₦airaland Forum

Outstrip:
But rather than contributing why does he not just leave. You know how things can get. if he contributes does he also get to make decisions in the home. He is an adult. I still don;t know what could possibly be tying him to his brother. If you want him to stay then let him stay. Asking him to contribute is just taking it to a level that you will surely regret. Tomorrow you will hear that he is the one feeding you

Well,the guy is overdependent on his brother and i doubt if he will want to move.Back at home in naija,brother will do everything for him.that is why he thinks it is ok for him to come and relax in his house.
Again,i cant push him out now.

My if it were my sister i wont even come here.anyway,i come from a family where everybody is qute responsible and knows the right thing to do.Back at home in nigeria we have been supporting each other,there has never been a question on that.

For those that think am interfering,it is actually my husby idea and not mine.he is disturbed that the brother feels he shldnt contrbute but kip all his earning.
He has always complained the guy is selfish and way too stingy.i remember wen we were still,anytime he comes my husby will give me the money to kip.i once asked him why and he said the guy is sdelfish and always wants to squeeze him dry.I somehow noticed it but has never commented on that.He is actaully the one that raised the issue.

As for those saying its too early,i must tell u we too are young here.Infact we clocked 1 year in this country this January and we are still settling into the system.its not like we have been here for years and making all the big money.I was pregnant wen i came,had my baby after a few months and has started working and taking responsiblity in the home.cant he do the same?

So guys is is right ?

We have been in the US for a little over one year.We have an 8 month old baby
some months ago his younger brother joined us thru the DV lottery.My husband introduced him to the same line of job he is into and they make roughly the same amt,while i make a lesser amt.So far we are responsilbe for all the bills,rent,feeding etc.
Meanwhile,his brother has been working for over 4 months and kips all his earnings.He also has no plan of moving out.
Right now we are thinking he shld contribute to the finacial upkeep of the home,esp as it is US where one party cant shoulder all the finacial burden.

pls wat do think,if it is right how do we go abt it?

Thank u everlasting father.

Kobojunkie:
@Poster, Let me give you an idea of what life can be abroad. . . . .


---- You can cook decent Egusi soup that would last your family about 3 weeks for about $15 bucks if you shop rite ( I just cooked such for a family of about 3 mouths and it takes so good)

---- Your cable television bill could be about $30 bucks a month

---- Electricity for a 4 bedroom home is at about $60 bucks a month and this is for 24/7 electricty

---- Water bill is at about $14 every three months, and gas bill to help ensure there is HOT and COLD water exists for about $70 bucks a month( depending use). 24/7 Water to flush, bath and do what you need to do.

----- Price of a gallon ( note, not 1 litre, but about 4 litres) is at about $3 dollars

----- You don't have to drive because you have cheap accessible public transport that could get you were you are going and back for about $5 a day, with stops in between

----- Police show up at about 3 mins ( on average) after you dial 911 and you are never told you live in a neighbourhood they are too afraid to show up in

------ Fire fighter rushes to your place to put out fire, sometimes even before you realize there is one

------ Your Vote counts !

------ A life of debt is a CHOICE. The options are available for you, should you CHOOSE that life


I can go on and on but I just felt to give you an idea of what life abroad promises for everyone. You asked and I answered. I just felt your question sounds more like one from someone who needs to be convinced it is worth it and I hope what I have given you so far helps.

I don't know the kinds of friends you have there but we all pay taxes( nigerians pay taxes too) and we all have to work hours each day to make a living( I believe many more work longer hours in Nigeria, than their peers here do for obvious reasons). That your friends are suffering does not in anyway mean everyone else is. I have yet to hate a day in my life abroad.

Abeg,where u live in the US?the rates u mentioned for ur water and eletricity are so low.Maybe i will move over to that area.
i live in houston and my rates are just too much compared to wat u posted here.

yes,i did.i had no epidural,but my labor was induced.cos i was over due .had my baby on the 4oth week of pregnancy

men stop al, thes nonsense.
wat is the big deal abt washing ur own clothes?
am tired of these nonsense debate.
do wat u can do to help around in the house,nothingi s compulsory for any one foe all i know.
its is my home and ur home and we join hands to make it work.

marissa:
These are the same NL guys who expect their wife to also be gainfully employed and conribute at least 50% to family upkeep. I guess when she gets home at 7pm from her 'gainful' employment she will pound yam and cook edikanikong, with palm oil she will extract from the palm kernels right in her kitchen!, Freaking JUVENILES!! Get a Real Man to coach you on his life and times as a Husband!! No be only wash!!

