Mean while I tried to call my wife on phone to say mouth to mouth kissing should be stopped for now with the children that my doctor bro advised so since she has v.thrush well this is to reduce contacts until I break the sad news. She flared up with numerous questions on y on the phone. So I just had to back off on that until we see later in the week.

@chaircover thanks for your advice. If not for herpes will I have stopped it? Definitely, because my mind has plagued me for sometimes and like I said it is just quiet unfortunate this happened because I guess this normally happened to people who are not genuinely into women I guess that is were the punishment is coming from. Unfortunately all this happened the week it was agreed with the friend to stopped the sinful act.
My repentance cannot be complete without the spiritual side of it. Well I dont know if this is the right decision, but I have decided to talk to my wife in the presence of my father in law. He is the only one that my looked up to a lot for strenght after God and me.
I hope he can help out. Base on your comments and people like babyosisi, beeevan, cococandy, soulglo, memyselfandI, Njideoby and some others I have clarity. I have decided to beg off from work the remaining days of the week to travel with the entire family to see him and lay this to rest. Or what do you people think.

@chaircover thanks I have initiated the process. I just pray God gives her the strength to deal with this and handle it all. Regards I wish this is all fabricated.

@beeevan thanks. I really feel soo sad, but i dont think I should also allow the guilt to eat me up if not I will loose focus of everything, I can imagining what will happen if I also become a psychological wreck in addition to the challenge. so I am trying to hold on to the little strengthen I have left. Though I can only cling unto God. But I surely need all the help I can get to deal with this, it is much more than I can deal with, just woke up with creeping feeling running all over me. I deserve all that I get but none of those people do. I dont want to think of the implication of this on my wife, if I think of that now I will finally breakdown which I dont need right now.

ok, thanks everybody for your comments and responses. The ones I feel I should respond to I have some I may not be able to now. But has this forum helped me to let out my bottled turmoil and pains? yes. I havent eating all today because i have been on the road back to my station in the later part of the day. Also because i didn't have the desire. I also will like to give updates has event unfold because sometimes people post issues on nairaland and you may nolonger get to hear update or final outcome. Well i hope it all turned out well for me and my loved ones. I might have erred in some ways but I am not that bad. Infact, i remember a comment by a young female neighbor where i stayed asking why I was always rushing home to stay with my family, that she thinks i am better off having a girlfriend at my station, I just laughed, so despite beign away from my family i don't philander around or even have stay overs or whatever in my base.

Some of the comments have been encouraging, i intend to come clean with my wife and later in life God willing and we are all alive, my children. whatever results come up I will post, I really regrets all my actions but like someone told me, there are two points in the life of a man that he mutst be careful what he says, when he is at the lowest ebb and when he is most excited. At my age which is 40 I should own up to my mistakes and seek amendments, though sometimes I feel God has been too kind to me, i only hope he will at this point again be kind to me considering all the other people whose lives are implicated. I seek for his forgiveness

Will check into a health facility with my family now that doctors are back and I hope I could go through the whole hog and hold on from there. Once I have posted a fake story but in my real account name that made front page, but today I am posting a real life situation and I hope I learnt from it likewise some other people. Some said it seems I am so bothered about my friend than my family, far from it, my family has me but my friend i complicated after being my friend for several years without any happening until it happened between us. I am concerned because if she goes to extreme my life may become more complicated and i need to watch it, furthermore she is first my friend before it happened, she has really looked out for me a lot in my downtime. But to my wife I know I owe a lot because she has been devoted to me and the family and same from me to her and the family, i hope she will find it in her heart to forgive me of my wrong decisions in the past.

Thanks for all your comments, but i may not be able to post much info again because some of the people involved visits nairaland though as front page as guests.

Well @soulglo thanks. The plan is she goes for the examination base on initial docs diagnosis refering to the diagnosis and requested confirmation with a consultant.

Well I have been stupid, dumb and careless while I thought I was smart. Now it cant be covered anymore. I had to try see my friend to tell but couldnt when I noticed that she is upbeat about herself. I only asked when she is seeing a gynecologist and she said she will this week in a top rated medical centre . May be I am wrong but I could see some blisters on her lower jaw which she explained away could be due to monthly circle. Well she will see a doctor this week painfully it is my family hospital though one of the best in nigeria.

@cococandy I came in for the weekend always come in by friday and leave early monday morning for my base. But I just couldnt sleep so I woke up early and to tired to be on the way to my base which is some hours from my family. Now why cant I tell my wife in such a short a notice? Because it will be mean to tell over the weekend and leave for my base on monday. It will take time to register and the whole process needs to be gone through. I think it unfair to tell her and pack my things to be away for another 2wks. I need like a week with entire family to pull this thru. I may be wrong. Why did I respond to you? I did because your responses have been encouraging. I might not respond to anyone anymore who insist he or she doesnt believe it. Each person is left to take his or her own action

@cococandy what exactly are u reffering to.
My eye didn't even register that one.
I dey waste my energy dey type out of compassion.

Op come and answer this question sharp sharp.

@cirmuell it doesnt serve my friend right she was just a victim of circumstances. And dont be unnecessarily righteous. How did I get it I honestly dont know and I dont want to kill my self over it cause I keep thinking several years back and it is killing emotionally.

@cococandy thanks. I appreciate.

