Namaster:
Women are HILARIOUS!

From what she wrote, it's easy to infer she's been married for years and have also been employed for quite some time.

It is also easy to infer that this is the FIRST time she has done something like this. EVER!

Yet she's on social media forming good wife and EMERGENCY marriage counsellor.

Contributing to your own living expenses and the upkeep of your children should be the NORM. Not something that needs to be ADVERTISED on social media like some kind of unparalleled virtue.

I completely agree!!!

The truth is that most women will happily contribute to the upkeep of the family financially, if Nigerian men deserved it. In developed countries it’s a norm, because they treat women as equal.

But Nigerian men see themselves as Lord and Master over their wives, and she has no say whatsoever in the home. Women are treated as glorified Nannies and house helps and yet expected to contribute to financial upkeep in the home. That completely disturbs the balance and makes the marriage unfair to the woman.


I believe strongly that if a man respects a woman, understands his role as a co-home maker and role model for the kids, shows empathy and compassion for the wife in her efforts to support him, every woman will happily contribute to financial upkeep. After all it’s all for the good of the family. You can’t eat your cake and have it!!!

Whatsapp9:
"My salary came Yesterday and immediately I received alert, I rushed to my husband and asked him how much he needs me to contribute after informing him that my salary has been paid.

Guy thought I was joking and mentioned a figure thinking I was going to contest because it was almost all my salary, I just carried my phone and transferred it to him.

It was doing him like film, I then went ahead to pay the salary of our children's lesson teacher so that he would stop thinking about it.

That's when I realized that he was doing so much without complaining He sees it like his duty and even when the financial burden is too much on him, he struggles to pay without asking me.

He was so surprised and happy, I know that my money is just a fraction of what he brings but he felt like I gave him millions.

I then told him that I am putting in the effort to make more money so that I can still reduce his stress. He didn't marry a responsibility and liability, he married a helper and he should be feeling more relaxed than when he was single.

I have never felt entitled to anybody's pocket and I won't do that with my husband.

Oh boy, guy rushed entered straight inside market without even telling me, stocked up the home.

Cooked and served me, this small support has gone a long way to settle silent quarrels that I didn't even know about.

I will keep working harder and doing my best, men also need support, they are not supermarket. Men need our support too ❤️♥️"

Credit: Fegor ogene jp #AllFactsNewspaper

Most women do this on a regular basis, nothing to brag about.

But still, I comment the couple, it’s rare to see husband and wives these days working together and supporting each other.

Southeast21:
My wife has a 16yrs old son who is so attached to her. We do not have kids though she has had several miscarriages but I fear that her is deliberately avoiding to have kids for me.

I fear woman but I fear person wey no fear woman pass

Are you financially able to cater for a child? She is already raising some other man’s child alone and you want her to add more because you married her?

This is why I believe single mothers are better off single. You are here lamenting about her relationship with her own son, a boy that didn’t grow up with a father, and has only the mother. She literally has to be both father mother to this child, and you want that to change because you gave her a ring?


I think the answer here is clear, if you don’t like the way things are than divorce her and move on. I’m sure she and her son will be fine without you!

UnfairLife7:
how can you help your fellow woman please? Or you're here just to blow your trumpet? Or your self acclaimed money is for you and your family alone? No dying soul will have a taste of your money? You do this, you do that, your nephew did this, they did that. Does that negate the fact that poor people are bound to exist amongst us? I personally know of a young girl that lost her father when she was an infant and lost her mother when she was 7. She currently live with a family. Poverty is written all over this girl. Out of her zeal and steadfastness. She learnt fashion design, she can make hair but she doesn't have money to get machine or start up something. A very young girl. I'm sure someone like you will tell her she hasn't done enough to remain in that level. Someone like you will tell her she's not serious with her life. People like you are just plain myopic who believes anyone that isn't successful or lagging behind has probably waste away their time or didn't do the right thing. There are virgin that got married and didn't have a single child in marriage. There are some that had several kids but lost them all before old age.

Help your fellow woman

“Someone like me” will tell her to keep at it, she’s on the right path. It’s just a matter of time for her, her success will come!!! She may not have money to buy a sewing machine today, but she will one day. Like you said, she’s young, she’s hardworking, she was dealt a bad had in life, but she is committed to her success. Come back in five years time and tell me her story, I’m sure it will be something different, if she doesn’t get side tracked!!

I myself wasn’t always comfortable. I lost my dad early too and he was my sole provider. There was a time when I didn’t know where my next meal was coming from, and yes I was poor!!!

I am a very strong believer of humble beginnings, and that’s the point of my whole contribution on this thread.

