So guys is is right ?

We have been in the US for a little over one year.We have an 8 month old baby
some months ago his younger brother joined us thru the DV lottery.My husband introduced him to the same line of job he is into and they make roughly the same amt,while i make a lesser amt.So far we are responsilbe for all the bills,rent,feeding etc.
Meanwhile,his brother has been working for over 4 months and kips all his earnings.He also has no plan of moving out.
Right now we are thinking he shld contribute to the finacial upkeep of the home,esp as it is US where one party cant shoulder all the finacial burden.

pls wat do think,if it is right how do we go abt it?

Well i feel wat u are saying, but wat if it happens to be your sis are you going to ask her to asist.well your hubby should talk to him in assisting the family not you,let it be done in a peace full way in order not to send him away, Good luck.

Pls dont let him know u had such discusn wt ur huby. Inlaws could be terible.all d blame would go to u if he knows ure aware. Let ur huby discus it wt him.pls dnt be involved

You may give him a little time to find his feet and save some money. He must have incurred some expenses in coming over to the US.

Pampers and d rest has given you 9ja advice.

Pls subtly discuss it with yr hussy. Make sure he is in good mood, cos men can be somehow when it comes to brotherly matter.

And get a committment from him that he wl not mention you anywhere. Let him know u just pity him and the burden.

All will be well!

Blueice4re:

Well i feel wat u are saying, but wat if it happens to be your sis are you going to ask her to asist.well your hubby should talk to him in assisting the family not you,let it be done in a peace full way in order not to send him away, Good luck.

Blueice4re I like. I find it a bit disturbing that the young man could not find it within himself to make the decision on his own. Where is his conscience? now people must get out of their way to teach him common decency, which he may not even take too kind to. Why must some people behave like they grew up without parents to teach them common manners people.

Blueice4re:

Well i feel wat u are saying, but wat if it happens to[b] be your sis [/b] are you going to ask her to asist.well your hubby should talk to him in assisting the family not you,let it be done in a peace full way in order not to send him away, Good luck.

If it was my sister, that will even be the easiest thing to do! I will tell her straight. . . no long story! However, I did rather not have relatives living with me! They can come visiting but no thank you; no long stays pls 

queenesthr:

You may give him a little time to find his feet and save some money. He must have incurred some expenses in coming over to the US.

Which feet are you talking about? If he didnt know anyone in US, Wont he pay his bills, rent?    Hes just being selfish. Is he not working? Common sense should tell him to contribute to the bills; no matter how little even if its $300 per month!

@ OP,
I will advise you to let your hubby talk to him. Dont get involve as pampers advised!

I think it is time for him to find a place to move and start his own life, however, if that was your sister or brother, make sure the rule never changed

It might be too early to send him packing out but the time for him to start thinking of finding his own place is near.

There's nothing bad in it afterall he's a grown man and
shouldn't expect a fellow man to provide for him
and feed him free of charge.

Why doesn't he just move out. Why is he still there when he even makes as much as you do. He needs to move out or is he under 18 yrs old

chika98:

It might be too early to send him packing out but the time for him to start thinking of finding his own place is near.

How can it be too early.
been there with them for 4 months
he now has a job, as well paying as the brother
What more is he looking for?
I am sure, he can afford the first and last month rent,and the brother can help him get few things.

@ poster

Why should your brother-in-law be freeloading off of the family?

If he is visiting briefly, I wouldn't expect any major contribution.  However, if he is living there, he should contribute. That is not an unreasonable request.

Too many people abuse this privilege of staying with family, then they end up using them and leave better off than those they were staying with!

As long as he is working,he shd cotribute,but dont get involved let ur husband broach the topic,unless he feels differently about it then you have a problem,am suprised he hasnt made any attempt on his own,but then again who dosent like free things.

But rather than contributing why does he not just leave. You know how things can get. if he contributes does he also get to make decisions in the home. He is an adult. I still don;t know what could possibly be tying him to his brother. If you want him to stay then let him stay. Asking him to contribute is just taking it to a level that you will surely regret. Tomorrow you will hear that he is the one feeding you

My if it were my sister i wont even come here.anyway,i come from a family where everybody is qute responsible and knows the right thing to do.Back at home in nigeria we have been supporting each other,there has never been a question on that.

For those that think am interfering,it is actually my husby idea and not mine.he is disturbed that the brother feels he shldnt contrbute but kip all his earning.
He has always complained the guy is selfish and way too stingy.i remember wen we were still,anytime he comes my husby will give me the money to kip.i once asked him why and he said the guy is sdelfish and always wants to squeeze him dry.I somehow noticed it but has never commented on that.He is actaully the one that raised the issue.

As for those saying its too early,i must tell u we too are young here.Infact we clocked 1 year in this country this January and we are still settling into the system.its not like we have been here for years and making all the big money.I was pregnant wen i came,had my baby after a few months and has started working and taking responsiblity in the home.cant he do the same?

Outstrip:

But rather than contributing why does he not just leave. You know how things can get. if he contributes does he also get to make decisions in the home. He is an adult. I still don;t know what could possibly be tying him to his brother. If you want him to stay then let him stay. Asking him to contribute is just taking it to a level that you will surely regret. Tomorrow you will hear that he is the one feeding you

Well,the guy is overdependent on his brother and i doubt if he will want to move.Back at home in naija,brother will do everything for him.that is why he thinks it is ok for him to come and relax in his house.
Again,i cant push him out now.

ucheawesom:

Well,the guy is overdependent on his brother and i doubt if he will want to move.Back at home in naija,brother will do everything for him.that is why he thinks it is ok for him to come and relax in his house.
Again,i cant push him out now.

You need to talk to your husband not about him contributing but him leaving all together. I think he needs to learn to stand on his own. Maybe it is just me but I have realized that it is just easier for me to say what I want to say. I don't know how to keep something in and stew over it. It does me no good. What is the point of getting resentful over him being there. This is not Nigeria and even in Nigeria what grown man with a job will still be living of off his sibling?

^^^ Seconded
Tell the dude that no oshofree for Yankee