Gosh i'm so glad i came on here, your posts are so good, especially Chaircover, Lady T, babysexy, Unfortunately i will no longer be able to post freely on here any longer, as my husband has read this thread. So now i have to keep my cards to my chest. But i'm taking all the good advice i got from here with me. I really appreciate you ladies(few intelligent men), Thanks a lot and God bless you all

Thanks Lady T, your post was very good. you hit the nail on the head really, i'm scared senseless leaving him.
The idea of leaving for a few months would have been very good, shock him back in line, but i never even thot of it, actually that is a lie i did, but i just did not know where to go, hotel? then i'll pay thru my nose.

I gave him an ultimatum the other day to leave the djing and he agreed to. But he will still go out, he will still go to his day job, how far am i sure he's not with someone then.
As someone said, the best thing is to pray really and commit his life and heart to God.

Thanks for all your post. I will not be able to mention you all by name or answer all your questions, but i'll try.
I di not meet my husband at a club, in fact i've never been to a club, the djing is his hobby/business. Is day job as we call it here, is civil engineering. We met thru a mutual friend and had a long relationship. All along he was very attentive, came across as a responsible man, in short he put his best foot forward. And i was blown away, he won the hearts of my parents and my siblings, he ticked all the boxes really, i had no inclining he could ever do this to me.

Thank you everyone, there's so many good post here, can't being to mention you all by name. But i'll answer some questions. His djing is a hobby/business. He his a civil engineer as per day job, And no i did not meet him in a club,i've never been in a club before,

We met thru a mutual friend and like most men,he put his best foot foward.Came across as a serious minded, very responsible man and a man after God's own heart.

His true colour started to show thru in about 2 yrs into the marriage really.

Oh Yes Shola 2008 he is a Nigerian, Yoruba man, and i'm Yoruba too

OMG you guys are awesome, i'm so touched i'm actually tearful, ( i'm soft like that ) Trekkie you can only be a lady cos meen i'm so blown away by your post, very deep, thanks. I've got a hobby/business but it's slow at the mo as per change in the weather. And yes i know the Lord has got my back but i'm hurting so bad it's so difficult to pray, i haven't said a heart felt prayer since the incident, despite the pull in my spirit, i guess i'm sulking!

FLGator thanks for your reply too, i do have my own acct but none of the properties he own has my name on the deeds,he simply refused to include my name, said it would affect the mortgage, but that i was not to worry we own everything jointly. I did speak with a legal adviser who said as long as we are legally married that shld not be a big deal. All i have in my name is my car. I've been thinking independent now, thinking of mine and my son's welfare.

Mjay and Chika98 thanks a lot too, i've take a day off work on Monday to go to the sexual health clinic.

Thanks Ebonyeyes, we been talking but it's difficult to express how i feel really i'm still too full of anger and hurt, i end up saying what really don't mean.

Thanks to you all once more really appreciate your advice, God bless you

Follow ur insticts ye, but sometimes we women tend to be in denial, that kinda blinds you. Here is a few pointers:

1) Dress sense changes, starts to groom himself, new hair cut, perfume, cologne e.t.c

2) Excessive showing of affection or reduction as the case maybe

3) Fault finding, short temper, criticism

4) Working late, office dos( you never get asked to come along), meeting office mate for drinks

5) Secretive, phone calls end when you enter the room e.t.c

6) Usually leave the house after a phone call

7) Phone and laptop passworded.

Not allowed in his car without him being there( cheating guys leave all there cheating paraphinelia in their cars)

Hope this helps a bit,

Yes we have, after a few days of me seeing red, i eventually let him say wat eva he had to say, but it was all opata! lies over lies. The funny thing is, i know he loves me and i love him, in fact that is one of the reasons i'm still here, i can't imagine living without him really. But he still did not own up, said the girl set him up.
And he's marching up and down the house like the lord of the manor, unrepentant, no remorse and he wonders why i'm not the all lovey dovey dutiful wife i used to be.

He promised to give up the nightcubbing, but i can't believe him, in fact nothing he says rings true to me. He's now turned the table round and blames me of pushing him away with my cold today, hot tmr attitude( cold is when i rem that night), He gone out now since 6pm and still not back, all i see are images of him with someone else while i'm here chatting with strangers online, and i'm the good one. It truly is a man's world

I've been suspicious of my husband for years, but never had a concrete proof that he's cheating on me. His nightclub djing work gives him ample excuse to be out almost every night and he does not come back home till the early hours of the next day.
A few times i've seen strands of blonde, oyinbo hair on his clothing even on his beard a few times, lipstick stains and even braided attachment was once in his car.

And every time i confront him, he manages to wriggle out of it with one excuse or the other, to the point i started doubting myself and feeling maybe i was just overdramatising things,

About 2yrs into our marriage, i got hold of his mobile phone itemised bill and saw a nos he calls ever so often, called the nos, turned out to be a girl he's been seeing, that one insulted the living day light out of me, said my poor prayer life led my husband astray, i cried for days and of cos my husband managed to wriggle out of it saying the girl was a disgruntled ex who wanted to wreck his marriage,
Well after that episode, everything went under lock and key, no itemised bills was sent, all his phones were passworded, same for laptop and he even put a lock on his study door, i can hear you ladies taking in deep breaths and omging, lol , things we do for love, peace and harmony,

Anyways to cut a long story short, a few wks back, his phone rang and someone left a msg on it, despite the phone being passworded, for some strange reason i manage to listen to the msg and call the girl back. It was a young girl who said she met him at a night club,where he was all over her grinding into her etc. I told her we've been married for 7yrs, have a 6yr son etc. She said she would help me catch him in the act so i could at least have the proof i wanted.

True to her promise she text her address and my husband left the house for the barber(or so i thot). Got to the address( other side of London) and my husband was in her bed room telling her how much he likes her and all the toasting lines, i walked in on him lying across her bed with their legs entwined, i was as calm as could be , my husband a true player did not even blink, he just smiled this shame faced smile and listen to me tell the girl who i was etc.

How i got home safely dat day was purely by the grace of God. All thots of divorce and destryoing all his property was in my head i was going to destroy his convertible BMW( the pulling machine). But after speaking to my mum, i'm still married to the bastard, but even then i all i see is him draped all over that girl an all i hear is the seduction in his voice that night.

Now i can't be bothered with anything anymore, but if i leave i will be worse of, i'll have to live in a rented apartment, a single mum bringing up a boy all alone in this country, where children have no regards or respect for elders. My life stlye will change, i have even thot of having a boyfriend myself, my husband is lousy in bed anyways, i might as well avail myself of the pleasures i've been denied for so long, but i can't bring myself to comitting adultery, no one is worth losing your salvation for,

I'm so sorry this is so lengthy, but there's really no one to talk to,true friends in London are like gold dust, rare