If you are not open minded enough to see that, then go ahead and attack me personally if that makes you feel better!

ThothHermes:

Yen yen yen
I was watching a video on Femi Babs Facebook page this evening and something he said sums up your attitude.
"The man who has found mercy will always think his neighbors are lazy"
You've not seen people who knocked on the same doors you did and they just refused to open.
I understand the place of tenacity, hard work, and perseverance but I can bet that there were advantages in your background, great or small that OP probably did not have, advantages that made it possibe for you to do whatever it is you did.
If you were exposed to the same educational, mental, environmental, familial, and even spiritual circumstances as the OP, are you sure your outcomes would have been different from hers?
In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell explains that achievement is a function of what we do as much as where we're from.
A quote from the book: ''Success is not exceptional or mysterious. It is grounded in a web of advantages and inheritances, some deserved, some not, some earned, some just plain lucky."
My point: some people are dealt a bad hand from the start. We must always factor this in when bragging about our "accomplishments."

I agree with the bolded. I may have mostly spoken in absolutes, but the truth it, nothing is cast on stone.

My point is that tenacity and hard work goes a loooong way in making a person successful, just like laziness and entitlement contributes a lot to poverty. There are no short-cut in life and there are some principles that are just true, there’s no way around them!

It’s true that some people end up struggling all their lives with nothing to show for it, but I can assure you that a lot poor people are just plain lazy!

I would rather focus of helping people see the advantages of hard work, than say “there’s nothing you can do about your situation, just pray for luck”!!

You see the billionaire Obi Cubana, he was a hustler from day one. He started with odd buying and selling businesses, washing peoples clothes etc. Today people look at him and call him “lucky”. Maybe if he didn’t do those odd job, if he was waiting for a rich uncle to bless (or a rich husband in our case), he wouldn’t have come into the opportunity that has made him the billionaire that we admire

I’m sure a lot of his peers who must have felt too proud to be dry cleaners back then, are depending on him for financial support today.

Being a billionaire is NOT the standard here, but basic financial freedom should be a norm, rather than a novelty. It’s the belief that we are helpless that makes us unwilling to try!!!

Abraham Lincoln says “I will study and wait, the opportunity will come”. You have to be prepared for the opportunity when it comes, otherwise you are just living in fantasyland.

UnfairLife7:
where did i say she shouldn't have her own money? Of course she can but that wouldn't stop a wicked man from maltreating his wife.

You said they should forget about money and preserve their virginity, that African men don’t care about women’s money?

I know for a fact that having money will stop a man from maltreating you. Money gives voice, except in rare case like Osinachi.

Do you think Mercy Chinwo’s husband will do anyhow?

Anyway, I’m done with this argument!!

UnfairLife7:
you've seen all negative thing about women marrying rich man but you've never seen a positive one? I'm glad i share the goodness of one of the numerous positive ones that exist. The fact that you have your own money even as a lady doesn't stop a wicked man from maltreating you, expecially if you guys live in Nigeria. Osinachi was a clear case study. There are tons of women earning their income even before they met their husbands but the men are thorn in their flesh. You think those marrying rich or comfortable guys are so foolish like they can accept just anything all because he has money? No they don't. There are other character they look out in those men before accepting. Some will never date you not to talk of marrying you if you're into cyber fraud popularly known as Yahoo Yahoo or if your source of income isn't genuine.

Unless your daughters will live and marry in saner clines where MEN generally behave normal then they're free from any form of abuse from their spouses but if they live and marry in Nigeria, even if they're the ones bankrolling the man, they can still be maltreating them. The system in Nigeria give us some sort of leverage and veto power over women. We believed we're the head so we have the final say. So if you think a man cannot treat you like shit because you're bankrolling him or because you're a super woman then let me assume you don't know we men.

Poor or not poor some men are naturally inhumane. Rich or not rich some men are naturally kind

The most important thing is that the lady from poor home who got married to a Canadian man is happy. She's living happily with her lovely kids and husband. I believe your view doesn't hold water as far as she's concern.

She's a super woman.

I have never seen a positive one. Maybe they exist, but I have never seen.

My husband is still the head of the family. He is in charge and takes decisions concerning our family and the kids. That is our culture and I respect that. But he respects me enough not to treat me like I am insignificant.

Osinachi is a victim of the Nigerian culture that makes women believe without a husband they are nothing. Me I would have remained single if I didn’t meet the kind of man I wanted. That’s how serious I was about my freedom.

You think your so called friend marrying a Canadian makes her free of abuse? Look at what that lady dancer’s husband is putting her through, and she’s a celebrity oh. Imagine if she were poor!!!

