₦airaland Forum

Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?"

Husband: "How can I? I don't even know her."

Jane: "Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?"

Lucy: "They already have boyfriends."

A woman was asking her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change the light bulb?" He responded, "What am I? An electrician?!"

A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, "Honey, what happened here?" The wife replies, "You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything." The husband says, "Honey, how did you pay him?!" "Oh, you know," the wife says, "he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have steamy sex with him." Somewhat relieved the husband asks, "Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?" The wife replies, "Who do you think I am? A pastry chef?!"

A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me my meal!"

She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"

Boy: (calls 911) Hello? I need your help!

911: Alright, What is it?

Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!

911: So what's your emergency?

Boy: The ugly one is winning.

A husband and wife are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor. As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father.

They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine. The doctor starts it off by making the father of the child bear 20% of the pain. The wife says, "Oh, that's actually better." The husband says he can't feel anything. Then the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn't hurt nearly as much. The husband says he sill can't feel anything.

The Doctor, now encouraged, turns it up to 100%. The husband still can't feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her. The baby is born. The couple go home and find the gateman groaning in pain on the doorstep...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old."

"Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you bought me a brand new car. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old."

"Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

If google is a gender, then it will be female... it doesn't let you finish your sentence before making a suggestion

A guynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive... After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax. After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring.

It’s the patient, a hot chick, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay. “It doesn't matter,” answers the doctor. “Look, I was having a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one to help you relax?” “I accept, thanks!” She answers. He gives her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking.

Suddenly someone is heard opening the entrance office door. The doctor looks worried, gets up, and says: “My wife! Quick, take off your clothes and spread your legs, otherwise, she might think there is some nonsense going on!”

..A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive... After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax.

After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring. It’s the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay. “It doesn't matter,” answers the doctor. “Look, I was having a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one to help you relax?” “I accept, thanks!” She answers.

He gives her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking. Suddenly someone is heard opening the entrance office door. The doctor looks worried, gets up, and says: “My wife! Quick, take off your clothes and spread your legs, otherwise, she might think there is some nonsense going on!”

Referee don save Arsenal today, he qiuckly ended the match with bournmouth on a dangerous attack.

Lol... never mind the league, bottlers fc will bottle this match.

Btw, this happened in 2008, and is known as the covina massacre

This hypocrite too wants to talk about persecution...

It even rained heavily in Nsukka yesterday 23rd December.

This is disgraceful from davido as lots of young people look up to him.

They won't tell you how much they have lost to betting, but will be quick to post winnings to deceive the gullibles

Ok na, Arsenal vs Chelsea it is. Battle of the noise makers... Looking forward to seeing who will cry that day

Oldhead:
Exactly bro , it’s not a confidence issue , it’s an illness . Even people who have witness me in my element when interacting one on one or interacting in a group of 5 , still judge when I can’t keep my shit together in a crowd , we don’t take stuff like this serious in these parts. I don’t even know where I can see a support group in this Lagos or where I can seek help, are there even any?

You can use Google to look for medical institutions in Nigeria that treat SAD. For now, I don't know of any.

budaatum:
I can't really understand why you'd want to mount me when I'm not pleased with you.

If you loved and respected me as you should, I'd want to mount you myself. But I guess you don't love nor respect me and just want to satisfy your urge despite my displeasure with you.

My advice? Use your hands!

You probably didn't read the full article, you must have read only the heading

tolufase:
It would be hard for Man Utd to survive the Aston Villa tsunami. They have beaten Chelsea, Liverpool, Man City, and Arsenal. But nothing is impossible in a game of football.

when did Aston villa beat Liverpool this season?

I've got no sympathy for her. Anyone that comes online to seek validation from strangers, deserve whatever they get from these strangers.

Arsenal love to win games...


But not trophies

Man city need to score another goal asap, they must not underestimate west ham... And more importantly, they must not give arsenal any chance to win the league.

The serial bottlers will be hoping west ham can do them a favour

Chelsea started Christmas gift giving 5 days early