Dont mind them.Stupid men.They want a wife that will be working and doing all the work in the house at the same time.They can get tired after work and then the woman wont.Wen they come back they will rest,but the women doesnt deserve to rest.then after everything she will still have to work in bed
I am so mazed at these men.if ur wife must do ur laundry esp wt hands then she has to be a house wife so she can give all her attention to the house but if not she doesnt have to.
wen i was going out wt my hubby,i neva washed for him,in fact he did the washung and i did other things.Now that we r married he stil does it.It hasnt made him less of amn.
and for those that say in those days women did dis and dat,many of them were not happy so y use them as a standard?will u be happy wen ur wife is nt?Besides, a lot of them den didnt have to work but focused on the home front so there is no basis for comaprison.
Men stop all these nonsense abeg

pls let the girl go.
she is not wort the trouble.How can she say she didnt know?
the least she shld have done is to be honest to u,but was she.
dont be suprised wen she finds her feet she will abandon u and get her guy over.
put her back in the plane let her go and meet her boy friend.if i were u sef i will do that b4 she gioves birt and has an american citizen.
were it not that the pregnancy has advanced and u have not been around she would hav given it to u.
yeye girl,she wants to eat her cake and hav it.she thinks she will use u to get wat she wants and then drop u like a hot potato

Thanks MC.
Happy hew yr

my first preganacy was not planned so i was quite disraught wen i heard abt it.
Anyway,e don happen so i just went ahead wt it all.
I had apretty uneventful preganacy except for the vomiting.it was so horrible.
It was alway the feeling of nusaea that woke me up in the morning and sometimes i will throw up for up 4 times b4 going to work by 6 am.at point,it was like i wld vomit my intestines.
I remember one particular day on way to work in a public cab,i was throwing up so much that the cab driver stopped and asked me to go down.Anyway,i wasnt upset,i just was looking for a way of telling him to drop me off so that i will go to a corner and empty up.
On another occasion,i was sandwiched in btw two passengers wen the thing reared its ugly head.I prayed that cab will fly to my destination to avail.I tried my best to supress but couldnt.The vomit just filled my mouth and as i didnt want to the whole thing on my fellow passengers i quickly pushed it down my throat.yes,i swallowed my vomit.

As for the food craving,i neva cld stop eating roasted yam and african salad.Thank i was in naija so i had enof of that.at some point my mum was like ur baby is gonna be so strong at the rate u are swallowing that roasted yam.

in the last trimester,i had the kind of back pain that i didnt knew existed.my back ached so terribly,i couldnt sit,lie down or stand.i was always changing my postion.i walked and walked as i was told that will make things easy but baby refused to come out on the due date.i was 7 days over due and the doc said they will induce.
I protested but they insisted cos it was becoming dangerous for the baby,they said.

checked into the hospital at 8 pm on a monady.they gave so many drugs and equipments attached to my body,aww.
Each time i needed to use the bathroom, a nurse will come and push all those cupboard like some thing and of course the intravenous fluid watever wt me to the toilet.
it was like i was carrying a house.
at around 10 am in the morning the nurse compalined that i wasnt opening up.said i have only dilated 1 cm and that she will give anoda set of inducing medication and if nothing happens they will do CS.
she asked to give me pain medication but i refused.any way,she gave the drugs and that was wen i felt the real contraction.Ohhh,it was so painful.I cried,screamed,stood up,sat down,walked about to no avail.at this point,the doctor came and broke my water manually,hmm na palaver, i called the nurse to come and give the medication wc she did.I feel dizzy and asked her to lower the bed so i can sleep in btw contraction but
alas,the relief was so short.the contraction came again and i was shouting.the nurse kept telling me to calm down but i couldnt.i was screaming at the top of my voice
i called the nurse to come and give anoda dose opf pain medication but she said i cant have more of that so i had to suffer it.

at around 11.30 she checked and said i was open 4 cm.I asked how many more remained she said i had to open 10.My heart sank.i thought it might take a while for that to happen.Besides,my pain was so much that i coulnt just bear for much longer.after sometime she said i was open 10 cm and told me its time to push.
didnt really know wat to do but i did wat i knew.I asked if i am getting it right she said yes and encouraged me to kip on.
I gave 3- 4 more pushes and my girl made her debut into the world.the time was 1.07pm.
she weighed 8 lbs 12 oz.

my guy wasnt there.he had spent the night wt me at the hospital encouragiingme and all that but had to leave very early in the morning cos that was his 1st day on his 1st job in the US ,a job he has been seeking and praying for a long time

like most others,i had a big tear and the stitching was something else.cldnt sit for weeks and was scared to poo.i kept on passing foul smelling gas cos i wont poo.
In all honesty,i didnt feel anything wen i held my baby the first time,besides,the doctor was stitching me up and complained i was keeping myself in position for him.I had to give the baby to the nurse so that he can do that .
its been 7 months now and my girl has been such a joy and blessing to me.am so thankful to God

The word of God