Have you not see Nigerian men marrying white women behaving properly? But when they marry us they try to misbehave. You cannot deny that women always have to have some kind of advantage if they want to be relevant in their marriages. This is why I had my kids in the states.

Most women will walk away from their marriages if they could afford to. The joy comes is knowing you can walk if you have to, but choosing to stay out of love and mutual respect.

UnfairLife7:
where did i say she shouldn't have her own money? Of course she can but that wouldn't stop a wicked man from maltreating his wife.

If she has her own money she will never marry a wicked man. She CHOOSE who she will marry. And even if she makes a mistake, she can walk away wi the her head held high!

Only money can give a woman that kind of power!!

UnfairLife7:
Teach your daughters to keep their virginity till marriage. Teach them not to keep school boyfriend or sleep around with multiple bodycount. Africa society do not fvcking care about your money as a woman. They're more interested how you keep and preserve yourself.

Teach them to close their legs till after marriage

You don’t have to have to be a virgin to preserve yourself. When I met my ex I was a virgin, but I still left him, despite the emotional blackmail and threats. He said I will regret it and no man will ever marry me because I wasn’t a virgin, but they were all lies. I still got married to a man that respects me, I still had my kids abroad, I still gave myself a life he could never have given me.

Only a woman who knows her worth can do that!!

I will teach my girls to know their value and never let a man dictate what they are worth.

UnfairLife7:
Teach your daughters to keep their virginity till marriage. Teach them not to keep school boyfriend or sleep around with multiple bodycount. Africa society do not fvcking care about your money as a woman. They're more interested how you keep and preserve yourself.

Teach them to close their legs till after marriage

You are just lying to yourself. I was not a virgin but I had my pick of suitors.

I will choose financial independence over virginity anytime any day. A man will only pamper a virgin for a while but if you have your own money you will have your husband’s respect.

You men should stop deceiving young girls.

You are a liar if you say Africa men don’t care about a woman’s money. As a matter of fact, only an abuser will intentionally choose to marry a woman without her own money, just so he can subject her to emotional and physical abuse.

Any self respecting man will want a wife who knows her worth and is able to impact quality standards on the kids.

Gerrard59:


Apparently, you joined Nairaland in your mid-20s. My point is that period was a glorious one in Nigeria's economic history. That period cannot and shouldn't be compared to 2015 - present.



I am not making any argument. People have the right to choose. I am stating that ladies marry out of poverty. It happens, that is my point.



Why not? It has its advantages.



While this is true, cases of it being positive also exists. There are good and bad people everywhere.

The difference now is that people want quick money. Do you know what it takes for a graduate to serve food and wash plates in a restaurant? And learn how to braid and sew? Only months before then I was sitting in the front seat of a handsome dude’s car forming “babe” Do you think it was easy to walk away from that kind of luxury to face hardship? How many young girls of nowadays can do that? But even in the relationship I face oppression that I knew would only get worse in marriage!!!

The advantage they have now is even more than what we had back then. Now everyone makes money through tik Tok and YouTube. Lots of IT and STEM opportunities that we never had then. Now people work in Nigeria and earn in foreign currencies from providing services online. There are now very organized importation and exportation businesses. The girl I buy foodstuffs from to ship abroad is only 24. You think she will marry an old man out of desperation?

I have nephews and nieces who are recent graduates and already working, some are into businesses. The way we were raised, no offspring of ours will ever see hook up as a means of income.

My boss made her daughter learn make up, nails, hair, sewing, all while she was in the university. Even though she knew she was sending the girl abroad after graduation.

My point is that, you are what you make of yourself. Rich people stay rich because they plan their future. Poor people plan based on other people’s benevolence!

My daughter braids at 13 and she does it for fun now, but this is a skill that can earn her money in the future.

I pray I don’t teach them that things are hard now and it’s okay to follow men for money. What kind of mother would I be?

Gerrard59:


This is a reality in most parts of the world, especially poorer countries. Whether it is right or wrong does not mean it does not happen.



While that is a bit harsh - I say this as someone who held that belief - the presence of the Internet has democratised means of generating legitimate income.



I want to assume you were in your early 20s. 2007 - 2015 was a glorious period in Nigeria's economic development. Jobs were plentiful. In fact, Nairaland had at least two graduate trainee recruitment threads on the front page daily. However, when the incompetent feudalist by the name of Buhari became president, things got worse. Before then, even second-generation British-Nigerians were returning to the country as economic growth was high, and security was pretty manageable (Jonathan hired mercenaries to fight Boko Haram head-on).

