₦airaland Forum

10 years is an awful long time to wait for an errant spouse

Alfred234:
Am happy Elena won't be getting her Delena memories back datz gud for her and why did damon lie about Bonnie not being on d other side with him? He should have just told everybody d truth who knows maybe liv or dat witch doctor might be able to help with some spells. And for Mr Tripp he's days are clearly numbered because Damon and Enzo will definitely hunt him down.

She could be dead. He's trying to make it hurt less for everyone.

Misogynist2014:
Your tone sounds like that of fear. Its a known fact that African women are not as industrous as they used to be. Only God knows what a lot of women will live on in a world of sapiosexuals.

Fear? Lol more like mild irritation

Sam Smith---I'm not the only one

mployer:
I have no problem with your argument as long you maintain the same stance when the table turns. When it becomes a question of whether the man should expect a form of assistance from the lady while in a relationship. Lets say I trust you will.



But sincerely many proponents of this your kind of argument tend to get biased when the table turns.

It works both ways for the sexes. If you want a husband, then be ready to act as a wife too and vice versa.

jmoore:
To me bf-gf relationship is very different from marriage. When she becomes my wife then I can give her a blank cheque.

But as a gf, she should be contented with what she got.

I'm assuming you don't have a girl friend then. But in case I'm wrong, you mind telling me why you have one? And if I'm right, mind telling me why you don't have one?

DailyNews:
The word: industrious woman is more sensible/dignifying than “independent woman”.

“Independent woman” is a fallacious phrase created by some presumed proponents of failed feminism campaign.

There's nothing like independent woman because every woman depends on a man financially/materially/intellectually, but not all men are dependent on women financially/materially/intellectually

Of course I agree with you about independence being a fallacy. I feel the same way about freedom too.

But where you think men don't depend on women or need them? Nah that's a lie you men tell yourselves to feel powerful and in control

Caracta:
Ok. I get your point now. People are different. Some people think they (alone) are responsible for whatever befalls them. To those people, they are not bothered about disappointments because they've probably had so many.

Throwing love back doesn't mean vengeance. It's just a way to accept that you need to move on because your partner is either selfish or insensitive. It could be a sign.

Again, people are different. If you feel a boyfriend/girlfriend owes you, fine and good. You must have done something to earn that privilege.

Going into a relationship with them is reason enough to earn that privilege.

pickabeau1:
Yes Na....we must support them
#no broomsticks

Are you a 'sizist'? What happened to loving everyone equally biko

jmoore:
But it was greed that inspired this thread.

Talking about independence, when woman needs money from him it is "spending" but when the man needs money from her it is "lending".

And who's to say it's greed?
Just because people are so used to lying to themselves, doesn't mean some aren't okay with expressing their disappointment.
When you walk into a relationship of any kind, you do so with expectations. They aren't always met, and you rationalize and tell yourself why you have no right to be upset. But you were upset! And the simple fact that you had that emotional reaction establishes that people are responsible for one another; and to a greater degree when they make commitment of any sort to each other.

So yes, a bf-gf relationship isn't so different from an actual marriage....with the exception of legal documents. If it were, then we wouldn't have people breaking up for emotional reasons all the time, and many others using it as their basis of choosing a spouse.

freecocoa:
Oh really? You depend on fellow men to be your wife/girlfriend and give you everything that comes with the territory?14 years dey wait you o , even if you are gay, you still depend on your partner.

The point I'm trying to make is that, men and women depend on each other, it is only when money's involved that you hear men screaming blue murder.

Ese jare. Everything is just restricted to money today; even from people who have no financial worth, but are scared they won't have sense enough to preserve it when money comes knocking.

I say men and women are interdependent. If you're afraid your money will go down the drain, then find a prudent woman. She might not be making so much for herself, nor have a job, but she's a good financial manager. With her you have nothing to fear.

If you restrict yourself to how much she can make for herself, how does that even guarantee a happy relationship?

Men need to wise up, seriously!

Misogynist2014:
Hmm. I haven't seen a self sufficient man call a jobless but prudent and caring woman 'liability.'

Which is why I keep telling men here not to limit themselves to career women. If they think that's how much of an asset a woman should be, then some of them to leave their homes before they even have the chance to build it.