@helen4 it is in the option because it has to be total repentance I am just trying to take 1 at a time.

Pls I will also appreciate it please if you could ensure it doesnt hit front page for now if at all it gets near it. PLEASE I PLEAD WITH YOU

@moderator please I will rather you dont amend the theme. The story is not entirely about the herpes it encompasses more than that. Please just modify it to the way it was initially. I plead with you.. the way you put it has some element of STIGMA and that is why some dont want to write about such experience. Please modify

Regards

I raised the issue of general medical check up with my wife. She insisted she cant step into any hospital right now with the ebola case same with my friend. So is being difficult getting them to go to hospital.

@adonisgold thanks. Well I have the fears you mentioned. I just stylish tolk my wife to cleaning up our girl by herself. That since she is almost nine she can clean up herself but like you say I need to take quick decisions. I just hope that my daughter wont pick up any couse she tend to have a bit of blisters and hitches which we normally attribute to reactions but not too much. Well I am not winning I am just trying to talk about it. But confessing I must surely do but I need to be sure of what exactly I am dealing with.

@jumboo that is the problem she is close to mid 30s.

@ cococandy, rationalmind and feminineA and some others I am touched by your response. @cococandy you asked what I want. Well I am sort of confused now, I just to unburden my mind 1st which I have done. But I also need comments from people like you, njideoby, helen4 and others. I have never felt so lonely my entire life because my siblings are usually for me or me for them. Especially I am one of the strongest member of the family in terms of emotional support but this is one thing I cant share with them for now because of the shameful acts involve. I really need people around me but cant get now. Thanks

@mrbrownjay. I wish this is a fake story at least I will be relieved of all the pains. Will I have considered stopping all this if not for the situation, yes unfortunately all this started the week I jointly agreed with my friend that we stop the relationship though she has always been under pressure from herself to stop it. Unfortunately I cant stop communication with her now until all this is resolved because she could take extreme decisions. Am I repentant? definitely but if I continue to dwell on this alone I may become sucider. I dont want to feel like nollywood star when my life and other people is entirely messed up now. Naturally I am not wont to this behaviour but for the fact that I work away from my family though not excuse to behave badly. I need to confess to my wife but I need to be around her and I am not due for leave anytime soon. I feel so sad about it all but I need to talk about it since I cant share it with anybody. I have really betrayed my wife.

Is there anyone out there who is suffering from herpes, how do you cope with the pains and psychological side of it. I have always practice safe sex, however i have had some couple of Mouth Gig done on me in the past, though i don't it for anybody except my wife, and i have had busted condoms some few times, though realizing it immediately.

Good day Nairaland

I have to open a new nairaland name to post this in other to remain anonymous. It suddenly just down on me that I have destroyed my very good family of a wife and two children with foolish acts and sexual decisions I made in the past. Not only did I infect my wife, who trusted me and never believed that I could go astray with herpes but I also infected a friend of mine who trusted me a lot but wrongly fell into sexual relationship with me out of loneliness and need for a comforter. The irony of this is that both my wife and this person lost their virginity to me.

Now the other lady has been diagnosed with herpes, I am yet to get a doctor's view of mine but I have seen 95% of the symptoms, my wife is yet to know but she is also exhibiting the symptoms which she thinks is thrush. My other friend is contesting the doctor's diagnoses and waiting to see a consultant gynecologist to confirm since herpes test is not readily accessible in Nigeria but done by few labs that send it out of the countries.

To crown it all now, I need to go for HIV test to be sure I am not in bigger trouble than I am. right now my wife is in the kitchen preparing break fast while I type this, but I cant help but look back and wail over how I have destroyed the lives of all the people that trusted, believe and genuinely care for me with my selfish acts.

I deserve all the names I can be called, but that is not the purpose of this post, but it is a way for me to share this and pour it out of my mind. Since I can't share it with friends and family for now, but carry the guilt in me as all this unfold. I dont want to take my siblings support for granted since will believe whatever story i tell and will want to rally round me, but the guilt will kill me.

I can only share this anonymously on nairaland to get avenue to talk about it, i feel so weak I just move around the house like a robot even when my children jump on me excitedly to share their computer games with me.

Anytime I remembered my friend that is yet to be married that I have destroyed her future, I can only see how unreliable some men like me are.Now I know the trouble has just began.

Severally I have escaped very narrow situations in the past, but I think now this shit has hit the fan and it can only be scattered.


God help me deal with all the possible outcomes. I don't want to pontificate with God name because I was supposed to know better since I was well brought up in a christian way.

Interestingly my wife keeps practicing her house hygiene without knowing that the greatest threat to her hygienic life is her husband, I kept looking at the situation as she go about her finicky hygiene lifestyle, she is so finicky to the extent that the children cannot come into the living room with their pyjamas in the morning and sit on the couch there because visitors also sit on them and she doesn't want them to pick anything from strangers cloth thereby getting into their bed with.


However, I feel slightly better now that I have shared a bit of it all. But my story is such a long and harrowing one with all the warnings and signs that I have gotten in the past i still fell into this deadly catch22 situation. When I ever I remember all the people that I have to stand in front and confessed to I shudder with pains and shame, my children who believed a lot in their father, my wife, my siblings and probably some close family friends that will definitely hear about this as event unfolds and be dumbfounded because they least expect it from me. Hmmmmmmmmm