The situation in the country has gotten far worse, economically and security wise.



Agreed. Fair deal.

What would you think I’m in my early 20’s. I’m almost 40 and I’m speaking from experience . I have a teenager at home so do the maths.

I didn’t make money through the internet, I got my first job in 2006, through the old school hustling and God’s grace.

I made a choice a lot of my friends wish they made. Most of my friends who got married for money come to me for hand outs now. Many are planning to leave the marriage once they make sufficient investments!

I rejected early marriage as a means out of poverty and took the hard way out, and today I’m so proud of who I am and what I am.

Based on my experience, the path I took is batter off!!

I don’t know if you making this argument to keep deceiving young girls into becoming semi-slaves in the name of financial freedom. I know for a fact that it NEVER works out.

Are you seriously trying to convince me that a woman marrying for money has ANY advantage? Aside from temporary relief? In the long run it always backfires. I have never seen it work out, except in cases where they both started out with humble beginnings!!!

I drive a car my husband bought, but I’m happier knowing I can afford to buy any car I like and he knows it. Do you think he can ever ask me to drop the keys to that car for ANY reason? I’ve seen that happen to women who are beautiful and smart, all because they thought marrying for money was a way out!!

UnfairLife7:
like i said earlier, there's absolutely nothing wrong in escaping poverty through marriage as a lady. I know of a particular family that struggle to feed. They're poor obviously but the man and the children strive hard to put food on their table. The man lost his wife to breast cancer and his last son to little illness due to lack of money. The first daughter struggle and graduated from school. During her youth service year she met a guy who's a Canadian citizen. He came to Nigeria for an important thing that was how they met and he prophecy love to her. A year after her service they got married and she moved to Canada. This year make it 14 years she's married to this guy. They had 3 lovely kids two boys and a girl that are Canadian citizen. She studied biochemistry in Nigeria in her first degree but later switched career and study nursing. She's now a nurse in Canada. Her immediate younger brother studied engineering in Nigeria and to the glory of God he's now in Canada. He left last year through PR courtsey her sister. The last child a girl is in University studying law. Her widower father refused to remarry after almost 20 years he lost his wife. He said the success of his children is all that matter to him. Their success is his companion not woman.

This lady in question was married a virgin at 24. A virtue most Nigerian girls lack. So would you advise the poor girl to reject the guy because she wants to claim a super woman? She wasn't sleeping around or keeping school boyfriend like most Nigerian girls indulge in school. She was a virtous woman, hardworking because she stood with her father and siblings. She was like a mother to them. She has every reason to sleep around or probably keep a boyfriend in school like we know it's the norms amongst Nigerian girls.

The fact that you work for every penny you had, successful and didn't depend on a man's wealth doesn't make you better than her. Everybody success story can never be the same. Likewise everyone failure story can also not be the same. Tinubu contested for the presidency and he got it at first attempt even though we all know it was rigged while Buhari contested four times or thereabouts before he got it but at the long run both of them are successful and they are both president of Nigeria.

Provided you're not sleeping around as a lady, provided you're not idling your time or being lazy as a lady. I personally don't see a crime if you meet a rich or comfortable guy with legal source of income and he seek your hand in marriage, i see no crime in it accepting his proposal. The fact that you rejected your guy with British passport doesn't make you better, superior or Super woman than the lady that accept the guy with Canadian passport.

I will NEVER encourage my daughters to date for money. The difference is that they can walk away when they get treated badly. Money gives you a voice.

You think the fact that a guy married a woman and took her out of poverty is some kind of victory? She should go ahead and marry the man and face whatever abuse he will definitely give her. I’ve seen women married to wealthy men without a penny to their name. I’ve seen a man give the maid money for upkeep because he doesn’t want the wife to get carried away with money. I’ve see a man buy special foodstuffs for himself and separate ones for the wife. The other day a lady posted about how her husband would buy chicken and eat alone and let them go hungry. Imagine the humiliation? When God has given you all it takes to take care of yourself!!!

Only a man will talk the way you are talking, because you know what you stand to gain by having a wife who depends on you for every single thing. Then you can have complete control over here and be free to treat her like a slave.

Only poor people think marriage is a way out of poverty, and that is why they are poor.

I can’t even imagine how degrading it will be for a woman to depend on a man for everything!!! I have never done it and my daughters will never do it.

Moshybear:
I never crave for perfection from anyone because nobody is perfect except Jesus. I have learnt from my mistakes but i learnt the hard way and have become wiser.

You are also not above mistakes or perfect. Are you?

