave me hanging, normally I would have communicated it with her
but I know the reasomn behind it. I lost the license to the platform I used to make money from Nigeria which is used to sort the bills and the rent, so this month rent i was able only able to pull up 60% while we had to take loan to balance it up. So what caused the main ish was when she came back from the library, she had finished praying, after she came out and pounced on me with harsh words, saying my life is nt proper, that I should check out myself, simply because
I am battling financial issue just within the last 2weeks,but something is for sure, we have never gone hungry, and never shall we.
4: In this country, the wife's sending their husband packing, most are already regretting it, its not easy to be working and caring for the kids as well, the govt have cut down on the monies giving to them after split, the ones that can get awy with it are the ones without children, forget that story of men should be scared that
their woman will be snatched, well its possible if you are not well to do at all, and not providing, but u see ehn, women too much for this country wey be sey na wives sef dey fear make other women nor snatch their husband. Loneliness here alone can kill without blinking, so in major cases now, women here,talking about Nigerians dont want to lose their
husbands unless in a very critical situation as such as financial crisis or chronic womanising.
5: To be sincere, in as much as I am doing legit job, i sometimes do side racket which may be termed illegal, but u know its just to be able to live up to expectations and be able to solve some problems normal
legit earnings wont be able to do. Back then in Nigeria, some of these funds supported her business, bought her a car and all of those ease stress lifestyle, while we were having an argument here, I called her an olosho, she said
me am a fraudster, that she will report me to EFCC, that do i think she doesnt know what i do aside my main biz? I come sey but u dey also enjy from the proceeds of the illgotten money, she said well she didnt know sey na when
we reach here na him she know sey i dey do side runs, omo i waste, i mean i weak finish. She come sey well she package me come this place, cos she know sey me dun tire for the marriage since we left nija....sey where i escort am reach like this sey he dey ok, sey at least i carry her come uk, sey the time when i decide not to come again, sey her soul left her body that she had to try to convince me to continue the process., Omo am finished like this, to be continued....

In as much as I wanted to quote each and every post I would have loved to respond to, I feel I should just summarize my point here real quick. Yes we have had issues which obviously led to me knowing she cheated on me, but u know women u cant catch them red handed unless you are lucky, That aside though cos I have gba kamun that whatever she wants to do she can do, I am busy trying to work my ass out to sort bills, but one thing you all need to understand that am surprised is not being pointed out is if equality is the main thing in this country, how can a man paying almost 80% of the bills is being treated un-equal? What happened 3 days ago wasnt me trying to track her or whatever, she had left the house since 9am, promised to be back by 3pm, and I had an appointment with someone for 4pm, and u cant leave kids at home here if u are caught, kids will be taken from you. So my major reason for the call was to inquire as to how close she was getting even though the time she was suppose to be home had elapsed. Na her hustle she find go, na my own hustle me sef dey find go knowing fully well i have even more to spend, am i suppose to be put under that kind of situation?

I really do have questions for some people saying am stalking my wife and she should be allowed to live her life. Is that truly what marriage is all about, if you guys that stated that are truly married, is it normal to u that if u call ur wife she dont take ur calls? Does it mean that she can be out there and come back anytime she wants without a legit explanation when we both have responsibility to take and tend to the needs and attention of the kids. I am really lost here.

I have been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more.

We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live close to each other.

To cut long story short, the woman is into beauty products marketing, she involved my madam in the hustle and they seem to pair along well, invites her to events held in hotels and all that. The one they went for 3 days ago, after the event, she called me that she was done, didnt want to take uber prolly cos it was expensive, so she said the lady claimed she will drop her off. An hour later she called she was on her way that the ladies husband have come to pick them up, 40mins later she said there was traffic at woolich that it might take time b4 she gets back. Because of the trust issues we always have and haven't been sorted, I checked her lcoation via her findmyiphone and lo and behold they were at the womans house. I waited at least 15mins to see if maybe it was the traffic, but it wasnt, because her movement was at a complete halt.

So I called her, she didnt pick, gave her another 3 missed calls she didnt pick, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound, so i was like babe, it dont sound like ur in the car, she was like the ladys husbands car is a Porsche car, you can hear any sound, so i said i was going to call her on video call, I called she didnt pick, she then called me back on video while showing she was in the car and it was at that time her movement on the map started showing she was moving, this might be too much to be doing, but it just seem glaringly obvious that there is something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off.

I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me.

Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out?