DailyNews:
ya, no man is independent for sure but not dependent on women (rather men depend on their fellow men), whereas majority of women are dependent on men, that's d difference

And men don't want their women for support? To be there when the going gets tough? To serve as their anchors? If that isn't dependence, I don't know what is.

jmoore:
This topic was inspired by another thread. Independent is not the problem but being greedy.
So if your bf has two private jets, would you complain he didn't give you one of the jets?

Why don't you leave greed and deal with the question of independence first eh?

mployer:
But some of you find it difficult to believe girlfriends are tilted towards the wife axis, than just friends.



Just saying

This isn't a gender based argument, please let's not lose sight of that. We're trying to establish if people have a right to expect more from those they are in a relationship with.

jmoore:
Which type of asset adds no monetary value?

And herein lies our problem: Limiting people to only the financial benefits they avail us. Humans aren't capital expenditures, they are people with varying strengths. If you really buy into what you've just said now, then why shouldn't a woman stay interested in only men who have monetary worth? Why do men feel so bad when she leaves for lack of financial gain? Does it make the man a liability too?

You need to stop limiting yourself to certain things. If as a woman my major interest in a man was that he met my emotional needs, then his financial abilities would only serve as a plus. If he is unable to meet that need for whatever reason, save for providing money, then he is of no use to me. This is why I say no woman is a liability; you just haven't identified her as the sort of asset you need.

jaybee3:
There goes the main crux of the problem.
A relationship is something you can easily get into and out of as you so wish
A legal union isn't, so priviledges and rights in both are greatly different as they should

Most young people get their knickers twisted because they simply misunderstand that simple fact. A bf is never going to be responsible for you, that job is reserved for your husband

But legal unions are only a means of furthering already existing relationships. I say relationships are test runs for marriage.

jmoore:
An independent woman does not complain if her bf decides not to help her.
An independent woman is not a liability.

No woman is a liability. She just may not be the kind of asset you're looking for.

Caracta:
People will always have needs. Why crucify someone because he/she chose not to help? I don't get your point though.

I'm saying just because you chose not to crucify a person for helping, doesn't mean you weren't expecting the help.
So some people can let go or hide their disappointment, and take other decisive actions (ie. Throw their love back at them), and others like the op of the car thread, choose to speak up.

We keep saying guys owe us nothing when we're in relationships outside marriage, but that doesn't mean we really believe that. We're just really good at pretending we don't walk into said relationships with hopes and expectations; if you really didn't have any hopes, then there would be no need for disappointment.

Caracta:
This is Nigeria. Home of hypocrites. I don't know about the lady's case but no boyfriend is OBLIGATED to help a girlfriend and vice versa. It shouldn't be a right but a sense of responsibility. Nobody in a relationship should be forced to help his/her partner. The whole thing should be driven by love, love and love.

If you love me and you see me in misery, yet you fold your arms, I would throw the love back in your face BUT I wouldn't hold it against you. Your choice. My life.

And this isn't somewhat hypocritical?
It shows you have needs that haven't been met, and that's quite contrary to saying he doesn't owe you anything.



Just saying.

jaybee3:
Lemme ask you this question cocoa:
Would your level of disappointment be on the high side if an equally capable friend of yours decide against helping you.

Remember your bf is techically only your friend and as such shouldn't be expected to do things just because you spend a lil more of your time with them

Uhhh I'd say boyfriends are tilted more towards the husband axis, than friends.

adexsimply:
I made an attempt on my eyeball

Awww did you try to pluck it's feather? It's a very grumpy bird

jaybee3:
So how then do they have to rely on the other for the relationship to succeed

Remind mw again why people bother going into relationships of that nature again?
All I ever heard by way of reason was how the other provides "support". Well, people want different kinds of support, ranging from emotional to sexual to financial. How is that not interdependence?

jaybee3:
Dimensions of your curve gggrrrrhhhhh

See eh, I suck at geometry biko. Why you no measure am when you see am?

jaybee3:
We are still talking about gf/bf type of relationships right?

Yup. Bf/Gf.

xynerise:
Baba Labalaba has duped me

I feel so sorry for you

adexsimply:
Ujsizzle! Your profile picture!

Hehehe you like the bird?

jaybee3:
Your parabola

What's that?

xynerise:
Being an empath, I also have the power to imagine a woman's curves

Your imagination is a failure then. I'm sorry

jaybee3:
In the context of relationships miss independent

Why does a woman have to be independent in a relationship, when relationships are all about interdependence?

jaybee3:
What's your arc like?

Biko what arc?

xynerise:
For your mind

Lol Uncle Xylophone! As if you don see the curves before