You’ve not learnt from your mistakes, otherwise you will not be comparing yourself to a hook up girl.

You are raising a daughter for God’s sake, is this what you are planning to teach her?

Nobody is above mistakes, but expecting people to pity you because you made a mistake is irresponsible.

UnfairLife7:
i applaud you for all your achievement. But you need to know that we all have different path to success. Some girls escape poverty through marriage. Some can escape poverty through education where they had outstanding results in their first degree and they got scholarship for their masters and PhD abroad. While some escape poverty by themselves through salary work or business

I personally do not see a crime in a girl saying she wouldn't settle for less. We men obviously do not marry for love. We're selfish when it comes to chosing our life partner. We can even go as far as impregnating her just to hook or tie her down to ourselves. Women needs to be intentional in their choice of partner. If you as a woman chose to be with a poor guy because you believe nobody knows tomorrow then I'm telling you for free that he's likely to remain poor till eternity. Ask yourself this simple question. How many poor men or poor family in Nigeria later become rich or comfortable? Very few. And who told you that your partner will be among the few ones?

This is 2024, women should wiseup

Are you married? Do you have daughters? Will you raise your daughters to escape poverty through marriage?

What if the man dies, what if he loses his job, what if he losses his wealth

I was not raised to believe that a man can make me into what/who I will be. I was raised to fight for what I desire and relying on people is not an option. This is how I will raise my daughters too.

I am one of the people who believe poor people are lazy, proud and natural mediocres. It’s a different thing if you are starting life and investing in yourself, but if you are over 30-35 and have no direction in life, my dear, you have lost your way. And this applies to both men and women.

I graduated with a second class upper, but when my mates were flexing and dating men, I was working as a server in a restaurant. I learnt skill and made plans to start up a business, before I got a good job and towed the white collar path. Even now, if I lose my job, I won’t bother because I have real skills that I can convert to cash, and I’m not ashamed to use them.

I knew guys who lived in big houses, drive big cars, marrying fine babes, most of them funded by their parents. 20 years down the line, people like us without generational wealth are doing far better.

Since I joined this forum in 2007 I’ve always condemned poor men. Not because of what I can gain from a wealthy spouse, but because I don’t want a deadweight in my life. . . Or a gold digger for that matter. Even when I had nothing, I was still selective, because I knew I would make it in life.

My Uni boyfriend was a UK citizen and offered me an “easy” way out of hardship (straight to UK as his wife where he had a job already waiting for him), I turned it down because I wanted to my success to be my own. I cannot put my life and my future in the hands of any human being. Even though my dad just passed and my future looked bleak, I believed in myself enough to know that I had what it takes to achieve the best for myself. He told me I will regret it, but that was because he didn’t believe in me. Thank God I believed in myself enough.

And this is how I will raise my daughters. Don’t settle for less, but also, don’t depend on any man.

PS: I know a LOT of first generation wealthy people. I’m not from an extremely wealth family, my dad died in my final year in uni, the things I give my kids now I never got from my parents.

If you decide to marry a lazy and mediocre man in the name of love, when you yourself are broke, you have yourself to blame as a woman. But if you meet an industrious and hardworking man, nothing wrong in growing with him.

Moshybear:
Good day nairalanders. So this is a true story of my life and i am currently having mixed feelings maybe your comments will make me have a peace of mind (Hopefully)

Back then in school (IMSU) I had this roommate called Juliet ( not real name). For those who attended IMSU you will know that Hookup was full blown even before other Universities got acquainted with it. I look at Young girls doing it now and i just smile.

Anyways back to the story, this roommate of mine never lacked anything. Was it groceries, expensive hair, Phones, laptops etc , you name it. And this girl was from a poor background. I know her parents.

Rich Guys have rented very expensive apartments for her more than three times but she still chose to be roommates with me so as to chop their money and have savings.

I know you guys will be expecting a sad ending for her but this is not Nollywood. Presently she visits countries around the world like Dubai, Paris, London, LA , New York, Greece etc like breeze. I saw this girls posts and story on Instagram and couldn't believe my eyes.

However me back then was hoping on love and was dating a broke guy back then who later got me pregnant and i was refusing advances from very rich older men as an understanding girlfriend and wife to be ( foolish me) . Doing all the chores for this boy who later dumped me and the child as soon as he graduated and moved overseas. Since we graduated, this guy has never asked of my welfare nor sent a kobo to me for the upkeep of our "daughter".

Right now even to feed is a difficulty not to talk of accomodations.

So Nairaland people was i foolish to believe in Love at the expenses of a good life?

Thanks for reading this far.

