Hear out her story…,
Then please drop your advice to her,
Be matured and do not insult her.

“Hello Vicky Lonia,
Hello Readers,

It’s with so much effort and pain that I write my story. I don’t know Vicky Lonia in person but I found her blog unintentionally and love the way she does her write up. I contacted her through email, told her I wanted to publish my story, and she gave me the go ahead. I might not be able to say my full name or give out my picture, but do drop your advice like I was a close relative of yours. And please do not insult me, because my story is real. It didn’t happen to you doesn’t mean you are special, it’s God’s grace.

My father emotionally, physically and sexually abused me. I moved out at the age of seventeen, hoping to escape all the pain, only to find out that it would follow me. My psyche and boundaries were very damaged and I did not realize that because of my upbringing and appearance I attracted sexual predators.

After marrying at age twenty-one, I discovered my husband was a porn addict. So great was his sexual perversity and infidelity that I was at a loss to know what to do to save my marriage. Finally, after five years of marriage, I sought counseling from my church pastor. I had no idea that this man had a history of being a sexual predator. He had been moved from church to church after each report of sexual abuse but no other action was taken, nor was the new congregation warned.

After several counseling sessions he gained my trust. He was twenty years older than me and not only did I look up to him as my pastor, but as a father figure. In hopes of finding healing I told him all about my failing marriage and the abuse I had endured as a child. He took a keen interest in me that made me feel special. I really thought he cared and wanted to help me. His acts of kindness convinced me that I had found a father figure I could trust and who would help me save my marriage and work through my past abuse.

One day he phoned, asking if I could meet him at a nearby restaurant for our counseling session that evening as he could not make it to the church office in time for our scheduled meeting. Without suspecting a thing, I agreed.

When he finally arrived at the restaurant he said he needed to visit a church member in the hospital. He asked, if it wasn’t too much trouble, if I would accompany him so we could talk as he drove. I thought it a bit odd, but I trusted him and thought he was being very kind to visit someone in hospital so late at night. We drove off. He eventually pulled into a hotel parking lot, saying he needed to get something from a family member of the person in hospital to take with us. He asked me to accompany him to the room, as he was worried about leaving me in the parking lot alone. I naively went with him.

We got to the hotel room and to my surprise he had a key and opened the door. He went inside and I followed. Once inside he began kissing me. Shocked and terribly confused, I pushed him away and told him I didn’t understand. He said he was in love with me and had been waiting to tell me. He told me he thought I was the most beautiful woman he ever had seen and that he wanted to make love to me.

I was stunned. I told him I could not do that as I was married and did not have the same feelings towards him. This seemed to make him angry and he became more forceful. Why I did not run out of the room I am not sure. Part of me felt immobilized. I felt obligated to stay and talk him down. After all I did not want to hurt his feelings!

I kept physically fighting him off and telling him that though I respected him as my pastor and as a father figure I wanted him to stop. He pushed me, tore my clothes and raped me. The ugly event seemed to last forever. It was as if I mentally checked out. I remember that it hurt, that I was crying and that he was calling me names like LovePeddler and slut and saying many derogatory things about me. As he was violating me there was a knock on the door. Apparently he had this whole thing planned and had invited others to join him. He let four strangers into the room, who all took their turn raping me. They raped me both anally and vaginally. The pain was incredible as they were very rough and forceful. After what seemed like forever I blacked out. I remember the pastor shaking me hard and slapping me across the face. He then shoved down my throat ten or so Excedrin (a medicinal mixture of pain killer and caffeine) so that I would stay awake.

One of the most disturbing things that happened that night is that I had an orgasm. Despite years of marriage, it was my first orgasm ever. It really confused me. I thought some part of me must be mentally sick to have experienced the pleasure of an orgasm during this horrific trauma. My only conclusion was that there was something terribly perverted and wrong with me.

Only now am I discovering that I had completely misunderstood my bodily reaction to such prolonged simulation. At the time, I did not realize that the feeling was a physical response rather than a mental one. And I was only vaguely aware that my inability to escape when the assault began was a reaction to being programmed by abuse during my formative years. In my panic, the part of me that was used to being a victim, took over. Moreover, the transformation of this man from respected authority figure to monster was so sudden and I was in such shock that my mind had not had the time to process this completely unexpected side of him. So part of me still highly esteemed him and did not want to offend him. Not realizing the cause of my physical and emotional reaction to severe trauma, I concluded that I was evil and that God would not want me. I gave up on God and on myself for years to come. I was so dead inside and so disgusted with myself that for four years I continued to do anything that pastor demanded, including prostitution and professional stripping.

The wonderful news is that, God brought me out of it. I am going through a healing process now, and I believe it’s working. But I want to divorce my husband, cos I feel he’s like my predators. I don’t think I can feel love for any man again. And somehow I feel the need to kill my father since he started it first! I also feel the need to revenge on my pastor cos I believe he is doing same to other women! Yet, I still feel confused and ashamed. This is where I need your advice. Thanks for reading carefully.

Yours Faithfully,
Carmille. ”

Thanks for reading
I have a blog
VICKY LONIA'S BLOG

https://vickyloniasblog.

Visit for most interesting posts, follow, like, comment and share.
All of me remains, Vicky Lonia.
Xoxo