I'm touched by your story. The 1st thing you need is to accept lord Christ Jesus as your personal saviour & Director (pls hear me out before you turn out). This now ushers you into talking to an All Knowing God about it. Destinies are different & also people's cases too.Many may have failed at it but your story might be different. If you are passionate as you implied, ask God( not your pastor or priest) for what he thinks-- if he's answer is Yes. Ask him for secret strategies( remember many have failed at this venture). Thank him. Do as he says. Return his glory later. In Gen 26, there was famine in the land, everyone wanted to run out, including Isaac but because he had a relationship with God. God told him to stay back in the land & do as he says. Isaac had a 100 fold harvest in the same land there was famine. Just DO GOD jare & soar where many others have failed.