I will really appreciate your responses. God bless

I still have a lot of info but let me stop here for now.

Blame yourself for your bad choices.

Why do girls think their success has to come from men?

Do you know how many countries I’ve visited, all on my own? No sugar daddy funding my trip? Even my husband has not travelled as much as I have.

I chose not to do hook up in the university, I had a boyfriend. But after school we both went out way and I went ahead to have an amazing career and life. I can beat my chest and say that NO MAN contributed to my success in life, and I am so proud of myself.

Do you think my school boyfriend didn’t want to trap me with pregnancy? He even proposed marriage to me but wouldn’t wait for me to find my path first, so I left him because I didn’t want to rely on a man all my life.

You might think your friend is having fun, but you don’t know what she does to get her money. I’ve seen videos of girls eating poo, sleeping with animals, engaging in disgusting s3xual acts. At your age you should know that social media is all lies.

Focus on yourself and cater for your daughter. Stop allowing yourself to get distracted!!!

Klass99:
Are you the same lady who was anxious about having only girls and not giving birth to a male child yet, for your Nigerian and Igbo husband in Italy, some time last year?

I think it’s the same person.

Most Igbo men will do anything to have a male child. As a woman, you need to plan your daughter’s future and ensure they are secure. He can marry more wives to give him 20 sons, but he still needs to take care of his daughters with you.

Vincenzomum:
I am an African but not Nigerian based in Italy. I was married to a Nigerian man ( Igbo) we had 5 children 4 together. Our marriage wasn't perfect but I ied my best to make it work for the sake of our children. Although a lot of my friends have warned me that my husband doesn't love me that he will abandoned me one day and marry a woman from his country because that's what Nigerian men does to foreigners. I was so angry with them and I told them my husband is different from those men who bave abandoned their wives and children and I even distanced myself from those friends thinking that they were jealous of me. I received the biggest shock of my life in January when he lied to me that he was travelling to the UK to visit his brother and his family who just relocated there. He left the house kissing me and the kids goodbye telling us he will be back in 3 weeks which 3 weeks had turned to almost 4 months. The truth is he relocated to the UK to join his wife and children who has just relocated to the UK from Nigeria. I had no idea he married a second wife in Nigeria whom she bear 2 sons for him and I found when he left. I am heartbroken he left with a big responsibility raising 5 children alone without any single help from him. He doesn't even call to know about his children welfare I know I am lucky to be abroad I work and my children don't lack anything. They will grow up fine and become useful in the world by God's grace. I know the struggle would have been worst in Africa raising 5 children alone I wouldn't have been able to do it alone that's why I am thankful to be abroad but I am still heartbroken by his action. I am totally depressed sometime I feel like given up but I have to be strong for my children. My advice to Nigerian men abroad please please I beg you in the name of God if you are not ready to be with foreigners do not date or marry them with false hope then to abadoned them later. Remember you have sisters and daughters too.

He can still pay child support, even from UK. Make sure he does that.

Report him to the authorities if he refuses to comply. The law is on your side here.

Seun:
"The husband is the head of his family. He should strive to be wiser, smarter, & wealthier than his wife. But in any case, a wife must defer to her husband's authority as her leader. He should listen to her, but after he listens, she must accept his decisions. He's in charge."

This is the traditional and religious view of marriage. Do you agree with it? I subscribe to the modern view but I worry about its practicality.

My view is that every couple has a different dynamic and their families should be ruled by consensus, but the partner who is more competent in a particular area should be deferred to more often when dealing with issues in that area. If the wife is an accountant, she'll control finances.

Nobody is the HEAD. Husband and wife are co-captains, and each have their own roles to fulfill, both equally important.

It’s easy to say people should defer in area where they are not competent, but what if you married a know it all? Who thinks they always knows what is best for the family?

Conflicts will certainly arise, and it’s only fair for women to defer to men if they refuse to listen (which for me is out of respect for their age, since most husbands are older than their wives, not because they are men). But if a man consistently makes bad choices, and refuses to listen to reason all the time, then the woman has every right to reject his decision.

Negroid001:


I'm not running away from responsibilities sir.
I'm the provider definitely.
I'm not just getting married to a liability with no connections or life changing skills.

That’s fair enough!

Negroid001:
Me and my younger sister were having our usual afternoon gossips and gists and something came up.
I asked after a close friend of hers whom i know to be very affluent and she erupted that i should stop asking after her that she doesn't support me dating any of her close friends. I asked her why, she said i have nothing to offer her friend. I mean, imagine, I'm some years away from 30, working with several firms of which 1 is among the top 10 highest grossing in the country and this big head has the audacity to tell me i can't hook her rich friend.

I take us down memory lane to the reason why she ditched her immediate ex, she told me the dude was struggling and she didn't see much prospect in him, her childhood crush oo. I asked her what's the difference between me and her? She couldn't come up with a valid response. She kept on hollering that I'm supposed to be a provider. Provider my ass.

As a man, I've set the standard of not getting involved with women below my economic class or earnings and i see nothing wrong with it. If women see marrying above one's class as normal, we men shouldn't accept anyone below par also.

Woman wey no get shingbai for account go dey give man wey dey earn conditions, what absurdity!

Let's stop fooling ourselves with love shi. Marriages and relationships are transactional.
It's an arrangement and one has to make the best of choices. What are you bringing to the table?

I blame low self esteemed men for putting a false sense of value on our women. The thing dey mess with their brain. The only thing most of them have to offer is sex, nothing more.

Men, raise your standards!

You can raise your standards all you want, marry a billionaire if you like. You will still be a provider, that is your role as a man!!!

No woman wants to suffer through childbirth years, thinking of how to cater for the family financially too.

Gender roles are clearly defined and nothing you men do can change that. Except you want to start growing human beings too for nine months, 2 years of your life spent on pregnancy and nursing a child. That’s 6-10 years of a woman’s life based on average household size in Nigeria.

Oga, if you are not financially capable, who will cater for the home if your wife has to quit working because of health challenges associated with childbirth?

I like your sister abeg. If she stays with the broke guy out of love, what’s to say he’s not going to turn on her tomorrow when he becomes rich.

If you don’t want to provide for a woman, then don’t get married. Don’t even date. Become celibate and adopt kids. Nobody is forcing you to get married!

Because trust me, any man who is not a provider can NEVER have respect in that marriage. Go and ask poor married men. The woman might provide but your role as a man will be diminished. Women can only support broke me up to a certain point. If a man takes advantage of the woman’s understanding and becomes lazy and dependent, my dear it will not end well for the man.

As a matter of fact, that’s why some rich ladies never settle for broke guys. Because it’s easy for a man to get too comfortable and forget his role as a man.

Even the Bible says that any man who does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel.

Juliusganduje:
Kiddo, if it were to be your father that died, would you be shining teeth like you did here? This is someone's father and grandfather. Have some conscience man.

I think his son used to be a Nairalander.

My heart goes out to the family, may God console them.

franchasofficia:
Like I said earlier you are right with your line of reasoning about the issue but then it is beyond your understanding because you are a woman and not a man.

You are talking about who gets more approached here but I am talking about natural instincts, natural phenomenon.


You think it is by women's discipline that even though they get more approached by different men for romance, still more women reject such approaches more than men?

It is by discipline that men chase women more than women chase men all over the world?


You think it's by discipline that a boy of 12 years starts liking girls and getting erection and start looking for a girl to hump while girls of his age are running away from boys?

You think it's by discipline or coincidence that Presidents, kings, Prime Ministers, male billionaires, male CEOs, Bishops, Pastors, Imams, etc spend so much just to entice girls to sleep with them but the female ones control themselves or do theirs in a more limited way?

It is by discipline that Queen Elizabeth remained faithful to her husband but her husband could not despite their status in the world?


It is by discipline that Hillary Clinton remained faithful to Bill Clinton but bill Clinton being US President with so much attention on him couldn't exercise same discipline?


No wahala

This is the way Nigerian men think. They think they were born to flirt and sleep with anything available. But the truth is that, most women think that way too.

But we live in a society where a promiscuous woman is seen as a wh0re and the same kind of man is seen as a virile man. So women restrain because they know the society is less forgiving of their indiscretions.

Have you met a girl / woman who has absolutely nothing to lose? Then you'll know men are women are equally sexually promiscuous.

DonDraper:


Chux Nnodim

I agree with No. 9. A woman can never respect or love a man she has to provide for. She might for a short period of time, but if it becomes the norm you have lost her.

Most women don't mind having gender roles, what annoys us is when we have to provide financially and still have to play the role of a home maker all the time. Marriage, like life, has to be balanced!

Jewessgratitud3:
I need a very mature advice here.

I'm a picky person when it comes to making relationship choices. For me the attractiion has to come from my end otherwise I'll find it difficult to accept the individual.


There's this guy, very mature and. I'm sure will be older than me or we'll be of same age I love watching his contents on Facebook and what attracted me to him was one of his sit down videos where he talked about premarital sex and the dangers of engaging in it as a Christian. I was wowed that a dark handsome man like him could speak against such practices and his audience that day were youth and teenagers.

I began to observe him and noticed he addresses the youth more and is always teaching them moral and academic lessons. I somehow felt connected to him and one day summoned the courage to ask him if he's married. He didn't reply.

I recently came across his video again and asked him for the last time on his comment section if he's married and I said this was the last time I was going to ask him this question. He now replied that he is not married.

I don't know, would it be wise if I take a shot at him or try being his friend. He's a Born again brother and my spec.

Please sincere advice.

If you think because he preaches against pre-marital sex, he doesn’t engage in it, you have a huge shock coming your way.

Shoot your shot, but tread with caution!

Irreplaceable01:
The pregnancy was real. I have evidences, but chose not to post. All pregnancy symptoms were visible. There was changes in her body system, shape and colour. Even up to appetite,smell, craving (I was buying cat fish pepper soup like mad). There was a time she was having sleepless time, will be on call with her late into the night.

Registered her for antenatal at a general hospital and also for native treatment for massaging of the stomach. The woman she registered with confirmed and is available to confirm that she was pregnant.

We visited my mum when the pregnancy was around 4/5 months in. My mum confirmed the pregnancy (my mum can spot a pregnant woman from far and she will be right).

I have enough legal ground and evidences to take up the pregnancy issue with her and her family. Even up to when she told me she was pregnant for me.

People that are calling me a SIMP might not be able to repeat that if we meet offline.

No hospital will abort a 7 month old pregnancy, it can never be done. Either she lost the baby or she had the baby and is hiding the child from you.

Or she lied about the pregnancy! I wonder why you don’t even want to consider that possibility.

Stupid law!

Why go back, when you can just have a fresh one. 🤔🤔🤔

Chai see fine babies . . And looking fresh and healthy too. What a joy!!

Nairalander248:


He does... I don't know the price of foodstuffs at market... Month end I send someone or my sister to buy and stuck my house with foodstuffs, I only know things are adding up... So I increase the budget from 40k to 60k. They are telling me e b like I will need to add 20k to make it 80k for next month food stuff budget.

Do you know when last a cup of rice was 60 or 70 naira? Trust me, if he drops money he WILL know.

At least you are aware and increasing your budget. This guy has no clue.

You are right, his suggestion is strange . . . For a Pastor!

What God has joined together let no man put asunder.

Do not leave your home.

Throwback:
Very good!

We don't spend dollars in Nigeria. Collect the naira equivalent and spend.

Why government will tolerate that rubbish is quite puzzling.

Nigeria is about the only foolish country that tolerate that nonsense. No sense of economic security.

Next is to ensure domiciliary accounts only get credited with foreign currencies from international transfer to cater for those who work rotations abroad or those who work remotely, and once the account is credited, any amount beyond a certain threshold should be converted to Naira, while whatever is left should be taxed at a monthly rate that ensures that the money is reduced to half of what was left as a foreign currency in the domiciliary account. That will help discourage any plan to retain forex as a means to store wealth in the domiciliary account

This double blow will ensure that those stockpiling forex cash do not have anywhere to offload it within the Nigerian economy.

All forex trading outside of the banking system should carry life imprisonment for economic treason.

I can vouch that 50% of all the forex trading going on in the past 6months, is not serving any economic purpose besides storing wealth.

Is storing wealth a bad thing?

I mean in a county like Nigeria where people embezzle government funds and store for generations to come, I can understand your point.

But what about hard working citizens who work hard and might want to use foreign deposits as a means of investment.

I used to buy USD when I could and store in my account and over the years I had enough investment to pay for my medical bills ( which I didn’t even know I would need).

I’m all for stringent measures to help tackle the economic crisis, but some of these policies are just plain stupid and will only make like harder for the ordinary Nigerian. Those big politicians will always find a way around these things.

DyshApp:
A Nigerian man, Usman Ahmad, has taken to social media to advise men on one of the tests to carry out on a woman before marrying her.

Usman urged men to test their partner’s tolerance level by cheating on her at least twice before their wedding.

According to him, they should intentionally allow her to catch them cheating so that they can be sure she has the spirit of forgiveness and the ‘fear of God.’

Taking to Facebook on Wednesday, January 31, he wrote,

“Before you marry any woman, allow her to catch you cheating at least twice. That way you can be sure of her tolerance level and emotional maturity. That way you can be very sure if she has the fear of God and spirit of forgiveness. Real love is all about forgiveness.”

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Any woman that forgives an unrepentant cheating man, is also cheating behind his back. Trust me on this!!

If you like be hailing her a wife material, payback is real!